Close to walking away from God

[Gorickeo]

:asl: Warning! Danger, Danger! :asl: This is a very long thread. If you have a heart condition, suffer from asthma, you lack in patience, or you are stuck in a burning building, you should probably skip this one! Otherwise you risk falling asleep at your keyboard.

Humor aside my heads all over the place and I'm guessing that this thread will probably get me a lot of "flame" replies and people just giving me the answers I expect to get that I've heard from Christians a million times over.

Have faith in God
Just believe
Just trust
You can't understand the mind of God
The list just goes on and on I'll be here all day.

But in all seriousness I'm just so close to walking away from this whole religion, I love Jesus and I love God but not the God or Jesus that is preached about in Church's these days or in some parts of the Bible.

I became a Christian when I was 13 my family are the least Christian family ever.

I'm going to try and cut a very long story short here and stick to the main points or I'd end up going on forever I'll try and list the important bits that are turning me away from God by doing so I'll miss out many of the positives that I've experienced on my spiritual path so don't think I'm being overly negative as there is a lot of good but I'm trying to get help on the points that are just turning me away from God.

First of all I messed up BIG time and I mean BIG time I know this everyone else in my extended family and Church family know this.

I've had two children out of wedlock to two separate Women and before anyone attempts to take this off topic about "I should be focusing on my children and not all this nonsense" please don't go there for legal reasons and my childhood and being in care I can't be there for my Children the legal system wont let me as much as I want to be. I'm not saying people would go on about it but I've had many Christians go on and on and on about how I've messed up and how I need to be doing the right thing when they actually don't know a fraction of what's going on in my life.

This is what's turned me away from God partly, it's not just the Church I've grown up in it's every Church I've tried to be apart of since. Condemning me for basically messing up and having to children out of wedlock. I know I've done wrong I know I went against Gods word hence why now I suffer from the consequences of not seeing my kids and having depression.

My point here is how so called "Christians" have treat me over this matter. Doesn't scripture say only God can judge? Doesn't scripture say not to focus on others sins but your own? OK now I'm guessing you'll hit me with the numerous verses I've heard a million times before of how a Christian is meant to encourage others not to sin and to quietly pull them aside and show them there wrongs.

My problem is well apart from my friends not doing it so quietly and dilberatly making me feel unwelcome and judged at church is that they have NO room to speak.

One Christian friend took such a strong disliking to me because of my past and because I had children out of wedlock when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he was sleeping with his partner who he wan't married to yet he had the nerve to critise me.

I mean honestly how many people can say they know someone who goes to Church and acts all Godly and holier than thou yet out of Church they've been seen doing unGodly things? I know a handful it even happens to leaders in the church one of our leaders who was married was having an affair with a vulnerable young adult half his age! Yet he was welcomed back open arms no condemnation different story with me.

Hypocrites are really turning me away from every going to any kind of Church again because trust me I've tried them all.

I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart I shouldn't have to prove that to people when this happened 2 years ago and I'm still judged at any congregation I join and people detatch themselves from me because of my past and my baggage.

God knows my heart and he's the only one I need to prove myself to he knows I'm truly sorry and His word states above all that once I'm forgive he FORGETS my sins it's FORGOTTEN yet other still feel the need to constantly remind me of my wrongs and my sins?

I can hear you screaming that this isn't Gods faults but rather individuals.

I get that but then here is my second problem.

I can't (CAN'T) be close to a God who can create a Hell and send people there for not being a Christian or for simply being Gay it doesn't make any sense to me.

My Gran is the best thing in my life she isn't a Christian but she is a GOOD woman. I know you can start listing sins asking me has she lies has she done this sin and that sin etc etc therefore she is a bad woman but to me that's complete and utter rubbish she's a good woman she'd give her last penny for a stranger she did not know she doesn't have a single person in life who hates her and has lead a good and honest life.

You can tell me I'm being unbiblical and going against Gods word fair enough maybe it is Gods word that people like my Gran and people just because of there religion or sexual orientation are going to hell.

