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In a relationship unmarried

Lizzy

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2021
Messages
13
Hello,
I am happy to be online here.

I wanted to ask about something I am in a realitonship now and we are not married yet but I live with him already.
I am unsure how to break up now because we are not married and it is wrong to be together now as a christian.
 
Hello Lizzy,

First is this person a Christian?
If no, you should probably break up.
If yes, then you don't necessarily have to break up. But you do have to stop living together (quit sleeping together).

Question:
Do you love each other? If not, why are you sleeping together?
If you do, why not get married?
 
Hello,
I am happy to be online here.

I wanted to ask about something I am in a realitonship now and we are not married yet but I live with him already.
I am unsure how to break up now because we are not married and it is wrong to be together now as a christian.
Hello Lizzy,
Welcome to this online Christian community called Talk Jesus!
I hope you will find fellowship, and growth in His Word while you are here.

Brother BAC asked you some good questions, and are foundational to how to go from here. From what you've written, it appears you've been convicted by the Holy Spirit of how you're living your life with this, who I'm assuming is a young man.

Being together is not wrong, but carnally cohabitating with him, surely is, or you won't be asking about something that you know is wrong. So, many other questions go into this, and I'm sure you've thought of plenty of them! You'll hopefully also be asked by others here from Brothers and Sisters in Christ Jesus, who will I hope. Help you as guided by the Holy Spirit.

My first suggestion is to go to the source, and pray to our Lord, who will intercede upon your behalf! He knows the difficulties of living in the flesh, and is compassionate as well as loving in His interactions with us. So, spending some time praying, and asking for guidance in what you should do, should really be the first thing. He will surely answer you either directly, or through someone or something that is brought into your life. Just be ready to listen, and also be ready to receive what you least except to!!! He is amazing, and through the Holy Spirit will provide you what is best for you!

I'll be praying as well for you, that you will know what to do, and that it will be fruitful to you and this young man as you continue to walk with the Lord.

With the Love of Christ Jesus.
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><
 
I can say, as someone married for a great many years now and having lived with him prior to being married, that the best way to get to know what married life would be like, as far as my experience, was to live together first.

When we date we're at our best and together for a short while. This precludes seeing the real person day to day and when life's stresses make their impact. We're at our best on dates. They're short, they're over, and then we go home. Our partner doesn't see the other side of us that is always there depending on the circumstances.

It is of course up to you what you'll do. You have things to consider too. Who will move out? Is it his house/apartment where you're living now? Are you on a lease or rental agreement together? If so, you're both financially responsible for the term of that lease/rental agreement.

Can one of you afford to move out?
 
I can say, as someone married for a great many years now and having lived with him prior to being married, that the best way to get to know what married life would be like, as far as my experience, was to live together first.

When we date we're at our best and together for a short while. This precludes seeing the real person day to day and when life's stresses make their impact. We're at our best on dates. They're short, they're over, and then we go home. Our partner doesn't see the other side of us that is always there depending on the circumstances.

It is of course up to you what you'll do. You have things to consider too. Who will move out? Is it his house/apartment where you're living now? Are you on a lease or rental agreement together? If so, you're both financially responsible for the term of that lease/rental agreement.

Can one of you afford to move out?
It is amazing, how the 20th and 21st. Century has so much wisdom these days! Who really needs the wisdom and the leadership of GOD's Word, since we have the Wisdom of The Humand Race. WoW! I sure hope they take their personal "Advocate" with them at the Great White Throne judgment. Well maybe there is not going to be one. And that too , is only a myth.
 
Physical intimacy of any kind creates a bond between people. The bond created by sex is so strong that we can say that the two partners become 'one flesh'. Marriage vows are intended to protect and preserve this bond - one sexual partner for life.

If a relationship does not last, then both partners are left with the painful and damaging process of untangling themselves from ties that are intended for life.

You do need to make a decision about your future, but don't rush into it. I'd advocate getting prayer support and advice of someone older and wiser from your church.

Also, talk to you partner about the dilemma you are faced with. His response will have a huge bearing on your future decisions - and whatever course of action you take, it will affect him just as much as you.
 
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,

And I will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty. [ and then you will not have to ask anyone what to do, For your Father will be a True Father to you, If you obey HIS Words]

Get to really know who your Father is. But you must obey HIM. to arrive there. He is more than "grace", He is more than mercy, He is More than Love, For Your Father is more than "words" for Your "Father" is The "Almighty GOD" "The Tetragrammaton"! He is more than written words or the words that are spoken to you.

