Desperate need of prayer

[Beezie]

At a young age I was introduced to lesbian porn because of my curiosity, then the root started from there. I've never been sexually abused.. My parents are wonderful.. I just don't know how I became interested in lesbian porn but I did... Also at a young age my childhood friend and I would kiss sometimes. Honestly I thought nothing of it despite being brought up in a Christian household, but again I was young. I don't even remember how that even came about.. Getting older I THEN realized that I messed up & would love to go back in time to rewind everything if I could for being so curious. I feel I am not a lesbian. I've dated men and LOVED them. I'm actually with one now.. I'm now 24. Acouple of days ago I quit masturbating to lesbian porn cold turkey because Its not of God.. I also felt unclean, unashamed, everything.. and those feelings would happen EVERYTIME I masturbated to lesbian porn.. I've done it for years and always told myself I'd stop.. and now I'm having feelings and thoughts of guilt and anxiousness regarding my sexuality. I don't want to be homosexual, nor bisexual, and I believe the devil is attempting to trick me into thinking I'm stuck with my unclean state of mind and that I need to act out these thoughts because apparently I'm anything but fully heterosexual since I desired to view homosexual acts. The reason why I brought up my past is because in my head the devil has told me it molded me into the person that I am now and how I'm forcing myself to be heterosexual because the world says homosexuality is wrong.. NO. GOD said homosexuality is wrong...

Honestly I need prayer. I think the Devil is inflicting these thoughts because i am standing my ground against watching lesbian porn and have made a promise not to watch it ever again.. I want to be delivered from these terrible thoughts. I want to be free of all sexual desire concerning the same sex whenever I'm "in that mood".. And it's weird because I do NOT think about being with a woman romantically or anything in a normal state of mind. That's not me. That's not of God. That's not normal no matter how much society tries to mask it.

I am also afraid of what if these thoughts skew my me into believing I'm a lesbian, but I'm just suppressing my desires?

Please pray for me while I submit myself to God some more. I can't take these thoughts. I just want to be normal and feel how I felt before these thoughts entered my mind..

 

[RJ]

At a young age I was introduced to lesbian porn because of my curiosity, then the root started from there. I've never been sexually abused.. My parents are wonderful.. I just don't know how I became interested in lesbian porn but I did... Also at a young age my childhood friend and I would kiss sometimes. Honestly I thought nothing of it despite being brought up in a Christian household, but again I was young. I don't even remember how that even came about.. Getting older I THEN realized that I messed up & would love to go back in time to rewind everything if I could for being so curious. I feel I am not a lesbian. I've dated men and LOVED them. I'm actually with one now.. I'm now 24. Acouple of days ago I quit masturbating to lesbian porn cold turkey because Its not of God.. I also felt unclean, unashamed, everything.. and those feelings would happen EVERYTIME I masturbated to lesbian porn.. I've done it for years and always told myself I'd stop.. and now I'm having feelings and thoughts of guilt and anxiousness regarding my sexuality. I don't want to be homosexual, nor bisexual, and I believe the devil is attempting to trick me into thinking I'm stuck with my unclean state of mind and that I need to act out these thoughts because apparently I'm anything but fully heterosexual since I desired to view homosexual acts. The reason why I brought up my past is because in my head the devil has told me it molded me into the person that I am now and how I'm forcing myself to be heterosexual because the world says homosexuality is wrong.. NO. GOD said homosexuality is wrong...

Honestly I need prayer. I think the Devil is inflicting these thoughts because i am standing my ground against watching lesbian porn and have made a promise not to watch it ever again.. I want to be delivered from these terrible thoughts. I want to be free of all sexual desire concerning the same sex whenever I'm "in that mood".. And it's weird because I do NOT think about being with a woman romantically or anything in a normal state of mind. That's not me. That's not of God. That's not normal no matter how much society tries to mask it.

I am also afraid of what if these thoughts skew my me into believing I'm a lesbian, but I'm just suppressing my desires?

Please pray for me while I submit myself to God some more. I can't take these thoughts. I just want to be normal and feel how I felt before these thoughts entered my mind..

• There is a lot going on here. Maybe you could be hung up on looking at male pornograpy, the problem would be the same, let's just call it a tendency towards a sexual addiction.
• It is good that your thinking in terms of responding to God. You said "that's not me", that's not God! Well, a sexual relationship with a man outside of marriage isn't either. It happens a lot in this world but that doesn't make it any more of God either!
• Being brought up in a Christian household doesn't mean your a Christian, you need to be sure you are on the right track concerning that. I am sure that I or others here at T.J. can help you, but you have to have had a change of good consciene towards God , understand and have accepted his grace, this means everything in being successful in your struggle.
• Keep searching until you find a Pastor or a learned Christian friend that can help give you some spiritual guidance.
• Keep praying and keep coming to T.J. , you are here for a reason!

 

[Beezie]

First of all: thank you so much for responding..

Second: you're exactly right.. What the world may accept doesn't mean it's acceptable with God.

Third: I honestly don't know any pastor whom I feel comfortable with sharing this information unfortunately, that's why I came to this site.

I will also pray for more faith. I just want these terrible thoughts to diminish. They're driving me insane almost.


Again, thanks.

 

[RJ]

First of all: thank you so much for responding..

Second: you're exactly right.. What the world may accept doesn't mean it's acceptable with God.

Third: I honestly don't know any pastor whom I feel comfortable with sharing this information unfortunately, that's why I came to this site.

I will also pray for more faith. I just want these terrible thoughts to diminish. They're driving me insane almost.


Again, thanks.

If you have been saved, "Born Again", then it is just not a matter of praying for more faith. God has already given you a measure of faith and it is up to you to grow that faith!

