A Christian with a non-believer...

[skipbeat]

Hi everyone
Going through a bit of a bind here trying to help a dear friend of mine out. The story goes such as this.

My friend is a Christian who is in a relationship with a non believer. She's someone whose been raised in the church and believes in Sex after marriage and all this things, and she's a great person. But then she "met" this guy and hes a non-believer but he of course respects her beliefs and such.

Now there relationship is getting serious and she's struggling between trying to keep him i guess "happy" for lack of a better word and i think this might be putting her faith and beliefs in a bit of a turmoil. She knows wrong from right because she is already a grown woman but she believes this man is the one for her and she wants to do whatever it takes to keep her relationship with him at the same time keeping her faith from harms way.

In my opinion hes is not a bad guy and i think she's happier then she's ever been in a long time but her problem is how to set the boundaries on the things she can allow in this relationship without coming out seeming "odd" or uncaring because they really care about each other.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks for your time.

 

[gdemoss]

Your friend has much bigger troubles than trying to keep a unbelieving boyfriend happy.


<< 2 Corinthians 6 >>
King James Version
14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, 18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

The deal was to come out from among them not get mixed up with them. One day your friend will have to come before God and make an account of why she does what she does. God said, believers only unless you were married to an unbeliever when you converted. But if your friend understood this she never would have fell for an unbeliever. She has much bigger problems than male female relations.

In Christ,

Gary

 

[Bree]

Hi everyone
Going through a bit of a bind here trying to help a dear friend of mine out. The story goes such as this.

My friend is a Christian who is in a relationship with a non believer. She's someone whose been raised in the church and believes in Sex after marriage and all this things, and she's a great person. But then she "met" this guy and hes a non-believer but he of course respects her beliefs and such.

Now there relationship is getting serious and she's struggling between trying to keep him i guess "happy" for lack of a better word and i think this might be putting her faith and beliefs in a bit of a turmoil. She knows wrong from right because she is already a grown woman but she believes this man is the one for her and she wants to do whatever it takes to keep her relationship with him at the same time keeping her faith from harms way.

In my opinion hes is not a bad guy and i think she's happier then she's ever been in a long time but her problem is how to set the boundaries on the things she can allow in this relationship without coming out seeming "odd" or uncaring because they really care about each other.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks for your time.

In cases such as this we need to as Believers, be equally yoked together with someone of the same Faith.

 

[skipbeat]

Thanks for the bible verses...but um that doesn't exactly help my friend out much...

 

[gdemoss]

Thanks for the bible verses...but um that doesn't exactly help my friend out much...

It would if she would obey it.

 

[skipbeat]

It would if she would obey it.

Hmm that's the advice? I've already done that lol she knows the bible verses and it's not like you "choose" who to fall in love with...so she's suppose to break up with this guy??

 

[gdemoss]

Hmm that's the advice? I've already done that lol she knows the bible verses and it's not like you "choose" who to fall in love with...so she's suppose to break up with this guy??

That is a big problem with today's relationships, they are based on affection and not real love. And yes she should get away as fast as she can and recommit herself to Christ, to whom she is in disobedience to by her courting this nonbeliever. She ought to make sure that he knows that that is the specific reason she is leaving the relationship (repenting of the sin she is in by being in it).

 

[skipbeat]

That is a big problem with today's relationships, they are based on affection and not real love. And yes she should get away as fast as she can and recommit herself to Christ, to whom she is in disobedience to by her courting this nonbeliever. She ought to make sure that he knows that that is the specific reason she is leaving the relationship (repenting of the sin she is in by being in it).

That was my advice before and she did..she broke off the relationship and went into depression for some time...so should i tell her that again? So what is real love in your opinion? If i may ask.

 

[gdemoss]

That was my advice before and she did..she broke off the relationship and went into depression for some time...so should i tell her that again? So what is real love in your opinion? If i may ask.

Real love is self sacrificial love that seeks what is best for another over self. We tend to look for things in another that will satisfy our desires when seeking out a mate. Most begin with attractiveness. Then move into does he/she make me feel good. Then on to common interests. Always seeking to find someone to be happy with and share love and joy together. Which all sounds fine and dandy but it is a fairy tale based in the flesh. Real love would get its act together before anything else. It would prepare itself for the one whom they are going to serve for the rest of their lives. Real love would be real with Christ before attempting anything with anyone knowing that without Christ in themselves they have absolutely nothing worthy to offer any one else and would only be bringing problems into any relationship they could have. Real love is a 1 Cor 13 person who is prepared and ready to serve their mate when God presents the right one but is busy serving God with all of themselves while they wait.

