Dilemma

[TyC113]

Stay Single or Start Dating?

I need your help, TalkJesus.

I must admit that I am a 22 year-old guy who has never been on a date before. I'm a virgin still, but I just have been doing the wrong things and acting stupidly in the process while not doing so. I have been debating things in my life, though. I have been thinking about things in life. I find the greatness in being single, as Paul describes it (1 Corinthians 7). For the first time, I enjoy being single. I used to hate it, to be honest. I would run from crush to crush, basically girl-crazy and looking for love. But God completely changed my heart and now shows me that singleness isn't the disease our culture makes it out to be. I can enjoy singleness because I enjoy it for Him.

However, if I must admit, there are still times that I would desire a romantic lover, who would become my wife (Proverbs 18:24). There are times where I see a girl and I picture her as a potential wife for me. I must admit that there are still times when I find myself desiring romantic affection. I know it's a lust issue and all, but I still think about having that special someone some time in my life. There are still times where I desire to find love and then ask for her hand in marriage. I think about all those things in my life, and my imagination runs wild. I guess that my heart still has in a sense that desire.

So I guess you could say that I have been in a dilemma or crisis: Part of me desires to get married, yet the other part desires to stay single. What do you think I should do?

Note: I don't just want to date in the sense of date and get into the sexual realm before I marry. I don't want to date that way. I want to be a virgin until I marry. And I don't want to really play the field, to be honest. I would love to meet that girl on the 1st try. So I guess it would be more like a courtship, spending time to get to know each other, finding out if we could be husband and wife.

 

[TyC113]

2nd question: How do you date if you're wanting to maintain purity?

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

Well first off you got the cart before the horse ..find a wife that becomes a romantic lover, let me say that Paul was right ! Stay single if you can but if you must be married ,marriage is a joy with the right help mate , look at track records of the ones you meet .look for these things pure in heart and Compassionate ,long suffering not a quitter ,and most if all a great big heart For God ...brother if she loves God she will Love you in like fashion ! Also remember it's better to live in an attic alone than in a large house with a contentious woman ..I've been married to both types and my wife of God for the last 16 yr was worth waiting for I just wished I had...!...God give you wisdom and may you see the right one when she crosses you're path at Gods time.....Rev

 

[Fragrant Grace]

So I guess you could say that I have been in a dilemma or crisis: Part of me desires to get married, yet the other part desires to stay single. What do you think I should do?

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Wait on the Lord, dear brother.....leave your dilemna at the foot of His cross
Acknowledge your confusion, your wants, your desires before Him
And trust the infallible promise in His Word...... He shall direct thy paths

The Lord's will and the Lord's ways are perfect

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Philippians 4:6

 

[farout]

I need your help, TalkJesus.

I must admit that I am a 22 year-old guy who has never been on a date before. I'm a virgin still, but I just have been doing the wrong things and acting stupidly in the process while not doing so. I have been debating things in my life, though. I have been thinking about things in life. I find the greatness in being single, as Paul describes it (1 Corinthians 7). For the first time, I enjoy being single. I used to hate it, to be honest. I would run from crush to crush, basically girl-crazy and looking for love. But God completely changed my heart and now shows me that singleness isn't the disease our culture makes it out to be. I can enjoy singleness because I enjoy it for Him.

However, if I must admit, there are still times that I would desire a romantic lover, who would become my wife (Proverbs 18:24). There are times where I see a girl and I picture her as a potential wife for me. I must admit that there are still times when I find myself desiring romantic affection. I know it's a lust issue and all, but I still think about having that special someone some time in my life. There are still times where I desire to find love and then ask for her hand in marriage. I think about all those things in my life, and my imagination runs wild. I guess that my heart still has in a sense that desire.

So I guess you could say that I have been in a dilemma or crisis: Part of me desires to get married, yet the other part desires to stay single. What do you think I should do?

Note: I don't just want to date in the sense of date and get into the sexual realm before I marry. I don't want to date that way. I want to be a virgin until I marry. And I don't want to really play the field, to be honest. I would love to meet that girl on the 1st try. So I guess it would be more like a courtship, spending time to get to know each other, finding out if we could be husband and wife.

