Extreme maritial emergency!!

[sariah'sheart]

I am in need of help! My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years. When we married we were not fully committed to the Lord. He was rebelling against his calling and newly divorced from his 2nd marriage of which he had two daughters. I was a single parent of 4 (3 by one father and 1 by another) and had never been married. I was involved in an adulterous affair with my 4th child's father. The Lord began to call me out of this affair and shortly after that I met my husband at a church service.
We began a relationship and I became pregnant within 4 months of us meeting. The pregnancy was very rough and I lost everything due to illness. My home, job etc. I became dependent on him for my needs. After our son was born, we got married a month later. We had a total of 7 children at that time.
Being a blended family was rough because my husband felt that because I was a single parent with little help from one father and no help from the other, that he had to retrain them (and me). He was very strict and mean to me and my children but we stayed together. During the years there has been physical,sexual,emotional and spiritual abuse. He has alienated my children and eventually each of my older children left home to live with grandparents or the father. My youngest daughter was adopted by my husband because her father is not involved at all.
Three years later the Lord called my husband into ministry and we started a church. Because of the financial strain we became homeless. This only truly affected my children because his daughters did not live with us full time. And when things were really bad, he would let them stay with their mother so they wouldn't know how bad things were.
we moved a total of 9 times never having our own home or living in severely sub standard conditions.
During this time the church grew and the Lord called me into ministry as well. My husband and I began to fight viciously and violently. Physical altercations between my husband and myself became everyday life. My oldest son moved out after a fist fight with my husband. In the mean time we had 2 more children (9 total).
I became submerged in the word of God and my husband seemed to be more angry and controlling. He came to me and told me that the Lord was elevating me in ministry. My husband became jealous and angry every time i was asked to bring the word or sing somewhere. The control was beyond belief and I became depressed and suicidal.
In November the Lord revealed to me that my step father had cancer.
Shortly after that my husband and I got into a fight and he put me out in the middle of the night and took the children.
(sorry about so much background but i needed to be thorough). During this time the Lord caused a friend to take me in and the Lord told me not to go back. My husband would not allow me to see my kids but the Lord told me that he had created a safe haven for me. My step dad found out that he had 4th stage metastatic cancer and he only had three weeks to live. I moved in and began to care for him until he died 3 weeks later.
During that time my husband began a campaign to make a come home. But the Lord told me no and that it was not time. In the mean time he closed the church and says he does not want to return to ministry.
God has opened a lot of doors for me since I left and has really pushed me into ministry. I have been invited to speak at numerous venues and the Lord has even given me numerous spiritual gifts.
My problem is that I KNOW the Lord told me not to go back. He said that he would fix my marriage. But my husband and that controlling spirit is relentless. He is demanding that I return home because I am out of the will of God. He says that I am deceived and that God would not tell the wife to leave her husband. He would not tell the wife anything and not let the husband know. He has everyone persecuting me and saying that I am deceived by the enemy. But The Lord keeps opening doors for me. He says he wants us to go to counseling and work things out and that He will do anything for us to come home. The problem is that I know what God said to me. I know that it may not line up with some scripture but my husband is very persuasive. When I hear him speak to me I hear selfishness and control. I have no feelings for him at this point. I don't feel anything for him (except occasional anger). Please help me understand where I am right now? There is no one biased in this situation. Please Help ME!:helppc:

 

[chicken little]

well darling I doubt you will like these questions but really we have to get down to the bottom line here.

your in ministery? as a minister do you realize that you are held to a higher standard?

So what exactly is it that you are offering in your 'Ministry'?
because you can't give away /impart what you don't own.
So what is it that you are imparting, or what is it you think you are imparting ?

Because honey you can't give away what you don't own and possess in your own life/ his life with you. you can't give fruit that isn't on your trees!

