Coming back to God after falling away

[KittyLinda]

Hello,

I'm new here. I wanted to find a Christian platform to learn and strengthen my faith. This site showed up so I hope it is what I am looking for. I am a Christian woman who loved God and his word and went to church nearly all her life. I grew up in a baptist household, read the bible, and studied it for many years. I have a degree in Christian theology and a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography. I run a small studio here in my city and God blessed me with success and creativity.

My family are Christians who attend church regularly. I am one of three children and my father is a pastor. I was lost and came back to God just this year. So praise the lord. He is so great! I was a Christian, then I was not, then I came back to the faith, then I walked away, and now I am a Christian again. I struggled with addiction, depression, and same-sex attraction for a long time. I kept the same-sex attraction locked away, because I’ve always known that being gay is against God’s will. My family did not give me a chance to express it or discuss it. When I was 14, I noticed my attraction to girls and boys alike. I use the term “bi-sexual” these days, even though I avoid it, because I am not sure that is the best way to put it. I remember telling my mother about it during high school and she slapped me because I mentioned that I could be gay. I decided to not bring this subject ever again, but it left a hole in my heart, and being scared of talking about it did not help much. I prayed many times about it because I hated it. I read many stories about Christians who changed and became straight, but God did not change my nature.

I came out of the closet in a way that shocked a lot of people in my family after marrying a woman. I thought I was going to find a way to compromise. My parents said that I am an abomination and a disgrace to the family and then we were not talking for a long time. I walked away from the Christian faith because I felt rejected by everyone around me. I was very angry with God. I know my anger should have been directed at my sin, and not God, but Satan had the best of me. My marriage did not last long but It made me feel very empty after it ended. It is like I did not exist anymore. That is when I turned to drugs and I was jumping from a bad relationship to another. I was clinging to same-sex relationships from time to time, and it was difficult to maintain a Christian identity. After that I met my boyfriend and I felt settled in this relationship, perhaps because we had a child together. My life was stable then another crisis occurred. Because of my addiction, I got in trouble with the law. I was locked up for about 3 weeks but it really felt like the end of the world. I was worried about my daughter. I was feeling very guilty about it and I just remembered the things my mother used to tell me how I’m going to be horrible mother ...etc... I was moved to a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Finally, I started reading the bible, praying, and I asked God to forgive me. After nearly long 6 months I was released from the hospital. I think I understand better about myself now. I was diagnosed with a Borderline personality disorder. My doctor said this can trigger sexual relationship disorders in some patients. I know God will take care of me. I had horrific days in the hospital, I insulted the nurses, threatened to harm people, refused to take my meds, and I was forced some needles. I was very paranoid kitty I think lol. It was a mess and not me at all. I thank God for my recovery.

I do not attend any church now, because of the lockdown, but I listen to Christian music and sermons online. This is not going to be easy for me because of my current situation with my boyfriend who is not a Christian. If it was not for our child, I may think about leaving, but he did not give me any reason to do so. I keep praying for him.

Well. I hope to make some friends on these forums. I expect myself to work next week or next month. I'm very very happy about getting my life back together. Please, keep me in your prayers.

 

[Curtis]

The classic battle between the "flesh", and the "spirit" who are opposed to each other so a person becomes "double-minded" who is unstable in everything they do.

Gal 5:16 So I say, live by the Holy Spirit's power. Then you will not do what your sinful nature wants you to do.
Gal 5:17 The sinful nature does not want what the Spirit delights in. And the Spirit does not want what the sinful nature delights in. The two are at war with each other. That's what makes you do what you don't want to do. (NiRV)

Everyone is looking for anything that can take "pain" away to get some temporary relief of what the world throws at us.
The human "mind" which is made up of "flesh", and blood is an enemy of God, and it needs to be "renewed" by the power of God's Word. No amount of logical analytical thinking or learning could ever accomplish this!

Rom 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Eph 4:17 This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,
Eph 4:18 Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:
Eph 4:19 Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.

The word, "Being past feeling" is the Greek word from which we get the medical word, "analgesic". An analgesic is a drug for taking away "pain". The works of the flesh also known as "lasciviousness" can only take away pain for a very short time and then the pain returns. Nothing can relieve this pain permanently except Jesus Christ the Word of God.

Learn through prayer and God's Word who you are in Christ, and what "authority", and "power" God he has given you through his name. Then you will discover the peace, and freedom of God that passes all human understanding.

