i think i love him... =)

[sandygloria]

If you will
May 1,2013


Ooppsss… I think I committed a big mistake again. A mistake I know I WON’T REGRET all my life.

It’s the only wrong doing that gives my heart the joy that lifted me up from my downcast situation. If this is wrong, then, let me have the freedom to do this with full valor. If it is wrong to love a friend who touched your life differently then, I shall be a sinner in my own rights. Let me then be someone who chose to live a wayward life away from what is noble and acceptable. I am not perfect I know it. I am not even close to being one, but what I felt created something in me that gives meaning to my life, something that surpasses my ability to reason with what I thought are real. I am drifting away, unable to establish my own identity but when I am with him, I can see what I wanted to be. I know this is insane and very absurd, knowing that falling in love with my dear friend is somewhat taboo, especially that this person was once in relationship with my girl friend. But beyond any doubt, I knew, I am into him… in him, I feel real and fulfilled, with him, I am who I am and I am contented. I don’t want to make myself looked like a fool, but, if stupidity is like this, then I am not holding back anything. I will be totally be freaked out if it calls for a dead end.
I’ve known him for a while now and I love everything about him. This started off as simple acquaintance and eventually grows into a real friendship. But I was not vigilant enough to decipher my down fall. If only I know this thing will happen to me, then I would not have started it. It is hard to feel terribly sorry for something you know could “complete” you. But as people say, life is like that. It is a place of finding and losing. It is a show where you could be the star or the extra, you are could be the winner or probably the loser. Perhaps, life is just joking around with me.
He is a dear friend to me, from the state university where we first meet, we blossomed from strangers to friends… we parted ways without him knowing the real feelings I harbored since I saw something different in him and when I started praying for him, but that was it. We part ways, bringing with me the memories I cherished as part of who I became. But stopped hoping when I heard he was in love with my friend…there is nothing more painful than letting go one of my prayer request that was left unanswered… but what could I possibly do?, pain is too much for a treasure so I decided to put it in my memory’s archive, keep it sealed, not to be opened, it’s too precious to be thrown away.
Years passed and we meet again, both wearing a little matured personality, both seasoned with time. But still, there is nothing in there but friendship… while I was still holding back the long forgotten feeling. It is coming back to me like flashes of memories. This time more painful than before, it’s supposed to be a great reunion; instead, it is a come-back-home-I’m-alright-hurtful scene, him with her. Still I am there standing in front of them in my own house feeling so awkward, knowing that the persons standing in front of me are my friends whom I both love, and who love themselves as lovers do. I was haunted again with my college memories… =(
I smiled as I remembered those childhood memories… 6 years had passed and those are still vividly painted in my heart and mind. And now that we are closer than before, I guess, this time I would be more careful, this time I will be on my guard not to let pain penetrate my calloused heart. I am happy, and blessed of what we had now, not as lovers but closer than friends. I love it most when he invited me to his brother’s wedding. When he let me see who he is with his family, when he acted really caring and gentle, when I saw how close and beautiful his family is… that is more than enough to asked. Those are values only people with God in their heart could do.
So now, tell me that I am so wrong to fell in love with my friend, tell me that I am stupid to see through his heart and really insane to asked God what is going on? Tell me I am the biggest joke ever recorded in history and no one beats my stupidity… I know, but I am just trying to enjoy this gift God had for me… even in my dreams…

 

[sintheticg]

i dont believe in luck so... God speed

 

[sintheticg]

im by no means an expert, but id warn you if your friend has feelings for this young man you are treading on some very delicate ice. From experience I can say that true love is willing to let go. if your friend has no interest in him any longer i'd be sure he no longer has interest in her. if you value your friendship with your female friend i'd also suggest talking to her.

if anything still exists between them then you are most certainly in sin and id advise to run quickly towards the cross. Guard your heart sis, continue seeking the Lords mind in all you do, dont allow emotion to rule.
(Proverbs 3:5-6) "¶Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. {6} In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

 

[AbbysAunt]