I have good friends who are gay and family members they're going to Hell really?

I want to refuse that a burning eternal Hell doesn't exist and my God wouldn't create a place like that let alone put people through that.

Now here's the dilemma I've heard all the doctrine I know the score you're all going to quote verse after verse telling me that people put themselves in Hell not God and God is all loving, righteous and Holy and can't be in the presence of sin and that it's not Gods will anyone goes to hell.

Fair enough heard it all before but I CAN'T personally in my heart can't believe accept or was to follow a God like that.

So what do I do, where do I stand am I going to Hell?

I love God and Jesus with all my heart I understand he died for me so I could have eternal life and I understand I'm a sinner and I've messed up and I'm sorry for those sins from the bottom of my heart.

So where do I stand? Am I going to Hell because I refuse to accept and believe certain teachings and I refuse to go to Church now with a bunch of people who are hypocritical and judge me left right and center am I best throwing away my belief in God and Jesus all together due to me rejecting core teachings because there's no point in trying to go on if God rejects me?

Any help and advice is much appreciated.

 

[Coconut]

Warning! Danger, Danger! This is a very long thread. If you have a heart condition, suffer from asthma, you lack in patience, or you are stuck in a burning building, you should probably skip this one!

I love it! It is evident you have a keen sense of humor, I liked you already, before I even started reading.

I really like your honesty, if only more people would get as blatantly honest as you have here, I think it would have the effects of turning saints and sinners alike back to God!

I`m sick to death of the political correctness, and the pretenses and the posturing that seems to have become the norm in body of Christians. Its not 'normal', its a cancer...and its driving people such as yourself away in droves.

(I did`nt see that answer on your short list, so i`m going to guess I caught you off guard pretty good )

Anyways, this is`nt about me, so seriously, I wanted to say, you do have another choice you know, as there always is when we find something that is broken. How about instead of tossing all the good in your life away, (because that is everything that is God in your life sure as I`m sitting here) you choose to roll up your sleeves and go to work with Christ. He sees it to you know...the brokenness...

Blessings Gorickeo, I`d love to talk with you, if you plan to stay around.

 

[WantToKnowHim]

That introduces you to the modern pharisees, brother..

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

Those Christians must have missed this verse:
Romans 11:32 For God has bound all men over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.

I know I'm a screw-up that means I'm qualified to receive his mercy.The apostle Paul had the brothers executed,all you did was bring life on the earth.I don't know what kind of love would not have you rejoice in them because they don't like the way they arrived.
Kudos to you for knowing the difference between love and stupidity.

Romans 8:19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.
Romans 8:20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope
Romans 8:21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

You may want to research your idea of hell.The Jews did not believe in Hell and it really comes from Greek mythology( I expect a good flaming for that).The Jews believed in Sheol or the grave or pit.It was like the atheist idea of heaven,nothing.The King James Bible translators chose to translate this as Hell.Jesus also mentioned Gehenna(also translated Hell) which was the garbage dump outside Jerusalem where their worm does not die and the fire never ceases.

 

[Peace Seeker]

How could you write such a long letter? I was heretofore in fine health, but now as a result of reading it I have a heart condition, suffer from asthma and lack patience !! But thankfully you didn't cause my building to catch on fire!! Wait, is that smoke coming out of my monitor? Seriously though, glad to have you here with us Gorickeo!!

I'm not going to judge you or attack you, because we ALL fall short of the glory of God and have messed up at one time or another. And what matters is not what church members think of you, but that God loves you with an unfathomable love.

All those hypocritical Christians that have been creating misery for you should be ashamed of themselves, and Jesus had a lot of unflattering things to say about hypocrites!

Also, you talked a lot about church, but you don't need church to have Jesus, and many people are good at "playing church", but by their actions (fruits) don't represent Jesus.

Anyway, I'm really itchin' to plaster a bunch of scripture all over this post but I will just say that if you lack peace in your heart, ask the Prince of Peace and He will give it to you. If you are hurting He can heal you. Other than that, hopefully you can find some answers and feel welcomed here, in our online "church". God bless!

