A Wonderful Renewal

[Just Mark]

I was born again in 1985. i had alot of problems in the years after that which i'll just sum up by saying i got wounded in battle and did not get healed like i should have.

because i felt that my Christian brothers and sisters did not help me the way i thought they should have, i became pretty angry, bitter, and resentful. i didn't trust Christians and frankly, didn't love them the way i was supposed to. at various times over the years, i fell back into drinking and abusing drugs. i drank so that i could feel some form of happiness, even if it was false happiness.

i would, over the years, from time to time, repent (or try to repent), clean up my act some and go to church for awhile. but most of my church-going during this time simply reinforced my poor opinions of my fellow believers. i would try sometimes, when it seemed like i was actually making friends at a new church, to explain what kind of mess my life was. then i think alot of times, they would assume i was some kind of crazy person or something and whatever friendship there was would stall. and i would give up on that particular group and sink back into the mud for awhile.

 

[Just Mark]

continued...

About 4 years ago, i started attending the church i am going to now. from the 1st, the pastor had been telling me that he was available, that he could , with the Lord's help of course, help me through my problems. he told me this many times but i didn't really hear him, do you know what i mean? i was writing that off as mere Christian pablum. that was foolish thinking, but it was my long-ingrained habit of thought, around 20 years of thinking that way.

but then something happened, something that seemed awful at 1st, but turned out so Wonderful! i will start dripping tears of joy all over this keyboard now, as i tell what Jesus has done for me! but i don't care. Today, this wonderful day, i can sit hear and tell you i love Jesus so much, He is so wonderful and kind and HE NEVER GIVES UP ON US! Oh, bless Him and Praise Him the wonderful Saviour!

for so long, i wanted to just be able to say, "I love you, Jesus." and know that i was telling the truth when i said it. but my life just didn't line up with His word when He said "If you love Me, you will do the things I say." Today, i can tell Jesus i love Him with no reservations whatsoever. no, i did not become perfect, but my Saviour is PERFECT! What a glorius and loving God he is.

 

[Just Mark]

What happened is this: i got "crossways" with a couple at my church. they had said some things that hurt my feelings - i had taken something wrong, which suspicious, untrusting people are prone to do. and i had sat on it for about a year, trying not to be offended. but i was offended and finally i told the pastor that we needed to have a meeting, this couple, myself and the pastor. i had left churches in the past, but i didn't think that was right and i wasn't willing to do it this time. so we had our meeting.

the meeting did not start well. the couple were angry and hurt and embarrassed. i felt sorry for them the minute they walked in the door. to make a long story short, the Holy Spirit came into the meeting. i explained what was bothering me and i explained to them what my life ahd been like and how i felt, for years, every day of my life. i told them what my childhood had been like and then what my Christian life had been like. then the Holy Spirit showed me some things - there are many details but the main point, i think is that i had no grounds for mistrust and i had taken offence where none was intended.

after the meeting was over and i was able to process the many facts and thoughts i had from it, i realized something profound: the meeting i had just had was not just with that couple and the pastor - i had just had a meeting with the entire Christian world. i was able to express to them exactly what i had needed to say for all these years "You let me down when i needed you!"

i haven't given any detail about what was actually said and caused me to get so hurt, but just believe me, it was somewhat questionable. but i should have questioned it right away, in love. i shouldn't have sat on it for a year, cause it really festered in that time.

 

[Just Mark]

but on the other hand, "all things work to the good of those who love God." and it is actually good that i did let it fester. it enabled me to finally speak my piece to the Kingdom of God - and enabled me to hear God's answer!

the Holy Spirit came to the meeting and He started ministering - compassion to the couple, and forgiveness into my heart, forgiveness to them and to all the people who i thought had "let me down". years and years of anger, pain, frustration, despair, every kind of mental misery came rolling off me! Wonderful Counsellor, Indeed!

since that meeting, i want to tell you a wonderful thing has happened to me: I AM HAPPY! I am 50 years old, since i got my driver's license at the age of 16, i don't know that i could ever say i was happy for more than a day or 2 at a time. i have peace and joy that surpasses all understanding. i had despaired of ever having happiness and peace and a true walk with the Lord.

the point of this thread is that out there i know that there are people who feel like i did for so long. and i want you to know that Jesus Christ loves you and He has NOT given up on you. He remembers every prayer you have prayed, every pain you've borne, every unhappiness and despair. Jesus has never given up on you. And He is mighty against all your defeats and He is working to bring you to a certain place where you will break free and walk with Him in glorious love and peace. He is going to bring you through all that garbage and you will stand tall in the Lord!

if you are in a place like i was, it is very hard to "hear" what i'm saying because you've heard it all before and "it didn't work". but it WILL work, He knows how to make it work. please do not surrender to despair.

and if i can help you in any way, i would be glad, thrilled to help you.

 

[stephen]

Hello Just Mark. I have swiftly read through what you are saying......and maybe to sum up...I would quote the cliche.....'such is life'

I realised so long ago not to be put off serving Jesus, due to people. I learned to go to church to serve Jesus. Whatever I do in church I do it to serve Jesus.

It is lovely to have a good Pastor, and good Christian people, But humanity is so frail, we often fall short of the ideal.

Keep pressing on following Jesus and you will know His blessing over and over and over again.