• Romans 12:3
• 2 Thessalonians 1:3
• Romans 10:17

 

[Brad Huber]

You were bought at a price, the suffering and crucifixion of Jesus. Honor Him with you body and know that if He is in you, the devil cannot force you to do anything, but you must put these things, about any sex outside of marriage, out of your mind. You invited this spirit into your life, you fed it and encouraged its growth, is it any wonder that it has become a monster now trying to control you? You are what you eat, begin digesting scripture daily, read some of the new testament every day, eventually reading it from front to back and then over again and again. Replace the bad thoughts with good thoughts. Just as it took time to grow this evil spirit in you, it will take time to cut its tendrils out of your spirit. Don't give up on this, your place in eternity depends on it, remember that if Christ is IN you, you have access to amazing power through HIM, not your own strength, don't fight it alone, pray that Jesus help free you as well, and know He wants you free of it.

 

[farout]

I SURE WISH SOME WOMEN WOULD RESPOND TO HELP THIS WOMAN. THIS IS NOT A MAN'S PLACE. But we will pray for you.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians 4:13

Greetings @Beezie

If you focus on all the negative things.... the devil will have great fun in stirring up all your feelings of guilt, despair and feeling unclean.

Instead, look to Jesus.....committing and confessing all to Him in prayer telling Him that you want to change and live a life that glorifies Him

He will not let you down
He will not leave you in your own strength
His promises will never ever fail

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.
2 Thessalonians 3:3

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
Unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21

You are in my prayers Beezie

 

[Beezie]

Honestly this isn't about sex before marriage, this is more aimed towards these homosexual thoughts now that I stopped my porn addiction. I'm not having sex.

 

[Beezie]

Thank you!

 

[amadeus2]

I am praying for you Beezie.

While we are in this veil of flesh we will likely continue to be assailed by the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life (from I John 2:16), but when we know the One who overcame the world of His flesh (from John 16:33) then we know that as He overcame, so are we able through the same power to overcome. It is not alone we are to do it, for alone it is impossible for man, but for God all things are possible (from Matt 19:26). If we ask, and continue to ask, God will work the work in us that needs to be worked. He will accomplish the impossible, but do not stop believing and do not stop asking when you attacked anew from within.

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" Matt 7:7

 

[Daisy May]

God Bless you Beezie

I just asked Jesus to Bless you and bring you through this. As was stated by another, none of us are above temptation while we are in these temporary dying bodies.

A wonderful life changing book that deals with everything a Christian could face I am recommending to you, The book is called RESTORED ( experience life with Jesus) by Neil T Anderson

Everybody that has ever read it has been transformed in some fashion or other, including every single person that wrote a note of endorsement in the front. A very wonderful well known Pentecostal pastor realized that he had never forgiven God for taking his mother at a very young age from him.

Deals with everything under the sun and your very struggle as well, As for being sure you are a Christian as someone said, well you can never be punished for praying a sinners prayer to often.

I dont let a day go by were I dont at some point thank Jesus for dying on the cross for my sins, thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for my sins, come into my life be my Lord and my savoir , help me to do your will today. God Be Merciful to me a sinner, Lord save me

Prayers along those lines are always good, Fill me with your precious Holy Spirit Lord

As for sexual temptation, we all have to keep our guard up. Bible reading prayer absolutely! I myself have not watched a modern sitcom or movie in years, I dont turn my tv to ABC,NBC, CBS, OR Fox Networks (yes I watch Fox News)

In my home when the tv is on, Turner Classic Movies and METV, inspiration, various Christian stations, are basically it. As a single Christian I have learned that I just cant open myself up to shows like Friends or whatever the latest garbage is that is on. Really I dont see how a Christian today could go out to a movie, or watch any modern sitcoms

Celibacy is the only way outside of marriage, and In my opinion that includes no self gratification even. If you can just say to yourself and to God after praying and reading Scriptures, I JUST CANT DO THIS BECAUSE IT IS OFFENSIVE TO MY LORD (caps only for emphases) A single Christian just is not permitted a sex life of any shape or form

There may well be a learning curve before reaching this point, with plenty of repentance on the way, but at some point we should be able to stand against these things, but Jesus is there to forgive if/when we fall

watching modern sitcoms and movies is just setting yourself up, for sure porn is out, but even the modern sitcoms and movies should be out, on top of that they are filled with bad language and GD, etc

Once you get passed the ....it`s not fair argument with yourself and God, perhaps you dont want to be single, and again you might be saying it`s not fair, why cant I be married whatever, celibacy is the only answer.

Some will say.. I am homely, nobody wants me, its not fair etc.....But that`s life, my mother and father always said to us kids, nobody ever said life was fair

I just added you to my prayer list.

 

[Beezie]

I absolutely love this.. Thank you so much. The whole thing came down to it with being celibate.. If my boyfriend can't understand that then he has to go.

And I'll definitely look up that book and perhaps purchase it.
I feel I'm in a good path with stopping the bondage of a big worldly temptation, so I want to continue that. I know the devil is attempting to put guilt and whatever else in my mind for not treading in his footprints anymore and I will not succumb to HIS thoughts.. Even if I have to struggle for the rest of my life which I doubt aslong as I keep a close relationship with God.

thanks so much for your response. It made me smile

 

[Daisy May]

I absolutely love this.. Thank you so much. The whole thing came down to it with being celibate.. If my boyfriend can't understand that then he has to go.

And I'll definitely look up that book and perhaps purchase it.
I feel I'm in a good path with stopping the bondage of a big worldly temptation, so I want to continue that. I know the devil is attempting to put guilt and whatever else in my mind for not treading in his footprints anymore and I will not succumb to HIS thoughts.. Even if I have to struggle for the rest of my life which I doubt aslong as I keep a close relationship with God.

thanks so much for your response. It made me smile

God Bless you