 

[Coconut]

How could you write such a long letter? I was heretofore in fine health, but now as a result of reading it I have a heart condition, suffer from asthma and lack patience

Oh my! at the risk of getting frowned at by those who take themselves properly serious...

 

[Gorickeo]

Defiantly sticking around

Well guys I'm most defiantly sticking around.

What can I say! I'm actually overwhelmed, you have no idea I'm so used to being turned away, frowned upon and pretty much just condemned I'm just so happy that I've found a bunch of people who are nice and none judgmental.

Reading back my first post I see how angry I came across in parts and I didn't want to portray this image of myself but honestly I've been left in this place because of other Christians where I know God forgives me but because of the condemnation of others I find it extremely difficult to forgive myself.

@Thiscrosshurts I can live with that, see my problem with Hell has always been I can never remember reading in the Bible where it's mean to be this place that a lot of modern Christians make it out to be maybe I'm just missing a crucial bit? I can live with that evil, bad people or people who don't believe in God well are just dead because after all why would someone who didn't believe in God or want his love wish to be in his presence for eternity.

Again there are some pieces I have to struggle to understand like how people of other beliefs when they know of nothing else are condemned to just be.... dead forever? I think my problem is trying to understand Gods ways with a human mind maybe one day I will understand I don't know?

Honestly though can I just take the time to thank everyone Coconut as well for all taking the time to reply to me and make me feel welcome you don't know how much this actually means to me I appreciate it. Thank you!

How could you write such a long letter? I was heretofore in fine health, but now as a result of reading it I have a heart condition, suffer from asthma and lack patience !! But thankfully you didn't cause my building to catch on fire!! Wait, is that smoke coming out of my monitor? Seriously though, glad to have you here with us Gorickeo!!

That made me LOL btw !

 

[David777]

Hello Gorickeo.

I had trouble reading your thread due to a log in my own eye.

So I am unable to comment.

 

[Coconut]

I had trouble reading your thread due to a log in my own eye.

So I am unable to comment.

That is the most honest response I`ve ever seen in this forum bar none. :shock:

I am able to see most of Christ in men who are humble enough to look in the mirror, without adulating themselves with the song "Oh Lord its hard to be humble..." :wink:

 

[jiggyfly]

"Oh Lord its hard to be humble..." :wink:

That used to be my favorite Sunday go to meetin' hymn.

 

[Coconut]

That used to be my favorite Sunday go to meetin' hymn.

I almost choked on my toast...! :shock:


jiggyfly all puffed up in his Sunday suit.......nope can`t picture it....and really don`t wanna!

 

[jiggyfly]

Well Gorickeo sounds like you are now disillusioned with the Christian religious institution and while some might think it is tragic I think it is absolutely marvelous and miraculous. I believe you need to stop listening all those religious folk and simply start listening to Jesus. The religious system is not just out of sorts but it is totally out of character with Jesus, so it is not hard to see that the religious system is not the same body that has Jesus as it's head.

I am sure, if you stick around long enough you will find some help from like minded Christ followers here at TJ. Of course you will probably also get some condemning/controlling advice from some religious folk here ( yeah we got some of those at TJ as well) but just disregard their spew and keep your ear tilted toward Jesus.

 

[AbbysAunt]

Hi Gorickeo,

First let me say Hi! and Welcome to Talk Jesus! We are so glad you are here with us. I'm so sorry about the condemnation you have had to endure at the hands of those who would call themselves christians. It's alot like my best friend's husband went through when they first met. He was saved and God forgave his sins but members of their church continually looked upon his past and frowned, brought it up to him and even to my friend's mother at the time...fact was each of them tended to forget that each of us as a past and things we are not proud of and because of that noone has the right to judge or condemn someone else. He like you could not care for his daughter due to the legal system for a number of years...this was the hardest thing for him. God knows we all are not perfect but in Him we are made perfect...He sees our sins no more and alot of people don't want to see that but instead point fingers. The past is the past and you my new friend in Jesus are saved and Therefore I say to you " what past?" Jesus sees it no more and neither do I.

would be glad to talk if you ever need. Just pm me anytime. God bless you my brother and Friend in Jesus.