"I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”


Have GOD taken away those, who stands up for the Truth of HIs WORD! Those who have refuse to Bow down and worship, all of these "Idol gods"! For we refuse to sit down and eat at their tables, And there are those who try to convince us, to dis obey GOD's word and eat anyway, with strong arguments.

What did Elijah say and God's reply.
(Romans).
". Do you not know what the Scripture says about Elijah, how he appealed to God against Israel: [the congregation]. 3“Lord, they have killed Your prophets and torn down Your altars. I am the only one left, and they are seeking my life as well”? And what was the divine reply to him? “I have reserved for Myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal.”…"

"There is a remnant according to grace". I do know that.:pensive:! Those are the times you will have to stand by yourself, For the mantle of "Athanasius" sometimes has to fall upon us.

Get to know your Father and you will not need the advice from man. who is a "fallen corrupted creature". Trust your Father and do what HE says. Trust HIM! If you do what He says, He will be a Father to you! The "WORD of GOD says that, not me!:eyes: Trust what He says! and not the interpreters.

Yes it is hard to get out of a "Sinful relationship" because you have been fused together and have become one with a "Idol god'! You have given your soul over unto a unclean thing! You must Pray, fast, and separate yourself, "for you can do all things through "Christ Jesus" who Strengthens You"!

Let this mind be in you as it was in "Christ Jesus"! Rebuke that demon in you, and flee! fornication! and Stop giving place to those demonic forces! Flee from immoral friends, and have no conversations with them. For those people are contagious and they love the company of demons [unclean spirits] Adulterers, fornicators, slanders, gossipers, liars, thieves, backbiters, those who sow discord among brothers and sisters in Christ. Don't even eat with these people, And if they approach you with that garbage rebuke them in the Name of Jesus Christ! And if any one approach you concerning sexual practices, married or not married, and tell them to keep that stuff in their own bedroom. A married person, even if it is a christian has no business talking about bedroom practices of any kind! For those type of talks are initiated, by the Devil himself using the mouths of many Christians who have given place to the devil to cause someone to fall.

"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:"

And please, one must learn what true wickedness is. Adultery is pure wickedness, slandering is wickedness and a abomination to GOD., sowing discord among brothers is also a "abomination" to GOD. That is why "Repentance" is so important. And "forgiving" and" repenting" are two different things. And both must be done. And beware of "Mocking" others as well. And you must Not Rejoice when others fall. And to refuse to warn others of sexual sins, is a big no no!. To refuse to warn them, you have become a part taker of their sins. In other words you have been a encourager of their "adulterous ways".

And you will not go un punish.

Notice: Worldly counsel is worldly, But my view is that of a "child of the Living GOD" that the people of this world knows nothing of. Neither can they understand it. I have no worldly counsel, for i have not be schooled in such matters. My wisdom is not of this world, nor is given for the people of this world, in these matters. So this messages is only for those who are "Born of His Spirit" and wash in His Blood. "Born of God" and not of the Flesh. So if you don't understand the Truth in this, dis regard, it was not meant for you.

Shalom
 
Hello Lizzy,
Welcome to this online Christian community called Talk Jesus!
I hope you will find fellowship, and growth in His Word while you are here.

Brother BAC asked you some good questions, and are foundational to how to go from here. From what you've written, it appears you've been convicted by the Holy Spirit of how you're living your life with this, who I'm assuming is a young man.

Being together is not wrong, but carnally cohabitating with him, surely is, or you won't be asking about something that you know is wrong. So, many other questions go into this, and I'm sure you've thought of plenty of them! You'll hopefully also be asked by others here from Brothers and Sisters in Christ Jesus, who will I hope. Help you as guided by the Holy Spirit.

My first suggestion is to go to the source, and pray to our Lord, who will intercede upon your behalf! He knows the difficulties of living in the flesh, and is compassionate as well as loving in His interactions with us. So, spending some time praying, and asking for guidance in what you should do, should really be the first thing. He will surely answer you either directly, or through someone or something that is brought into your life. Just be ready to listen, and also be ready to receive what you least except to!!! He is amazing, and through the Holy Spirit will provide you what is best for you!

I'll be praying as well for you, that you will know what to do, and that it will be fruitful to you and this young man as you continue to walk with the Lord.