People need more than 'Hope" of his peace .. they need evidence of his peace . they need to see.. smell it and taiste it oozing from you.. and they need an understanding of the struggle to draw closer to him and what it takes. that peace beyond understanding is the fruit He promises his children. where is the fruit of that struggle in your life?
he says "come let us reason together though your sin be as scarlet they will be white as snow"
it is that struggle to draw close to him .. that struggle to fight it out with him that produces his life in us. and darling I wonder if you have started HIS processes for your ultimate new life in him.
You want to help save others and that is a wonderful goal ... but what about your own children? who is saving them.. who loves them.. who is being there and comforting them? oh honey don't disspise small beginnings as there is nothing more important to him than your children's mental spiritual and physical wellbeing, and their 'peace'!
if you don't have it at home.. what you going to give away?
you think you can love strangers more than your own?

I cant' do that!


do you know what salvation is?
do you know he never offered to save your flesh.

are you trying to save it and wash it and present it to people as a "spiritual" thing. no honey you have to let flesh die and that is a hard and long process .. you have to fight that good fight out with our loving father until our mind is washed and clean and pure and agrees with him in all matters always.
unless you can give people evidence of HIM why bother? because only He is life.. your flesh is death to everyone including you. give it to him over and over and over and over and over and over x 100000000 x again until he is formed in your being and everything in you agrees with everything of Him.
Because the only fruit of your life ...you showed here on this site there is not one hint of his working in your "new being".
Your new being got pregnant a 4 months , divorce, abandoned children. is that fruit of HIS Spirit? and you want to share that with the needy and the hopeless? do they need more of that ?

do you know what sin is?
Sin is DEATH( the big TEN is HIS definition of DEATH ). every sin is Death and that DEATH is released into our lives... and God is not going to be mocked by your/our sins , you/we all will reap them period. His grace make sure you reap it in this life in hopes you will not reap for eternity.
He needs you to walk in His life with all the fruit of his spirit .. his life , faithfully serving everyone around you.
No I am not there either.

but I am not a "Minister"and I dont' claim to be nor do I WANT TO BE.
BECAUSE first of all I know beyond any doubts that as soon as you try to step into that role the enemy is going for the juggler and I know I can't pass that test yet and neither can 95 % of the preachers in ministry now either. most of the pastors today lived through their teens so they were so proud of themselves they went out and jumped into ministry. yes this seems brave but maybe not smart and definitely not biblical.
There is a list (below)of who is to be elders/ministers in the body , that list is there for a reason. a very very very good reason.
I know this is a very hard questions and even harder word , but Go home work it out, work OUT YOUR SALVATION with fear and trembling, with our God and with your husband and children because you have to learn to love, you have to learn faithfulness and comment , we have to get these things in our lives , wash your mind with his words until all of you is in agreement with all of Him.
Without these things evident in our lives ....... we can NOT offer anyone anything that they don't already have way too much of. with out HIS fruit .. WE can only lead them places they have already been and don't need to go back too.

but you know what every once in while if God really uses you.. like he used balaams donkey, it is so rewarding because you know you didn't give them any of you.. you know you gave them HIM and with HIM comes REAL life and a REAL way to be saved from ourselves.
let him minister to people.. you get out of his way until he says. until he gives you wings you ain't a eagle if you are a chicken. and really does anyone need more flappers?
no we need more eagles around who teach us to fly!!



1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.
7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.
8 Likewise must the deacons be grave, not doubletongued, not given to much wine, not greedy of filthy lucre;
9 Holding the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience.
10 And let these also first be proved; then let them use the office of a deacon, being found blameless.
11 Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.
12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.
13 For they that have used the office of a deacon well purchase to themselves a good degree, and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.
14 These things write I unto thee, hoping to come unto thee shortly:
15 But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth.
16 And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh, justified in the Spirit, seen of angels, preached unto the Gentiles, believed on in the world, received up into glory.