 

[skipbeat]

Real love is self sacrificial love that seeks what is best for another over self. We tend to look for things in another that will satisfy our desires when seeking out a mate. Most begin with attractiveness. Then move into does he/she make me feel good. Then on to common interests. Always seeking to find someone to be happy with and share love and joy together. Which all sounds fine and dandy but it is a fairy tale based in the flesh. Real love would get its act together before anything else. It would prepare itself for the one whom they are going to serve for the rest of their lives. Real love would be real with Christ before attempting anything with anyone knowing that without Christ in themselves they have absolutely nothing worthy to offer any one else and would only be bringing problems into any relationship they could have. Real love is a 1 Cor 13 person who is prepared and ready to serve their mate when God presents the right one but is busy serving God with all of themselves while they wait.

Hmm let's see...My friend is far away from her mother (taken away when she was a child hmm about 9 i believe). Does not speak to her biological father and does not feel the connection a child has with her biological mother.
Hmm she's always being criticized. Always held on to her faith when she has a hard time with the world. Was losing hope when she started talking to this guy.
She never met him actually. She ended the relationship when she realized she might have found someone who actually cared about her but did not have the same faith as her. She did her best to look elsewhere but living in this day and age when the world says this and that and even your family turns on you gets her down.
Of course we all have to remember God is there and where not alone but she feels reassured that God is there because she has met someone who she never thought existed.
Now in my opinion i'd say this guy is not a top model but yeah maybe because he "cares" satisfies her "desire" (whatever that desire might be). I know for sure she wasn't seeking out a mate. As a matter of fact this is an online relationship from a long distance and they've never met in life before and she's someone whose serious about her studies...I don't want to lose my friend...anything else that would help?

 

[Miss Elly]

Hi everyone
Going through a bit of a bind here trying to help a dear friend of mine out. The story goes such as this.

My friend is a Christian who is in a relationship with a non believer. She's someone whose been raised in the church and believes in Sex after marriage and all this things, and she's a great person. But then she "met" this guy and hes a non-believer but he of course respects her beliefs and such.

Now there relationship is getting serious and she's struggling between trying to keep him i guess "happy" for lack of a better word and i think this might be putting her faith and beliefs in a bit of a turmoil. She knows wrong from right because she is already a grown woman but she believes this man is the one for her and she wants to do whatever it takes to keep her relationship with him at the same time keeping her faith from harms way.

In my opinion hes is not a bad guy and i think she's happier then she's ever been in a long time but her problem is how to set the boundaries on the things she can allow in this relationship without coming out seeming "odd" or uncaring because they really care about each other.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks for your time.

I can give you the answer from experience!!! She needs to get out of the relationship while she still can! I am a christian, but had a disfunctional childhood and I guess I was super needy, felt I just had to have someone to love. I didn't wait on God, I married a non-believer, he seemed to be what I needed and I thought him having a church background was enough. It wasn't. I know God has forgiven me and I am still in the marriage (15 years), though I have had some real heartaches along the way. One of them is not being spiritually matched. That is extremely important as you cannot fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness if you really love Christ. After the emotional and physical side of a marriage to an unbeliever is satisfied, there remains a lonely, detached feeling.

Sometimes God says no. And when He does, he means it. He means it for our good. God bless you! PS Just pray for your friend, that God will supply her needs.:sure:

 

[skipbeat]

I can give you the answer from experience!!! She needs to get out of the relationship while she still can! I am a christian, but had a disfunctional childhood and I guess I was super needy, felt I just had to have someone to love. I didn't wait on God, I married a non-believer, he seemed to be what I needed and I thought him having a church background was enough. It wasn't. I know God has forgiven me and I am still in the marriage (15 years), though I have had some real heartaches along the way. One of them is not being spiritually matched. That is extremely important as you cannot fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness if you really love Christ. After the emotional and physical side of a marriage to an unbeliever is satisfied, there remains a lonely, detached feeling.

Sometimes God says no. And when He does, he means it. He means it for our good. God bless you! PS Just pray for your friend, that God will supply her needs.:sure:

Thank you! I'll pass that on!

