i wasnt raised in a christian family ,or even a church going family ,growing up all i knew about church was you went there to die .funny the irony in that statement lol.
the only time i heard the LORDs name was if i was doing something wrong or something bad was happening , so i grew up with the belief that christianity and christians were bad .that attitude from there turned into a hadtred of anything GODLY , yet GOD had his plans .
my hatred for christianity led me into the occult as i was going to prove that christianity was nomore than a cult gone mad , i became proficiant in many practices ,yet most proficiant at bringing things out of nothing .i had a party trick of getting a small ball of light to appear in my hand then throwing it at someone to scare them .
well one sunny day i was sitting in my kitchen eating breakfast and warming myself in the window when i turned to look at the loungeroom and it wasnt there , at the point where the doorway started there was nothing but blackness .
this wasnt just simple darkness this blackness had a " precence " to it , i walked to the dorway and in an act of defiance reached into it ( i had been seeking the "other side" for a while and figured this was it ). my arm was nolonger visible ,i could not feel it , and there was this smell that i never want to smell again .i8 was totally afraid now i was struggling to muster courage to try to pull my arm back if it was sstill there .
thankfully it came out but te smell was stronger i mustered some courage again and decided to stand as close as i can to the door without putting my head in ( yet there was something that was trying to get me to jump in ) to see if i can seee anything there . there was nothing but the terrible smell ,then the fear grew in me again . i stepped back and i could remember from a night " practice "' ( i wont say service as it wasnt a GODLY thing that went on there ) an older lady was saying something like " our father of heaven , hallowed is your name .................. " i was struggling to remember what she said as i suddenly knew this is my time of choice . i realised all the time i had spent chasing this lust of power it was now time to " pay the piper " so to speak .
i was on the floor crying out to GOD and trying to remember this prayer the lady was saying .
i now know it is whats known as the LORDs prayer.
i said JESUS ive done this terrible thing if your real like these christians say you are GET ME OUT OF HERE .
he lounge room was back it waas there again . ok i knew JESUS was real but i wasnt prepared to give myself to him at that stage , there was still fear from what just happened and now fear that even though the darkness was gone was this JESUS just as seductive as what i was just following ?
a few years passed i still hadnt made my decision but JESUS had .
one night i was woken to hear my name called , it was odd because it was my full name and only my wife and parents knew this , it was a mans voice but my dad was dead so it wasnt him . I got up to go to the front of the house where the voice was . the front sitting room was lit up with a brightnes i cannot describe but it didmt penetrate into the other rooms like light does .
again i heard my name called and in the room was someone ,this might sound cleche but its so ,i fell to the floor just crying the words " sorry LORD " over and over i honestly though it was time to die ,
acctually it was but not physically the man said " fear not for i have called you by name you are mine" , when you walk through the waters they will not overcome yiu , when you pass through the fires they will not burn you or even scortch you "
this made no sence to me at that time but i knew i was encountering JESUS ,i was filled with such a love i never felt it before , i could see i was dirt, filth , something to throw on the rubbishpile .yet here was this man in my front room in the middle of the night filling the gaps of my life that i caused by sillyness .
then he was gone . yet inside me was this knowing he isnt far at all .
2 months later we were moving house ,3 months after that i started bible college .im still on my journey in the flesh but i know that black pit will nolonger be my destination .
PRAISE YOU JESUS
i love you
the only time i heard the LORDs name was if i was doing something wrong or something bad was happening , so i grew up with the belief that christianity and christians were bad .that attitude from there turned into a hadtred of anything GODLY , yet GOD had his plans .
my hatred for christianity led me into the occult as i was going to prove that christianity was nomore than a cult gone mad , i became proficiant in many practices ,yet most proficiant at bringing things out of nothing .i had a party trick of getting a small ball of light to appear in my hand then throwing it at someone to scare them .
well one sunny day i was sitting in my kitchen eating breakfast and warming myself in the window when i turned to look at the loungeroom and it wasnt there , at the point where the doorway started there was nothing but blackness .
this wasnt just simple darkness this blackness had a " precence " to it , i walked to the dorway and in an act of defiance reached into it ( i had been seeking the "other side" for a while and figured this was it ). my arm was nolonger visible ,i could not feel it , and there was this smell that i never want to smell again .i8 was totally afraid now i was struggling to muster courage to try to pull my arm back if it was sstill there .
thankfully it came out but te smell was stronger i mustered some courage again and decided to stand as close as i can to the door without putting my head in ( yet there was something that was trying to get me to jump in ) to see if i can seee anything there . there was nothing but the terrible smell ,then the fear grew in me again . i stepped back and i could remember from a night " practice "' ( i wont say service as it wasnt a GODLY thing that went on there ) an older lady was saying something like " our father of heaven , hallowed is your name .................. " i was struggling to remember what she said as i suddenly knew this is my time of choice . i realised all the time i had spent chasing this lust of power it was now time to " pay the piper " so to speak .
i was on the floor crying out to GOD and trying to remember this prayer the lady was saying .
i now know it is whats known as the LORDs prayer.
i said JESUS ive done this terrible thing if your real like these christians say you are GET ME OUT OF HERE .
he lounge room was back it waas there again . ok i knew JESUS was real but i wasnt prepared to give myself to him at that stage , there was still fear from what just happened and now fear that even though the darkness was gone was this JESUS just as seductive as what i was just following ?
a few years passed i still hadnt made my decision but JESUS had .
one night i was woken to hear my name called , it was odd because it was my full name and only my wife and parents knew this , it was a mans voice but my dad was dead so it wasnt him . I got up to go to the front of the house where the voice was . the front sitting room was lit up with a brightnes i cannot describe but it didmt penetrate into the other rooms like light does .
again i heard my name called and in the room was someone ,this might sound cleche but its so ,i fell to the floor just crying the words " sorry LORD " over and over i honestly though it was time to die ,
acctually it was but not physically the man said " fear not for i have called you by name you are mine" , when you walk through the waters they will not overcome yiu , when you pass through the fires they will not burn you or even scortch you "
this made no sence to me at that time but i knew i was encountering JESUS ,i was filled with such a love i never felt it before , i could see i was dirt, filth , something to throw on the rubbishpile .yet here was this man in my front room in the middle of the night filling the gaps of my life that i caused by sillyness .
then he was gone . yet inside me was this knowing he isnt far at all .
2 months later we were moving house ,3 months after that i started bible college .im still on my journey in the flesh but i know that black pit will nolonger be my destination .
PRAISE YOU JESUS
i love you
