trulyblezzed
Member
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2006
- Messages
- 544
I could have sworn I wrote a testimony already, but I guess not.. so here it goes!
My Childhood
I was born May 16, 1983 in Jersey. My dad is Catholic and my mom is Jewish. Yeah, tell me about it! LOL. When I was 3 years old, they got divorced and I lived with my mom. She stayed in the area so I was able to see my dad on the weekends. When I was 7, I came home from school to find the whole car packed up and my mom told me we were moving to Florida. The only thing I could think about was not seeing my dad for a long time. I started to scream for him as we pulled out of the driveway and I remember crying saying "I don't want to leave daddy"!
So we moved to South Florida and one day when I was in 2nd grade, my mom brought home this guy named Larry and told me they just got married! She had just met him about a month ago on 4th of July at the beach while watching fireworks. Good job, mom. Larry was an alcoholic and they were together for 4 years. I never saw them fight, but one afternoon when I was about 13 my mom and I came home from school to find Larry in the living room drunk as a skunk. At the time, he had been ignoring me for about a month because I gave him an attitude one morning. As we walked in the house, he started to grab my mom to try and hit her. She told him not to do it in front of me and I then realized this had been going on for a while. I got in between them and gave Larry a big hug- he was like 6'1" 250 and my mom was 5'3" 140. I told him to let us go and I was sorry for giving him an attitude. He let us leave and my mom called the cops. Larry and my mom broke up.
We thought Larry was out of our lives, but one night after he got out of jail, he came and totally destroyed my mom's jaguar, which she had saved up for months to buy. I felt so sorry for her. My mom then started dating another guy named Robert and he was the owner of a strip club. Although he wasn't in the holiest profession, he treated me like his own daughter. He loved me so much and I loved him. Larry then came back and started stalking us. Robert found out and my mom says that she doesn't know what happened to Larry, but I'm pretty sure she had him wacked.
Robert and my mom split after about a year, but Robert and I remained friends. When I was 19, Robert came out of the shower, slipped, hit his head on the tub, went into a coma and nobody found him for 3 days. He passed away a short time after.
My Teenage Years
ok so back up a few years. I started a downward spiral when I went into 6th grade. My mom put me into a catholic school (even though she was Jewish- yeah, I know...weird) and shortly after, I got kicked out. I went to a middle school where I was one of the 11 white kids who attended. I was teased constantly because I was white. One of my best friends got jumped by 7 girls and from that point on, I became racist. I hated black people and I thought they were all the same. I thought everyone who was african american was out to hurt me and I didn't think anyone of that race was good.
When I was in 8th grade, I met a girl named Sandra. Sandra was a satanist. She read Satan's bible and the walls of her room were covered in posters of Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails. I thought Sandra looked ugly in all that black and funky colored fingernails, but there was one thing that made me admire her... all of the black people were scared of her. Bingo! That's what I wanted. So I started getting into Satanism and learning the chants and allowed Satan to come into my life not knowing the spiritual reaction I would have later in life. Within a matter of weeks, my dreams came true. Nobody picked on me anymore because they all thought I did voodoo.
High School Years
So high school came around and I dropped the whole Satanist thing. I actually started to realize that african americans weren't bad after all and some of my closest friends were of all different colors. I knew there was a God up there but I lived by my rules and not his. In 9th grade I started doing drugs. At first it was just marijuana and then it escalated into acid, roofies, estacy, anything I could get my hands on. When I was 15, I started doing coke and realized that I could make some money selling it too. So I started dealing drugs when I was 15 to friends of friends and I made a lot of money in a short amount of time. Before I knew it, I was friends with the club promoters, the big time dealers, the people who really mattered in the drug world.
Because of my drug use and partying, I was doing really bad in school. Every year I was supposed to get 8 credits in school which would give me a shot at 16 credits between freshman and sophmore year, but at the end of 10th grade, I only had a half a credit! My GPA was a .07 and my mom did the unthinkable- she told me to drop out of school. say what??? I thought parents were supposed to encourage their children to go forward??? Well, I decided not to drop out and here's why:
Halloween night of 2000. I went to a rave, which is a party that starts at 10 pm and goes until the sun comes up. I couldn't even keep track of how many drugs were in my system, but something went terribly wrong. I remember doing coke early in the night, but apparently I followed it with a zanax pill. When your body is confronted with an upper, like coke, and then a downer, like zanax, your heart doesn't know what to do. It didn't know whether to beat fast or slow and I started "speedballing". I felt like I was going to die. I laid there on the floor knowing that I was on the verge of an overdose. I tried to tell my friends, but they were too high to realize what was going on. I had all these people around me, but yet I felt all alone. Thankfully I recovered on my own.