 

[twcstp111]

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
1 John 4:7 | NIV

 

[PloughBoy]

Kittylinda, you come to a great place here. I understand where you are at. For I do think, conversations coming from "Fragrant Grace" and "Nicola Jane" will bless you very well, in a time of your life right now, I feel that " The Spirit of God" is leading me to say that. So please my "Sisters" in Christ, do not be alarm for putting you on the spot, like that. But do you remember what "William Farel told John Calvin" if he didn't go to "Geneva, Switzerland" and teach the word of God, what God was going to do to him? And John Calvin said: his knees went to shaking so bad his [teeth fell out of his mouth]. LOL!

I believe you two women are well qualified by the power of the Holy Ghost! To address this task!
May God bless you, for taking up the task

 

[Nicola Jane]

Hello,

I'm new here. I wanted to find a Christian platform to learn and strengthen my faith. This site showed up so I hope it is what I am looking for. I am a Christian woman who loved God and his word and went to church nearly all her life. I grew up in a baptist household, read the bible, and studied it for many years. I have a degree in Christian theology and a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography. I run a small studio here in my city and God blessed me with success and creativity.

My family are Christians who attend church regularly. I am one of three children and my father is a pastor. I was lost and came back to God just this year. So praise the lord. He is so great! I was a Christian, then I was not, then I came back to the faith, then I walked away, and now I am a Christian again. I struggled with addiction, depression, and same-sex attraction for a long time. I kept the same-sex attraction locked away, because I’ve always known that being gay is against God’s will. My family did not give me a chance to express it or discuss it. When I was 14, I noticed my attraction to girls and boys alike. I use the term “bi-sexual” these days, even though I avoid it, because I am not sure that is the best way to put it. I remember telling my mother about it during high school and she slapped me because I mentioned that I could be gay. I decided to not bring this subject ever again, but it left a hole in my heart, and being scared of talking about it did not help much. I prayed many times about it because I hated it. I read many stories about Christians who changed and became straight, but God did not change my nature.

I came out of the closet in a way that shocked a lot of people in my family after marrying a woman. I thought I was going to find a way to compromise. My parents said that I am an abomination and a disgrace to the family and then we were not talking for a long time. I walked away from the Christian faith because I felt rejected by everyone around me. I was very angry with God. I know my anger should have been directed at my sin, and not God, but Satan had the best of me. My marriage did not last long but It made me feel very empty after it ended. It is like I did not exist anymore. That is when I turned to drugs and I was jumping from a bad relationship to another. I was clinging to same-sex relationships from time to time, and it was difficult to maintain a Christian identity. After that I met my boyfriend and I felt settled in this relationship, perhaps because we had a child together. My life was stable then another crisis occurred. Because of my addiction, I got in trouble with the law. I was locked up for about 3 weeks but it really felt like the end of the world. I was worried about my daughter. I was feeling very guilty about it and I just remembered the things my mother used to tell me how I’m going to be horrible mother ...etc... I was moved to a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Finally, I started reading the bible, praying, and I asked God to forgive me. After nearly long 6 months I was released from the hospital. I think I understand better about myself now. I was diagnosed with a Borderline personality disorder. My doctor said this can trigger sexual relationship disorders in some patients. I know God will take care of me. I had horrific days in the hospital, I insulted the nurses, threatened to harm people, refused to take my meds, and I was forced some needles. I was very paranoid kitty I think lol. It was a mess and not me at all. I thank God for my recovery.

I do not attend any church now, because of the lockdown, but I listen to Christian music and sermons online. This is not going to be easy for me because of my current situation with my boyfriend who is not a Christian. If it was not for our child, I may think about leaving, but he did not give me any reason to do so. I keep praying for him.

Well. I hope to make some friends on these forums. I expect myself to work next week or next month. I'm very very happy about getting my life back together. Please, keep me in your prayers.

Hello,

I'm new here. I wanted to find a Christian platform to learn and strengthen my faith. This site showed up so I hope it is what I am looking for. I am a Christian woman who loved God and his word and went to church nearly all her life. I grew up in a baptist household, read the bible, and studied it for many years. I have a degree in Christian theology and a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography. I run a small studio here in my city and God blessed me with success and creativity.

My family are Christians who attend church regularly. I am one of three children and my father is a pastor. I was lost and came back to God just this year. So praise the lord. He is so great! I was a Christian, then I was not, then I came back to the faith, then I walked away, and now I am a Christian again. I struggled with addiction, depression, and same-sex attraction for a long time. I kept the same-sex attraction locked away, because I’ve always known that being gay is against God’s will. My family did not give me a chance to express it or discuss it. When I was 14, I noticed my attraction to girls and boys alike. I use the term “bi-sexual” these days, even though I avoid it, because I am not sure that is the best way to put it. I remember telling my mother about it during high school and she slapped me because I mentioned that I could be gay. I decided to not bring this subject ever again, but it left a hole in my heart, and being scared of talking about it did not help much. I prayed many times about it because I hated it. I read many stories about Christians who changed and became straight, but God did not change my nature.

