Learning to Let Go... Again

[Chad]

Learning to Let Go... Again - April 28, 2006

It was probably the hardest chapter to write of any book I've ever written. I don't even have to think about the chapter number. It was chapter 25. The book? WHO PUT THE CAT IN THE FRIDGE. Sounds harmless enough, doesn't it? But when I was writing the book and I got to chapter 25, I would type for a while, then dry the tears off my keyboard (I practically had to wring the thing out) and go find something else to do for a while. Then I would come back to the computer composed, only to find myself sobbing again within ten minutes. Off I'd go again to do something mindless until I could pull myself together again. Back to the computer, up from the computer, back to the computer; I think that's the most exercise I've ever gotten while writing.

Chapter 25 in WHO PUT THE CAT IN THE FRIDGE became the spot where I tangibly dealt with my oldest son going off to college. I think I ripped my heart out and pasted it on the pages. One minute I was looking into the eyes of the adored baby I cradled in my arms, the next minute I was cricking my neck to look up at the six-foot baby who was getting ready to head off to college.

Under the "No Regrets" subhead in that chapter, I wrote about something my godly friend, Janet Bridgeforth, told me. "She told me it's a wondrous blessing to get to this point in your children's lives and to be able to look back on the child-rearing years with no regrets. Not because we haven't done anything wrong, but because nothing has been left unresolved. Nothing left unsaid. Nothing left unconfessed. Nothing left unforgiven. We keep our finger in Proverbs around this time of life, don't we? 'Point your kids in the right direction; when they're old they won't be lost (Proverbs 22:6 MSG)."
I've had to pull out chapter 25 again. My second-born son will be graduating from high school. I am so proud of Jordan- his sharpness, humor, talents, abilities, his love for righteousness- his love for Christ. I've adored this boy from second one. He has been such a blessed and special gift to me. Here I go, needing to wring out my keyboard again.

These are the days I want to make sure once again that nothing has been left unresolved, unsaid, unconfessed, unforgiven. I value Jordan and I value my relationship with him too much for that. I think he might laugh at the idea that anything on earth could have gone "unsaid." I'm sure you'll be shocked to know that I've said so much I think I might be getting on his nerves.

To my Daily Wisdom friends, who have shared so many laughs with me, I know this devo is a tad on the serious side- not my usual fare. But I wanted to encourage you, my friends, that if there's anything unresolved with family, friends, enemies- whoever- to find resolution. Make sure you've done everything you can on your side of the relationship. You're not responsible for the other person's response; only yours. Once you know you've made things right on your side, you can find yourself in that blessed place of "no regrets." There's such peace there.

So I'm taking this opportunity to say one thing I haven't really been able to say to Jordan- only because I can't say it without bawling my head off. And you know how teenaged guys just love that. I haven't been able to adequately express to him how desperately I'm going to miss him. Heart on the page again.

But as he heads off to college in a few months, I know he "won't be lost" as Proverbs 22:6 puts it in The Message. He has his head on straight and his focus on Jesus. What a beautiful place of "no regrets" he's helped build for his mom. Praise the Lord for the man of God He is making my Jordan.
And in other issues, at least there's the possibility of slimming down in this season of life. Up from the computer, back to the computer.

Rhonda Rhea is the author of "Who Put the Cat in the Fridge" and other insanely fun books, including "Amusing Grace" and "Turkey Soup for the Soul--Tastes Just Like Chicken." She is a radio personality and humor columnist and speaks at conferences and events nationwide. Rhonda lives in the St. Louis area with her pastor/husband and their five children. Find out more at www.RhondaRhea.net.

 

[Snowrose]

Hi Chad,

I just wanted to thank you for this article. It really touched my heart. Especially the part when it said - quote:"These are the days I want to make sure once again that nothing has been left unresolved, unsaid, unconfessed, unforgiven."

I am asking within my heart - "Where should I fix things in my relationships?" (I know that there are areas that need attending) and "How do I go about it?". I would like to see myself in that "place of no regrets". Peace with myself, with relations but first and formost with my Heavenly Father. Thank you and God bless.

Best wishes,
Snowrose

 

[calluna]

I enjoyed this chad, thanks, and I think I would like to read some more of Rhonda Rhea's material.

I can totally relate to the separation of son and mother. When it was time for me and my husband to move to the opposite side of States, we gave our son 19yrs the option to come with us, but he had his own plans and ideas and chose to stay behind.
As the days were getting closer to us moving. I had crying fits at the most untimely moments.

There were things we shared which might have not been said if it wasn't for the move. So sometimes an impending separation of some sort does prompt those conversations that may have been delayed until another day.

After we left town, I just sobbed and sobbed, it felt I had lost a physical part of me. It was one of the hardest things to do, to leave my son. It was his choice though and I respected his decision. I do miss him, but I have peace about the situation. It has helped me to grow and lean on the Lord and to trust that God will take care of my son. I had to let go or else I would be a mental wreck!

Calluna

 

[SpiritLedEd]

I enjoyed this chad, thanks, and I think I would like to read some more of Rhonda Rhea's material.

I can totally relate to the separation of son and mother. When it was time for me and my husband to move to the opposite side of States, we gave our son 19yrs the option to come with us, but he had his own plans and ideas and chose to stay behind.
As the days were getting closer to us moving. I had crying fits at the most untimely moments.

There were things we shared which might have not been said if it wasn't for the move. So sometimes an impending separation of some sort does prompt those conversations that may have been delayed until another day.

After we left town, I just sobbed and sobbed, it felt I had lost a physical part of me. It was one of the hardest things to do, to leave my son. It was his choice though and I respected his decision. I do miss him, but I have peace about the situation. It has helped me to grow and lean on the Lord and to trust that God will take care of my son. I had to let go or else I would be a mental wreck!

Calluna

Thanks for your post, Calluna. All mothers need to read it.

My mother-in-law was a woman who could not let go of her children. What a disaster that became for her and for the whole family. She set herself up (in her imagination) to be the matriarcal head of the family. She believed that all big decisions made by her children had to be approved by her before they were implemented. You can imagine how that was received by her children's spouses (me included). She was enraged when my one brother-in-law moved his family to a city 50 miles away from her. She wanted her children very close-by.

I knew my mother-in-law for 25 years prior to her death and I can honestly say that in all that time I never heard a genuine laugh come out of her. After my father-in-law died, she became a virtual recluse.

One night she watched our children while my wife and I attended a meeting.
When we pulled away from her driveway after picking the kids up after the meeting, my daughter(who was about 7 years old at the time - she's 35 now) looked at Grandma H. standing in the door of her home and said, "Look at her! She looks like she just lost her husband, her best friend, and her dog all on the same day."

Learn to let go, mothers. Clinging to your kids is deadly for you and for them.


SLE