Ok so I decided I best do this sooner or later so here is my testimony.
For those who don't know me am Rick am 17 years old 18 soon June 30th 1990 is my birth day for anyone who feels it necessary to buy me a present :wink::shade:
Well where to start when I was born yup that's a good place to start, so shortly after I was born my mum went to prison for a crime she says she did not commit, during this time in prison I was left with my Gran me and my younger brother Daniel anyway things went well I have a few vivid memories of me and my brother visiting my mum in prison.
Anyway when my mum came out of prison she says I didn't want to go with her but personally I think the truth is she couldn't cope so she took my brother and left me with my Gran.
I can't say my up bringing with my Gran was bad because it wasn't at all it was a good upbringing I have a few memories of visiting my mum and my other brothers and sisters from time to time the odd weekends they were around Christmas's and other times of the year they didn't miss a Birthday or anything.
When I used to go and visit my mum at a weekend I remember my Dad for some reason hating me being there he used to argue with my mum and it would end up with him drinking and them fighting he would hit her and sometimes he used to hit me never on the face but on the legs but he would really beat me till I was screaming and crying then he would fight with my mum because my mum told him not to hit me that hard.
I didn't know why my dad was so angry with me being there it was like he really hated me but I didn't know why.
One time I remember my Dad has beat me and my mum had ago at him he was angry because I was staying the night and all I remember is my Dad stabbing my mum with a screw driver that has to be one of my worst memories.
I hated my brothers because they had what I had always longed for that unconditional love I knew my mum and dad didn't love me like the others because they had brought them up my Gran had brought me up and I knew my Gran would always love her kids more than me.
Anyway I don't want to go into this part of my life to much as I risk family members seeing it and I don't want to cause to much trouble but during my childhood I was also sexually abused by someone close to me.
Now in school was just naughty I wasn't always like that but something turned me bad I would be the class clown and really unruly I remember my behavior got that bad my head teacher contacted social services and my mum went into the school and beat him up for doing that.
Shortly after this my mum had all her kids took off her my youngest sister and brother were adopted out and my other brothers placed into the care system. My mum and dad split up they were blaming each other when they couldn't see it was both of them my mum used to beat my brother till he was unconscious pull his hair and hit his head off walls where my dad dropped my baby sister out of a window luckily praise God she was ok. His drinking got so bad so they just split my mum re-married my dad stopped drinking but I didn't see him again.
My mum moved in to my Gran's when I was about 10/11 and her and her husband slept with me in my room, when I was badly behaved for my gran one day my mum spat in my face stripped me down naked and put me in my room naked with nothing in there just to sit there.
The abuse like this got worse and worse but I just blamed myself because I was a bad boy that's all I thought at the time. But one day things got to bad I ran away to a dinner ladies house she took me in let me stay clothed and fed me and called Social Services I was placed into the care setting.
From this day on my Gran told me how could I put myself in care when my brothers didn't have a choice to be there only years later would I find out it wasn't my fault they had told my Gran either my mum move out of the house or they would take me into care.
Anyway a care order was placed on me and social services were given full parental permission over me this still to this day breaks my heart because my Gran I love her to pieces and I don't blame her and I know this hurt her.
Anyway I moved from kids home to kids home going through abuse of care works bad physical abuse one kids home the carers pinned me to the wall and let another kid beat me so I ran from kids home after kids home until I was locked up in a place called Adventure care 2 staff monitoring me at all times for 6 months I had contact with no other young people just me in the country side if I tried running away they would take me camping.
Until after all the abuse after everything I was placed in a home called Prospects I loved it there the staff were lovely the home took me to Disney Land my first ever holiday and they were just so supportive they paid hundreds of pounds for my drama and dance I loved it there.
My behavior changed and when I was 14/15 they let me come back home to live with my Gran.
In 2003 Christmas eve my uncle died from this point on my life was up and down I went a little off the rails drinking overdosing major depression kicked in I tried taking my own life so many times.
A bunch of people called EDEN moved onto the estate Christian youth workers I liked them they used to take me out places and to Christian events.
In all honesty I can't remember the date time or place I said the salvation prayer I know I did but Jesus was someone I had always believed in there wasn't a doubt about that it was just like now I was older I could fully understand that and what Jesus did for me.