Hi sandygloria,

When I read your post it reminded me alot of me and something very similiar that happened in my life with a man I met through work. Steve and I met in march of 2007 at work. He was the maintance man and I was the housekeeper at the apartment complex where we worked. We became friends and spent alot of time together because he prepped the apartments and I cleaned them so they could be moved into. We were sort of a team you might say and it was during those times we would talk and get to know each other better. He had alot going on in his life and alot of problems to add to what was already going on, but somehow I looked beyond what everyone else saw and saw into his heart. He was lonely, scared, hurt, stressed and was tired of being everyone's problem solver. Everyone told me he was nothing but trouble to stay away from him, but as we got to know each other and got to spend more time together I fell in love with him. We both had feelings for each other, but neither one of us ever told the other how we felt it was just enough that we were able to spend that time together that we did, but then came the winter of that year when he had to leave due to issues with his son and ex wife. As I watched him drive away it broke my heart because I knew that was the last time I would ever see him. Looking back I can say honestly that I don't regret loving him or the time spent with him and I never will reget it he will always be a special part of me, but in stating that I've also learned something and it wasn't until I read your post that it sunk in and I want to share that with you. By holding on to someone we can't have my friend we are putting restrictions on God and His blessings. How can He give us what He so wants to give us if we won't let Him, but instead hold on to the past and to dreams that will never be?

Do you remember lots wife..she looked back and what happened to her? She turned into a pilliar of salt and never experienced the blessings God had in store for her instead she chose to hold on to something that was gone. I don't want to be like that my friend and sister in Jesus and neither should you. We need to turn toward the future God has for us and toward His blessings in our lives and to do that we need to let go of the past and stop living in dreams that won't and can't possibly come to pass. If this man you love has feelings for another woman then you need to let him go and move forward in your life. God gave you that wonderful gift for a time and now it's time to keep going on and finding out what other gifts He has in store for you. Who knows maybe there is a man out there and because of holding on to the past and feelings for this person you love you are missing a bigger blessing than what you realise. You and I both need to stop restricting God and start letting God. Let Him heal our hearts and help us move on to what He wants for us and has in store for us. It's ok to love someone and remember the good times, but we can't let ourselves live in those memories or let them become our lives.

One of my favorite bible verses was brought to my mind today. It is Ecclesiastes chapter 3 verses 1-8. It talks about how there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to gain and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time tear and a time to sew; a time to keep silience, and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate.

Did you see the part of a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. God gave us both that special time in our lives to embrace and enjoy, but now it's time to refrain from embracing and let go. How about we both let go together and start letting God bring those blessings into our lives that He so wants to give to us. Lets look toward the future because living a life in dreams and memories isn't much of a life at all and God wants way more for us than that. I tell you all of this not to judge you because I am like you and need to do this in my own life, but I simply tell you this out of love and because you deserve to be happy and live life to the fullest. God bless you my friend and sister in our Lord. I will be praying for you.

AA

 

[Fragrant Grace]

sandygloria;224974]

So now, tell me that I am so wrong to fell in love with my friend, tell me that I am stupid to see through his heart and really insane to asked God what is going on? Tell me I am the biggest joke ever recorded in history and no one beats my stupidity… I know, but I am just trying to enjoy this gift God had for me… even in my dreams…

@sandygloria

Dear sister sandygloria

I don't believe that our Lord would give you a gift that would cause you so much pain.
He loves you far too much

He wants to heal that broken heart.....so that you can move on in life focussing on Jesus
Let go of this man dear sister.....and let Jesus take the throne of your heart again
Then you will know His peace and His love which will never fail you
And wait on Him.....and if it is according to His will, He will provide you with the perfect husband

Bless you

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
He telleth the number of the stars; He calleth them all by their names.
Great is our Lord, and of great power: His understanding is infinite.
The LORD lifteth up the meek:
Psalm 147:3-6

 

[sandygloria]

@sintheticg; @AbbysAunt; @Fragrant Grace
Hi! thank you for dropping your sweet words... that really made me think... i know i haven't been faithful with the Lord this couple of days and i've been intentionally sinning but i really still thank the Lord for giving me people with great wisdom.. maybe i am just being so excited of the idea of being in love and be loved in return,.. and i might just be assuming that this friend of mine has the same feeling as i do... and yes, i am guarding my heart... and building walls around it...hope it is strong enough... :embarasse thank you so much... please pray for me as well i am in a shaky ground... spiritually (different struggle ) apart from my emotion...

 

[AbbysAunt]

Hi sandygloria,

I am continuing to pray for you my sister and friend in the Lord. I too struggle with letting go of steve and not holding on to the past. His memory seems to be there no matter what I do, but at the same time God is there and is walking me through this just as He is there walking you through and helping you. I totally understand what you are saying about the idea of being in love and loved in return because to me noone made me feel like steve did and he accepted me as I was inside and out, so yes the idea of loving him and being loved by him was exciting. Moving on and letting go isn't easy but if we both Let Jesus lead us we can make it. If you ever need to talk you can private message me anytime.

God bless you
AA