Hi, I’m Becky, I’m turning 23 years old in about a weeks time, I’ve been a Christian now for just under 2 years and I can safely say I love Jesus but I find I either push Him away (I had a tough childhood and sometimes I don’t feel like I’m accepted by God or deserve His goodness) and then regret it (form of self sabotage) because all I want is to be closer to God and to be able to be filled with the spirit.
I also find when I don’t feel undeserving and I try to get filled with the spirit, my mind wanders mostly all over the place and is on anything but Jesus, it’s so frustrating! I keep apologising profusely to Jesus over and over again and getting quite upset!
I’m finding I’m stressed out and never ready to go to work (I still go and do a good job) since I don’t want to go to work without feeling Gods nearness and love, joy and peace etc, so I’ve been finding that I’m bogged down with work, daily life and stuff I’ve got to do to the point where I feel like I have no life! I’m not sleeping good either because I keep waking up and sometimes in the morning I wake up with a splitting headache, oh and to top it all off, I grind my teeth in my sleep too! Lovely!not!
Could you please pray for me to be healed from my self sabotaging heartache, that I’ll be able to be filled with the spirit, to heal me from my mind wandering constantly when I’m praying, to be able to live spirit filled everyday and heal me from my sleeping problems.
Thank you so much for your prayers, sorry it seems like I have a lot of problems, I should ask for help more often...
Yes it is a battle field, and never think it is not. We have a commander who gives us commands for our benefits.
1. Let this mind be in you as it was in Christ Jesus our LORD.
(2 Cor. 10).
2.
3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war
as the world does.
4The weapons we fight with are not
the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish
strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,
and we take
captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 6And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.
3. The more you engage in the Battle, the more it becomes a part of you everyday life. The Bible teaches that we have 3 enemies: The world, The Flesh, The devil and they are Allies.
4. In this world you will have trials and tribulations. You must learn and stay close to Jesus, they hated Jesus so will they hate you, the whole creation. Learn and study how they treated Jesus. When you fill yourself with His WORD you will be filled with the "Holy Spirit" on a daily basis. If you surround yourself with the unGodly, your thoughts will be the ways of the world. And who so ever is a friend of this world has made themselves a enemy of GOD. And you will feel uncomfortable. The Fellowship with worldly people never gives comfort to a "True Child of GOD" but it breaks "koinonia" with the "Holy Spirit" and you know it.
Nominal Christians cannot experience this. They will argue about what you can do and what you cannot. But you do not need that, You know when you grieve the Spirit of GOD, in the littles of actions. And How unpleasant it feels, like your spirit has been polluted. by some foul being.
(James 4:4) NIV
4You adulterous people,
a don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us
b ?
6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”
7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
You have the Desirer to be a "Disciple of Jesus Christ". This will come with a "Cost". !st you must count up the costs.
A great book:
By Dietrich Bonhoeffer, "The Cost of Discipleship". it might be online now for free. I read it over 40 years ago when I 1st started on this journey. A great book for people who has the Desirer to love Jesus with all of their Heart ,mind, soul and strength.
Every time you get around worldly talking people, your head starts to hurt, and it grieve the Spirit, The only peace you have is in Christ and alone and studying your Bible. You enter the "Spirit of the WORD". And you like walking in the Spirit, and not the flesh and you can discern quickly the difference in the two. And you know you must separate yourself from them, and then your head stop hurting. And you can see through people like a transparent glass, in light of "HOLY SCRIPTURE". And you do not have to seek out understanding like others, sometimes it appears you have to much light. And the "Spirit of The Lord burns hot and full. And you do not want to do anything that quenches the "Holy Spirit" in you. It has a feeling of uncleaness. And you experience this everytime you do something unpleasing to GOD. Do matter what it is. Mis interpret "Scripture", fell to read, fell to define words, fell to look up words while reading, when anything comes to mind about scripture you fell to investigate, even the little things the Spirit of GOD brings to your attention. You stop every thing and investigate thoughts and words, This has to be a part of your lifestlye for which you seek. Many do not have this "Gift" nor do they understand it.
Answer: we are not worthy, we are not good enough, But he chose us, to be adopted into The Family of GOD and to be created and made into the Image of His Only begotten SON, and to receive a full shared Inheritance of a Coming Glory that human words cannot describe or the human mind has the ability to conceive of what is to be. This was ordain to come to pass before the "Foundations of The Worlds" both visible and invisible, before time or space, wind or Moon, He Has declared it to come to pass before Heaven or Angels came into existence, He knew your name, He knew the time and place and the very space and the womb, He place you in. He made no mistakes. He is the Potter and we are the Clay. The story is not over, it just began. we are still living in the "Beginning"! We have not got started yet, we are still being shaped in mold. We have not come to a conclusion of what GOD has started in "Genesis" this world is only a "Molding" station, that will be cast away and be no more. It is just a furnace as likely to fire that burns the dross off of Pure GOLD'
There are forces that are here to take your mind away from the things that are "True". He also said: "Love not this world neither the things that are in it" this world was made subject to "Vanity".
(Romans 8:20).
"19The creation waits in eager expectation for the revelation of the sons of God. 20
For the creation was subjected to futility, not by its own will, but because of the One who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."…
[Jesus did not come down here to make us happy, and successful. on earth. and achieve happy little marriages}
1. [He came down here to save us from "the "God Almighty" and from His wrath and the Fathers wrath.]
2. [And at the same time to "Manifest The Fathers Glory" throughout Eternity in the redemption plans for the" sons of GOD"!]
[When Eternity gets a look at us it will behold "The GLORY of GOD" in its fullness! throughout eternity!]
[To some i am way above your heads. But those who knows the "Truth" what the "Bible" has declared. they Know i speak the truth]
(Colossians 3:2)BSB
"Therefore, since you have been raised with Christ, strive for the things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.…"
The whole world is design to take your mind off the things that is reveal in "Christ", for you edification. so consider it not strange, if you feel lead away. This tactics will not fade away. Keep on guard, guard you heart. Distractions will come on all sides of the fence. If Jesus own disciples tried to distract Him, what do you think they will do to you?
Stay on course. The wind blows in all directions. Your ship can be toss in every wind of doctrine.
(Ephesians. 4:14)
"until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God, as we mature to the full measure of the stature of Christ.
Then we will no longer be infants,
tossed about by the waves and carried around by every wind of teaching and by the clever cunning of men in their
deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Christ Himself, who is the head.
I can only just see Jesus’s mercy a glimpse away
