Greetings travelers

[mysteryoflife]

I'm an ex occultist, who dabbled deep into supernatural realms where i have met all kinds of spirits. Many of them promised me great many things, but in return i got nothing, and was only eaten by darkness as each day passed on. I came to a point where i had to make a choice, to stay in the abyss, or to swim back up, but by doing so, something would always drag me down. Now i don't even feel human anymore, and it feels there's no going back. Possessed from early on, it was only natural to follow in those footsteps, until eventually joining the lodge of secret brotherhood and pursuing the spirits all the way. Lately, for the last couple of months i've been having battles in my dreams of greatest proportions. I've dreamt of everything, world ending soon, spirits rising from the underworld and attacking everyone, trying to get everyone on their side, and many more, which would take a full book to write it all down. Everytime i try and praise Jesus, even for a moment, when i dream, i'm constantly attacked. Spirits pull me into sleep paralysis until i give up the faith and am free to sleep again. When i instead pursue the spirits, my dreams are lovely, but i do not feel myself that way. Yesterday i just said, Jesus, alright, if you want to help me out, me the possessed fool, a fatherless *******, who never even thought about anything but the sadness of everything. If you will, just give me a sign, anything, i'll be alright with it. Now i woke up from a dream, where i was in prison with about 20 people in the room with me, and they were all crazy as enraged monkeys, A woman was waiting by the door, which is weird since prison is not mixed. As she was waiting by the door with a hammer for someone to come in, think it was nurse for some reason, to hit her and try to escape. She looked at me as i was telling her no, don't, she had second thoughts seeing me calling to her. Then i looked around and saw the crucifix right beside my pillow on the bed, i lifted it up and showed it to her, the woman broke and dropped the hammer. I've interpreted it as easily, not much to decypher, no matter where one is, Jesus is always there, even if one is not looking. What do you think, is there any chance of ever going back? Or do you think i should just remain in darkness where i was all this time? But know, if i can resist, who was broken since i was a little child, split into multiple personalities, my hope for you is then, that you will see and understand, that nothing is lost, and there is always a chance, if not for me, then for all of you.