 

[sariah'sheart]

I thank you chicken little for your response, me at my moth but I don't quite understand it. Or maybe I was not very clear. I have my children with me at my mother's house. My peace is intact because I know what God has told me. My husband has closed the church and has begun drinking and cursing among other things. My question was how do I explain in scripture what is happening. I am happier than I have been in 6 years. My kids are not living in fear or chaos anymore and they are well adjusted. My husband is full of anger and rejection and he is very controlling. I try to explain to him that although God hates divorce, he hates unrighteousness and hypocrisy more. He thinks that I should come home to him and just pray that God fix the marriage. But his viewpoint on marriage is askew. He treats his wife like property(camel,furniture). I was in a dictatorship, a prison camp.So I guess my question is how do I explain to my Pastor,Husband,covering that his love is abusive and dangerous and deadly and suffocating and not God's will for my life or his. He has informed all of his peers of the situation and they persecute me via email, phone and in person. I am Saved, set free delivered and I have good fruit. I just have a bad situation and I need godly men and women to help me seek the right answers to these questions. Recently, the Lord showed me a vision of Elijah sitting under a juniper tree...resting. My husband is controlling and manipulative and angry. He feels that I am operating under the influence of the enemy.

 

[chicken little]

it always took two to get there and you are one flesh. that is not erasable he says this by saying it is HOLY it can not be undone.

1 Corinthians 7:14
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

either way you both went against scripture to start ministry without trees that bare nutrient fruits.. and whatever it was you both were listening to while fighting and warring with each other while building your own 'ministry' or "his ministry" is well very suspect as to who might have been the source of that 'Inspiration' and those choices .
If I were you I would start over and lay it ALL at the cross, again and again lay it all at the cross and get honest and more honest and more honest.. and start again at first forgiveness because you want to be forgiven also, heck for years I lived at his feet and started over hundreds of time....

you need forgiveness as much as your husband, so forgive him. really forgive him.
then next go to "love God" and not your life.. because you are in YOUR LIFE, you are not operating from God's LIFE IN YOU, or you would know God's heart in this and possess his hope and faith in this matter and you would share his forgiveness that he has for your husband and your own condition in there is hope. in his life is hope .
and then next I would focus on loving your family and children and again not your own life..
from that place at the foot of the cross is always a new start . anytime we need it there is a new start there at the foot of the cross..
so work it out from there for you and your families sake.
and yes I live at those feet! I kissed them things more times than I can count.

35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged:condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
39 And he spake a parable unto them, Can the blind lead the blind? shall they not both fall into the ditch?
40 The disciple is not above his master: but every one that is perfect shall be as his master.
41 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
42 Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.
43 For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
44 For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes.
45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?
47 Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like:
48 He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.
49 But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.


FORGIVENESS is the very foundation of YOUR salvation.
1 And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.
2 And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.
3 Give us day by day our daily bread.
4 And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
5 And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves;
6 For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him?
7 And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee.
8 I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.
9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
11 If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
12 Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

these good gifts .. would also include the spirits 'fruits' also once matured and ready for a GOOD work can be shared then only after they are matured and ripened.
But for now start where he says we all have to start at the beginning and with forgiving and forgiveness. let Him Jesus take care of the rest of all the details in HIS time and HIS way. you work on forgiving and forgiveness ..you have to do what is right/rightous in the Fathers eyes, or you wont' want those consequences either.

 

[sariah'sheart]

So in a nutshell with all of that being said. You are saying that the God ( who loved me so much that he sacrificed his son) would have me and my children go back home to a man that is physically and mentally abusive. I have forgiven him but that doesn't mean that I have to continue to be abused. You spoke of my children. What spiritual seeds are being sown in an abusive environment? Do they end up the same way just as my husband saw his father beat and abuse women. I love my husband and I love God but where in the word does God say that abuse is ok? That forcing your wife to have sex with you on her knees while she prays is ok? Jesus said that Satan comes to kill,steal and destroy but he comes that we might have life and more abundantly. Where is the abundance in this situation?
Although I may not have arrived, nor am I by any means a television preacher, but I do know that I love God and that He abides in me and I in Him. I know that he has a great plan for my life and great destiny. And I also know that God will not supersede man's will. If my husband chooses not to repent or chooses not to hear from God, then what? Thank you for your wisdom and willingness to share. I understand more now than I have and I know what I need to do. Thank you and may the Lord continue to bless and keep you.:smiling-animated:

 

[MelodyC]

So in a nutshell with all of that being said. You are saying that the God ( who loved me so much that he sacrificed his son) would have me and my children go back home to a man that is physically and mentally abusive. I have forgiven him but that doesn't mean that I have to continue to be abused. You spoke of my children. What spiritual seeds are being sown in an abusive environment? Do they end up the same way just as my husband saw his father beat and abuse women. I love my husband and I love God but where in the word does God say that abuse is ok? That forcing your wife to have sex with you on her knees while she prays is ok? Jesus said that Satan comes to kill,steal and destroy but he comes that we might have life and more abundantly. Where is the abundance in this situation?
Although I may not have arrived, nor am I by any means a television preacher, but I do know that I love God and that He abides in me and I in Him. I know that he has a great plan for my life and great destiny. And I also know that God will not supersede man's will. If my husband chooses not to repent or chooses not to hear from God, then what? Thank you for your wisdom and willingness to share. I understand more now than I have and I know what I need to do. Thank you and may the Lord continue to bless and keep you.:smiling-animated:

You aren't the only one that has had to leave a marriage like that.

My brother and I are Christians (raised in Australia) my parents are Slavic. My mother thought it her duty to stay with my Dad despite his drinking and abuse. First it was verbal threats but then it became physical when my brother and I left home in our twenties. We came back, packed up my mother after the 3rd time my father put her in hospital and moved her out permanently and because of my fathers gambling debts we also asked mum to divorce him (to be separated financially).

I agree with you. To have allowed my mother to stay with my father he would have killed her in a drunken rage (it was heading that way). Then we would have had a dead mother and father in jail.

Since my mother left my father, he hasn't had someone to sponge of financially anymore and has cut back on his drinking and gambling because he has nothing and no one to fall back on to pay his bills. It ended up being a better situation. My father is sober most of the time now, not Saved or humbled but he isn't getting in fights in pubs or getting behind the wheel of a car drunk (hasn't got the money to keep a car without my mother's wage to help him). He only drinks at home occassionally now and stays away from gambling (after several times ending up on the street he prefers to be able to pay his board and eat these days).

My mother lives between my brother and myself. She has helped to raise grandchildren that adore her and she loves. We could have found a way to get my mother her own flat or something but she is happy living with us and we love having her around. We are BLESSED by all she has done for us and because she is a loving woman.

If we let her stay with my father to satisfy some legal requirement we would not have seen the best for our parents lives. My mother became a Christian soon after we took her from my fathers house and my father recently has come to go to Church regularly and has come to know the gospel (not sure if he has made a commitment to the Lord yet).

I don't think God meant for us to be punching bags for spouses who are abusive, not even if they are supposedly Saved Believers. Especially little children watching that violence it isn't good for them.

Abuse is beyond what is required of us in a marriage. God told Moses he allowed divorce because of the wickedness of mankind. God knew wickedness would make it difficult for some men and women to remain together.

If divorce is a sin it is a pardonable sin. How many other ways do we sin and have to seek the Lord's forgiveness.

You did the right thing and so did we getting my mother to leave my father. I don't regret it and I am sure God has forgiven us because there is only one unpardonable sin (Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit).

 

[happyharold4]

Melody---Great reply, good testimony, hope the poster is encouraged by it----
Chicken--I read your response but can't get my head around it----Not sure what exactly you were trying to say, but somehow feel it wasn't going in the right direction for what she was asking????

Happy

 

[Hekuran]

Yes forgiveness is vital. After all that you have been through, I imagine that the process of forgiving your husband for all he has done will take a long time.

Forgiving your husband does not mean that you must return to him. You can say, "I forgive this man for all the ways he has hurt me and my children, I don't want to hold any of the wrong things against him, I am no longer seeking compensation or revenge. But for the sake of me and my children I choose to stay separated from him for our wellbeing, and his."

Forgiveness does not mean that you must subject yourself to abuse.