So I believed EDEN youth work gave me so much support they saved my life a few times when I took an overdose and in 2004 they took me to a Christian youth event called Soul Survivor this was amazing on October 16th 2005 I was baptized I thought everything would be perfect from this point on.
But it wasn't I was still depressed my life wasn't what I wanted it to be.
I started away from God drink kicked in again
On August 30th 2006 I met my dream girl a year later she fell pregnant and we lost our baby and I lost her.
I fell into deep depression the taking my life started again I turned to drink drugs and tried taking my own life.
Then one night feeling broken and hurt I was listening to a Christian song and God picked me up hugged me and stood me down again I was a broken person and I realized that the only way this hurt could start to be fixed was to give everything to him.
So I did I stopped the drink the drugs was a one time thing it's all gone.
Am still broken but Jesus is mending me slowly and surly he is gracious and all I know is I want to live my life for God and glorify him in all I do.
I started up Advice For All as a Christian website to help people who had been through what I have been through telling people no matter what they had done they were loved. I wanted to help Christians who had been through similar or are going through similar so I made Advice For All a Christian forum.
God gave me that unconditional love I had been looking for had been longing for all my life.
It turns out my Dad hated me so much because I was told he might not be my real Dad and it was some sort of long kept secret I have asked my Dad about it now and he wont say much on the topic.
My gf asked me don't I want to find out who my real Dad is and I don't because I have a Dad that is prefect he would never let me down never break my heart he would never hurt me and he loves me unconditionally he is FATHER GOD.
I felt a belonging at last.
Through all this I do not hate anyone for the abuse I love my family I love everyone and I forgive them and I mean that with all my heart there is so much more abuse I have missed out and so much more I could tell you but the point isn't the pain or the suffering it is that Christ can take it all away and he loves me GOD IS LOVE I don't blame Jesus or God for anything that happened.
In fact I thank them because it has made me who I am today.
Am still not perfect I struggle I get depressed now and again am still a broken person and am far from the perfect Christian but am leaning on Jesus while he puts me together again.
Thank you Father for making me who I am today.
I know this isn't the end of the struggles but I have God with me to help me through the future troubles.
I want to be a youth pastor so bad my mission TO BRING HOPE TO THE LAST THE LEAST AND THE LOST.
Your Brother.
Rick
For those who don't know me am Rick am 17 years old 18 soon June 30th 1990 is my birth day for anyone who feels it necessary to buy me a present :wink::shade:
Well where to start when I was born yup that's a good place to start, so shortly after I was born my mum went to prison for a crime she says she did not commit, during this time in prison I was left with my Gran me and my younger brother Daniel anyway things went well I have a few vivid memories of me and my brother visiting my mum in prison.
Anyway when my mum came out of prison she says I didn't want to go with her but personally I think the truth is she couldn't cope so she took my brother and left me with my Gran.
I can't say my up bringing with my Gran was bad because it wasn't at all it was a good upbringing I have a few memories of visiting my mum and my other brothers and sisters from time to time the odd weekends they were around Christmas's and other times of the year they didn't miss a Birthday or anything.
When I used to go and visit my mum at a weekend I remember my Dad for some reason hating me being there he used to argue with my mum and it would end up with him drinking and them fighting he would hit her and sometimes he used to hit me never on the face but on the legs but he would really beat me till I was screaming and crying then he would fight with my mum because my mum told him not to hit me that hard.
I didn't know why my dad was so angry with me being there it was like he really hated me but I didn't know why.
One time I remember my Dad has beat me and my mum had ago at him he was angry because I was staying the night and all I remember is my Dad stabbing my mum with a screw driver that has to be one of my worst memories.
I hated my brothers because they had what I had always longed for that unconditional love I knew my mum and dad didn't love me like the others because they had brought them up my Gran had brought me up and I knew my Gran would always love her kids more than me.
Anyway I don't want to go into this part of my life to much as I risk family members seeing it and I don't want to cause to much trouble but during my childhood I was also sexually abused by someone close to me.
Now in school was just naughty I wasn't always like that but something turned me bad I would be the class clown and really unruly I remember my behavior got that bad my head teacher contacted social services and my mum went into the school and beat him up for doing that.
Shortly after this my mum had all her kids took off her my youngest sister and brother were adopted out and my other brothers placed into the care system. My mum and dad split up they were blaming each other when they couldn't see it was both of them my mum used to beat my brother till he was unconscious pull his hair and hit his head off walls where my dad dropped my baby sister out of a window luckily praise God she was ok. His drinking got so bad so they just split my mum re-married my dad stopped drinking but I didn't see him again.