The next day I made a promise to myself: I wanted to quit doing drugs cold turkey. And that's just what I did. I stopped hanging out with those friends. I went from being 5'3" and only 82 lbs to actually looking like a normal person! I started paying attention in school and got into acting. I was a finalist to states in competitive acting. My acting teacher saw the change in me and gave me the Drew Barrymore Turnaround Award LOL. I graduated high school and proved my mom wrong. I could do it. I could make it. I could be somebody.
After My High School Years
So after high school I fell back a little. I didn't do drugs again, except for the occasional smoking pot, but I found myself still feeling alone. So at 18, I started drinking. And I mean drinking! Like a quart a night for 3 months straight. I fell into a deep depression. My mom decided to move back to Jersey, but I was happy down here so she literally packed up all her things and left me here. I had a 2 bedroom condo on the beach.. a dream right? Not really when you're feeling all alone.
On my 19th birthday, all my friends ditched me. I remember calling them and saying "what are we doing tonight"? They had no idea it was my birthday. I felt so alone and depressed. I thought I found a way out... suicide. Those thoughts raced through my head like "it's not going to get any better", "your family left you", "There's nobody out there that cares". I wanted to take a bunch of pills and just die... I remember taking out the phone book and calling all the suicide hotlines for help and they would just ring and ring... I thought to myself "why aren't you picking up the phone?!?! I'm here about to die!!! Don't you care???" well, I didn't commit suicide because I was too chicken.
A few months later, I met this guy Jordan and we started dating. Things got really serious really fast and before I knew it, I got pregnant. I was so scared and shocked. I didn't know what to do. Before I even talked it through with him, I had an abortion. I was only 19 and I killed my baby. Out of all the things I've done wrong in my life, that's the one thing I really regret doing. Jordan and I broke up shortly after.
While I was still in party mode, I met this guy named Irving at work. I wasn't interested at first, but he was into cars. I started talking to him about amps, speakers, body kits, altezzas, exhaust, and he was able to keep up with me so I liked that. We started dating and I knew he loved me, but I still felt empty. A year into our relationship, his family invited us to this huge spanish church. Man, I didn't even understand one thing in Spanish except for hola (hello) and donde es el bano (where's the bathroom) LOL. They gave me translation, but I still felt like I was in another country... all these people speaking a million miles a minute. That's culture shock!!! But you know what? I liked the feeling of passion in that church. So I continued to come.
I came to every service... Sunday, Wednesday and then I started going to a youth group on Thursdays with my boyfriend's sister. It was unlike any experience I felt before. After a few months, of being firm in God, they invited me to go away for the weekend with the church. WOW that experience really opened my eyes! They preached about everything and in one weekend I cried, screamed, jumped, got liberated, saw the light and walked out of there a free woman!!! That Sunday night, I gave my testimony on the alter in front of hundreds of people. I told them everything I've told you, but here's a part I left out: 3 days before my weekend with God, my mom threatened to disown me. She didn't want me to have anything to do with the God thing... she's Jewish remember? So yeah, I was faced with a choice: either listen to my mom so she wouldn't cut me off from the family wealth (oh yeah my grandpa was the founder of Sealy mattresses and he was extremely rich) and run the risk of becoming homeless if she stopped helping me with my rent or put my total trust in Jesus, go to my encounter with Him and hope for the best. I chose the better one!!!
The Attacks
So I came out of my encounter so filled with joy and peace, but then the enemy attacked me BIG time with the spirit of fear. I lived alone, I was only 20 at this time and I lived in the ghetto because I couldn't afford to live in the beach condo anymore. The minute I stepped into my apartment, I felt like someone was there waiting to hurt me. I would search the whole house with a butcher knife and would always think someone was waiting to kill me. I would check all the closets and see nobody was there but the minute I closed the door, I thought someone was in there. I was like a crazy woman. I was so scared and before I knew it, my fear consumed my life. I was paranoid all the time and I bought an alarm just to protect me. I would lock myself in my room before I went to bed and before I would come out in the morning, I would look under the door to see if there was feet. I thought someone was on the other side of the door waiting to hurt me. I would have horrific thoughts and images run through my head. I was so scared.