 

[Peace Seeker]

Oh my! at the risk of getting frowned at by those who take themselves properly serious...

Psssst, careful everyone, there may be properly serious people in the house. Proceed with caution.............

 

[Peace Seeker]

I'm just so happy that I've found a bunch of people who are nice and none judgmental.

Nice Christians, who woulda thought, huh?

Reading back my first post I see how angry I came across in parts and I didn't want to portray this image of myself but honestly I've been left in this place because of other Christians where I know God forgives me but because of the condemnation of others I find it extremely difficult to forgive myself.

Yes, it is difficult to forgive ourselves sometimes, yet, when God forgives us He tells us there is no more condemnation from Him (and His opinion is all that matters), and He puts His righteousness on us like a robe. I don't feel righteous, but God says I am, end of story. Likewise for you and all of us, so try to forget the past, live in the "now" of His amazing grace and just keep on pressing forward in faith.

 

[Gorickeo]

Hi Gorickeo,

First let me say Hi! and Welcome to Talk Jesus! We are so glad you are here with us. I'm so sorry about the condemnation you have had to endure at the hands of those who would call themselves christians. It's alot like my best friend's husband went through when they first met. He was saved and God forgave his sins but members of their church continually looked upon his past and frowned, brought it up to him and even to my friend's mother at the time...fact was each of them tended to forget that each of us as a past and things we are not proud of and because of that noone has the right to judge or condemn someone else. He like you could not care for his daughter due to the legal system for a number of years...this was the hardest thing for him. God knows we all are not perfect but in Him we are made perfect...He sees our sins no more and alot of people don't want to see that but instead point fingers. The past is the past and you my new friend in Jesus are saved and Therefore I say to you " what past?" Jesus sees it no more and neither do I.

would be glad to talk if you ever need. Just pm me anytime. God bless you my brother and Friend in Jesus.

Thank you so much for that post I really appreciate it.

Like I said I am under no illusion that my depression now and hardship now is down to my own sin and I have no one to blame but myself.

You see when I was younger I believed that the whole no sex before marriage was a rule from an outdated God who didn't know what it was like to live in modern days and just wanted to spoil my fun.

Now I see it was a guideline and the best advice a loving God could give he didn't want to spoil it and ruin my fun he gives that command because he knows what pain and heartache it can bring to someone having sexual relations out of marriage.

The saddest thing is I gave something away now that I'll never be able to give back or give to my wife in the future and that's very painful.

Again thanks for the post everyone has been so lovely .

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Yes Gorickeo

In agreement with AbbysAunt

Therefore I say to you " what past?" Jesus sees it no more and neither do I.

You are a precious child of the King of kings
Clothed in His righteousness
Accepted just as you are

And if any church or religion doesn't accept you....then thats their problem. Churchianity is man centred......True Christianity is Jesus centred.

May the Lord bless you and may you find love and encouragement here.


He loved them unto the end
John 13:1

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

ever notice there are no unicorns..? the legend is when it came time to board the ark they didnt listen and were too caught up in disobedience......Every time i see a picture of one im reminded....IF I LIVE IN DISOBEDINCE I WILL MISS THE BOAT AND MOST LIKLEY BE LIQUDATED.dont get to caught up in looking at the walks of others .they will not be standing with you in front of God when the time comes ..Do the best you can do and give God the rest..stay in the word..and praise him loudly>>>.....Rev

 

[AbbysAunt]

Thank you so much for that post I really appreciate it.

Like I said I am under no illusion that my depression now and hardship now is down to my own sin and I have no one to blame but myself.

You see when I was younger I believed that the whole no sex before marriage was a rule from an outdated God who didn't know what it was like to live in modern days and just wanted to spoil my fun.