My mum moved in to my Gran's when I was about 10/11 and her and her husband slept with me in my room, when I was badly behaved for my gran one day my mum spat in my face stripped me down naked and put me in my room naked with nothing in there just to sit there.
The abuse like this got worse and worse but I just blamed myself because I was a bad boy that's all I thought at the time. But one day things got to bad I ran away to a dinner ladies house she took me in let me stay clothed and fed me and called Social Services I was placed into the care setting.
From this day on my Gran told me how could I put myself in care when my brothers didn't have a choice to be there only years later would I find out it wasn't my fault they had told my Gran either my mum move out of the house or they would take me into care.
Anyway a care order was placed on me and social services were given full parental permission over me this still to this day breaks my heart because my Gran I love her to pieces and I don't blame her and I know this hurt her.
Anyway I moved from kids home to kids home going through abuse of care works bad physical abuse one kids home the carers pinned me to the wall and let another kid beat me so I ran from kids home after kids home until I was locked up in a place called Adventure care 2 staff monitoring me at all times for 6 months I had contact with no other young people just me in the country side if I tried running away they would take me camping.
Until after all the abuse after everything I was placed in a home called Prospects I loved it there the staff were lovely the home took me to Disney Land my first ever holiday and they were just so supportive they paid hundreds of pounds for my drama and dance I loved it there.
My behavior changed and when I was 14/15 they let me come back home to live with my Gran.
In 2003 Christmas eve my uncle died from this point on my life was up and down I went a little off the rails drinking overdosing major depression kicked in I tried taking my own life so many times.
A bunch of people called EDEN moved onto the estate Christian youth workers I liked them they used to take me out places and to Christian events.
In all honesty I can't remember the date time or place I said the salvation prayer I know I did but Jesus was someone I had always believed in there wasn't a doubt about that it was just like now I was older I could fully understand that and what Jesus did for me.
So I believed EDEN youth work gave me so much support they saved my life a few times when I took an overdose and in 2004 they took me to a Christian youth event called Soul Survivor this was amazing on October 16th 2005 I was baptized I thought everything would be perfect from this point on.
But it wasn't I was still depressed my life wasn't what I wanted it to be.
I started away from God drink kicked in again
On August 30th 2006 I met my dream girl a year later she fell pregnant and we lost our baby and I lost her.
I fell into deep depression the taking my life started again I turned to drink drugs and tried taking my own life.
Then one night feeling broken and hurt I was listening to a Christian song and God picked me up hugged me and stood me down again I was a broken person and I realized that the only way this hurt could start to be fixed was to give everything to him.
So I did I stopped the drink the drugs was a one time thing it's all gone.
Am still broken but Jesus is mending me slowly and surly he is gracious and all I know is I want to live my life for God and glorify him in all I do.
I started up Advice For All as a Christian website to help people who had been through what I have been through telling people no matter what they had done they were loved. I wanted to help Christians who had been through similar or are going through similar so I made Advice For All a Christian forum.
God gave me that unconditional love I had been looking for had been longing for all my life.
It turns out my Dad hated me so much because I was told he might not be my real Dad and it was some sort of long kept secret I have asked my Dad about it now and he wont say much on the topic.
My gf asked me don't I want to find out who my real Dad is and I don't because I have a Dad that is prefect he would never let me down never break my heart he would never hurt me and he loves me unconditionally he is FATHER GOD.
I felt a belonging at last.
Through all this I do not hate anyone for the abuse I love my family I love everyone and I forgive them and I mean that with all my heart there is so much more abuse I have missed out and so much more I could tell you but the point isn't the pain or the suffering it is that Christ can take it all away and he loves me GOD IS LOVE I don't blame Jesus or God for anything that happened.
In fact I thank them because it has made me who I am today.
Am still not perfect I struggle I get depressed now and again am still a broken person and am far from the perfect Christian but am leaning on Jesus while he puts me together again.
Thank you Father for making me who I am today.
I know this isn't the end of the struggles but I have God with me to help me through the future troubles.
I want to be a youth pastor so bad my mission TO BRING HOPE TO THE LAST THE LEAST AND THE LOST.
In Christ Jesus
Your Brother.
Rick