In such a situation divorce may be the wisest solution. We don't know all the details of the situation to be able to give advice, but from what you have told us, divorce sounds the option that is least damaging. It certainly should not carry spiritual guilt with it.

 

[chicken little]

Yes forgiveness is vital. After all that you have been through, I imagine that the process of forgiving your husband for all he has done will take a long time.


Forgiveness does not mean that you must subject yourself to abuse.

yes I agree with these .


I was talking about her heart and your willingness to heal and be healed. to walk what she has been talking.


HIS LIFE , HIS TRUTH , YES CHANGES THINGS HERE NOW and even Moves mountains.. but IT has to start someplace.. THE seed of it has to be sown in both word and deed sometime to reap a good harvest.

Dear you got plowed earth, you and hubby all did the plowing, you tore it up good..it's ready to be planted . Something will be planted there . what you going to do?
because where you live is irrelevant to real love and forgiveness or what ever it is that get's planted in that field. Gal 6:7

Honey you and your husband are in my prayers. may you see the fathers heart for you and your husband's good.

 

[Dreamer]

The sky is falling--the sky is falling.

No it's not.

God is a solid base, if Jesus is in your heart, Sariah, which yes you do show evidence of! Then I would assume that you are being led by the Holy Spirit in leaving your earthly husband. It is not good for children to live in brawling and violence.

Chicken Little, you are so very quick to judge in a situation which you may have never experienced or been close to...you were actually very mean-spirited toward Sariah.

There is speaking the truth in love as God instructs. And there is just taking somebody and beating them against the front porch like when you're cleaning a rug.

Sariah, please keep coming back. You are loved here and especially you are loved by God and He knows exactly where you are, who you are, and everything in your heart...

 

[sariah'sheart]

Thank you all for your loving and heartfelt concern. I have been severely persecuted for this situation but I believe and trust God. I love you ALL and I pray God's abundant blessings, grace, mercy and love overtake you everyday.

 

[AudreyNicole]

very difficult....

this seems like an extremely difficult situation and I do pray that you are being led in the right direction. Growing up in a family dictatorship (by my father) I think i might be able to shed some light on the children's side of this.

There was never any physical abuse but a lot of emotional abuse. I am the oldest and I have a younger sister. They say by the time a child reaches 4 years of age they are aware of 80% of what is going on, and I can definitely attest to that. My mother was often overpowered by my father and so I took on the responsibility of trying to keep my sister and I safe. I tried to make sure she didn't hear the screaming at night and did my best to take her out of or diffuse any situation that was getting out of control. After 19 years of living this way I have become quite the mediator in my family, always trying to keep people happy. I was never in the middle of things, always looking in from the outside so I learned how to read people especially well, and this is what helped me keep the peace as best I could.

I always remember wanting my parents to get a divorce because the constant tension and fear around both of them was so tiring. But, my mother being a stay at home mom, I knew it would be impossible for us financially to leave. I was then 14. We called ourselves a Christian family, but never went to church or acted very Christian. Now at 19 years old, I have been recently re-born and have been successful at getting my family to church with me. The presence of the Lord has been in our family now for 4 months, and I have already seen so many changes.

I no longer want my parents to separate, and even though we have a long way to go, I believe that God can and will do amazing things in this family. I no longer fear for my mother and sister, and now, I am eager to move out. I never felt before that I could leave because I was afraid to leave the two of them with my father. But now I trust that the Lord will be present with each of us and all of us.

I am very slowly learning to not fear my father... it is taking a long time and it is extremely challenging, but through the strength of the Lord I am learning to approach him confidently and without hesitation or fear. I have forgiven him for all the years of neglect and abuse... every single last one; and now I feel nothing but love for him and pray fervently that God will work greatly in his life to change his ways. My mother is still very bitter, and it is evident in the way she still treats him. I trust it is very difficult for her to forgive him after 26 years of marriage, but I know that God is at work in their relationship and I no longer have anything to worry about.

