patrickbuffa
Member
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2023
- Messages
- 7
Looking back, I realize I was never alone.
My denial was the very truth I sought. It was right before my eyes but I refused to see.
As a child, I grew up catholic with nothing but spiritual emptiness to mark the days. Yes, I had a good childhood. Had food, clothing, and shelter but the emptiness, though not identified at the time, was there. I joined the navy at 17 to escape from or to, I don’t know what. Fast forward decades.
While I was still working, I decided to get a degree. As an atheist, I chose Grand Canyon University, a Christian school. Drop of God.
The first class everyone is required to take is Christian Worldview. I thought great, this course is really going to be a challenge as I don’t believe any of this stuff. After a week or two into the course, I decided to use the course to learn what a “real Christian” is supposed to be. Drop of God.
You see, my exposure to Christianity to this point in my life, was full of contradiction, non-scriptural beliefs, and outright worldly views. The course was enlightening to say the least. It focused on scripture. We studied various passages and connected them to our own lives. “Love one another” stuck in my brain like a tattoo. Drop of God.
The courses following over the next few years were business based, with an intermingling of Christianity mixed in. Just enough to keep me thinking. Love one another. Drop of God.
The Servant Leadership course was another eye opener. Placing others before myself and developing actual empathy for others. Hmmm, kind of like, “Love one another”. More drops of God.
My last year of school in 2020 was difficult in a personal way. In March, my great nephew committed suicide at 23 years of age. Then in April my mother (93) died. My sister (75) died in May. My wife’s nephew (38) who married us in 2017, died suddenly of a heart attack in June. A nagging question; did they go to heaven? A recurring thought in the mind of a nonbeliever. A drop of God.
I graduated in August. This was the first graduation that I ever attended and the first time I realized how bad my vision was becoming. Myopic macular degeneration was catching up with me. Later in November, I sent a coworker home thinking he had the flu or covid. He died a week later. It was becoming too much. Tears and a softening heart. My dog Bella died the following year in March 2021. More tears … Oddly, I started to listen to Christian music on YouTube. It started out as trying to find songs to remember my mom and dad by. Drops of God.
Then I started listening to more and more Christian music that just spoke to me. Hit the right spot. Started to heal the hurt. Many more tears, further softening of the heart, and more drops of God.
Looking back, I had become a secret Christian. Fast forward to September. During the weekend of our anniversary, I decided to ask my wife a question; Would you stand with me as I proclaim Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Her tears answered the question. She further explained that she had been praying for this moment for years. That Sunday I stepped forward after service at the Calvary Chapel we attended. Thank you Lord Jesus! I now serve at a different Calvary Chapel closer to home. My wife and I lead our prayer ministry. I teach children on Friday nights. We just finished Vacation Bible School. Such a huge blessing. Who could have known.?
Thank you Lord Jesus for my salvation.
My denial was the very truth I sought. It was right before my eyes but I refused to see.
As a child, I grew up catholic with nothing but spiritual emptiness to mark the days. Yes, I had a good childhood. Had food, clothing, and shelter but the emptiness, though not identified at the time, was there. I joined the navy at 17 to escape from or to, I don’t know what. Fast forward decades.
While I was still working, I decided to get a degree. As an atheist, I chose Grand Canyon University, a Christian school. Drop of God.
The first class everyone is required to take is Christian Worldview. I thought great, this course is really going to be a challenge as I don’t believe any of this stuff. After a week or two into the course, I decided to use the course to learn what a “real Christian” is supposed to be. Drop of God.
You see, my exposure to Christianity to this point in my life, was full of contradiction, non-scriptural beliefs, and outright worldly views. The course was enlightening to say the least. It focused on scripture. We studied various passages and connected them to our own lives. “Love one another” stuck in my brain like a tattoo. Drop of God.
The courses following over the next few years were business based, with an intermingling of Christianity mixed in. Just enough to keep me thinking. Love one another. Drop of God.
The Servant Leadership course was another eye opener. Placing others before myself and developing actual empathy for others. Hmmm, kind of like, “Love one another”. More drops of God.
My last year of school in 2020 was difficult in a personal way. In March, my great nephew committed suicide at 23 years of age. Then in April my mother (93) died. My sister (75) died in May. My wife’s nephew (38) who married us in 2017, died suddenly of a heart attack in June. A nagging question; did they go to heaven? A recurring thought in the mind of a nonbeliever. A drop of God.
I graduated in August. This was the first graduation that I ever attended and the first time I realized how bad my vision was becoming. Myopic macular degeneration was catching up with me. Later in November, I sent a coworker home thinking he had the flu or covid. He died a week later. It was becoming too much. Tears and a softening heart. My dog Bella died the following year in March 2021. More tears … Oddly, I started to listen to Christian music on YouTube. It started out as trying to find songs to remember my mom and dad by. Drops of God.
Then I started listening to more and more Christian music that just spoke to me. Hit the right spot. Started to heal the hurt. Many more tears, further softening of the heart, and more drops of God.
Looking back, I had become a secret Christian. Fast forward to September. During the weekend of our anniversary, I decided to ask my wife a question; Would you stand with me as I proclaim Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Her tears answered the question. She further explained that she had been praying for this moment for years. That Sunday I stepped forward after service at the Calvary Chapel we attended. Thank you Lord Jesus! I now serve at a different Calvary Chapel closer to home. My wife and I lead our prayer ministry. I teach children on Friday nights. We just finished Vacation Bible School. Such a huge blessing. Who could have known.?
Thank you Lord Jesus for my salvation.
