Divorce

[2 Poppa]

My very beautiful wife of sixteen years has mentioned the D word again. I believe this time she means it. Yes, my heart is broken but I'm not defeated. We've been to counseling time and time again but...

She calls me a porcupine. You get the picture.

I try, as I may, to think of life with out her and it brings great sorrow to my bones. I know I must press in, and I do. But, I believe this may be the last time before the reality of the covenant breaker has his way.

I've truly been faithful to this one. She has been the only woman I have ever loved. It's hard to find comfort in sorrow. Why, I wouldn't even recognize it.

Prayer and a word of encouragment may bring solace to my bones and quills...
Darryl

 

[ladylovesJesus]

Father I pray that You will help this couple and Your Word says that which God has joined together let no man put asunder. I pray for a reconciation here. With You nothing is impossible. This is such a difficult thing for any couple but we know it has to worked at. Surround them with Your peace the peace that passes all understanding. There are no grounds for divorce if man has been faithful and I pray that You would show them the way to make this work in Jesus' name amen.

 

[2 Poppa]

Thanks! I receive that.

 

[Cody]

I will pray for you, 2Poppa. I hope that you and your wife will work things out and stay together. The only true love is God, human love cannot compare to the love of God. So you both must accept each others faults and cling to the Lord, with Jesus all things are possible like LLJ said. Maybe you and your wife should get down and pray one night about this and ask God to help you. God can do things counselors cannnot. Marriage is beautiful in the sight of God. The Bible tells us to love our wives like Christ loved the church. Jesus gave his life for us because of his love for us. I hope this may of helped you and I will pray for you and your wife. God Bless


Ephesians 5:24-25

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

 

[2 Poppa]

Thank you so much Cody2 for your reply. What you have stated is certainly my will. I have tried to love her every imaginable way.

She has stated that she questions if she has ever loved me... As if she is desiring to re-write our history.

The reason I requested prayer and encouragement is that less than ten hours ago is when I received the "news." Most of my friends that I fellowship with haven't even been informed yet.

I covet your prayers Cody2...
Thanks,
2Poppa

 

[abigya]

Thank you so much Cody2 for your reply. What you have stated is certainly my will. I have tried to love her every imaginable way.

She has stated that she questions if she has ever loved me... As if she is desiring to re-write our history.

The reason I requested prayer and encouragement is that less than ten hours ago is when I received the "news." Most of my friends that I fellowship with haven't even been informed yet.

I covet your prayers Cody2...
Thanks,
2Poppa

Dear brother

I am sorry to hear your life time mate is tending to leave you.

My pastor shared a story of a couple who where on the edge of separating, they where so mad with each other accusing each other.... when they visited him in his office.
So my pastor advised them to take 3 days fasting and prayer time together before they separate. When they come back they told him they changed their mind they are not going to separate.

I am advising you to ask your wife to take fasting and prayer time....who knows what the lord can do.

Praying for you!
abigya

 

[2 Poppa]

abigya,
Your advice is certainly in time as to what the Spirit of God has spoken to my heart. I just voiced those same words to my eldest son last night. Although, we have been physically separated for over a week we still are able to communicate openly over the phone, some what.

She is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thought as sleep over takes my sorrow and grief at night.

I will communicate with her just as you said abigya, and ask her to paticipate in three days of fasting and prayer before she makes any life-long decisions.

Your advice was breakfast to my soul this morning,
truly.
2 Poppa

 

[2 Poppa]

I was wondering if I might be a little more transparent...

I'm what some would call a manly-man, un-knowingly at times direct and abrasive and get to the point, bottom-line kind of guy. My motivation is always pure but my communicative skills aren't as refined as they should be.

I said that to openly ask, how does one express grief and sorrow properly?
I've spent most of my life avoiding these emotions and always believed that it was a sign of weakness, you know how they say, suck it up and get over it big boy.

I can hardly type this appearing at the keys through my tears...
Long story short, a friends 19 year old son died at their home tuesday night of a drug over dose. I'm making myself go to his funeral tomorrow (Friday) night. With this emotional baggage (sorrow and grief) already with me, well, I am afraid I will just be one big crying wimp.

My first impulse is to opt out and send a card, avoid the situation again as I have in the past. When I go it will be by myself.

Question: Can anyone help me through the steps of grieving properly?
Is grief and sorrow the same for all occasions, for example facing divorce as opposed to facing death of a child and/or a loved one?

 

[Dreamer]

Poppa---I have to start over again. I just typed a long post and the browser logged out.....so here goes again.

My little son saw your avatar and walked up to the pc and said, "ROAR!" He is still roaring at the other side of the room, because he loves lions.

Poppa, do you remember the childrens story of the lion who had the thorn stuck in his paw? The little mouse came and took the thorn out of his paw.

I pray that your wife would see that you are really just as soft and vulnerable as a little lamb and that she would come home to you very soon.

My husband also roars around and is a manly-man.