TYC113: Your situaion is far differet from my experience of nearly 45 years ago when I was dating. I too had strict standards for myself and the ladies I dated. I don't know if you are going to places where ladies who have the same faith in Jesus Christ and who value sexual purity, are there. Church is a great place to find fellowship and form friendship's with women and men. Remember there are men who know women who might just click with you. My wife and I met on a blind date arranged by christian couple where they both knew us but we did not know of each other. We talked on the phone several times at length asking each other many important things before she and I agreed it was worth while to gon a date, we went roller skating and had a great time. We both felt we would like to go on another date. We went to a state park where I cooked stakes on a grill and walked around the park. We prayed on each date. That blind date was the only blind date for both of us. We dated for a few months and were engaged for nine months, and married tow months later. We took our time to know each other.

I did not date anyone who was not a christian, and a woman who was not a protestant. Most of my dates were women from the Baptist church I was a member of. I tried to narrow down areas that cause married couples the most problems. Unequal belief's are one area I was very sure I wanted to be on equal footing. I went on many dates that were just fun times to be with a woman. I many times I never even held hands. Kissings should be at least three to six times being an dating before this. To me this is good wisdom in being a christian man who represents Jesus Christ. I started dating when I was sixteen and had care that was our family car. Not until I was eighteen did I have my own car. I also had a part time job that made is possible to spend my own money for the dates. We went to her church CMA, and she went to my church just about as often. So church was at the center of our relationship. Both of our parents were agreeable with u as a couple. I came from the old school where I did ask her parents if they has any objection in me marring her.

But here is one issue that is different between us I was dating at a younger age that you. But I saw dating as a time of getting to know women as friends first. I had parents that encouraged dating as a christian man. But you need to start out with the idea you just want to get to know others. No pressure, and no expectations, just have a good time. Talk before you ask to go on a date, get to know the basic's about her and she can do the same. I would make your dating a mater of prayer, be specfic with the Lord so He can direct you.
Somewhere you might make her aware that you have no expectations, just only to get to know her and have a fun time. My wife and have heard how often that sex is expected and we have heard of this even on the first date. This expectation can be from either men or women.

The world today is so highly sexualized that it seems like that's hat sells everything, and dating people assume that is part of knowing a person, long before marriage is even mentioned. This is a huge challenge for christians, and being Christ Like keeping yourself pure.

So I would encourage you to be involved in church look for christian women. But as I have told our children when they were dating " You don't go to Goodwill looking for a mink Coat; and you don't go to Macy's looking for a pair two dollar flip flops. In other words bars and the like to find the best christian match for you.

blessings

 

[TyC113]

TYC113: Your situaion is far differet from my experience of nearly 45 years ago when I was dating. I too had strict standards for myself and the ladies I dated. I don't know if you are going to places where ladies who have the same faith in Jesus Christ and who value sexual purity, are there. Church is a great place to find fellowship and form friendship's with women and men. Remember there are men who know women who might just click with you. My wife and I met on a blind date arranged by christian couple where they both knew us but we did not know of each other. We talked on the phone several times at length asking each other many important things before she and I agreed it was worth while to gon a date, we went roller skating and had a great time. We both felt we would like to go on another date. We went to a state park where I cooked stakes on a grill and walked around the park. We prayed on each date. That blind date was the only blind date for both of us. We dated for a few months and were engaged for nine months, and married tow months later. We took our time to know each other.

I did not date anyone who was not a christian, and a woman who was not a protestant. Most of my dates were women from the Baptist church I was a member of. I tried to narrow down areas that cause married couples the most problems. Unequal belief's are one area I was very sure I wanted to be on equal footing. I went on many dates that were just fun times to be with a woman. I many times I never even held hands. Kissings should be at least three to six times being an dating before this. To me this is good wisdom in being a christian man who represents Jesus Christ. I started dating when I was sixteen and had care that was our family car. Not until I was eighteen did I have my own car. I also had a part time job that made is possible to spend my own money for the dates. We went to her church CMA, and she went to my church just about as often. So church was at the center of our relationship. Both of our parents were agreeable with u as a couple. I came from the old school where I did ask her parents if they has any objection in me marring her.