Now I see it was a guideline and the best advice a loving God could give he didn't want to spoil it and ruin my fun he gives that command because he knows what pain and heartache it can bring to someone having sexual relations out of marriage.

The saddest thing is I gave something away now that I'll never be able to give back or give to my wife in the future and that's very painful.

Again thanks for the post everyone has been so lovely .

Gorickeo,

my best friend's husband felt the same way you do now..infact he told her once that if he could do it over he never would of had sex before he met her, that he loves his daughter but if he knew then what he does now he wouldn't of done it. She loves him and understands about his past and the mistakes he made and you know what....she doesn't think about the fact he was with anyone else because now he is with her and that is all that matters...that God brought them together and now they have been married for almost 11 years and have a baby girl who is soon to turn a year old. When the time is right God will provide you with a woman who love you and understand and when you give yourself to her she will give herself to you not thinking about anything else except God brought me this man and I love him...don't beat yourself up anymore about this..God knows you are sorry and He knows you have asked forgiveness and He knows you wish you could take it back, but He also knows the wonderful future you have in Him...so, keep going forward looking to Him and knowing that He has everything under control.

God bless and keep you Gorickeo. Our Lord loves you and so do we all your friends, brothers and sisters here at Talk Jesus.

 

[Brighthouse]

Brother Gorickeo! First welcome!! 2nd I will tell you where you stand!! You stand with the rest of us!! Before we can help another in Christ,we must first find help ourself. We all lack in many ways,as Jesus himself said to those people who taught they were better then another!! Let HIM!!! who is without sin cast the first stone!!( John8:7)

Are we here to point to sin, we all have? Are we here to judge those who struggle? What??? We did not?? LOL And still are!! Where I believe you are my brother in Christ,is what I call the hot seat. It is a seat reserved for those who love the Lord, and want something more,but just cannot seem to find out how to receive it.

WE who also love our Jesus have been in the very same seat as you find yourself in,and like you,someone needs to tell you,and show you,how to stay out of that seat,and find others who are there,so you can help them!

For getting out of the position,is not enough!! Helping others get out is! Oh Dear, I hope this will not be to long!! Please Holy Spirit keep this short and to the point with this my brother!! ok here we go. 1. First we learn this, we must hear from the Lord.( rom 10:17) This means reading the Word outloud to yourself every time you read this. Yes it matters!! No it is not easy! Following never is!!( Matt 16:24-28)

This is why you are in the seat,no one told you the cost! Not your fault either!! But you came here wanting truth,and Bless God you shall have it! 2. Time. Time we usually take for ourselve in things we wish to do,now must be sacrificed. God is sure not against you going to a movie,or the mall or something like this,but he does wish us to measure our time,to become balanced in him!!

To know you,I would have to spend time with you,same here! You know of the Lord,but not yet his ways,which you are seeking!! An excellent beginning!!For everyone who does seek, finds( matt 7:7) the question we have to ask ourselfs is,how bad do we want this?This my brother only you yourself can answer.

God is not a player,God is a serious man,who wants his people to be the same.Knowing and staying in God's Word gets you from the seat into the race!!( 1 Cor 9:23-27)Notice God's Word I present to your eyes? Because Faith in Jesus is what saves us,not faith in any other!( 1 Cor 2:4) Always God's Word!! WHY?? To boast in the scripture I know?? LOL NO!! To show you what I myself had to see, to get out of that seat as well!

Someone in the Lord had to do and present the very same to me! One cannot speak on something they do not know.Although as you also know many do! LOL That is why you are seeking to start with.

You know there is truth somewhere out there!! And you are right!! God's Word is the truth we now live by!Freedom comes from such truth my brother! ( john 8:31-32) Find a good Bible based Church,yes there will be problems in any church!! As you well know ,no one is perfect,but look for love!!

For in love comes perfection,and from perfection come growth in each one of us! ( 1 John 4:7-20!!) This my brother is not all,but it will get you out of the seat,and into the race! Where we all are!! We welcome you,and look to both learn from Jesus in you,as you look to learn from Jesus in us.Welcome again!!