I'm having some doubts and I need help!!!!

[Tifii]

Hi all, a bit of background first...

I'm 22, I was raised in a Christian home(Christian mother, not father) my father was actually quite the opposite, he was a drunk and abbused my mom. I witnessed a lot at a very young age, gun to her head etc, but anyway she left him and moved very far away. However after about a year she forgave him and he promised to never drink again and that was that...and so he did. And he's never hit her again...until recent. This is now 13 years later.

Anyway, I was always a Christian, went to Sunday school believed in Jesus, until about the age of 14-22 when I strayed, partied, got drunk, did every sin infidelity wise. Much regret now, but I am happy to say I have a wonderful fiancee soon to be husband and a beautiful 1yr old daughter... And I feel as if recently god has called me, about2 weeks ago.

It was quite overwhelming and I'd find myself crying for no reason, not unhappy, I think just guilt that I'd strayed for so long, I vowed to be a good Christian again and be saved,

About a week after this my dad went on a mad one, hitting my mom, threatening to kill her, throw her down the stairs etc...she ran away and came to my house but he found her...stormed in and screamed etc saying she had to go home with him straight away. After about 30 mins he gave up and left and said she better be home that night.

She did end up going home, I'm terrified for her safety so in my scared moment I turn to god obviously, and for some reason I'm led to researching fasting, so this is what I did.

I fasted for only 3 days, the first day was hell, I felt I was in a very dark place and didn't like it at all. The second was pretty much the same and the third the same too, by the 4th day I was so glad to be finished and instead if feeling closer to god, I felt even further :-(

Now, I don't even have the desire to read the bible or pray, I don't know what's happened, but last night. Had such a disturbing dream, it was my dad and he shot my mother and murdered her. It still is upsetting me now.

Could this be a sign that he's going to do that? Because I'm a bad Christian if I don't right myself and sort myself out my mom could die?

I'm freaking out, and I'm sorry it's long, I just feel very disconnected from god, even to the point of not knowing what I even believe. Is this Satan doing this?

Please help me?!

Thank you

 

[SpiritLedEd]

Hi all, a bit of background first...

I'm 22, I was raised in a Christian home(Christian mother, not father) my father was actually quite the opposite, he was a drunk and abbused my mom. I witnessed a lot at a very young age, gun to her head etc, but anyway she left him and moved very far away. However after about a year she forgave him and he promised to never drink again and that was that...and so he did. And he's never hit her again...until recent. This is now 13 years later.

Anyway, I was always a Christian, went to Sunday school believed in Jesus, until about the age of 14-22 when I strayed, partied, got drunk, did every sin infidelity wise. Much regret now, but I am happy to say I have a wonderful fiancee soon to be husband and a beautiful 1yr old daughter... And I feel as if recently god has called me, about2 weeks ago.

It was quite overwhelming and I'd find myself crying for no reason, not unhappy, I think just guilt that I'd strayed for so long, I vowed to be a good Christian again and be saved,

About a week after this my dad went on a mad one, hitting my mom, threatening to kill her, throw her down the stairs etc...she ran away and came to my house but he found her...stormed in and screamed etc saying she had to go home with him straight away. After about 30 mins he gave up and left and said she better be home that night.

She did end up going home, I'm terrified for her safety so in my scared moment I turn to god obviously, and for some reason I'm led to researching fasting, so this is what I did.

I fasted for only 3 days, the first day was hell, I felt I was in a very dark place and didn't like it at all. The second was pretty much the same and the third the same too, by the 4th day I was so glad to be finished and instead if feeling closer to god, I felt even further :-(

Now, I don't even have the desire to read the bible or pray, I don't know what's happened, but last night. Had such a disturbing dream, it was my dad and he shot my mother and murdered her. It still is upsetting me now.

Could this be a sign that he's going to do that? Because I'm a bad Christian if I don't right myself and sort myself out my mom could die?

I'm freaking out, and I'm sorry it's long, I just feel very disconnected from god, even to the point of not knowing what I even believe. Is this Satan doing this?

Please help me?!

Thank you

Welcome to TalkJesus, Tifii. As a recovering alcoholic myself, my heart goes out to you because a) I did a lot of emotional damage (nothing physical) to my family when I was drinking and b) I've heard many stories of physical abuse being carried out by angry alcoholics.

There are threads here that discuss issues like yours and they may be of some help. However, I believe you need professional counselling as your wounds are too grievous to be treated effectively by non-professionals.