I came out of the closet in a way that shocked a lot of people in my family after marrying a woman. I thought I was going to find a way to compromise. My parents said that I am an abomination and a disgrace to the family and then we were not talking for a long time. I walked away from the Christian faith because I felt rejected by everyone around me. I was very angry with God. I know my anger should have been directed at my sin, and not God, but Satan had the best of me. My marriage did not last long but It made me feel very empty after it ended. It is like I did not exist anymore. That is when I turned to drugs and I was jumping from a bad relationship to another. I was clinging to same-sex relationships from time to time, and it was difficult to maintain a Christian identity. After that I met my boyfriend and I felt settled in this relationship, perhaps because we had a child together. My life was stable then another crisis occurred. Because of my addiction, I got in trouble with the law. I was locked up for about 3 weeks but it really felt like the end of the world. I was worried about my daughter. I was feeling very guilty about it and I just remembered the things my mother used to tell me how I’m going to be horrible mother ...etc... I was moved to a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Finally, I started reading the bible, praying, and I asked God to forgive me. After nearly long 6 months I was released from the hospital. I think I understand better about myself now. I was diagnosed with a Borderline personality disorder. My doctor said this can trigger sexual relationship disorders in some patients. I know God will take care of me. I had horrific days in the hospital, I insulted the nurses, threatened to harm people, refused to take my meds, and I was forced some needles. I was very paranoid kitty I think lol. It was a mess and not me at all. I thank God for my recovery.

I do not attend any church now, because of the lockdown, but I listen to Christian music and sermons online. This is not going to be easy for me because of my current situation with my boyfriend who is not a Christian. If it was not for our child, I may think about leaving, but he did not give me any reason to do so. I keep praying for him.

Well. I hope to make some friends on these forums. I expect myself to work next week or next month. I'm very very happy about getting my life back together. Please, keep me in your prayers.

Hello kittyLinda

you have come to a blessed place here and you will definatly find help and support and Gods word here as curtis has wrote Gods word and ploughboy hes a real sharp cookie in the jar in many posts as you will find lol

well how genuine and honest you have been in your post of your faith and family and up bringing

your truth of your backsliding and sin will greatly help others as we lack sharing the ugly parts of our lives

its so easy to share the blessings but the ugly the sin is hard
i to have been a runaway sinner from God in my walk with God

i fell into various Lusts n fleshy desires against God and his way

we have to be honest and humble as you are
we have to really and truly repent of our sin of disobediance and wickedness filthyness

i went so off track i couldnt even lift my head in prayer i was so guilty
but praise be to God we can recieve forgivness and be washed purged of our sin and come back to the Life and path of christ our
Lord
Jesus is the way the truth and the life
you know this

or id be done for and so would you

Go to God confess it all pray to be filled with his Holy spirit and then resist that old devil and his ways and sinfull fleshy desires in the power and blood of christ our Lord and Saviour
daily hourly
Fight that good fight of faith we win in Christ
Armor of God needed
it aint gonna be a walk in the park no its a battle
but in God we stand
our rock
so glad you are here you will be blessed by the saints of God on here so much deeper than me in the word and im sure many will minister to you better than i so keep watch

pray and repent and keep the faith you made the first step your being honest in your error n sins against God now follow through all in
Gods way
pray about everything
your a young woman and have been through a lot and you know sin leads to crazy times and ends in death
so now seek God with all you are and watch him move mightily in your life he will forgive restore seperate and breath his Holy spirit into you

life changing

God bless you
seek God first in all things read Gods Holy powerfull word and simply believe and trust

God bless you and be with you girl message me anytime
i will be praying for you x

 

[Brad Huber]

Sounds like you have been through the wringer. Sorry for your pain, we are all under attack by satan, he hates humanity, and doesnt want you to be blessed with God's presence. You cant beat him on your own strength, you must daily plead with God to help you through each day at a time, with time you will heal, stay in the word, keep listening to that christian music. It will allow you to worship God and grow closer to Him much easier. I am glad to pray for you, and dont give up hope with your boyfriend becoming a christian. Despite how he has been good for you stability wise, we are not to be unequally yoked, so pray to God on how to deal with that and your child together. Praying for you sister, be strong.

 

[KittyLinda]

Brothers and sisters, I thank you for the time you spent to write what you said here. I need every tiny bit of it. Thank you, Curtis, Nicola and Brad Huber, for your kind words. God bless you all.

It is never late. We are told in God’s word to change our former way of life by renewing our thoughts in the mind and of course this can be done by the Spirit and the power of God’s word.

