Advice needed badly

[mounty]

My daughter is 3 years old , when she was two we started potty training her

She went straight to the toilet and in three days she was out of nappies and very proud of her new skills.

In the past 3 - 4 weeks all this has gone wrong, she is wetting herself and has gotten the habit of doing it on the sofa, so much so we now have to buy a new one.

I am my witts end, i have tired everything, i just dont understand why she is doing this. Im getting really worried now as her school insits on her being fully trained which she was and she could lose her place if this doesent stop

Her father is starting to lose patience with her and shouted at her this morning when she wet the sofa again, my hearts breaks when i see her cry i just dont know what to do?

Any advice would be great xxxxxxxx

 

[Popples]

hi sweety, stay paitent with your precious daughter...First of all how long was she trained for before she started this episode.???
There can be a number of reasons children fall backwards especially at this age.
1/Remember when she was potty trained she got all that attention, now she is wetting on the sofa she is allso getting lots of attention but in a different way to a three year old its all attention.
2/Think hard about what may have changed since she started wetting again, change if it be good or bad can change a childs ways...

I need to know how long she was trained for. write back I want to help you with this, it happened to two of my children.
God Bless

 

[mounty]

she was trained for almost 8 months and doing brillent we could go on long car journeys and she would fine.
I have racked my brains to think of any changes that could have bought this on and i cannot think of any.
she is our only child and gets 24/7 attention from us ,you could say she is very spoilt , she doesent even call us anymore just sits there watching tv and its only when i check the part of the sofa she is sitting on do i see it.
the thing is she is only doing it on the sofa and arm chairs no were else really she has the same spot i guess you could say

look forward to hearing from you

 

[calluna]

Hi Mounty, it seems like Popples may be able to help you with this. I also would like to offer a little help.
You say the sofa/chairs is the only place that she does this? So this is my input. This could be a comfort, cosy thing, maybe your little girl is all engrossed watching a favourite tv show, and she just doesn't want to miss a thing and so rather call you to help her go potty, or get up and go herself to the toilet, she just goes there on the spot and she still gets to watch her programme. Hey it sounds good to me. We just wait for the adverts right?

You could try changing her routine a bit. About every 15 minutes, just take her to the bathroom, sit her on the pot, whether she has the feeling to go or not. Give lots of praise. 'oh what a clever girl, all grown up, what a big girl using the toilet, just like mummy' And just anytime she uses the toilet, lots of encouragement, which I am sure you are doing anyway. But lots of patience and love is needed here.
Is she in school already, or is about to start the school? Also consider emotional upsets aswell, is there any possibibilty that something has upset her about using the toilet at school and so has effected things at home?

Anyhow I hope this gets resolved soon.

Calluna

 

[Popples]

Is she left with anyone apart from the usual. After 8months this shows some sort of trauma, maybe even seen you and hubby on the lounge together. Apart from trying to figure out why lets see what we can do to fix this problem. You need a small jar of sweets (or somthing she will enjoy) put them near the toilet and show her. Tell her each tiome she uses the toilet she will recieve one, take her by the toilet every half hour (Yes it will be a pain to start with) sit her on the toilet and give her a treat even if she doesnt go as long as she sits on the toilet. Create a chair that has plastic to protect it from being wet. Teach her this is the chair she needs to sit on until she uses the toilet again. Teach her the couch is a non wetting place even though you say its nearly wrecked dont let that be the chair she uses. Anything worthwhile wont come easy so keep persivereing. Write down anything you can think of that has changed and keep me posted please. Love and God Bless

 

[Eve]

Hi Mounty,

My sister has the same problem with her little girl who is 4 years old. She was potty trained and doing brilliantly and then out of the blue regressed. She is a very bright girl wins awards all the time but for some reason has developed an incontinence problem from nowhere it seems. My sister has tried most things with her. She is seeing a specialist at the moment.

Apparently, it is a common problem but people don't tend to talk about it much for obvious reasons. My sister uses little incontinence panti linners to help her daughter because sometimes she can just about make it to the bathroom. Rewards are good as Popples says if it is something that your daughter has the ability to contol. It could be a bit of laziness in this case the rewards will help to focus her and encourage her. Try to stay matter of fact and try not to talk to much or give any attention to the wetting, it is wise not to get cross or react negetively. I would just clean it up quickly and quietly making as little comment as possible. Obviously, always give positive praise and encouragement if she does manage to get to the potty though.