But here is one issue that is different between us I was dating at a younger age that you. But I saw dating as a time of getting to know women as friends first. I had parents that encouraged dating as a christian man. But you need to start out with the idea you just want to get to know others. No pressure, and no expectations, just have a good time. Talk before you ask to go on a date, get to know the basic's about her and she can do the same. I would make your dating a mater of prayer, be specfic with the Lord so He can direct you.
Somewhere you might make her aware that you have no expectations, just only to get to know her and have a fun time. My wife and have heard how often that sex is expected and we have heard of this even on the first date. This expectation can be from either men or women.

The world today is so highly sexualized that it seems like that's hat sells everything, and dating people assume that is part of knowing a person, long before marriage is even mentioned. This is a huge challenge for christians, and being Christ Like keeping yourself pure.

So I would encourage you to be involved in church look for christian women. But as I have told our children when they were dating " You don't go to Goodwill looking for a mink Coat; and you don't go to Macy's looking for a pair two dollar flip flops. In other words bars and the like to find the best christian match for you.

blessings

Yeah, I am interested in courtship, like Joshua Harris said in Boy meets Girl.

So you are saying to date just for friendship as starters? I definitely agree with you on getting other people involved in your dating life, and getting their counsel. But you are saying that I should try out the first date and proceed from there?

And yeah, I would definitely want to wait. But any form of affection is temptation for me. I have never been "kissed", only necked. But that really made my flesh weak. I get really amorous, and my desires are powerful. I don't want to get into a situation where I am tempted sexually. I don't want to honor God with my body, not use it for selfish lusts. That still doesn't take away the sexual desires. Oh, is that wrong?


And when should you tell your date that you are not wanting to have sex until you are married? The first date? Do you think that may be a dealbreaker for the relationship if I were to say I wanted to wait?

 

[Fragrant Grace]

And when should you tell your date that you are not wanting to have sex until you are married? The first date? Do you think that may be a dealbreaker for the relationship if I were to say I wanted to wait?

Greetings @TyC113

Trust, believe and wait for the Lord to lead you to a beautiful Christian young woman
Who knowing and loving the ways of the Lord, will have no problem with abstaining from sex until marriage.
Settle for nothing less than a woman who puts the Lord first in her life.

Bless you

He will teach us of His ways and we will walk in His paths
Isaiah 2:3

 

[TyC113]

Thanks everyone. I want to find her, but what do you do when you meet her? Obviously, I have no dating experience. I honestly have no idea what to do in terms of pursuing a woman. How do you get a girl to say yes if you ask her for a date? It seems so complicated to me. I guess even if I wanted to go forward and approach a girl to ask her out, I am still frightened. That is basically why I haven't dated before. It's because I am afraid to. I was even too afraid to go to prom in high school. So now I am basically a few years behind with the dating thing.

The truth is I don't know how to go and find girls, and break out of that fear cycle that has led me to being single without a single date. Any tips for meeting women?

Right now my desires for marriage seem to be burning inside. I don't even know why.

 

[sintheticg]

In my opinion courting would be having a shaparone on your dates. I unfortunately wasn't saved till 20 so unlike you I've been with women sexually before that and let me tell you to make love and then lose that person really hurts the heart, praise God for your chastity.

In the future, should God bless me with a Godly woman, I would first court her, I would ask that we go out to eat and such with either sides parents, even at 26 years old. I struggle with lust and need to be held accountable, no physical contact for me until engagement and no intimate contact till we've said our vows.

During courtship my primary focus would be leading bible studies with my prospect too better understand her heart and relation ship with The Lord Jesus Christ, and also allow her to learn of my devotion, I would have devotional time with her, and quite frankly, I'd be fine if that was our primary way of dating. I have no interest in seeing movies or renting movies or the other garbage we are expected to do these days. If its not Christ centered and she is not Christ centered we won't work anyway. I know God has called me to preach in some capacity, my ministry comes first, if I am blessed with a wife and family then ill thank the lord, if not, ill thank him anyway.

 

[sintheticg]

Also, it seems you have a confidence issue, be sure you are having devotional time with the Lord, place him first in all things.

