Glenn Foster
Member
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2021
- Messages
- 8
For the past month I’ve been going through a constant spiritual battle. I have been a believer for over 20 yrs. but admittedly I’ve strayed from time to time sometimes even for several yrs. I returned back to God after believing I had committed the unpardonable sin which all started with a sexual thought of Jesus and then escalated to blasphemy thoughts towards the Holy Spirit after looking it up online it just popped in my head and I couldn’t get rid of it due to my OCD.
From there it just got worst and absolutely terrified me sending my mind into a constant turmoil frenzy of ups and downs testing what little Faith I had coming back to God which made it worst cause I was weak spiritually trying to battle it in the flesh and trying to put my full trust in God was not easy at all.
I heard multiple voices coming from all over my mind left, right, top, bottom and didn’t know how to distinguish what was what and I would even answer to them or reject them using scripture but because I was in complete fear and panic every little voice I heard I would think I was offending the holy trinity and I would get yelled at or told I was going to hell ect. But I know my thoughts can run rampant as well making stuff up especially at 3am in the morning with no sleep.
After studying some scripture and seeking answers I learned that this stuff in my mind was just as if I was reading from a book or online and it was completely harmless thoughts cause God sees the heart and he’s forgives all. I also learned that I didn’t even come close to committing the unpardonable sin and that it would take a lot of effort and complete betrayal or rebellion towards God/Jesus.
I went through a massive confusion of not knowing who was in my head talking. I have anxiety/PTSD/depression/insomnia and OCD as well which sends all of it into overdrive and kept me up several nights in a panic that I had done the unthinkable. I would literally wake up in the morning after little to no sleep tossing and turning, praying, pleading and literally just loosing my mind that affected me mentally, physically and my relationship with my wife.
The only thing that kept me sane and hopeful was feeling God or Jesus’s undeniable presence at the times of pure brokenness where I poured myself out asking for help and reaching out to others in Christ reassuring me that I was not forsaken.
Right now my sleep has slowly recovered bit by bit as I’ve learned the TRUTH!!! But because of such a nightmarish episode for the past month it’s been a struggle for sure building my faith and I still get thoughts of demons telling me to worship them or rebel but it plays over In my head in the same sequence as if prerecorded or like a fly that I can’t swat. I just continue to rebuke, take captive thoughts to the obedience of Christ and confess my thoughts asking forgiveness, or I just completely ignore it all together and trust in God knowing my heart.
From there it just got worst and absolutely terrified me sending my mind into a constant turmoil frenzy of ups and downs testing what little Faith I had coming back to God which made it worst cause I was weak spiritually trying to battle it in the flesh and trying to put my full trust in God was not easy at all.
I heard multiple voices coming from all over my mind left, right, top, bottom and didn’t know how to distinguish what was what and I would even answer to them or reject them using scripture but because I was in complete fear and panic every little voice I heard I would think I was offending the holy trinity and I would get yelled at or told I was going to hell ect. But I know my thoughts can run rampant as well making stuff up especially at 3am in the morning with no sleep.
After studying some scripture and seeking answers I learned that this stuff in my mind was just as if I was reading from a book or online and it was completely harmless thoughts cause God sees the heart and he’s forgives all. I also learned that I didn’t even come close to committing the unpardonable sin and that it would take a lot of effort and complete betrayal or rebellion towards God/Jesus.
I went through a massive confusion of not knowing who was in my head talking. I have anxiety/PTSD/depression/insomnia and OCD as well which sends all of it into overdrive and kept me up several nights in a panic that I had done the unthinkable. I would literally wake up in the morning after little to no sleep tossing and turning, praying, pleading and literally just loosing my mind that affected me mentally, physically and my relationship with my wife.
The only thing that kept me sane and hopeful was feeling God or Jesus’s undeniable presence at the times of pure brokenness where I poured myself out asking for help and reaching out to others in Christ reassuring me that I was not forsaken.
Right now my sleep has slowly recovered bit by bit as I’ve learned the TRUTH!!! But because of such a nightmarish episode for the past month it’s been a struggle for sure building my faith and I still get thoughts of demons telling me to worship them or rebel but it plays over In my head in the same sequence as if prerecorded or like a fly that I can’t swat. I just continue to rebuke, take captive thoughts to the obedience of Christ and confess my thoughts asking forgiveness, or I just completely ignore it all together and trust in God knowing my heart.
