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A Child's Place in the Parents Relationship

AudreyNicole

Member
Joined
Jul 14, 2010
Messages
313
Hello all,

So I didn't really know where to post this, but I'm hopeful to maybe find some helpful advice from parents and others.

My parents have an ugly relationship, and as the oldest I've always taken on the role as mediator and referee in their relationship. I know that's probably not my place as a child but its much easier trying to keep things calm than dealing with their arguments. I'm 21 years old now and planning on moving out within the next year God willing, however I feel incredibly guilty about leaving my parents alone. Its becoming almost a paralyzing guilt because I just don't know if their relationship can survive without me.

Anyway, I am just wanting to know what is my biblical role as a child in my parents marriage? Is this something I should be concerning myself with, or is this not my place?



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Some Background:

I definitely know taking on this role is unhealthy, and it has manifested itself in some difficult ways. I've always felt as though it was my job to protect my little sister from my parents fighting; now that she is older she knows more and is aware of all that goes on and it kills me. My parents always go through my sister or me when conversing with each other as opposed to just talking to each other... (its the whole, "go ask your dad this" and "go tell your mom that" thing). My dad never talks to my mom about important issues (i.e. what car to buy, what mortgage to go with, when and where to go on vacation, insurance and cell phone plans, etc.) instead he asks me about these things; as a result my mom always feels left out. And conversely my mother always asks me for marriage advice and help, which I am not really qualified to give. They know exactly how to push each others buttons and as a result my sister and I are constantly trying to diffuse tense situations. All of this just makes it kind of difficult not to worry about them.

They've never had a good relationship, at least not that I ever remember. I've never seen them really act lovingly toward one another, and I feel as though its gotten to the place where they just don't care anymore. I've always hoped for a divorce because everything would just be so much easier. I know how bad that is but I'm not sure what else to do... its hard to help someone when they don't want to be helped.
 
AudreyNicole, its not within your power to repair your parents' relationship, only God can do that IF they cooperate. How old is your sister? You both need to flee that house ASAP. Talk to a social service agency that handles child welfare issues if she's a juvenile. You both need and deserve a new start.

SLE
 
Hi Audrey, I can't imagine what growing up for you and your sister must have been like; but the fact is that you're dealing with two adults here, and they're just not acting that way. If ever someone had good reason to and were in a position to tell their parents to grow up, it's definitely you. It was never your battle to begin with, so if not for yourselves, you and your sister should walk away now for your parents' sake, if they are to learn anything. You can keep praying for them even from afar - God answers all prayer, and the battle, actually, is His. Trust in Him, commit them into His hands. That can be easier said than done, I know that, but that's equally why I'm saying it. It's more than worth just a shot. He is our Father, He knows what to do with them. And He will take all the pressure off you, because He does a perfect job in everything. I pray for perfect peace for all of you in Jesus' Name.

Blessings.
 
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