Can someone give me advice.

[Iloverock24]

Can someone give me advice?

Cause I have a controlling & manipulative Mom, she protects me like you wouldn't believe, (Controlling) and constantly manipulates. Blames me for what she does wrong and I figured out that part of it, is that she feels like no one likes her or cares about her.

But ever since I have accepted God in my heart, I chose to do whatever he wanted me to do and she constantly refuses me.
I try to be like him and nothing I do is ever enough for her.

That's how she makes me feel. I used to say, maybe I'm doing this and maybe it's that, but no, it's her, it's all her, she is a little self centered brat and very selfish, she always dictates herself when she says what she thinks, sometimes I try to say I agree, and then she will start disagreeing with me when I say I do, then when I have other opinions and I'm honest with her, she will disagree and make it so forceful, it's like I (have) to agree.

I can't even have a simple conversation with her, without getting into an argument. I'm just thed up with it all. (no offense) She controls how I live my life, what I do with my life, & the decisions I wanted to make.
She tries to tell me what kind of job I should have too.

She tried to force SSI against my will and I don't want it. I'm old enough to make that choice. I don't think I need it.

And she tried to tell me what Collage to go to.

Then she tried to tell me, what friends I can have, who I can hang with, and I believe in being pure so it's not like I would choose bad friends. But there were some friends was with that had different things about them and I wouldn't be like that, cause no one is perfect.

Like for example, I had a friend once that was a guitar player, and we would get together and practice and my Mom would always have a problem with him, she wouldn't say it to his face, but when he left, she would complain about how he liked horror movies and dark music, I'm like, well he's not perfect, what do you expect? But he is a Christian and he doesn't lie about his faith.

I don't know what to do.

I'm 25 & sick of being under her wing.

I don't know what to do.

Can you give me some advice?

Or lead me to a verse in the bible about this?

Thanks.

 

[ephesians4_23]

Well, if you're 25 and still living at home, you are still under her wing in a sense. Some parents have difficulty letting go- you didn't mention your father, but if you were to leave home and she were left by herself, that might help you see that she may be afraid that you will leave her.
I am a parent, and my oldest boy just turned 13... it can be hard for me to realize that he is not 4 years old. He can take care of himself to a point.
Something that helps me to remember that he is older than I sometimes treat him is to teach him things to do himself, like cook, clean, laundry, etc. How does your mom treat you? Does she take care of everything for you as if you were 4 years old? Perhaps you should learn how to and start doing things for yourself around the house. Offer to cook her dinner and clean up afterwards. It may help, it may not, but it's worth a try to show her that you can take care of yourself and help her out too.

If you are not still living at home, it's very hard for her to control everything you do when she isn't around.

It's hard for us mommies to let go. And sometimes we don't show you how much we love you like you think we should. But we do love our children. I hope this helps.

 

[Iloverock24]

Sorry but I feel really offended, I don't think you read from beginning to end. I was saying that she controls and manipulates. That means she likes to manipulate me and make me look bad. It's almost like abuse. But you can't do much about it, cause there's no evidance of it happening. It's not just about taking care of your own responsibilities etc. It's worse then that. I know how to be responsible, but when it goes into actually controlling what you do with your life, that's a whole different thing. And then manipulates you, that's different thing. From that statement, it sounds like your just telling me to grow up. I know what I'm talking about.I also found out that the reason behind this is that, my Mom and Cousin are athiest. I'm not gonna tell them they're wrong, but I think that's what they feel when I just have God in my heart and trying to do what he wants. Cause they think that God is using me to tell them that they're wrong. But as Christians were not supposed to do that. So I don't. That's what I believe. I don't know what to do.

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings Iloverock24,

I'm going to pray about this and get back to you.... and I ask you to pray too, my sister and I know that Jesus will answer us and we will see His glory in this situation, and go on our way rejoicing!

Bless you ....><>

Br. Bear


Nevertheless I am continually with thee:

thou hast holden me by my right hand.

Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but thee?
and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
My flesh and my heart faileth:
but God is the strength of my heart,
and my portion for ever.

For, lo,
they that are far from thee shall perish:
thou hast destroyed all them that go a ******* from thee.
But it is good for me to draw near to God:
I have put my trust in the Lord GOD,
that I may declare all thy works.
Psalm 73:23-28

 

[louis]

Parenting...

