Sister Emm12,Sister, you are not alone!! LOL I fully understand this even at my tender age of 61, lol but perhaps I can help you to understand many times why we feel like this. There are indeed times in all of our lives where the Lord wishes to play a game with us,it is called hide and seek!( Isaiah 45:15!!)
We know that our Jesus never leaves us or forsakes,but yes sister he will indeed hide many times from us,and with a purpose!! For me sister my dream involved a clock which did not work,and the reason the clock in my dream did not work, was because there was no one to wind up that clock daily. Holy Spirit meaning.
In prayer after much waiting( Isaiah 40:28-31) Holy spirit inside me delivered to me this scripture,with this message." Because both daughter ship, and son ship,depends greatly upon the time one spends with there Father,many of my children have look to isolated themselves from me,because they are busy in there own lives,doing things they themselves wish to do,but suffer greatly because of this.
For I wish to spend time with my children,I do not care for anyone or anything coming before ME! The clock represents your time,and since the very Word of God himself is the very seed( Luke 8:11)causing time to move in ones life,it stops because the daughter, or the son refuses to spend the time needed to stay in my word, so that I can speak to them through my word!" Hence winding the clock daily!( 2 cor 13:5) which of course requires us dear sister to examine ourselves making very sure we indeed stay in the faith to start with! i hope this bring you comfort,for truth always comes with grace!( john 1:14) It is not the time for anger,but rather a times to examine.Blessing to you!!( Psalm 27:13)