My son has gone through a spell of leaving things to the last minute recently as well. It's just one of those bad habbits that often happens when the children are young. My son had an accident the other day at a kids party after being asked several times if he wanted to go!

My advice would be if things don't improve is to discretly make a note of how often she is going to the bathroom. How much/what she is drinking and discuss the matter with her health visitor or doctor if you are still worried. It is important that she has plenty to drink but certain fizzy drinks or fruit juices might having an effect on her. If there is any chocolate and artificial colourings in her diet this might also not be helping. I would look into this with the health visitor. In some cases a urine infection might be to blame, as far as I am aware this is fairly easy to test for and to treat. Take heart, the statistics show that childhood incontinence goes down 15% each year after the age of 5. The indications are that most children will grow out of it and things do settle down eventually.

I will also say a little prayer for you and for your daughter to help you both stay positive at this time and for an accurate diagnosis and speedy improvement.

God Bless

Eve

 

[mounty]

Thank you all for your advice.

I did put sweets in the bathroom and have tryed to encourage her to go and she will get a sweet in return, its not really working to be honest she has a will of iron and is so determined very like her Father

I rang her school and explained the situation and was told she can not attend if she will not use the toilet, so we had to keep her at home today and it has me very worried as i really need her to attend as im at college and her father works very long hours and we have no family in the area who would help us.

I have thought about anything that could have caused this and have come up blank the only other place she is is school and they just told me everything has been fine and notting out of the ordinary has happened although i doubt they would tell me if it had.

A friend of mine asked could it be for attention, and i really do not know as she is an only child and gets all the free time we have to give inc several outings a week and her Father has her spoilt with gifts.

We have bought her a special potty chair a big red teddy bear that is a potty in a chair, and are bringing her in and out of the bathroom trying to encourage her.

I hope there is some improvement soon as if not she will lose her place in school and it is the only school within a hour driving distance of us.

Please keep us in your prayers

 

[On the Path]

perhaps the change in her life was not at home. It might be at the school

 

[On the Path]

Oh - here is something I noticed when my daughter was about 2 1/5.

You know, when you have to go pee, you feel something in certain muscles letting you know you have to go? Well, chocolate makes those muscles insensitive. She may not "feel" the urge.

I know that when ever my daughter ate chocolate, she would have accidents.

(Little kown fact. almost nobody has ever heard of the chocolate thing)

 

[Popples]

I think she amy not want to go to school allso reading back and you see she is winning the exact game....if she doesnt improve she cant go to school?????

After trying the treats and the soft approuch there is allso a hard approach of the naughty corner/chair etc

 

[Eve]

Hi Mounty,

The response from the school is getting me very :angry: . I will take a deep breath now. OK.

As your child was previously toilet trained for a whole 8 months not just a couple of weeks I think that you need to see a health professional to rule out the above. As she was previously toilet trained a medical condition could be affecting her whether it is an intollerance to chocolate etc or irritable bladder condition. Maybe you can also get a note from the doctor, this should help your case with the school. As they are being very discriminatory again your daughter. Explain your situation to the doctor if s/he does not help get a second opinion.

The schools over here would face a law suit if they refused entry to a pupil on the grounds of a disability!!!!

The other posibility is your child may be disheartened because she isn't reaching the toilet or she may just be being stubborn. If it is the latter then maybe encouragement for her to at least attempt to go to the toilet, eg stickers for trying etc... might help, you know her best and what motivates her. Try to remain consistant in your approach it may take a while to get things back to normal again, stick with it. If it is a habitual problem.

If it is medical then reward and punishment method is not appropriate and will only serve to stress your child more. My sister has been advised by the specialist who sees her daughter that she should be toileted frequently (as popples suggested in a previous post) and also have lots to drink to stretch the bladder. Sometimes constipation can be a factor so plenty to drink is important. I hope things improve for you and your daughter soon.

God Bless

Eve

ps Is there a registered childminder in the area who could help you for the time being whilst she has been excluded from school.