With the Love of Christ Jesus.
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><
Hello,

I wanted to share with you about my experience I discuss ed with my "boyfriend" and he said he thinks this wont work out if there is no sexual intimacy as before we are together one year now and I live with him also.
He also said that because we are not young we are in forties. We are not as teens to do obstain.

He was quite bothered when I brought this up to talk and I said also that I want to be with him and would like to continue sort of dating per say.
 
Hello,

I wanted to share with you about my experience I discuss ed with my "boyfriend" and he said he thinks this wont work out if there is no sexual intimacy as before we are together one year now and I live with him also.
He also said that because we are not young we are in forties. We are not as teens to do obstain.

He was quite bothered when I brought this up to talk and I said also that I want to be with him and would like to continue sort of dating per say.
He is either not a christian or a fallen one, because otherwise he would recognize the reason for your discussion with him and know that God would help you both to overcome the desires you face. But it would be better mind wise to not live together, to avoid the temptation that will be there.
 
Hello,
I am happy to be online here.

I wanted to ask about something I am in a realitonship now and we are not married yet but I live with him already.
I am unsure how to break up now because we are not married and it is wrong to be together now as a christian.


Hi Lizzy

You are very welcome to the forum, please be aware what ever we say or ask, we do so in love.

May we ask when did you become a born again from above Christian?

Is the person you are in a relationship with born again from above?

Putting the above questions to one side until we hear from you, there is always one item that stands out amongst other.

If this guy loves you, really loves you, he will wait until you are married before having sex again. If he says he cannot wait, he wants you know, he is probably saying he wants your body, does he really want you, a person, for the rest of his life and yours together.

When discussing the situation together, do so in love, do not argue and don't be pressured, pray about it, we pray for you also.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
 
Hello,
I am happy to be online here.

I wanted to ask about something I am in a realitonship now and we are not married yet but I live with him already.
I am unsure how to break up now because we are not married and it is wrong to be together now as a christian.
Do you not intend to get married?
 
Hello,

I wanted to share with you about my experience I discuss ed with my "boyfriend" and he said he thinks this wont work out if there is no sexual intimacy as before we are together one year now and I live with him also.
He also said that because we are not young we are in forties. We are not as teens to do obstain.

He was quite bothered when I brought this up to talk and I said also that I want to be with him and would like to continue sort of dating per say.
Lizzy,

Jesus wants us to live our life in God's will. Only those who do the will of God will enter heaven. Matthew 7:21. Repent and believe (Mark 1:15), be born again (John 3:3), abstain from sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5), give thanks in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18), submit to authority (1 Peter 2:15-17). Blessings.
 
Do you not intend to get married?
Yes we want to get married.. however I will need to get a divorce first from a 20 yrs ago previous relationship. And I need to find my ex first and serve the documents to him also.
 
I will never give another "Child of The Living God" my opinion concerning what GOD has made Plain. Especially knowing that Mankind is a corrupted creature and in the "Bondage of Sin" and who's flesh craves and desires by his nature goes against The very "WORD of GOD", The Written WORD, THE Living WORD, who is "The SON of THE ALMIGHTY GOD, who was manifested in The Flesh and walked among us. Has made your condition and His will for your life. You need not to pray, or ask any other, Make up your mind, Is HE your LORD and Master? Are you His "Bond Slave", was you bought by The Blood of JESUS? If you were, you life, your soul, your very being, belongs to HIM. You have deny all your rights and feelings, and have submitted to HIM. You have been Purchase by The BLOOD of Jesus Christ! NOW submit to HIS "LORDSHIP"!

"To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."

I don't care what others do, Christians might do anything they want to! BUT We "The True "Children of The Living GOD" has a Father in Heaven And A LORD! And Our LORD is to be Obeyed. Our Father will never have us do anything that will harm us! He is A GOOD GOD to us but a "TERROR" to those who lead us into dis-obedience. Do not entertain the thoughts of Dis-obedience!

Sin is SWEET, and the more sugar you eat, the more your desirer will be to eat! and The Bible says: "Stolen Waters" are SWEET!" and if you are divorce and remarry, God has label you as a "Adulteress". And the WORD of GOD will keep you awoke at night, picking at you and your dreams will not be sweet. You will awake in the mornings and try to find others to justify and condone your SIN. For there will be "many" who will, But the Guilt will not go away! Because you rejected "The Very Word of GOD, when it "WARN" you plainly and you Believe Lies and rejected The Truth :pensive: Please do not call, "Bitter, sweet, or Sweet, Bitter"
For this will judge you at a time you will not expect.