Br Bear has the best approach.
There is no scripture I could find that links directly up with your situation.

However, there are the events recorded in Ruth 1:1-9; where the homes of the respective women's mothers were considered by Naomi to be their only recourse following the death of their husbands. I will not attempt any further interpretation - you read it and see where it leaves you.

As a footnote, one thing I've learned on sites as brutally honest as this one, is that the answer to your question may not be what you want it to be.
All I will venture here is that, myself being a parent, I want the best for my kids. Whether or not that means forcing them into some things and away from others is, I guess, a parent's prerogative.
Also consider that each parent's way of dealing with a situation may be influenced not only by their own convictions but by their circumstances.

PS: What is SSI? (I am from South Africa, these things are not familiar to me).

 

[ephesians4_23]

I apologize that you took offense at my suggestions, I did not mean to upset you.
It's just that all we have are your interpretations of situations we know nothing about, and for all I know, you hadn't tried any of these things.
I know what it means to be manipulated and controlled.
You did not answer my question, however, are you still living at home with her? You are 25, certainly at an age where you can leave home and be on your own. You may consider doing that, and seriously pray how best to save your relationship with your mother.
Is your mother saved? If not, please understand that Christians cannot expect unsaved people to act like Christians. Half the time Christians don't act like Christians. If your mother professes to have the faith, understand that we are all 'works in progress'. What was her childhood like? Did her mother treat her that way? She may have reasons from her past that make it perfectly acceptable (to her) to treat you in this manner.
If your church has a biblical counselor, please make an appointment with them, or your pastor, to help you sort your feelings out so that you do not become bitter towards her.
Again, I'm sorry.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Dear Iloverock24

I believe as Br.Bear stated that this needs careful prayful attention and that is good scriptural advice.

Be careful for nothing: but in everything by prayer ...let your requests be made known unto God Phil 4:16

I have prayed and sought the Lord's guidance before writing here and I do feel led to say the following. I am very sorry that you are having such a difficult time at the moment but.......

Firstly...the anger and resentment in your words leaped out of the page and hit me. You may have a difficult relationship with your mother but some of the ways in which you referred to her was in language that I wouldnt see as glorifying to our blessed Lord Jesus.

I believe that you need to pray to the Lord to help you deal with all the anger and hurt in your heart. Ask Him to fill your heart with love for your mother and to give you Christlike loving responses.....rather than getting involved in arguments. Imagine that the Lord is standing in the room everytime you are with your mother and think how He would want you to respond.

....be gentle unto all men 1 Timothy 2:24

....Honour thy father and thy mother Exodus 20:12

Think of the Lord Jesus...who was constantly abused, tortured and hated by men yet

..He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth: He is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so He openeth not His mouth.... Isaiah 53:7

You also say that my mum and cousin are athiest.
They need the Lord. Your mum is responding from a heart still weighed down by sin. She needs your prayers...she needs the Saviour. Rather than seeing her as a manipulative controlling women...see her as a desparately lost soul. Ask the Lord to burden your heart to pray for her more and more.

Secondly you are an adult. I don't know all your circumstances. However, you perhaps need to ask yourself why you keep yourself in what sounds almost like a victim role. You and your mother are both playing a part in this somehow...and you've got stuck in these unhealthy negative roles.

Take it to the Lord and ask him to take control. You do need to be willing to change. Prayerfully put everything into His hands. He may lead you to seek some sort of support and advice from church, professionals or a friend.

Just keep the wonderful love of the Saviour in mind all the time. When you feel hurt or when you want to react think of how Jesus would have responded if He was faced with the same situation.

This is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another 1 John 3:11

God bless you and I will keep this in prayer

Julia

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings again, Iloverock24,

I have been praying for a few days now.... seeking the Lord and I hope you have been, too.

As I read over your post again and again... something 'struck me'..... have a look yourself.....

over and over again, you tell about what you mother does and has done.... which I realise is what you wrote for... or why you wrote, that is, because of the way you see your mother's ways to be.... and you might be very right about this. It's not uncommon for mothers to be what appears to be overbearing, particularly if one is child to that mother as you are.

However, Iloverock24, I would like to share with you something....

what has Jesus done for you, and what is Jesus doing for you now?

One thing is certain... if we constantly look at the things we don't like, we will only see more of such things.....