Spirit Led Ed (SLE)

 

[eddieb]

The enemy will always use any chance he can to get in between you and God. Especially when you are down or having a difficult time. i agree with spiritleded that you need better help than a forum.
thinking that because you are a "bad" christian God is going to have/allow this fella to shoot your mom IS the enemy. sometimes, especially recently, i feel distanced from God alot. and i used to be very close to him at all times. however i have been told by someone who has ministered a lot to me by god speaking thru him, even telling me of future events and interpreting dreams i had, that when God seems far away he is actually closest to you. stand on the word and try to remind yourself in a time when you are down or afraid God did not give you a spirit of fear, but one of power, and of love and of a sound mind(2 tim 1:7). sound mind literaly means safe thinking. this is a scripture God gave me that helped to rise above my past when i depend on him.
i urge you also to not only seek help from a spirit led counselor but not to depend on that alone. it has been proven time and time again that with intense prayer/praise time and a good diet and excersise that people do overcome their past. God is the key to all of it for you. He was for me. dont just think that seeing a counselor is going to fix it. seeking god along with all the other will.
and by the way, we all do it, but we arent supposed to. reliving guilt and shame and feeling bad about it(pity party). truth is we are not our own and we dont have the right to beat up on anothers servant. He takes away our guilt and shame. if it dont seem like it ask Him to.

praying for you.

 

[gdemoss]

You bring back some vivid memories. Dad walking around with a gun threatening to kill everyone and then himself. Mom getting thrown around like a rag doll. Dreams. Dreams. and more Dreams. Feelings that God hates me. Feelings that there is no God.

Yet another time after I was actually a Christian, I experienced something worse. I lost the desire to read the bible. I looked to the left and God was not there. I looked to the right and he wasn't there either. I was alone and depressed beyond belief. No matter what anyone said to me it didn't help. This whole process went on for a total of 4 months before God restored my sanity. The weirdest thing is that it ended up being like a purging event in my walk with Christ. I had lost a lot of my pride and judgementalism through it. My vigor for reading scripture increased exponentially. To be honest, I have to say it seemed like some sort of conversion experience although I had come to believe in Christ a couple of years before. I have never been the same since.

I don't know what God is doing in your life or the lives of those around you but the bible teaches us that he works all things to the council of his own will. Our hope was never to be in this life but the next just as Jesus' was. He endured the cross for the hope set before him. Paul told us that if we have hope in this life only then we are of all men most miserable. Good sister, where is your hope? At 22 it is hard to look past this life unto the life to come. This is how the seasoned Christian has joy in his life when the roof collapses and life falls apart. He looks around and remembers that in his Fathers house are many mansions and Jesus has gone to make a room for him. Not going to need that old roof anyway. That said, while we are here as ambassadors for Christ, he has given us one another. To laugh with, to cry with and to console with the words of eternal peace to come.

In Christ with Love,

Gary

 

[Face His Truth]

Hi all, a bit of background first...

I'm 22, I was raised in a Christian home(Christian mother, not father) my father was actually quite the opposite, he was a drunk and abbused my mom. I witnessed a lot at a very young age, gun to her head etc, but anyway she left him and moved very far away. However after about a year she forgave him and he promised to never drink again and that was that...and so he did. And he's never hit her again...until recent. This is now 13 years later.

Anyway, I was always a Christian, went to Sunday school believed in Jesus, until about the age of 14-22 when I strayed, partied, got drunk, did every sin infidelity wise. Much regret now, but I am happy to say I have a wonderful fiancee soon to be husband and a beautiful 1yr old daughter... And I feel as if recently god has called me, about2 weeks ago.

It was quite overwhelming and I'd find myself crying for no reason, not unhappy, I think just guilt that I'd strayed for so long, I vowed to be a good Christian again and be saved,

About a week after this my dad went on a mad one, hitting my mom, threatening to kill her, throw her down the stairs etc...she ran away and came to my house but he found her...stormed in and screamed etc saying she had to go home with him straight away. After about 30 mins he gave up and left and said she better be home that night.

She did end up going home, I'm terrified for her safety so in my scared moment I turn to god obviously, and for some reason I'm led to researching fasting, so this is what I did.

I fasted for only 3 days, the first day was hell, I felt I was in a very dark place and didn't like it at all. The second was pretty much the same and the third the same too, by the 4th day I was so glad to be finished and instead if feeling closer to god, I felt even further :-(

Now, I don't even have the desire to read the bible or pray, I don't know what's happened, but last night. Had such a disturbing dream, it was my dad and he shot my mother and murdered her. It still is upsetting me now.

Could this be a sign that he's going to do that? Because I'm a bad Christian if I don't right myself and sort myself out my mom could die?

I'm freaking out, and I'm sorry it's long, I just feel very disconnected from god, even to the point of not knowing what I even believe. Is this Satan doing this?

Please help me?!