As a child, growing up in a turbulent household is very difficult, but the prospect of finally having a true and Godly family is worth all those years of hardship in my eyes. My greatest wish for you on behalf of your children is that you will please consider their best interests. I'm not sure if God justifies divorce because of abuse , the bible does justify it for adultery though. I think this is because the Lord can change an abusive person, but He cannot spin back time to change the choice of a cheating spouse. Because of this I think that your holy union by God with this man deserves every fighting chance God will grant it. You have here a magnificent opportunity to let God work a miracle in the life of your family. Before you make any final decisions give God that opportunity.

You said you no longer have feelings for your husband, but love, true love aka Godly love, is not a feeling, it is a choice. If you truly have the spirit of the Lord within you He will give you the power to love. Let Him work in you that way. Do not deny the Lord His glory and His work of restoring your family. HE will often take all the hope out of a situation and make it seem impossible so that HE can use HIS supernatural ways to work... and that way all the credit goes to HIM. Don't deny Him the chance to do His good work. Do you remember the time you met your husband? Do you remember the feelings you had? Do you remember the first kiss? Do you remember the tingle of excitement at just the mere image of him? Try to remember the reason you loved him in the first place, and perhaps it will be easier to love him again.

I am not saying you should go back to him, at least not now. I think a separation would be wise. Don't go through with a divorce yet but try being separated from each other for at least a year. Explain to him that you need to work on your life independently spiritually and that he ought to do the same. Maybe enlist the help of a christian counselor to guide the two of you along. And during the entire time pray. Pray for wisdom, pray for obedience, pray for forgiveness, pray for discernment, pray for love, but most importantly pray for your husband. If he is truly as bad as he sounds he is going to need all the prayers he can get. Explain to him that you just want a separation, not a divorce, but make sure he knows it is an evaluation period. If he hears you and is moved by your prayers I have no doubt God will work to bring you two back together in perfect harmony. But if the year goes by and he gets worse, I think that is clear evidence that you need to move on.

My biggest fear is that you will make a choice that limits God's opportunities to help you. So before you make any final decisions I hope you will consider this one, and in everything pray. Pray, pray, pray. Its the best thing you could do now. Pray and submerge yourself in God's word. If it's any help, I have been going through a separation for the past 9 months myself. Granted I'm only 19 and it wasn't a marriage, but I have seen God work wonders already, and I can't wait to see what He has in store for the end.

I truly hope this helps you, and I will keep you, your children, and your husband in my prayers. Who knows, God may use you two for a wonderful testimony of love some day. Let Him.

Audrey

 

[sharen]

Pastor a church? I appreciate your pain but what on earth made you think that God was calling you both to spiritual leadership in this capacity. God doesn't contradict his own word - and his word states in Timothy and Titus that anyone who aspires to be a church overseer or deacon and in spiritual authority over a congregation, are to be only married once, have obedient and respectful children and be of good character - 'above reproach' in the translation, so that they will maintain the respect of the community as well as believers.

You don't fit these qualifications. Sexual and physical abuse and your husband was a pastor. I won't go on but I think you need to be far more discerning about the holy spirits lead in the future. The bible tells us to 'test the spirits' and he tells us that for a reason. The devil can appear as an angel of light.

I agree that you've done the right thing in leaving, but be careful. What goes around comes around and I'm not surprised that your congregation has turned against you in the circumstances. Ministry does not automatically mean running a church. In fact from my experience it rarely does. Be aware of that and be honest. Your support of such a man over a group of other believers would have done them a lot of damage as well.

Pride is a very insidious sin and it's taken down many, many christian leaders. Obey the bible and test the spirits. If you don't do that, it will come back on you.

 

[sharen]

PS.
Titus 1:5
The reason I left you in Crete was that you might straighten out what was left unfinished and appoint elders in every town, as I directed you.
An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.
Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick‑tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain.
Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self‑controlled, upright, holy and disciplined.
He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.


Was this your husband? No. Was this you? No. Do many 'pastors' ignore this? Absolutely. But does that make it right? No.

Be careful.

 

[sharen]

Hope that helps.