The other day when I was having problems, my brother-in-Christ, stephen, reminded me by the Holy Spirit how much my husband truly loves me, appreciates me, and needs me.

Sometimes I have to quietly remove thorns from his paw and then he shelters me in his strong arms. I need his strength. He needs my gentleness.

I'm going to be praying for your wife.

ROAR! devil, you have no place in Poppa's marriage. Their marriage belongs to God only, in Jesus name, Amen.

 

[andrewnicholas]

I am so sorry for you Darryl - you must be in torment. Perhaps the counselling will help as there must be a reason. My wife left almost 2 years ago and once I was brutally honest with myself I knew there was nothing I could have done. In the last few months I met a lovely lady at my church who is disabled partially and has 3 dyslexic children and now I know where God was leading me even though I sufferred endless trauma for a very long time but my very good prayer friends here were brilliant and never let me quit. Its not easy to look ahead - I could not for a very long time but God has not brought you this far to let you down. Keep trusting my brother, do all thats in your power to save your marriage, put yourself in God's loving hands and all will be well in line with God's plan for you both. Dealing with grief is unique to every individual , some remain calm in public and cry alone, others let their emotions out. Men are notoriously reluctant to demonstrate any emotion lest they be called wimps if they let their guard down but to me thats immature and its a bigger man that expresses his inner thoughts and feelings in an honest and open way. I believe you are a caring, sensitive man and that is the real you so why be afraid to show the world who you really are.The loss of a child breaks the natural cycle of nature, your friends must be demented so think of them , support them and when you are there behave naturally even if it means crying.There is no shame in that.

May the Prince of Peace lay His healing hand on your troubled brow this blessed day.Amen.

 

[Dreamer]

Facing divorce creates as much grief as the loss of a child or other losses, in mho.

I don't take your pain lightly, and especially God does not take your pain lightly. I was hoping to make you smile for a moment with my son's "roaring", but I understand that you are in deep pain.

My prayer for you is that divorce will not have to be faced. My prayer for you is that your wife will return and you will spend the rest of your lives together as one.

 

[2 Poppa]

Oh Dreamer...
I just text what I've gleaned from your illustration, the Lion and the Mouse, to my wife Rebecca. I'm a seer, I have to see things in the Spirit before I can comprehend or understand what God is saying and speaking to me.

I see it all too clearly now and yearn for the opportunity to present a clearer image of who I really am. The lion and everything it represents protects the vulnerability that I've tried for so many years to hide, hold back and protect the hurt little boy inside.

Oh God, this is where it gets hard... I'm not the man I think I am. And, I'm certainly not where I want to be. Your son is the epitome of this fully grown man who has been obnoxious, loud and roars, always wondering why my wife couldn't or wouldn't understand me. If I thought she or the kids didn't comprehend what I was saying I would turn the volume up.

All I wanted was to be validated and understood.

I just noticed your post andrewnicholas while I was typing this. Thank you brother and all of you for being concerned. You have brought to my inner most being a renewed hope and comfort in this time of deep sorrow.I'll excuse myself as I must get out of the house and get some fresh air.

I know I am in transition spiritually and emotionally and I do expect the Greatness of God to be expressed and manifested this day.
I'll check back later...

 

[Dreamer]

You just taught me something too.

When my husband roars the loudest....is probably when he's hurting the most.

I need to accept him just the way he is right now! Right where he is and who he is. I need to love the lion.

I'm also a word-picture person like you, Poppa. I love symbolism and anything visual that words can bring a picture to my mind. I cannot understand people who would rather watch "The Passion" when you can read it all in the bible everyday and see the glorious story come forth in your head.

"The Passion" pales next to the Word of God!!! Although it is a wonderful tool.

It seems that God has taught us both something today, using my little 2 year old.

Jesus--The Lion and The Lamb

Oh, God bless you, dear man. You are growing and knowing Him.

Dreamer

 

[Lucky Lady]

2 Poppa,

I understand how you are feeling because i have also been thru the same situation.You must be feeling rejected and lonely,but remember Jesus was also rejected and so was Moses,.They were even rejected when they were trying to do good to the very people who were rejecting them so take heart.

Though i was saddened by your story i also felt like laughing at some point,your wife cant have lived with a porcupine all this years,you must have been appealing to her.

Remember it is only the devil who comes to make us doubt Gods word.Look at what he did to Eve in the garden of Eden,after God had given Adam and Eve instructions about the tree in the middle of the garden ,he came and started asking her; Did God say?.This is what has happened to your wife ,she has started entertaining doubts in her ,otherwise she must have loved you in the first place ,and God is Love,and Love never dies.

Breaking of a marriage is not easy,It is just like the losing of a son at such a tender age.God has brought you this relevant example to your just next door to show you that ,though that is not what is expected,it happens and there is nothing that the righteous can do.Premature death of children,and premature death of marriages.