Ephesians 4:22-24 (NKJV): 22 that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.

Philippians 4:13 (NKJV): 13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.


I know that all the wisdom of man does not come close to God’s wisdom, but it is my responsibility now to find all the resources about this disorder. Identifying as a child of God is one thing, but that is not the way it works in relationships. I can like someone too much, and the next day, I could literally wish bad things would happen to them. I knew something was wrong with me to go from here to there immediately. I can change this through Jesus, but people in my life also need to know why I have these intense emotions.

Indeed, God is love. Yes, we have to repent of our sins and put on the armor of God. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. It is the reason why Jesus died for us. It is his amazing grace. Sin grieves our lord and those who love us but we need to let go of fears that we sin and make mistakes. Jesus said it is done and he meant it. We need to trust him fully.

I know that God says we are not to be unequally yoked. I had some intense conversations with my boyfriend and I’m so worried. We have been living together and that can’t continue the way it is now. I’m not ready to deal with this now, but soon I have to. God's knows but I have bad feeling that I can't shake it and I need to prepare for the worst. Usually for me when I began abstaining from sex, they always leave, but I can’t say that is going to happen when you have children involved.

Thank you. Keep me in your prayers.
love you all.

 

[Andyindauk]

Hello,

I'm new here. I wanted to find a Christian platform to learn and strengthen my faith. This site showed up so I hope it is what I am looking for. I am a Christian woman who loved God and his word and went to church nearly all her life. I grew up in a baptist household, read the bible, and studied it for many years. I have a degree in Christian theology and a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography. I run a small studio here in my city and God blessed me with success and creativity.

My family are Christians who attend church regularly. I am one of three children and my father is a pastor. I was lost and came back to God just this year. So praise the lord. He is so great! I was a Christian, then I was not, then I came back to the faith, then I walked away, and now I am a Christian again. I struggled with addiction, depression, and same-sex attraction for a long time. I kept the same-sex attraction locked away, because I’ve always known that being gay is against God’s will. My family did not give me a chance to express it or discuss it. When I was 14, I noticed my attraction to girls and boys alike. I use the term “bi-sexual” these days, even though I avoid it, because I am not sure that is the best way to put it. I remember telling my mother about it during high school and she slapped me because I mentioned that I could be gay. I decided to not bring this subject ever again, but it left a hole in my heart, and being scared of talking about it did not help much. I prayed many times about it because I hated it. I read many stories about Christians who changed and became straight, but God did not change my nature.

I came out of the closet in a way that shocked a lot of people in my family after marrying a woman. I thought I was going to find a way to compromise. My parents said that I am an abomination and a disgrace to the family and then we were not talking for a long time. I walked away from the Christian faith because I felt rejected by everyone around me. I was very angry with God. I know my anger should have been directed at my sin, and not God, but Satan had the best of me. My marriage did not last long but It made me feel very empty after it ended. It is like I did not exist anymore. That is when I turned to drugs and I was jumping from a bad relationship to another. I was clinging to same-sex relationships from time to time, and it was difficult to maintain a Christian identity. After that I met my boyfriend and I felt settled in this relationship, perhaps because we had a child together. My life was stable then another crisis occurred. Because of my addiction, I got in trouble with the law. I was locked up for about 3 weeks but it really felt like the end of the world. I was worried about my daughter. I was feeling very guilty about it and I just remembered the things my mother used to tell me how I’m going to be horrible mother ...etc... I was moved to a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Finally, I started reading the bible, praying, and I asked God to forgive me. After nearly long 6 months I was released from the hospital. I think I understand better about myself now. I was diagnosed with a Borderline personality disorder. My doctor said this can trigger sexual relationship disorders in some patients. I know God will take care of me. I had horrific days in the hospital, I insulted the nurses, threatened to harm people, refused to take my meds, and I was forced some needles. I was very paranoid kitty I think lol. It was a mess and not me at all. I thank God for my recovery.

I do not attend any church now, because of the lockdown, but I listen to Christian music and sermons online. This is not going to be easy for me because of my current situation with my boyfriend who is not a Christian. If it was not for our child, I may think about leaving, but he did not give me any reason to do so. I keep praying for him.

Well. I hope to make some friends on these forums. I expect myself to work next week or next month. I'm very very happy about getting my life back together. Please, keep me in your prayers.

Hi Kitty,

Lovely post, I could really feel your anguish and pain. I think we're all a bit late for giving you any advice as such because you seemed to have pretty much turned a pretty awful situation around. When I say you, I mean that you eventually surrendered to God, admitting you'd not done a very good job without Him, to say the least, and asking Him to take the wheel. It's lovely to read how things are now coming together for you.