 

[calluna]

I am sorry that this is taking its toll on you and the school is being:thumbs_do . Just continue being consistent with what you are doing, sometimes we see break throughs just as when we are about to give up. Pray about this to the Lord. we must take all our problems to Him.

Does your little girl wet the bed? Does she have accidents in the car? Does she have accidents while eating at meal times at the table? Does she pee when playing on the floor with her toys? Does she have accidents while out shopping? etc. If the answer is no to all these, then traumatic experience is probably not the reason for her actions and maybe medical can be ruled out aswell, otherwise she would be doing this everywhere and anywhere. We have to do deductive reasoning here.

When a child breaks patterns and makes changes for the worse, it is not always down to traumatic or something bad has happened. It can be due to exploration and testing boundaries or manipulation or plain old getting attention.

I do not agree with punishment of any kind for this situation. This has to be dealt with in such away that the child does not feel ashamed and nothing should be done to perpetuate the problem.

My younger son periodically wet the bed until he was around 10yrs of age. He would go for weeks and weeks just fine and then he would have an accident. We ruled out medical and emotional problems. However we still wanted the situation to be resolved.

As I read somewhere written by a child psychologist, it was suggested that when a child is of an age of understanding, they can help to clean up the mess in some way. So with my son, I just said I need you to help with the washing of the sheets and put clean ones on your bed. Each time he had an accident, I helped less and less until finally he was cleaning up everything himself. It all stopped pretty much soon after doing that. I believe the mesage in his brain was 'if I don't go to the toilet to pee, then I am going to have to clean all this up again' his bladder obviously got stronger and his brain got the message.

You could do this with your little girl but on a smaller scale, Just get her to get some paper towels and pat the wet spot on the sofa, telling her it is very important that we clean it up. She is not being punished, and she wont see it as such, if it is handled in a gentle manner....but the message will connect in her brain, that 'everytime I wet on the chair, I have to clean up'.
Another message will also be, 'hmm I am missing play time and cartoons' She is not old enough to consciously probably think this out. But the message will connect between bladder and brain and actions. Try this method, it really worked for me.

I am praying for you and family too, I know this is not easy.

Calluna

 

[Eve]

That's good advice Calluna, I have a great amount of sympathy for you and your daughter Mounty this is not an easy situation to deal with as a parent and there are many possible causes. I assume from the attitude the school are taking that your daughter is having wetting problems there also.

My niece attends, full time at a state school and although the education assistants have had to help deal with her accidents on occasion. They have shown nothing but support for her. To the extent that they wrote a letter at my sisters request to help speed up the referal to the specialist. So the stance from the school you daughter attends seems awful and not very compassionate at the very least.

Take heart there is help out there, over the past several months I have done a lot of research into this specific problem to help my sister and niece. It is wise to get your daughter checked out medically first, then if that is ruled out, you know you can take the behavioural routes with more confidence.

Calluna's idea of cleaning up the mess is a good one because it will help to give you daughter a sense of independance and confidence that she has the situation under control. Something which children are often lacking in a situation like this. Sometimes we forget how embarrassing this problem can be for the child, so sensitivity is important and focussing on the practical often helps.

I pray in the name of our Lord that you find the solution and the Lord strengtens you in this, I also pray that the school will see the errors of their ways and do the right thing by your daughter. Amen

If there is anything I can do I would be more than happy to lend assistance in whatever way I can.

God Bless :girl: :girl_hug:

Eve

 

[mounty]

thank you all for your wonderfull advice

I bought my daughter to see a doctor and the first doctor told me she was fine and notting was wrong, she was just going through a phase

I wasnt happy with that so i made another appointment with a new doctor and he was a lovely man and did some tests he told me she has an infection in her bladder and she is using the sofa because its warm and doesent hurt as much when she goes.

I cannot tell you how ashamed i was when i realised there was something medicaly wrong with her and i missed it.

She is now on medication for the problum and we hope it will clear up soon,

Her father was so upset with himself when i told him our little girl was ill and we didnt know,

The doctor said it is unlikely that this has been the problum all along but it would have been so for about a week.

Im so ashamed i didnt notice this earlyer .