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Finding my faith

elise_ale

Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2019
Messages
1
I don't really know how to go about this, but something has pushed me to wonder, reflect, and learn more about God, and the catholic Church. And so here I am, hoping to find answers. Deep down I know the only answer I'll ever get will come from inside, but discusion never hurts, and I'm at a standstill, and lost.

I was raised in a atheist home, I say atheist, but in fact my parents just never discussed faith nor religion with us children. I was baptised in a protestant church in Sweden as a baby, and after that the subject never really arose again. Thus I never gave much thought to God until my teenage years. At that time I started reflecting and wondering about God, about Church, and about different religions. I was surrounded by catholics, orthodox, and protestants for the most part, and had many opportunities to ask them about what made them believe. I always used to take a stand, I was open to discusion, but stuck to my position, which was more or less agnostic, if not atheist. Thinking back now, I think I was jealous for the most part. Jealous of their certainty, of their faith, and belief in good, jealous of the community they were a part of. And i resented my place. I resented feeling left out, and I saw these different faiths as sects, that had excluded me, and left me bare and alone. I resented God, since he had never brought me in his embrace. Though I was actually the one pushing Him away.

I always believed in a higher power, in a spirit that watched over us all, and took care of us. A sort of God who had a plan and would take care of me and us all. Nevertheless I was always wary of Church. Wary of defining exactly my beliefs, and "choosing" a faith. I've always thought their is some truth in every belief, though the expression of this faith may vary, I thought it was God's way of reaching us all in some measure, even if it wasn't perfect, or exactly right. And thus I considered my personal faith, my way of believing in this God I had created in my mind, this perfect creature that only wanted good, and was always there for me, for everyone; I thought it was the right way to believe and honor Him.

A few years later - I am now 22 years old - I met a boy. A perfect man, clouded by doubt and insecurities, but who had put all of his trust and all of his love and hope in Jesus Christ. He spoke to me about his faith, the catholic church, God, and Jesus sacrifices for His people. He told me of the Love, the infinite Love that always surrounded him, and was always within him. He told me about forgiveness, and redemption. He told me about a life of sacrifice and giving back. He taught me about Church and brought me to church on Sundays.

He never pressured me, never asked about my stand in all of this, but was always ready to answer all of my question no matter how childish, or almost stupid. And I love him for it.

What I'm searching for here, is an exterior look into my own faith. I can't graft my own beliefs onto his, I need to grow my faith independently, but I don't know how... I've started reading the bible, managed to go through quite a bit of it, and wrote down parts that really touched me, the parts which I felt I connected to. I still hav a hard time with some parts, the parts that judge non-believers, but I can see beyound that, and grasp that it's not the essence of the Bibe, that God's biggest wish is to bring as many as he can to Him.

All in all, I think I need guidance. To grow my faith, that's a hard thing to do on one's own, and see if that faith actually fits into the catholic Church.

I'm sorry if this is all a bit confused, that's a reflection of my own thoughts.

Thank you in advance for your answers and I do apologize for any spelling misstakes (English is not my mother tongue)
 
You will fond that most people on this website are protestant and not catholic. I myself am not apart of any denomination. I believe what I believe because God revealed it to me by his spirit. It happens that my beliefs match up with many others. I do not believe that you can find a denomination that is perfect as they all have traditions that hinder the spirit of God. Hindering God is a human thing we all do it. Besides if you just adopt someone elses beliefs then how hard is it for them to become personal to you.

My advice is seek God's guiding spirit. Test every doctrine against the word of God to see if the doctrine is truth. And ask questions but dont blindly accept any answer.
 
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