I am a shy person like you but over time learned the seed of my shyness is simply pride, I'm afraid of rejection. The more time I spend with the Lord the more I am able to let his spirit live through me and give less thought to my flesh.

Focus on God, if you find a woman, be sure her focus is on God, think of a triangle with you both the bottom corners, as you both grow in your relationship with the Lord (top corner) you'll naturally grow closer.

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

Ok I've held back testimony on this but it time I share .form 13 to 28 ( thats when i got saved ) i ran the streets with no real guidance .by 16 I was walking into bars and walking out with women..at18 I was living with a 28 Yr old bar maid .!i grew up in the 70s free love sex and drugs from the 60s was in full force then .i don't rember all thier names but because of physical realationship thier faces haunt me still..it took three divorces by 37 and a slew of other Romances to realize just how messed up my young start made me ....wait ,pray ,You will know when and who and you won't have to pursue her .If it is of God you will come Togather without worry and strife ..I wished I had waited for the wife I have now a Prov.31 woman Gods blessing to me and my children .Wait and see Gods hand on you're life and live ...in Jesus name....Rev

 

[Giggles4God]

I'm kind of late coming into this, but I will tell you this. I met my husband when I was 20/21. He was the second of two guys I met online. The first was not for me...and I should have seen that sooner, but didn't. Thankfully, God spared me from doing more than what happened. :S I was 23 when I married. It isn't the age that matters, but whether it is time. Ecclesiastes chapter 3 talks about things "There's a time to..." and there is a time for everything. Don't get too far ahead of God's plan.

He may have the woman for you right now or she might be in the future. Whenever we are ready...God brings about His plan. So, I'd pray to Him and ask. That's what I did and I'm so glad I waited. Doing everything in life by God's plan is ALWAYS the best way!

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Ok I've held back testimony on this but it time I share .form 13 to 28 ( thats when i got saved ) i ran the streets with no real guidance .by 16 I was walking into bars and walking out with women..at18 I was living with a 28 Yr old bar maid .!i grew up in the 70s free love sex and drugs from the 60s was in full force then .i don't rember all thier names but because of physical realationship thier faces haunt me still..it took three divorces by 37 and a slew of other Romances to realize just how messed up my young start made me ....wait ,pray ,You will know when and who and you won't have to pursue her .If it is of God you will come Togather without worry and strife ..I wished I had waited for the wife I have now a Prov.31 woman Gods blessing to me and my children .Wait and see Gods hand on you're life and live ...in Jesus name....Rev

Thank you for sharing this testimony @Rev T.S.Perkins

@TyC113 ...... Take note of Rev's message....his words are correct

Wait on the Lord....Don't rush into anything just for the sake of having a girlfriend.

Your relationship with the Lord is the most important thing.....better to be single and happy in the Lord.

My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus
Philippians 4:19

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

Just to add weve been married 17 yrs as of may 30 ,we've raised 5kids and have 10 Grand kids .and yes we have our moments but such is life .! Wait on The Lord and see His hand in you're life..Rev

 

[Giggles4God]

Revelation 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. <----this is why I will tell my testimony until my dying breath! I may never know who it might help. Keep overcoming, Rev!

There is nothing like a lesson learned by experience, but God does not want us to experience every sin there is. He wants to walk in obedience and righteousness. To do that, we must know His heart. Get near Him! He doesn't bite

 

[rhilton]

I have been married to my wife for 33 years and have for a long time been an advocate of courting rather than dating. In our culture, much too often, dating and sex go hand in hand, even within the church. All too often this is a sad commentary about those who call themselves christian. Thankfully, the Lord is merciful and is willing to forgive if we ask just as He was for those within the Corinthian church who were known for this type of excessive appetite. To be called a corinthian was one of the worst put downs known at that time. Just as He told the woman caught in adultery to go and sin no more, He has the same demands for us in the church today. Courting offers a couple to get to know each other and the respective families before they ever consider marriage. When each person in the courting relationship comes to the decision that they have found the person the Lord has sent and marriage comes into the picture, the issue of sex will never have been exactly that, an issue. They will have refrained from spending time alone where sexual desire can be cultivated, rather, it will be experienced in the relationship God desires, specifically marriage.

In Christ,
Russ