 

[gdemoss]

I can give you the answer from experience!!! She needs to get out of the relationship while she still can! I am a christian, but had a disfunctional childhood and I guess I was super needy, felt I just had to have someone to love. I didn't wait on God, I married a non-believer, he seemed to be what I needed and I thought him having a church background was enough. It wasn't. I know God has forgiven me and I am still in the marriage (15 years), though I have had some real heartaches along the way. One of them is not being spiritually matched. That is extremely important as you cannot fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness if you really love Christ. After the emotional and physical side of a marriage to an unbeliever is satisfied, there remains a lonely, detached feeling.

Sometimes God says no. And when He does, he means it. He means it for our good. God bless you! PS Just pray for your friend, that God will supply her needs.:sure:

Sometimes experience speaks best.

 

[Peace Seeker]

Where does God allow/expect/require believers to sin in any circumstance, let alone to keep non-believers happy? I agree with all the posts here, that we are to come out from the world and not be yoked with unbelievers.

I have seen quite a few posts just on TJ alone, where the believer is stuck in a hellish marriage because the non-believer almost immediately did a u-turn right after they got married.
Also, a lot of times what we "know" is a good or right thing is anything but. God's ways are best, ours are hit and miss or worse.

 

[WantToKnowHim]

Good day.

I have never been in a relationship, but I can give an advice...


Love without God's grace and reason of the mind is not enough..


Once I wondered why there are some couples who are madly in love with each other came to a bitter end. It was then that I realized that conception of love today is quite distorted.

Real love came from God. Maybe the feeling that your friend might have is infatuation, or maybe she never loved him at all.

Even in the bible, those who had relationships with non-believers had very bad results. For instance, King Solomon and his wives and concubines. Because of difference of faith, King Solomon was pulled by his wive's religions and thus left God. If your friend did not broke up with
her boyfriend, this thing might happen to her.

Of course, with all those times they spent together, this is quite hard. However, give her hope that God will lead her to the right person, at the right time, and for all the right reasons. In order to put out the pain she had, she can do some productive tasks, such as learning new things, and much better, to participate in the activities in her church...


Hope this helps...

 

[skipbeat]

Good day.

I have never been in a relationship, but I can give an advice...


Love without God's grace and reason of the mind is not enough..


Once I wondered why there are some couples who are madly in love with each other came to a bitter end. It was then that I realized that conception of love today is quite distorted.

Real love came from God. Maybe the feeling that your friend might have is infatuation, or maybe she never loved him at all.

Even in the bible, those who had relationships with non-believers had very bad results. For instance, King Solomon and his wives and concubines. Because of difference of faith, King Solomon was pulled by his wive's religions and thus left God. If your friend did not broke up with
her boyfriend, this thing might happen to her.

Of course, with all those times they spent together, this is quite hard. However, give her hope that God will lead her to the right person, at the right time, and for all the right reasons. In order to put out the pain she had, she can do some productive tasks, such as learning new things, and much better, to participate in the activities in her church...


Hope this helps...

Thank you for your advise!!

 

[Kotwebck]

I know this is way late to post on an old thread, but for anyone reading this, I became a Christian after I was married and my wife is an Atheist still.

My advise is listen to God he knows best, it is extremely difficult and cause of more sorrow and strife and doubt than you can ever imagine. I'm 100% with God on this one, all I can do is pray that she accepts Jesus in her life, but I think it's highly unlikely due to us being married.

I'm still looking into scripture for other advice, and waiting for God's instruction on what to do, Unfortunately I cannot see a "happy ever after" happening currently, as I will not surrender my belief in Jesus for anyone or anything.

It is a lonely path with a lot of heartache, strife and difficulty.

 

[skipbeat]

Thank you for sharing your story Kotwebck. It's never too late to help someone in need if they are willing to accept the help.
I pray for you and your wife.

Peace & love!
Skip

 

[farout]

Very seldom does a weak woman hold back sexual activity when pressured by the guy. The Bible clearly says to not be unequally yoked together. Many od older worn out souls know the sad facts about ding things our way. The cost gets heavery day when we disobey God.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

I will not surrender my belief in Jesus for anyone or anything.

It is a lonely path with a lot of heartache, strife and difficulty.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee
Isaiah 26:3

Dear Kotwebck

I will pray for your situation.
I know that the Lord will bless you for keeping your faith in Him

Nothing is too difficult for the Lord.....keep focused on Jesus brother

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6