(John 12)BSB Jesus has said:
"As for anyone who hears My words and does not keep them, I do not judge him. For I have not come to judge the world, but to save the world. There is a Judge FOR THE ONE WHO REJECTS Me and does not receive My Words: The word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day. I have not spoken on My own, but the Father who sent Me has commanded Me what to say and how to say it.…":pensive:

How come many of us that are in "Christ" thinks that keeping GOD's WORD is not, the best choice and the most Blesseth path that we could ever take,:pensive:

"Choose this Day, THE GOD WHOM YOU WILL SERVE" If He is GOD serve HIM! How may I serve?,,,,,,,, By your ways and actions. :pensive:
 
I will never give another "Child of The Living God" my opinion concerning what GOD has made Plain. Especially knowing that Mankind is a corrupted creature and in the "Bondage of Sin" and who's flesh craves and desires by his nature goes against The very "WORD of GOD", The Written WORD, THE Living WORD, who is "The SON of THE ALMIGHTY GOD, who was manifested in The Flesh and walked among us. Has made your condition and His will for your life. You need not to pray, or ask any other, Make up your mind, Is HE your LORD and Master? Are you His "Bond Slave", was you bought by The Blood of JESUS? If you were, you life, your soul, your very being, belongs to HIM. You have deny all your rights and feelings, and have submitted to HIM. You have been Purchase by The BLOOD of Jesus Christ! NOW submit to HIS "LORDSHIP"!

"To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."

I don't care what others do, Christians might do anything they want to! BUT We "The True "Children of The Living GOD" has a Father in Heaven And A LORD! And Our LORD is to be Obeyed. Our Father will never have us do anything that will harm us! He is A GOOD GOD to us but a "TERROR" to those who lead us into dis-obedience. Do not entertain the thoughts of Dis-obedience!

Sin is SWEET, and the more sugar you eat, the more your desirer will be to eat! and The Bible says: "Stolen Waters" are SWEET!" and if you are divorce and remarry, God has label you as a "Adulteress". And the WORD of GOD will keep you awoke at night, picking at you and your dreams will not be sweet. You will awake in the mornings and try to find others to justify and condone your SIN. For there will be "many" who will, But the Guilt will not go away! Because you rejected "The Very Word of GOD, when it "WARN" you plainly and you Believe Lies and rejected The Truth :pensive: Please do not call, "Bitter, sweet, or Sweet, Bitter"
For this will judge you at a time you will not expect.

(John 12)BSB Jesus has said:
"As for anyone who hears My words and does not keep them, I do not judge him. For I have not come to judge the world, but to save the world. There is a Judge FOR THE ONE WHO REJECTS Me and does not receive My Words: The word that I have spoken will judge him on the last day. I have not spoken on My own, but the Father who sent Me has commanded Me what to say and how to say it.…":pensive:

How come many of us that are in "Christ" thinks that keeping GOD's WORD is not, the best choice and the most Blesseth path that we could ever take,:pensive:

"Choose this Day, THE GOD WHOM YOU WILL SERVE" If He is GOD serve HIM! By your ways and actions. :pensive:
If your "opinion" is grounded in the clear and unambiguous word of God, you should not give up teaching others (especially children of the living God) what the word of God says.
 
Yes we want to get married.. however I will need to get a divorce first from a 20 yrs ago previous relationship. And I need to find my ex first and serve the documents to him also.
If you love each other I would stay as you are. It would seem a bit hypocritical to separate at this stage in your relationship and may even destroy it. If you are totally committed to each other I don't think your relationship as sinful. My husband and I lived together before we got married but we weren't Christians. But neither of us was still married either.
 
@Lizzy, @PearlB

Matthew 19:9
And I say unto you,
Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

This is very clear

I was married and committed adultery whilst being married.

My wife now was married and committed adultery whilst being married.

We had sex outside marriage before the first and before the second marriage.

Two years later we married which meant...

I married and adulteress, and she married an adulterer.

SINNING only gets worse, the stains get deeper, the veil stops us seeing the light and deeper we go.

The reason I asked you Lizzy when you became a truly born again believer is this...

UP TO confessing your sins and asking Jesus into your heart and being saved, you are a sinner, you are in sin, deep sin, a slave to it.