I don't want to condemn your parents, but it has to be said they didn't handle your situation well at all - oh if only they had come onto Talk Jesus! They should have been a lot more sympathetic but I'm guessing they saw it as a loyalty to God issue and they saw you as challenging that loyalty whereas you were just asking for help. Let this be a salutary lesson to all parents reading this post, you can't just cut your kids off just because they don't conform. Reminds me of once, I read in a local newspaper about a guy who got a parking ticket. He was adamant that he'd parked correctly, refused to engage in the legal process of appealing, didn't return summonses or go to court hearings, his car got crushed and he ended up in prison for non-payment of fines. These things need to be dealt with, you can't turn your back on them and hope they just go away. How do you deal with them? With love and prayer, lots of love and prayer. BTW can I make one correction? Being gay is not against God's will, that's what you are, it's you and God totally adores you as you are, for who you are. It's gay sex that's definitely against God's will, there's no two ways about it. But please don't beat yourself up, God loves you dearly and He's far more interested in where you're going than where you've been. The Bible is full of stories of people who come back to God and received His forgiveness.

You don't say how things are with your parents now? If there's been no improvement might I suggest now would be a good time for olive branches and to try to restore that relationship by reaching out in love. Please forgive them, they meant well but felt they were out of their depth and for some reason didn't take it to God or Talk Jesus lol. (BTW please don't tell them they're forgiven, they might not see it like that ) They have a grandchild that I'm sure they're really missing dearly.

With regards to your current relationship, that's something you need to pray, think and pray about. If you're happy and you're pretty sure God is to, maybe a wedding, oh and bear in mind I'm pretty partial to a slice of wedding cake.

God bless you sis, love you to bits x

===================================

Dear Lord God, please can I ask you a question? How far do I have to go to be beyond your reach? The answer is Psalm 139:8, such a place does not exist or if it does, it's a few miles past where your patience ends. Thank you Lord that your love for us is just so immense, immense is the wrong word, immense infers there is a limit somewhere but your love is without end or limit, the sacrifice of your son Jesus is testimony to that. I snubbed you cruelly, confident in my own bad choice and yet you called me repeatedly, drawing me back towards you, rescuing me from unthinkable consequences. Thank you dear God for my salvation.

Thank you Lord God for looking after our dear sweet sister Kitty. She too slipped off the rails but unbeknown to her at the time you were with her, looking after her and protecting her from her self destructive nature. Lord I nearly thanked you that she found you; no she didn't, you found her and eventually she heard your calling and accepted you back into her life - oh happy day!!

Thank you Lord for all your provision, the power of prayer, our Bible, your Holy Spirit and our brothers and sisters to mention just a few but mostly God I thank you for you. Your love, your care, your protection and frequent interventions, how sweet does that verse sound, Romans 8:28 ?

Thank you Lord God, we love you. Bless our dear sweet sister Kitty.


Aman.

 

[Trevor]

Hello,

I'm new here. I wanted to find a Christian platform to learn and strengthen my faith. This site showed up so I hope it is what I am looking for. I am a Christian woman who loved God and his word and went to church nearly all her life. I grew up in a baptist household, read the bible, and studied it for many years. I have a degree in Christian theology and a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography. I run a small studio here in my city and God blessed me with success and creativity.

My family are Christians who attend church regularly. I am one of three children and my father is a pastor. I was lost and came back to God just this year. So praise the lord. He is so great! I was a Christian, then I was not, then I came back to the faith, then I walked away, and now I am a Christian again. I struggled with addiction, depression, and same-sex attraction for a long time. I kept the same-sex attraction locked away, because I’ve always known that being gay is against God’s will. My family did not give me a chance to express it or discuss it. When I was 14, I noticed my attraction to girls and boys alike. I use the term “bi-sexual” these days, even though I avoid it, because I am not sure that is the best way to put it. I remember telling my mother about it during high school and she slapped me because I mentioned that I could be gay. I decided to not bring this subject ever again, but it left a hole in my heart, and being scared of talking about it did not help much. I prayed many times about it because I hated it. I read many stories about Christians who changed and became straight, but God did not change my nature.