BUT, if we turn our eyes upon Jesus..... well, we begin to see more of Him in our life...

and I want to encourage you to do this. Start your day in prayer... in worship of the Lord Jesus Christ. If you would like any help in getting started, please ask. Consider some of the blessings you DO have in your life.
I know one very special blessing and it near brings tears to my eyes to consider....

this blessing is your mother.

Please take some time to think a bit about the many children who do not have a mother.... oh, let your heart get broken for them, my sister.... yes... think deeply about these precious souls who do not have a mother..... and now look again to Jesus and thank Him that you DO have a mother.... and a mother who loves you.

From her point of veiw, she would be somewhat concerned for you... this is evident from what you write..... why else would she bother giving you such a hard time? Your mother might not be perfect, in fact I doubt she is... but, she is perfectly your mother. Does she have a functioning body.... no missing limbs etc, not blind, not impaired in some physical way or another.....? This too you can be very thankful and grateful for.

Why am I saying these things? Because it is vital for you to begin each day, and continue throughout the day giving thanks to the Lord for what and who He has given to you. Do you realise that your rerlationship with your mother is uniquely yours and hers.... a very, very special and precious relationship that only you two have..... there is only one you and only one mother of yours, Iloverock24.

Now go on to your own health..... can you give thanks for it?

Now, are there others who you love? And where you live.. maybe it's not perfect, but I would say you'd be keen to live there and return there if you had to spend time in some other areas or countries.

Iloverock24, this applies to everyone, not just you, so please don't think I am singling you out... but rather, please listen to this advice.

It may sound little useless, but if you would try it for a few weeks, you will probably find that your feelings and even your relationship will be healed and restored to the glory of God in Christ Jesus the Lord....in fact, if you rerally got down to deep appreciation for all the Lord has given you, your life would change immediately.

Iloverock24. it is not so much what comes our way from life or others in our life, that counts, but how we react to it.

If someone close to me says things that get up my nose... well, I can grumble, complain, get angry and upset... but what does that achieve but to get me in a bad mood? BUT, if I, in God's grace and by His love, continue to be thankful to Him for the offending person, I remain in His joy and His joy remains in me...... AND, the problem soon vanishes, as I have not added fuel to the fire.

Does all this make sense?

We always have a cross to bear.

There is a story about a bloke who was not happy with his cross...

didn't like many aspects of it, so, after grumbling heaps, asked if he could swap it. He was taken to an enormous storeroom... so huge as to be almost scary... one could get lost in it if not for it being managed by the angels of God.... and after looking around, saw a few he liked the look of.... saying, "I will try this one", pointing at a rather smooth glossy cross.
He picked it up an carried it for a while.. thinking this is ok.... but soon realised it was out of balance and his back began aching sharply. So he tried another and another... all proving uncomfortable and some giving him nasty splinters... some he couldn't even pick up...... after some time, he came a-cross one that seemed 'just right' and after finding it was really quite suited to him, he said, "I'll take this one!".
"Yes!, this one is suited to me... at last I found a cross I can be happy to carry... I think I could carry this one all day!!!"

The angel who was helping him gently said, "my friend, this is the one you came here with... and yes, it is perfectly suited to you, crafted by your loving Father... just for you, because He knows exactly the cross you need to carry.... and you have chosen it now because it is yours".

Sister Iloverock24,

may you begin to see the wonderful opportunity to praise the Lord in all His care for you, in all He has provided for you in His love and Sacrifice, and may each day become more and more a time of rejoicing and drawing near to Jesus..... and finding His peace in your life.

Bless you ....><>

Br. Bear

ps... may I also suggest that you begin saying thank you to your mother when she tells you off or appears to be manipulating.... I think you will be surprised as you do .

pps... I know this might seem ridiculous, all this advice, but although it appears to not tackle your mother's ways, as you become more blessed in giving thanks, your life will bless your mother too. There are many ways to get to the safe house.... but only one door in.

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber.

Then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep. ...John 10:1 & 7

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Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

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Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also:

knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

And patience, experience;

and experience, hope:

And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Romans 5:1-5

 

[Truehearts]

she's probably loves you so much that she's afraid to loose you. just cherrish the moment that you have her... and probably the best thing to do is talk her out about your feelings... pray a lot before you do though, that you may not end up argueing... the best relationship you can have here on earth is with your family and sometimes its the hardest too... but never give up. God didnt.