This is something that I wrote looking at the differences of my life before and my life after receiving God in my life and in my heart! Blessed be the name of the Lord !
One day I decided that I must do something for my soul, which was broken into millions of pieces. Fragments of love mingled with wishes of revenge, perplexes, solitude and mysteries. No one could enter completely in my heart and make it whole. No one had succeeded till that moment, because I didn’t give to anyone the padlock . Though I was considering myself a winner, I was already a defeated person. Years were passing quickly and I realized I haven’t gain anything at all…except more emptiness inside of me, except the cruel reality that were showing me how the things that I always considered good had perished in the darkness.
I knew I had to find my way in this universe. I knew I had to look for the truth. I knew I had to find a real life. Only 3 things, but so difficult to understand and to reach!
I have been walking through deserts and I have crossed oceans to find infinity. I have read books to find truth. I have studied foreign languages, hoping that I could finally reach something new in those different words. I have run across the miles to do the things with a great speed and not to lose a precious second of my existence. I have stayed hours on the beach, admiring the sea, trying to decipher the mysteries of the horizon, not even knowing that I have to search below the horizon to find the miracles. I have asked the people about happiness and they told me that there’s no such thing; that you have always to be strong, powerful, to have others at your feet, to be rich and proud of yourself to succeed and to be surrounded by bliss in your life. I have asked the flowers where I can find beauty and grace, but they said : ”You need to discover this by yourself! Keep trying!”. I have been walking through darkness, stumbling , overwhelmed by perplexes and pains, lifting my arms up, but not calling anyone. I have been making a mess from my heart, loving one day and hating next day. I have been wanting to be another person, to ape other people and in this way I forgot to be myself.
I have been listening to temptations and blurred my pure and innocent soul with images and words that destroyed holy prayers . I have been crawling from the silt and dust to the water to wash myself, but until I got there, the ocean had already drained. I seldom tried to see the sheen of the sapphires, because I hurried up to sell them and gain money… Skulking in solitude and living by flashbacks I didn’t want not for the life of me to open a new world; I was thinking that within a day all should be destroyed, but every second appeared something that changed my thoughts. I have been trying to smell the perfume of the roses, the breeze of the ocean and to feel the fresh air entering inside of me, but I have been often wheezing or gasping. I had dreams, illusions or visions that have scattered with the coming of the sunrise and I was unreeled by the reality. I have been breaking my word toward my own person so many times, that I finally decided not to promise anything from that moment.
I understood that people cannot see the grievance from my heart, my wounded soul in the battle and my mind busy with fears and covered by misunderstood words. I have been leaning upon a clean image of the world and I was ripped like a poor lamb in the fangs of some terrible beasts. My enemies’ gossip made me stand aloof humans and find solace in imaginary friends and phantasms. I have been looking in people’s eyes beautifully smiling, giving the impression that I’m easy of approach.
I have been laughing, even inside of me there was no joy, but slumps, failures, glimpses of a powerful past and unforgotten sorrows. I opened slowly my swollen eyes and I saw just people hurting me, pushing me, not accepting my decisions and my beliefs, wrapped in millions of crimes and wrathful that they cannot make me perish.
So, I lost precious moments looking something superior to this world in the same world in which I was living. I finally realized that I was thirsty of love; and if I was not able to find love, love has found me!
As my tears covered my whole being, I felt a precious Hand caressing me. I didn’t have any idea of what was happening to me, but I knew it was LOVE, that love I’ve been searching for!
‘Why have you doubt in calling Me? Why have you tried to hide against a wall and believe that I don’t exist? I love you more than you can imagine and I willingly died for you…I want My children to talk with me, to find their strength in my words and the peace through my light…and finally, I want them to live forever with me in the Heaven above, where there’s no grievance, or pain or sadness…’
Those words that I’ve heard made me fall on my knees because of the pain within me. Jesus wanted me to return to Him, He was receiving me as the father received his prodigal son back in his arms. He put His Holy Hand on my heart and after He touched it, I lifted my eyes full of tears and whispered :’Thank you, my Lord! Thank You! Now, my heart is Yours forever!’
Since He became the Only Master of my life, I have seen the grace and the beauty of the universe and I’ve found myself complete, as I never did!
I could have fallen into hopelessness, but…He came to me! The world did not change and maybe it will never change. But now I have a reason to live, I have a Friend to live for, I have a Master to listen to, I have whom to give my entire love! The people are still hurting me, but the Lord is healing my wounds and is giving me strength to face the madness of the whole humanity! I will live for Him, through Him and with Him!
