TheWordIsOne
Member
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2020
- Messages
- 813
where can I begin, the story begins, I don't know if I should show the public my personal life for people that I know just like to judge, I know myself in my youth question to ask about life.
My parents at that time were trying to take care of six children.
My brothers, three, including, I, and two sisters, were like gypsies, always on the move.
I never learned much in school, because of segregation it was hard, always being left back in my grades.
As I grew, I was always alone; my father never had time for me
My father was from a very old school, he works very, very hard
My mother trying to keep up with the six of us in school or at home
I had not too much interest in learning; I was a very shy kid.
At times and years before doctors did have the means to diagnose certain disorders?
Some disorders today do have the means but don’t work all the time.
Some disorders can be inherent, or by lack of malnutrition. Years later because of many problems, as time passed by I was diagnosed with A.D.H.D.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, it was hard for me to focus
I could not focus and I was always fidgety and always quiet.
They could not understand how this type of diagnosis this, it was no big problem.
When I was about 3 years of age, one day I fell off a third-floor window and I fractured my head and landed on a batch of black coal which was for used for those days for furnace boiler, this broke my fall a batch of black coal
Years later in my adulthood, I had a dream, which was tossed out the window, I ask my mother what happened to me but she was silent.
Now I just endure the discomfort I needed overcome, by enduring
It seemed that I cannot find no one to help me, or in my family.
I just wanted love and attention, I was harmless.
It just made me mysterious in nature.
As I grew my family and I move from one place to another, not all at once, but throughout time.
Now I was about five years old my father started to drink alcohol and started to abuse me, and because he could not understand my behavior, that I had A.D.H.D.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at that time.
I loved him so much, I tried to make things better but I was just a weak kid.
Even in society.
No matter how much I tried I just kept falling backward.
For my father and me, there was no love between us at all, I guess I wasn’t the man he expected to be.
About this time, I was in my teens, and my father just got his own business.
I failed many times in school, even if they didn't know about A.D.H.D.
excuse my grammar, you see my problem, there is one that said the word simple mind, I would say never ignore the simplicity of a child
This time I got in trouble in school as any child and send me home, my father had to do something with me.
Love was not always there for me; my brothers felt bad and sisters.
My father as well, always getting into trouble with my mom with his affairs
I did not understand and just kept silent.
My father put me in many programs, just not to deal with me, catholic school, programs for youth, I just kept going backward.
Not because I did what to, but of segregation. It seemed to be no hope for me.
I had gotten into trouble with truant office, just for not paying attention in school or not attending school, how could I.
If there is no God present in the family or values at that time would have my families tend to not fall apart.
In Eph 6:1-4 (KJV) Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
And, ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.
My father had many chances to prosper but without love in my family or in any family, we just become strangers as we got older.
My father never share any time with me or took out to any pall games or I saw another father that was dads took out their children’s, not encourages me in anything, but that I should seek understanding, and not live with any role models in my life, but all I learn from life was is hardship and affection, no love in my family, but my love within myself.
I had to spend some time in a place called Goshen annex center for Boys upstate N.Y. in this place it was very disciplined and young kids like me to helped me, it was very hard for me, but I started to learn, to work, and go to school, every day, and sports, I spent two ½ years in this place.
I learned many things, good and bad things as well, but there were many good families in this institute. I've learned to be a farm.
But did not know also about either of my A.D.H.D, As well but they are people of disciplined.
I did my best in this institute. I learn to be a painter and artist and when I left they gave me a scholarship for anything I wish.
So it was time to leave and go into the world.
My family was kind of somewhat happy to see me; I was growing up to be a man.
At this time I was about sixteen years old.
My father had not changed. I did not know what to do. Something happened in those years with my family, I was the elder of my brothers and one of my sisters.
I found out that, my father and mother were not married, but they did, while I was in the center, wow you learn as you go.
My father did not change and was still drinking alcohol very badly and other things.
It made me so very unhappy, as months went by.
I could not do anything to make any things to make things better with my father.
Again, he started again to abuse me and my family; No one could not help us.
My father was always angered, it was too much for me, alcohol changes my personality I did something I should not have done, but I had defended my family. I rebelled, against my father, all my life he calls me names.
My heartfelt for my family
In the institute, I learn the values of being responsible.
What I had to do was not pleasant, It cost me something, and my responsibilities as a member of my family.
I said that I could accept the abuses of my family and that I will not allow him to hurt us anymore.
I could express my feeling as a family member.
This time I stood up to my father, and he raises his hand to hit me, for some reason I kneeled before him, said please dad stop instead My father look me with despair and cast me out of my home, never to return.
I had nothing; I lost my family forever!
No one to go, my scholarship I could make that dream come true
I was rejected by my father and all of the humility in segregation was so sad the world I live in, so sad.
This time I spent eight long years of my life living in the ghetto of the world just lost in the Big cities of America.
It was the hardest, and the worst time, and years of my life.
More things have happened to be out there in the world, and my family as well.
Many times, I try to make things better for myself, he would never change.
Finally, at the age of eighteen, With much anger and despair, I left, never knowing if I would see my family again.
sins just took me backward.
Eight years of my life, pass by, I just kept falling backward.
As I grew older, my life was slipping away from me, I yearn for my family. At this time I was about 23 years of age.
I looked for my family, when I saw my family, they became just strangers to me, what happening
All that, was it all lost, no. I believe in hope.
earlier in my life between those years, I never knew Jesus for anyone to ask me about him, I still didn‘t know who he was because no one show who he was, not even in the Catholic school, I neven like that place
I would go in and out between churches as well, it is seen that in churches didn't know where to go too as well.
I began to question life, there must be something much to be something better than man.
Only if I have not sinned so much, against my father.
For now, I must take a rest, for now, their much more to say.