I came out of the closet in a way that shocked a lot of people in my family after marrying a woman. I thought I was going to find a way to compromise. My parents said that I am an abomination and a disgrace to the family and then we were not talking for a long time. I walked away from the Christian faith because I felt rejected by everyone around me. I was very angry with God. I know my anger should have been directed at my sin, and not God, but Satan had the best of me. My marriage did not last long but It made me feel very empty after it ended. It is like I did not exist anymore. That is when I turned to drugs and I was jumping from a bad relationship to another. I was clinging to same-sex relationships from time to time, and it was difficult to maintain a Christian identity. After that I met my boyfriend and I felt settled in this relationship, perhaps because we had a child together. My life was stable then another crisis occurred. Because of my addiction, I got in trouble with the law. I was locked up for about 3 weeks but it really felt like the end of the world. I was worried about my daughter. I was feeling very guilty about it and I just remembered the things my mother used to tell me how I’m going to be horrible mother ...etc... I was moved to a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Finally, I started reading the bible, praying, and I asked God to forgive me. After nearly long 6 months I was released from the hospital. I think I understand better about myself now. I was diagnosed with a Borderline personality disorder. My doctor said this can trigger sexual relationship disorders in some patients. I know God will take care of me. I had horrific days in the hospital, I insulted the nurses, threatened to harm people, refused to take my meds, and I was forced some needles. I was very paranoid kitty I think lol. It was a mess and not me at all. I thank God for my recovery.

I do not attend any church now, because of the lockdown, but I listen to Christian music and sermons online. This is not going to be easy for me because of my current situation with my boyfriend who is not a Christian. If it was not for our child, I may think about leaving, but he did not give me any reason to do so. I keep praying for him.

Well. I hope to make some friends on these forums. I expect myself to work next week or next month. I'm very very happy about getting my life back together. Please, keep me in your prayers.

Hi Kitty, When two people join physically, It could be construed as marriage, especially if the two become one flesh through a child. The Lord accepts us as we are, you say you have returned to your faith, are you experiencing the movement of the Spirit? if so, then God has accepted you as you are, in the situation you are in, if not pray fervently that he does. My wife and I were together for nearly fourteen years, living as man and wife before circumstances allowed us to have a legal wedding. In that time we called ourselves Christians although we were not born again in the Spirit. We eventually married legally to honour God and make things right, after that we became born again and started to move in the Spirit. Our children need both parents otherwise they will never know who they truly are, and they should be paramount in our plans and decisions if we wish to have a family blest of God. Honouring God is a prerequisite to growth in our faith and if we honour him, the changes leading to joy will start to appear. I pray that the Lord will bless you, your man and your child and start to lead you from the darkness you have confessed to the light of a born again life. Bless you. It's also good to remember 1 Corinthians 7:14. The believing persons faith covers their unbelieving partner, otherwise their children would not be Holy.

 

[KittyLinda]

Thank you, Andy. I believe my parents put their hopes up too high and expected me to deal with sin the way they've always taught us. They were not always strict with me. My parents were bleeding for me to repent and change my ways before this happened, but my heart was not right with God. I was always a troublemaker in the family. This was not the first time I got arrested for being too high on something, but it was the first time it turned this bad. Just let me tell you. My aunt and her husband were so scared of me that they had to call the cops on me. Let’s just get it there.

I felt very humiliated for the first time in my life for being put on a suicide watch in jail. I’m there literally naked alone in my cell with no sheets, no blanket or pillows, nothing... at some point my depression got bad and I just fainted and finally slept on the floor. I do not like to sound too dramatic. There were also funny things happening here and there, because you know I was just very high. I was very paranoid thinking everyone is going to harm me and imagining things that are not there, and when they first brought me to jail, I was name-calling everyone and they were looking at me like who the hell is this tiny butcher, because I’m very thin and I was having all sort of psychotic episodes there. With a smile on my face, probably I’d look more psychopathic than the joker. I just lost my mind, completely. I had no brain cells left there lol. Even when they brought me to court hearing the first time, I thought that was weird because this was through a camera in the same jail. This changed later but yeah was so strange. The judge was like “Are you Linda?” me was like “My friends call me “kitty” and I smiled.” I just kept telling him I do not know who the hell this Linda is. I was not giving him my name. I thought I’d be sentenced to 10 years or something and kept screaming for a lawyer. This is what happens when you are addicted, things eventually turn bad. I honestly deserved it. Nothing was going to change me, if it did not come to this. I was so crazy.

I'm on good terms with my parents now. They were sympathetic when they heard I was moved to the hospital and my father came all the way to be with me. He stayed in a hotel for more than 40 days so he can visit me on daily basis in the hospital. This helped me so much. I was also talking to my mom and my bf on the phone during that time. My dad said she nearly lost her vision, because she was worried and crying too much. I hated myself for a very long time for causing all this pain. It is still difficult to talk about God with my mother. She shunned me many times before. She said I’m just a worldly secular woman and that I should not debate things about God with her. This was difficult to hear. I did not think my mother would say it like that and my younger sister happened to be listening to us. I was heartbroken, even my brother came later, and he noticed it. I was desperate for some kind words, but yeah parents can say harsh things because they love us.