One day I decided that I must do something for my soul, which was broken into millions of pieces. Fragments of love mingled with wishes of revenge, perplexes, solitude and mysteries. No one could enter completely in my heart and make it whole. No one had succeeded till that moment, because I didn’t give to anyone the padlock . Though I was considering myself a winner, I was already a defeated person. Years were passing quickly and I realized I haven’t gain anything at all…except more emptiness inside of me, except the cruel reality that were showing me how the things that I always considered good had perished in the darkness.
I knew I had to find my way in this universe. I knew I had to look for the truth. I knew I had to find a real life. Only 3 things, but so difficult to understand and to reach!
I have been walking through deserts and I have crossed oceans to find infinity. I have read books to find truth. I have studied foreign languages, hoping that I could finally reach something new in those different words. I have run across the miles to do the things with a great speed and not to lose a precious second of my existence. I have stayed hours on the beach, admiring the sea, trying to decipher the mysteries of the horizon, not even knowing that I have to search below the horizon to find the miracles. I have asked the people about happiness and they told me that there’s no such thing; that you have always to be strong, powerful, to have others at your feet, to be rich and proud of yourself to succeed and to be surrounded by bliss in your life. I have asked the flowers where I can find beauty and grace, but they said : ”You need to discover this by yourself! Keep trying!”. I have been walking through darkness, stumbling , overwhelmed by perplexes and pains, lifting my arms up, but not calling anyone. I have been making a mess from my heart, loving one day and hating next day. I have been wanting to be another person, to ape other people and in this way I forgot to be myself.
I have been listening to temptations and blurred my pure and innocent soul with images and words that destroyed holy prayers . I have been crawling from the silt and dust to the water to wash myself, but until I got there, the ocean had already drained. I seldom tried to see the sheen of the sapphires, because I hurried up to sell them and gain money… Skulking in solitude and living by flashbacks I didn’t want not for the life of me to open a new world; I was thinking that within a day all should be destroyed, but every second appeared something that changed my thoughts. I have been trying to smell the perfume of the roses, the breeze of the ocean and to feel the fresh air entering inside of me, but I have been often wheezing or gasping. I had dreams, illusions or visions that have scattered with the coming of the sunrise and I was unreeled by the reality. I have been breaking my word toward my own person so many times, that I finally decided not to promise anything from that moment.
I understood that people cannot see the grievance from my heart, my wounded soul in the battle and my mind busy with fears and covered by misunderstood words. I have been leaning upon a clean image of the world and I was ripped like a poor lamb in the fangs of some terrible beasts. My enemies’ gossip made me stand aloof humans and find solace in imaginary friends and phantasms. I have been looking in people’s eyes beautifully smiling, giving the impression that I’m easy of approach.
I have been laughing, even inside of me there was no joy, but slumps, failures, glimpses of a powerful past and unforgotten sorrows. I opened slowly my swollen eyes and I saw just people hurting me, pushing me, not accepting my decisions and my beliefs, wrapped in millions of crimes and wrathful that they cannot make me perish.
So, I lost precious moments looking something superior to this world in the same world in which I was living. I finally realized that I was thirsty of love; and if I was not able to find love, love has found me!
As my tears covered my whole being, I felt a precious Hand caressing me. I didn’t have any idea of what was happening to me, but I knew it was LOVE, that love I’ve been searching for!
‘Why have you doubt in calling Me? Why have you tried to hide against a wall and believe that I don’t exist? I love you more than you can imagine and I willingly died for you…I want My children to talk with me, to find their strength in my words and the peace through my light…and finally, I want them to live forever with me in the Heaven above, where there’s no grievance, or pain or sadness…’
Those words that I’ve heard made me fall on my knees because of the pain within me. Jesus wanted me to return to Him, He was receiving me as the father received his prodigal son back in his arms. He put His Holy Hand on my heart and after He touched it, I lifted my eyes full of tears and whispered :’Thank you, my Lord! Thank You! Now, my heart is Yours forever!’
Since He became the Only Master of my life, I have seen the grace and the beauty of the universe and I’ve found myself complete, as I never did!
I could have fallen into hopelessness, but…He came to me! The world did not change and maybe it will never change. But now I have a reason to live, I have a Friend to live for, I have a Master to listen to, I have whom to give my entire love! The people are still hurting me, but the Lord is healing my wounds and is giving me strength to face the madness of the whole humanity! I will live for Him, through Him and with Him!
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