CONTINUE IN THE NEXT POST... IT'S TOO LONG FOR ONE... (LOOK BELOW)
My Childhood
I was born May 16, 1983 in Jersey. My dad is Catholic and my mom is Jewish. Yeah, tell me about it! LOL. When I was 3 years old, they got divorced and I lived with my mom. She stayed in the area so I was able to see my dad on the weekends. When I was 7, I came home from school to find the whole car packed up and my mom told me we were moving to Florida. The only thing I could think about was not seeing my dad for a long time. I started to scream for him as we pulled out of the driveway and I remember crying saying "I don't want to leave daddy"!
So we moved to South Florida and one day when I was in 2nd grade, my mom brought home this guy named Larry and told me they just got married! She had just met him about a month ago on 4th of July at the beach while watching fireworks. Good job, mom. Larry was an alcoholic and they were together for 4 years. I never saw them fight, but one afternoon when I was about 13 my mom and I came home from school to find Larry in the living room drunk as a skunk. At the time, he had been ignoring me for about a month because I gave him an attitude one morning. As we walked in the house, he started to grab my mom to try and hit her. She told him not to do it in front of me and I then realized this had been going on for a while. I got in between them and gave Larry a big hug- he was like 6'1" 250 and my mom was 5'3" 140. I told him to let us go and I was sorry for giving him an attitude. He let us leave and my mom called the cops. Larry and my mom broke up.
We thought Larry was out of our lives, but one night after he got out of jail, he came and totally destroyed my mom's jaguar, which she had saved up for months to buy. I felt so sorry for her. My mom then started dating another guy named Robert and he was the owner of a strip club. Although he wasn't in the holiest profession, he treated me like his own daughter. He loved me so much and I loved him. Larry then came back and started stalking us. Robert found out and my mom says that she doesn't know what happened to Larry, but I'm pretty sure she had him wacked.
Robert and my mom split after about a year, but Robert and I remained friends. When I was 19, Robert came out of the shower, slipped, hit his head on the tub, went into a coma and nobody found him for 3 days. He passed away a short time after.
My Teenage Years
ok so back up a few years. I started a downward spiral when I went into 6th grade. My mom put me into a catholic school (even though she was Jewish- yeah, I know...weird) and shortly after, I got kicked out. I went to a middle school where I was one of the 11 white kids who attended. I was teased constantly because I was white. One of my best friends got jumped by 7 girls and from that point on, I became racist. I hated black people and I thought they were all the same. I thought everyone who was african american was out to hurt me and I didn't think anyone of that race was good.
When I was in 8th grade, I met a girl named Sandra. Sandra was a satanist. She read Satan's bible and the walls of her room were covered in posters of Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails. I thought Sandra looked ugly in all that black and funky colored fingernails, but there was one thing that made me admire her... all of the black people were scared of her. Bingo! That's what I wanted. So I started getting into Satanism and learning the chants and allowed Satan to come into my life not knowing the spiritual reaction I would have later in life. Within a matter of weeks, my dreams came true. Nobody picked on me anymore because they all thought I did voodoo.
High School Years
So high school came around and I dropped the whole Satanist thing. I actually started to realize that african americans weren't bad after all and some of my closest friends were of all different colors. I knew there was a God up there but I lived by my rules and not his. In 9th grade I started doing drugs. At first it was just marijuana and then it escalated into acid, roofies, estacy, anything I could get my hands on. When I was 15, I started doing coke and realized that I could make some money selling it too. So I started dealing drugs when I was 15 to friends of friends and I made a lot of money in a short amount of time. Before I knew it, I was friends with the club promoters, the big time dealers, the people who really mattered in the drug world.
Because of my drug use and partying, I was doing really bad in school. Every year I was supposed to get 8 credits in school which would give me a shot at 16 credits between freshman and sophmore year, but at the end of 10th grade, I only had a half a credit! My GPA was a .07 and my mom did the unthinkable- she told me to drop out of school. say what??? I thought parents were supposed to encourage their children to go forward??? Well, I decided not to drop out and here's why:
Halloween night of 2000. I went to a rave, which is a party that starts at 10 pm and goes until the sun comes up. I couldn't even keep track of how many drugs were in my system, but something went terribly wrong. I remember doing coke early in the night, but apparently I followed it with a zanax pill. When your body is confronted with an upper, like coke, and then a downer, like zanax, your heart doesn't know what to do. It didn't know whether to beat fast or slow and I started "speedballing". I felt like I was going to die. I laid there on the floor knowing that I was on the verge of an overdose. I tried to tell my friends, but they were too high to realize what was going on. I had all these people around me, but yet I felt all alone. Thankfully I recovered on my own.