Thank you, Trevor. I feel my relationship is not all black and white. There are things that we need to work on before we think about getting married. I love my boyfriend. He is really a good generous man, works very hard all day, good manners and everything, and I learn a lot from him, but he is into all sort of mystical beliefs, and he does not say nice things about Christianity. He grew up Catholic and hated it at a very young age and just was not practicing anything. Our beliefs about a loving father who cares about us seems ridiculous to him. I’m worried about him but I always remember what God said “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” – (Philippians 4:6 (NKJV))

It feels so good to talk to people of the faith. I was not talking to my Christian friend for many years, because she did not approve of my sinful lifestyle. I was like "oh so you think this is wrong, because I'm marrying a Christian woman? I'm done with you." Yeah. . . even back there I was desperate, but it never occurred to me that I could marry or date a non-believer. Now look where am I. I'm sure she will forgive me for treating her badly. I miss her a lot. I pray God will give me the courage one day to make that phone call and apologize to her.

God bless you all.

 

[KittyLinda]

I realized that some of my posts needs approval. It seems random for me so far. Maybe, I triggered something. I apologize in advance if there is something I should not have said.

 

[Trevor]

I realized that some of my posts needs approval. It seems random for me so far. Maybe, I triggered something. I apologize in advance if there is something I should not have said.

I don't believe we need approval for our posts Kitty, we should speak our truths and standby them, or amend them if we are shown to be wrong. No apology needed, the Spirit speaks through all believers. Bless you.

 

[KittyLinda]

I don't believe we need approval for our posts Kitty, we should speak our truths and standby them, or amend them if we are shown to be wrong. No apology needed, the Spirit speaks through all believers. Bless you.

I reviewed what I posted. I assume this was not intentional. It is probably a word that triggered it. No problem. Hopefully, the post will show up later.

Thank you,
God bless,,

 

[PloughBoy]

I reviewed what I posted. I assume this was not intentional. It is probably a word that triggered it. No problem. Hopefully, the post will show up later.

Thank you,
God bless,,

Just my opinion, KittyLittle your introduction post, was right on point and I felt, that what you needed or what you are looking for is "true koinonia"! And the 2 women I address are capable of giving that!

 

[Nicola Jane]

Hello Kittylinda

glad for the update about your parents and your dad 40 nights in a hotel to see you thats Love and your mom is hurting gonna take time and prayer for her also

My son is still addicted to coke and drink and hes in a bad place now in his head
ive Loved him all the way through ive cleared dealer debts to help but no more
i have to let him learn
ive also preached and ive been quiet and i pray and encourage him but sometimes i just get angry with him like your mom has with you
as one day he visits me hes all good and lovely then hes mr nasty and i ask him to leave
so i can understand your moms feelings as we love you kids no matter how old you are but when you go and get into all sorts of vices it really effects us also .

your borderline personality disorder well
my hubby loves drugs hes always smoked cannabis but past year hes secretly been taking coke n speed and he was sectioned 6 weeks ago just like you he went on a mad one thought people were watching him very very paranoid its been a nightmare so he went in hospital got clean and was fine for two days and i noticed hes back on weed and still paranoid and likes being alone
i have to stick by him and pray but very very hard at times

im sharing my life so you can see we all have problems

but we have faith and in God we are overcomers
Praise God

keep looking to Jesus because when we look at our situation to much it just twists n turns our mind and our emotions and they can be toxic

please kitty keep off the drugs as you will just sink back in and it will destroy you

drugs are an enemy to you

your boyfriend being into mystical stuff not good as hes got dark spiritual doors open to bad
which if your not carefull with effect you
pray for yourself for Gods protection and his

my hubby is also believing in half jesus half rasta cult so again i get this and it does cause conflict and heartache hes says such cruel things but last few days ive noticed some positive changes

but im on gaurd spiritually as hes still got wrong beliefs which he would love me to convert to
not a chance stance always

so again prayer and faith
stay true to God and let not any man mislead you or it will lead to bad you know this

your not married so you know it aint right before God but its hard i understand this
but maybe a break from each other but still keep in contact with your child but you must pray as your unmarried and hes an unbeliever so a double problem but nothings to hard for God

but your relationship with God is eternal so you must protect this no matter what ive learnt this the long and hard way

i trusted and worshiped the ground my hubby walked on even though i knew all wasnt well i was love blind

well i got woke up and my bubble burst and im glad even though ive been through pain and still am hurting
its was worth it to get right with God and hes my only and my true first Love

so no matter if im alone or not
God is faithfull and its changed my Life
just honor God in all things
yes we will mess up but keep trusting God he will bring you through this and heal you and deliver you

pray and maybe contact your christian freind you need a good freind in God close by

and going back to work will be good also your really well educated for a young girl and God will bless you and your life in amazing ways if we seek to honor him

Drs have many names for mental health as they dont fully understand the mind so be carefull to what names they try to attatch to you but i would seek christian counselling also and fellowship and prayer after the lockdown rules relax

talk jesus is a great place me and you are at
a real blessing as you will see

stay faithfull to God and you will get through this dark valley and come out changed and so will i
Praise God !