FROM confessing your sins and asking Jesus into your heart, you have agreed to follow him and avoid sin

FROM confessing your sins and accepting Jesus as your saviour, ALL PAST SINS ARE WIPED AWAY AND REMEMBERED NO MORE.

I accepted Christ almost 30 years ago, all them terrible sins and more were washed away and remembered no more.

My wife has not accepted the Lord yet, but the spirit is moving. Which means, I am saved, but am married to a sinner, I am married to an adultress.

As the only Saved soul, I have claimed my wife's salvation, as I am spiritual head of the family. She has to come to Christ herself, but the woman can do this if she is the believer and her husband is not.

Now it is not for me to tell you what is right or wrong Lizzy, I can only share scripture, and as above explain my situation getting right with God.

I have no idea where you are with your faith, when you became truly born again. You have to piece that together yourself, for you and the person you live with at present.

The important thing to remember is...

Up until a person truly repents from the heart with their lips and accepts Jesus into their heart, no as an accessory but a life changing decision then every sin before that point, is forgiven and remembered no more. But once you become the Lord's child you are to follow the Lord's commands.

One thing I found is very clear, you will see it from my past, SIN makes life very complicated, it also cuts us off from the Grace, the Mercy and the Love of God in Christ Jesus.

Pray, pray, pray sister. That is the only advice I can give.

Peace be with you
 
Hello,

I wanted to share with you about my experience I discuss ed with my "boyfriend" and he said he thinks this wont work out if there is no sexual intimacy as before we are together one year now and I live with him also.
He also said that because we are not young we are in forties. We are not as teens to do obstain.

He was quite bothered when I brought this up to talk and I said also that I want to be with him and would like to continue sort of dating per say.
Yes we want to get married.. however I will need to get a divorce first from a 20 yrs ago previous relationship. And I need to find my ex first and serve the documents to him also.
Dear Lizzy,
Slowly bit by bit you add to what is your story. I do ask you if you've been praying about this and what the Holy Spirit has laid upon your own in what you should do?
For no matter what any of us say, not only has God's Word provided direction to you already, but His Spirit tells you better than we ever could what path you should be walking.

It's a difficult path to walk being a Christian Dear Lizzy. Many would have a new Christian think that it's all Roses and Sweetness. Don't get me wrong it can be, but more times
than not, it's a path that you're either just leaving one problem, or just getting ready to enter one. We as a people do not grow in Christ without the trials/tribulations of life. They
are there not to necessarily punish us, but to teach us, helping us grow, and even to provide the experiences by which we act as guides to others of the faith who happen to be in
the mist of the very trials we all go through. Never a simple thing with a simple answer as you're coming to find. Nor truth be told, does it come with the answers that we desire the most.
The flesh we are in is weak and would have us do what is contrary to what the Word of God sets down before us to do. That is the constant battle between the Spirit & the Flesh.

There are many reasons for this, the foundation of which is disobedience/Sin, but the one that chaff's at the bit in trying to move away from sin, especially for new Christians is the Word "Submit".
Not often used, and even less acted upon in these days, because it seeks to place one under another's authority/will. However, as Children of God, can it be any other way? We
seek not our own will but the Devine One, the Will of a Holy God to do. You can ask any Christian that this is no easy task.

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of
his marvelous glory and excellence.
2 Peter 1:3 NLT

Read the Word of God, first and foremost. Then follow it. For what benefit does it do you if what you hear is again contrary to what it says? None here are walking in your shoes, but its shoes have
been worn by many. Choosing who you will follow has always been a choice made by one and all since the fall. Now at the Cross there was One in Christ Jesus who choose not
His own will, but the Father's. As a Christian you must ask yourself who you will follow. No one can do it for you. No one can make the decisions in your life that you need to make,
but you. The difference between believers and non-believers, is that when we believer we can't go on, He's there to help us keep going. However, the first step is yours. That is
where the faith He has given you comes in.

Always remember there's a price to pay no matter which way you go Dear Lizzy. You're coming to realize this is true, by the marriage you believed was left behind, so many odd
years ago, without resolution. Don't think that Jesus didn't deal with these type of situations. You can always read the woman at the well. She was married five times, and wasn't
married to the man she was living with! Then you can read the Adulterous woman that men brought before Him to stone.

There is much in Scripture that you can find that will help you. You just have to be willing to take the time to do so.

Praying for you.

With the Love of Christ Jesus.
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><
 
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