The next day I made a promise to myself: I wanted to quit doing drugs cold turkey. And that's just what I did. I stopped hanging out with those friends. I went from being 5'3" and only 82 lbs to actually looking like a normal person! I started paying attention in school and got into acting. I was a finalist to states in competitive acting. My acting teacher saw the change in me and gave me the Drew Barrymore Turnaround Award LOL. I graduated high school and proved my mom wrong. I could do it. I could make it. I could be somebody.
After My High School Years
So after high school I fell back a little. I didn't do drugs again, except for the occasional smoking pot, but I found myself still feeling alone. So at 18, I started drinking. And I mean drinking! Like a quart a night for 3 months straight. I fell into a deep depression. My mom decided to move back to Jersey, but I was happy down here so she literally packed up all her things and left me here. I had a 2 bedroom condo on the beach.. a dream right? Not really when you're feeling all alone.
On my 19th birthday, all my friends ditched me. I remember calling them and saying "what are we doing tonight"? They had no idea it was my birthday. I felt so alone and depressed. I thought I found a way out... suicide. Those thoughts raced through my head like "it's not going to get any better", "your family left you", "There's nobody out there that cares". I wanted to take a bunch of pills and just die... I remember taking out the phone book and calling all the suicide hotlines for help and they would just ring and ring... I thought to myself "why aren't you picking up the phone?!?! I'm here about to die!!! Don't you care???" well, I didn't commit suicide because I was too chicken.
A few months later, I met this guy Jordan and we started dating. Things got really serious really fast and before I knew it, I got pregnant. I was so scared and shocked. I didn't know what to do. Before I even talked it through with him, I had an abortion. I was only 19 and I killed my baby. Out of all the things I've done wrong in my life, that's the one thing I really regret doing. Jordan and I broke up shortly after.
While I was still in party mode, I met this guy named Irving at work. I wasn't interested at first, but he was into cars. I started talking to him about amps, speakers, body kits, altezzas, exhaust, and he was able to keep up with me so I liked that. We started dating and I knew he loved me, but I still felt empty. A year into our relationship, his family invited us to this huge spanish church. Man, I didn't even understand one thing in Spanish except for hola (hello) and donde es el bano (where's the bathroom) LOL. They gave me translation, but I still felt like I was in another country... all these people speaking a million miles a minute. That's culture shock!!! But you know what? I liked the feeling of passion in that church. So I continued to come.
I came to every service... Sunday, Wednesday and then I started going to a youth group on Thursdays with my boyfriend's sister. It was unlike any experience I felt before. After a few months, of being firm in God, they invited me to go away for the weekend with the church. WOW that experience really opened my eyes! They preached about everything and in one weekend I cried, screamed, jumped, got liberated, saw the light and walked out of there a free woman!!! That Sunday night, I gave my testimony on the alter in front of hundreds of people. I told them everything I've told you, but here's a part I left out: 3 days before my weekend with God, my mom threatened to disown me. She didn't want me to have anything to do with the God thing... she's Jewish remember? So yeah, I was faced with a choice: either listen to my mom so she wouldn't cut me off from the family wealth (oh yeah my grandpa was the founder of Sealy mattresses and he was extremely rich) and run the risk of becoming homeless if she stopped helping me with my rent or put my total trust in Jesus, go to my encounter with Him and hope for the best. I chose the better one!!!
The Attacks
So I came out of my encounter so filled with joy and peace, but then the enemy attacked me BIG time with the spirit of fear. I lived alone, I was only 20 at this time and I lived in the ghetto because I couldn't afford to live in the beach condo anymore. The minute I stepped into my apartment, I felt like someone was there waiting to hurt me. I would search the whole house with a butcher knife and would always think someone was waiting to kill me. I would check all the closets and see nobody was there but the minute I closed the door, I thought someone was in there. I was like a crazy woman. I was so scared and before I knew it, my fear consumed my life. I was paranoid all the time and I bought an alarm just to protect me. I would lock myself in my room before I went to bed and before I would come out in the morning, I would look under the door to see if there was feet. I thought someone was on the other side of the door waiting to hurt me. I would have horrific thoughts and images run through my head. I was so scared.
CONTINUE IN THE NEXT POST... IT'S TOO LONG FOR ONE... (LOOK BELOW)
