Fear of having children...

[Sheep]

...I told myself no, I'm not going to post this. It's going to look very stupid - fear of having children?? LOL

I've been with Talk Jesus for more that a year now and the advice, love, friendship and compassion I have been getting is astounding And kinda feel silly about this. My parents in law and family think its just a phase but they don't know how deep this goes except my husband.

I'm really truly afraid to have children. I tried to brainwash myself in thinking lots of positive things and reading lots of verses about children is a blessing from God and all, trying to realy push it away and just to be normal like everyone else, all googly-eyed about little babies they see, ohing and aaahing, just having baby on the brain. But I can't... I really tried. I keep resiting verses in my head, but it just stays in my head, its not hitting my heart, truly making me feel I really want a child, sorry, I can't be a fake.

I truely call on my Lord Jesus to save me from this, to fix it, whatever is broken or not "right"
I struggle to see anything possitive about having children, I guess its because my mother always used to say that children only come to use, abuse, drain you of your last energy and leave...

My husband is the most understanding man, the most wonderful husband I could ever ask for, but I can't deprive him of children, just because I'm afraid. He will be the best dad ever, better than what I had when I was a little girl...

Anyway, what I truely want is some of my brothers and sisters to tell me what is so great about having children. Please, tell me whay God call them a blessing...

Blessings to you all, thank you for taking time to read my urgent request

 

[AbbysAunt]

Hi Sheep,

I don't have children of my own, but I do have a niece and nephew and can tell you why they are a blessing to me. When I see them and they come running and fling themselves into my arms it is one of the most wonderful things ever and when I see them smile there is nothing better because through their smile and unconditional, pure love I see God. Children when they are little don't care what you look like, how much you weigh, if you are short or tall...they just love you plain and simple and a child has such trust to the point of jumping into your arms without fear because they know you are there and will catch them. Children are a blessing because they remind us how we should be with our Lord Jesus. We should be as little children trusting Him completely knowing He will protect us and be there to catch us. We are also reminded of what pure love is...children when they are small love you and don't look at things like the world does...when the world sees different races, colors and backgrounds all a child sees is the person they love. Love as a child loves and trust as a child loves...this is what it means to come before God as little children.

My best friend didn't want children for 8 years. She married her husband and just wasn't interested in having kids and thought she never would be, but this past year she had a beautiful baby girl who is now a year old and now she says she can't imagine life without her. My friend wasn't ready for a baby for those 8 years and she too felt as if she was depriving her husband of being a dad, but he understood and it would of been wrong if she had rushed into it something before she was ready...if you are meant to have a child God will let you know when the time is right and when He does you will know because your outlook of children will change like you wouldn't believe. I hope this helps you out some.

God bless you now and always
AA

 

[Sheep]

Thank you

Dear Sister AbbysAunt

Thank you for your letter. The story about your friend makes me feel better about the subject My sister in law was exactly the same she told me and now she can't imagine her life without her daughter

I think you are absolutely right, when I am ready, Jesus will let me know that I am. I spoke to my husband last night, and came out with the scelaton in the closet and told him how I feel. I don't want him thinking that I'm all googly eyed and then with I rude awakening he realize that I'm not and actually having terrible doubts and fears.

He saw it as no problem and said to me that he knew all along and why I'm feeling this way is because I'm not ready yet, the time is not right and he also is not completely ready yet and that I should relax and not worry about it. I felt much better, but I realized that I made a more bigger deal out of it than it really was hahaha making a mountain out of a molesheap

I'm glad he feels that way and that he understands. I'm just going to leave it in God's hands and let Him worry about it and whatever should happen, will happen and He will be with me all the step of the way...

Thanks again...
And Blessings to you also in Jesus Name.

xxx
sheep

 

[AbbysAunt]

Hello Sister Sheep,

I'm glad you are feeling better about things now and have discussed them with your husband as well. It's funny those closest to us seem already know what we are thinking or feeling so what we think is secret is really not. Has happened to me more than once...lol! I think we are all guilty of making a mountain of a molesheap at one time or another in our lives...the important thing is this...God gave you a wonderful supportive husband, and a place to go to where you can seek advice, ask for prayer and know that it is of Jesus because Here on Talk Jesus we don't just talk Jesus we live Jesus which is to say we live as He would of giving love to others and sharing His truth in love. God bless you dear sister. Isn't wonderful to be part of the family of God!

To God be the Glory!
AA

 

[DanielO]

Having children will help you to better understand God's love for His children, at least...it did for me.
In this day, at this time, i think it can be more scary than other times in history to consider having a child, especially with the way our culture has gone down the tubes and our govt mandated indoctrination centers...err, i mean schools teaching eviloution and other lies.
That said, the wife and i often wonder aloud what we did for the 8 years prior to having our first. My answer is that we had dogs, fought more and just sinned more in general. Having just witnessed our 2 girls attending VBS at the same church i went to as a child was pretty awesome. Last week i got word that we had a "fugitive" loose in the area so i made a few calls to spread the word, later my mom told me that our oldest, the five year old, without being prompted to do so, knelt down and prayed "Lord please make the criminal be calm and let him become a Christian." and that, well...tears are forming as i type.

I know the wife and i, my parents, my in-laws wouldn't know what to do without them.

God bless you and guide you into His will.

 

[Sheep]

Dear Brother DanielO

Thank you for sharing this with me. Listening to people that are parents, sounds to me like moments like yours are priceless... and that you can only understand, the day you have your own.

The thing is, I struggle to truly understand what the fuss is all about. Its like trying to explaint to me how wonderful this ice cream taste and that you never had anything like it in your life and that you are hooked forever, and me, sitting wondering what you are going on about, coz I never tasted the ice cream...

So yes, that brings us to the solution: I need to relax, be calm about the situation (already gave it to Jesus) and the day I eat the ice cream, we can both go on and on about how fantastic it is

Thank you my brother for taking the time to write me.
Blessings to your wife and your little girls.

 

[kf_chris]

Sheep,

It's hard to say where the issue lies, but the comment you made about your mother could be part of the problem (probably why you chose to mention it here when asking for help). My wife and I had a baby last fall, we are expecting another in the spring. We were very wordly people before we got together, travelling, taking in the world, all that, we both now openly admit that our little girl is an angel we were blessed with and can't imagine a world where she doesn't exist. I'd say think/pray/talk about what you think could be the real underlying cause of why you have no interest in children. I'm sure you have many arenas that you can bring this up with the support you need. Sure, having a kid is hard work, it's exhausting to a level that you have no idea about now. The other side of that is a feeling that I can only describe as having a new heart grow (I already feel my love for my unborn baby and it's amazing) for your child/children. Almost every day when I lay my daughter down and pray with her I say to God that it's so hard for me to understand how he could have send his One Chosen Son to die, for the love and forgiveness of all of the rest of us. Only God can do that and even now it baffles me, because of the love I feel for my little girl.
I hope this in some way helps you.

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

sister sheep //..Ive got six and 9 grands kids and ill tell you every one is a blessing and a trial at the same time ..mine have been the best of life and the worst at times bu it is through them that ive learned just how much God loves us and also how He may see us through His eyes ...youre never ready but when Children are involved God will equip you as needed ..it is the seed of the future in each one that as Got me through it all ..last one is 13 now but the Home is filled with new life and joy abundent in all the grands running around.yes sleep is minimal and money may be short but every time i see my grandchildren in amasment at the things around them as they Grow .im in wonder of the things God continues to show me through them .they are a blessing compared to no other and Gods gift to us all.....Rev.