Advice Before Marriage

[dannibear]

I have been dating my boyfriend Derek for over 3 years now, and we talk about marriage often. We know that we both date for the purpose of seeking a lifetime partner, and that our relationship is not to be taken lightly. I was sent six questions in my email by my lovely mentor who I have known since middle school. I thought it was great advice, so I want to share with all of you here in this forum.
Six questions to ask before getting married:

1. Do I honestly like this person?

2. Do I want my kids to grow up to be like this person?
3. Does this person bring out the best in me?
4. Do the people who love me the most think we’re a good match?
5. Does this person strengthen my faith and my principles?
6. Can I stay committed to this person no matter what?

 

[amanda123]

Does your partner love Jesus and put Jesus first?

Is Jesus the centre of ur relationship?

Do you pray and worship together?

 

[farout]

You might add what habits does this person have that kinda get to me. Like biting fingernails, nose picking, talking with food in the mouth, talks a lot about their childhood, scarthhing his crotch, all these thinga do really happen to a large percent of men. Something to think about

 

[amanda123]

I think lookin at spiritual matters most important then all else gels together real if the marriage is the Lord s will$

A list of worldy advice is no good if both people aren't truly comited to God and puitting God first

 

[dannibear]

A list of worldy advice is no good if both people aren't truly comited to God and puitting God first

I listed in number 5, 'does this person strengthen my faith.'

 

[Brad Huber]

I would spend some time with your future spouses friends, for they knew him/her perhaps better than you do. People by nature put thier best foot foward, when in a relationship with someone they want for a lifetime committment. This is a kind way of saying that we are not our true selves when presenting ourselves to our possible future spouses. Friends certainly found some good in them, thats a plus, but for instance, I have a male friend that I like, but if a girlfriend of his were to ask me what he is really like as a friend and how good of a husband he would be, I would not be able to honestly reply with the truth.

"He is often selfish, and self centered, but he will always love you. He probably wont give you room to breath relationship wise, but you dont have to worry about losing him. He wont be a good provider, but you wont be without love. He has many medical issues that will leave you taking care of him, like you would a child, but if you want a grown up child that loves you as a child and wants you physically, then this is your man."

Not a glowing report you can see. What I would probably say to keep from lying would be something like, "I think its your decision, and I shouldnt advise you in it." See how I did that... I just left it up to you to find his faults. I didnt want to speak badly of him, but I didnt want to tell half truths and lies about him either. If his/her friends dont really want to tell you his faults, know they are serious (the faults). Gods love is greater than ours, and He can love us as we truly are, but we are not God. We dont have His patience, His Love, His kindness, but in very infitesimle amounts. Being friend for years with no advance plans for marriage is probably the only way you will get to know someone better. The mask we wear to the world isnt the same as what a partner in life will see in us. Friends have a better chance of seeing those faults, without the committment.

"You dont really know what someone is like... til you turn your back to the altar".

Pray for wisdom.

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

When it comes to marriage leave pride at the alter when you take those vows ...Pride is the root of all contention imho..my wife and i both swore off pride at the wedding alter and watch that we dont act or speak in offense but take all things to the Lord as it should be..... 16 yrs married and counting... and as for # 4 it dosent matter what others Think just that God is pleased in the matchup.my wife and i knew each other 30 days and both knew that God had promised us a mate that would serve Him..all thought it would fail and was a marriage of convience only but they were wrong and im glad we didnt listen to them but God alone.....Rev

 

[dannibear]

and as for # 4 it dosent matter what others Think just that God is pleased in the matchup.

It isn't meant to be the defining answer for marriage. In my experience, I thought a boyfriend was the 'one' but my Grandparents didn't approve of the match. I would constantly say that they were wrong. I thought I knew everything there was to a relationship. When the relationship ended I realized that the reason why my Grandparents didn't like the match was because they saw the red flags I was too blind and biased to see. I was more willing to seek their wise and experience counsel when it came to my relationships when my previous relationship didn't work out. Before my Grandpa died, he told my boyfriend Derek that he appreciates all that he does for me and all the things he helped him out with around the house. It meant a lot to Derek because we plan to marry in the future, and knowing that my Grandfather approved of him helped him feel more confident. Although what others think does not determine the ultimate decision of whether I marry someone or not, the advice in #4 was given to show that if someone sees a red flag, we should pay attention. If I had realized that sooner, I would have kept myself from making mistakes in the past.

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

Ok Didn't mean any disrespect ...you should listen to some of what people say .i learned from experience how to spot those red flags ,but that wasn't even a matter this time it was just Gods peace our meeting and union even though all thought it was a rebound and rescue marriage ...may God so bless you both.....Rev

 

[dannibear]

Ok Didn't mean any disrespect

I wasn't disrespected in any way. I love ya Rev! :girl_hug:

may God so bless you both

Thank you so much for the encouragement Rev. ^-^

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

Thanks DB love ya too ..gonna be kind of scarce on here for a while ...facing some real issues on my end .much confusion dont want to say the wrong thing to any body due to not thinking straight ....getting it from all sides like lets dog pile on the minister ..lol all is good though just going into protection mode hard to think straight just keeping my eye on Christ.. ministery will find its way......Gonna head to Damascus for a while type ya soon....Rev

 

[dannibear]

I will be praying for you and what is going on in your life. It is wise not to speak quickly. We might say something that we will regret later on. Please send me a message if you need to talk. :girl_hug:

 

[Tikikil]

I like every thing you wrote except the fourth one and I hope you will see that again.

 

[dannibear]

I already explained the reasoning behind that one Tikikil.

 

[Giggles4God]

I just wanted to comment on #4. Not saying it is wrong, but I was thinking about my answers to the questions hehe

At first, since I met Ben (hubby) online everyone was a bit suspicious. Then, they met him and now everyone really likes him So, I think it IS important to have feedback from everyone, but it isn't like your situation will end up like Romeo and Juliet...well I hope not! :-O If it is going that way, run for the hills lol :S Just kidding. It isn't so much about what others are saying, but what is God saying and God might be using someone else in your life to tell you the match won't work. If I had listened to my roommate in college when I went to meet the first guy I ever "dated" online...things would have been different, but that's all "water under the bridge" and I burned that bridge long ago.

oh man...now I want to answer all the questions. Okay. I'm going to go now before I post a ton of replies lol