Meanwhile fight for your marriage while you can , i.e while it is still alive, thru prayer and in all those ways that you know can work for your wife since you know her better. Never give up on someone or something that is still alive and kicking,no matter how weakly.(Ecclesiastes 9:4 For there is hope for the Living)

But if it becomes confirmed your marriage is dead, (Ecclesiastes10:11,)then do like David did after the death of his son,change your clothes, grief for it properly and then move on.(2 Samuel 12:23)
Grief is a natural emotion,and if you do not release it,it will destroy you.

Even in the old testament there was a recommended time for mourning, but you should not make it part of your life otherwise the devil will take advantage of this opening.

I love reading and this book helped me very much:
Life's Bitter Pools, By Derick Prince

God bless you

 

[2 Poppa]

Lucky Lady,
"Never give up on the living." I never knew that was there, what a blessing to start my day off. Thank you for your encouraging words.

Well, I did go to the funeral last night and much to my surprize both of my sons wanted to go. Reluctantly, I went and found most of my friends there from church... "How's Rebecca," many of them asked. "Oh, she's working late because of it being late in tax season..." A lot of them don't have a clue about her thoughts towards me. That was the hardest.

The grieving aspect for the young man that had died was so tragic. Overdose on heroin. Yes, there were tears and mourning but even in the midst of those tears there seemed to be a light-ness almost a festive atmosphere as old friends were re-united and reminisced about what God has done and is doing.

As I placed my arms around the father and mother and told them how sorry I was, the mother said, "this is a hard one!" What she didn't say but the implication was there, there were other hard ones and God got us through...

Man, that's where I lost it. All the grieving and sorrow flowed out of my being that had been pent up for years. Mixed with these emotions was a sudden gratefulness and gratitude that I had both of my sons with me.
I hugged my boys and friends like I had never hugged them before. It seemed like the first time as I even lingered and savored and took in the moment...

As I think back to that very special moment, there was joy!

Lucky Lady, there is hope for the living, there is hope.

 

[abigya]

I know I am in transition spiritually and emotionally and I do expect the Greatness of God to be expressed and manifested this day.
I'll check back later...

amen dear brother

yeah, may be this situation you are going through is not ment for you to be separated from your wife but God is using it to bring you to christ likeness, the altimate God's plan for us.

blessings
abigya

 

[QuietProtest4t]

Sorry about this

I am very sorry I will pray for you.

 

[andrewnicholas]

I am encouraged to read of your fortitude and faith. By sharing your neighbour's tragedy you were able to see how good it is to have two fine boys. A friend of mine was married to the sort of man who never grew up, could not take responsibility and eventually left her with three kids, all dyslexic, to rear. It was a bad marriage and she was cruelly treated but three beautiful children came from that union. You have my heartfelt sympathy and I commend your honesty in letting your feelings come to the surface.May I leave you today with the words of Anthony Of Padua - " May the Lord bless you and take you into His keeping;may He show you His countenance and take pity on you;may He turn His eyes towards you and give you His peace.Amen.

 

[2 Poppa]

Thank you for your prayers QuietProtest4t...
You are a blessing abigya...

andrewnicholas, thank you for your words of encouragement and the words of Anthony of Padua are the exact words my Pastor closes each service with.

I want to express my deepest gratitude to the people who have responded to this thread and have prayed for my situation. It's beyond belief where the prayers and concern have taken me and my thoughts through this valley.
Yes, I've been through this valley several times before only to have darkness (anxiety and fear) distracting and confronting my very being every step of the way. Even though I battle daily, depression has been defeated!

But, this time it's different, very different. I'm not alone or lonely even though I terribly miss my wife and the little closeness that we had before she separated. I'm certainly at a different place than I've ever been in my life... A new season that has been ushered in by the people who have taken the time out of your very busy days to help a relatively unknown, faceless man in time of need.

Thank you for your expressions of love and concern.
2 Poppa
Darryl

 

[Lucky Lady]

Hi 2Poppa,

Hope you r having a nice day.
Now, as i told you before, i have been where you are now and therefore allow me to share some of the things that helped to overcome and beat depression and rejection.

The book of Psalms is a very inspiring book.There were times when i was too overwhelmed to pray and therefore i read the book of Psalms and just said Amen at the end of my reading.I am glad that David was forced to go to the wilderness of Paran otherwise we would never have had the Psalms.

Sometimes God forces us into the wilderness so that we may listen to him (Hosea 2:14).Therefore even though you are sad,make sure your sadness is Godly,(2Cor.7:10 ),for it shall surely bring good results and it has no regrets.

You are now in the wilderness,write your Psalms too,this is the time.Maybe the main aim of this wilderness of yours is not what you think,find out while you are in it.

Do not be like Ahab who cried facing a wall when he was in a crisis,a wall cannot give you any solutions,and thats why the devil came to him in form of Jezebel with solutions.Cry facing your God for he shall surely answer you.

Pray without ceasing,do not put your sword down.

God bless you