God bless you kitty very precious girl and God Loves you and i do to
and you will be just fine in
Gods amazing Grace hands x

you can private message me anytime x

 

[KittyLinda]

Thank you. I do not do drugs now. I was not into what people consider very dangerous or harmful but look where it got me. I did only psychedelic drugs. At this point, I am not sure if there is something of those that I have not tried. I believe I tried all psychedelics. Wasted tons of money on getting drugs. Been 24/7 high on Cannabis for years. I understand how that is unhealthy. Sometimes even my cakes were mixed with that. It came to a point where I had to do bongs two-three times to actually feel high. I had like 12 bongs all shapes and sizes. My boyfriend just sold some and got rid of the rest. After what happened to me, I promised him I won’t do drugs again. It was Salvia that lead to my arrest the second time, and the first was LSD.

I’m more upset about the pain I caused than her anger towards me. My mother is Italian. I think I have it from her too lol. She can be so loud and angry, but she has a good heart. Sorry for the troubles you’re going through in your family. I know it is difficult and it can be very damaging. I thank the lord I’m always tearful when I feel low and it helps me to calm me down. It is the worst when it takes a form of depression because I just stay in bed like a zombie.

I know what you mean about doctors. Actually, when they first diagnosed me, they thought it was schizophrenia. I was hearing and seeing things that are not there in the hospital. I never experienced stress like that my entire life.

I knew that did not sound right, then they told me I’m BPD and "Borderline schizophrenia" is very common, because they can share symptoms, but I’m sure they got it right now, because everything about that illness just defines me. I was happy to know there is a problem that I can try to work on and fix. I’m sure God will protect and heal me.

God bless you.

 

[Nicola Jane]

Thank you. I do not do drugs now. I was not into what people consider very dangerous or harmful but look where it got me. I did only psychedelic drugs. At this point, I am not sure if there is something of those that I have not tried. I believe I tried all psychedelics. Wasted tons of money on getting drugs. Been 24/7 high on Cannabis for years. I understand how that is unhealthy. Sometimes even my cakes were mixed with that. It came to a point where I had to do bongs two-three times to actually feel high. I had like 12 bongs all shapes and sizes. My boyfriend just sold some and got rid of the rest. After what happened to me, I promised him I won’t do drugs again. It was Salvia that lead to my arrest the second time, and the first was LSD.

I’m more upset about the pain I caused than her anger towards me. My mother is Italian. I think I have it from her too lol. She can be so loud and angry, but she has a good heart. Sorry for the troubles you’re going through in your family. I know it is difficult and it can be very damaging. I thank the lord I’m always tearful when I feel low and it helps me to calm me down. It is the worst when it takes a form of depression because I just stay in bed like a zombie.

I know what you mean about doctors. Actually, when they first diagnosed me, they thought it was schizophrenia. I was hearing and seeing things that are not there in the hospital. I never experienced stress like that my entire life.

I knew that did not sound right, then they told me I’m BPD and "Borderline schizophrenia" is very common, because they can share symptoms, but I’m sure they got it right now, because everything about that illness just defines me. I was happy to know there is a problem that I can try to work on and fix. I’m sure God will protect and heal me.

God bless you.

hello kitty
so glad your drug free
stay free girl
the hearing and seeing things is what my hubby experienced it was drug induced phychosis and once he came out of hospital he was a lot better but hes back on weed and this does cause extreme paranoia and isolation but he has good days and low days im in prayer for him always

never turn to drugs again kitty
turn to God every time

when i sufferered deep depression from my teens into my twentys it was a very dark time for me
i was set free completly when i walked in a small local fellowship

when the pastor saw me he knew i needed prayer
i sat on the floor up the front and had a breakdown i couldnt stop crying some of the older women were saying what is wrong with this poor girl
i was at the end of my tether and the pastor prayed and laid his hands on me
and i left that place free Praise God !!!
i knew it had gone it was like a shroud over me
i cannot tell you how my life changed i felt alive and happy to be

both you and your mom need prayer and healing
will come
just believe
read and pray the psalms i always do and keep us all in the know of how you are doing and enjoy the wonderfull fellowship of
Talk Jesus
we all love ya kitty and pray for you and your children and your partners salvation
All Praise and Glory be to Our God x