Thank you

GO to the Police etc. and get yourself relocated first with another relative or friend. Keep praying to God, then begin to sort out your spiritual affairs by approaching a reputable Christian church to learn if you have properly repented and been baptized. Even a church should take you in during your crisis but unfortunately that's about as rare as a church taking in a homeless person.
But once you've removed yourself from the immediate danger, I pray God will surely be there for you. Takes time though; bless you.

 

[Peace Seeker]

My heart goes out to you for all your pain Tifii!

I have every confidence that your problems are very important to God and He will not forsake you if you lean on Him and cast all your burdens on Him! He is faithful and loving and no problem is too big for Him to solve!!

All the advice the others gave you is very good, please follow through with it. And don't punish yourself for your having fallen away from God, or for your feelings of disconnection from God.

The past is past and God is loving you RIGHT NOW. Just cry out to Him and He will come running to you with open arms and hold you close to His side!!

To your question if satan is behind it all, I would say yes. He is a destroyer and he wants to take away your joy and make you doubt the Lord, among other things.

You are in my prayers, sister!

 

[faithfulservant]

Tifii, don't be fearful. It sounds like you've been called of God. When people hear and respond to this call, they become involved in this spiritual battle more than ever before.

Satan likes it when people are bound by their sin. It's easy for him to control you that way. When Jesus sets you free, and you turn from that sin to seek His face, your flesh and Satan and his minions will rise up against you.

Don't be fearful, and don't listen to or concern yourself with how you feel physically or even emotionally. Pursue God, get under His wing when things like this get difficult. Darkness will last the night, but joy will come in the morning.

God allows His children to endure these things because they will strengthen you up and train you to know how to handle it. How do we handle it? We give it to the LORD in the name of Jesus. He will fight our battles.

You are in God's bootcamp right now. You are being trained up to endure and overcome. He called you to fast because He wants you to ignore your flesh so you can listen more closely to Him. Don't be afraid to fast again. When your flesh realizes you're serious about listening to God over your body it will pipe down and God will work His power in you through His Spirit.

Get into the scriptures daily. Maintain that prayer relationship with Him. Give all your troubles about your family to Him, and don't pick them up again, and you will see God do mighty works in your life. Fast when He calls you to, love Him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. It will be alright, you've just started your journey to the New Jerusalem, and if you stay close to Jesus nothing can draw you away.

I pray the LORD will bless you and keep you, that He will strengthen and encourage you. In Jesus' name I pray...

 

[faithfulservant]

dupe

see below post

 

[faithfulservant]

Could this be a sign that he's going to do that? Because I'm a bad Christian if I don't right myself and sort myself out my mom could die?

I'm freaking out, and I'm sorry it's long, I just feel very disconnected from god, even to the point of not knowing what I even believe. Is this Satan doing this?

Let me speak more specifically to what you're experiencing. This is nothing unusual. When you dedicate your heart to the LORD, and Jesus' Spirit comes into you and baptizes you (which it sounds like He has), Satan has to change his tactics.

Before you were born again, Satan had you from the inside. He had your heart. It was easy for him to mislead you and keep you bound. When you reached out to God, Jesus set you free from Satan's bondage.

When this happens, he has to change his plan of attack. Now he will try to rattle you, discourage you, tempt you, and break your faith from outside of your body. He will do this in a number of ways:

- satan will attack you through people who are not walking with the Lord. They will accuse you, slander you, threaten you, persecute you. Don't fear, God is in complete control of your life. No one will harm you unless He allows it.

- Satan will attack you through dreams. Foul temptation dreams, demonic attack dreams, threatening dreams that try to fill you with fear. Learn to rebuke these attacks automatically in the name of Jesus. Literally, I've learned to say in my sleep, "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus." His name has power, He wants to defend you. Call upon Him always. Additionally, though dreams can be prophetic in nature, I've found they usually aren't. If the Lord wants to show you something, He will give confirmation elsewhere if you ask for it.

Again, don't be fearful. Keep that prayer relationship with Him. He's our General in this war, He's our power source in this battle, He's our Shield and Buckler, and He will defend you against all evil forces. Just call upon Him and trust Him.

One final thing: The spiritual attacks can also come in our thoughts in our mind. Consider spiritual forces whispering in you ear. It may the the Holy Spirit of God. Other times it may be a holy angel sent by God to minister or encourage you. Still other times, it could be foul spirits sent by satan to discourage, accuse, and mislead.

This is why it's so important to get into His Word daily. Pray the LORD will give you wisdom and understanding as you study His truth. He is faithful, He will do it.

If you study the word, those foul spirit who try to mislead you will not be able to confuse you. You will be able to take every thought captive unto Christ (meaning those thoughts won't be able to contradict His truth). You will mature and grow in knowledge and wisdom, and you will become a seasoned veteran of this war. Jesus will do all of this in you if you seek Him sincerely and stay close to Him through daily prayer and study of His Word.