Dear ShaZakLar,
I know the way you feel, but you must refocus your attention. A lot of trouble happens when we take our eyes off of Christ. But the first question I need to ask is, “Do you know Christ intimately through being born again by the Holy Spirit? Have you truly experienced the eternal love of God through Christ?”
The Holy Spirit is God in us, the hope of glory, who leads us into all truth and gives us power to be witnesses for Christ in thought, word, and deed. Without the Spirit we cannot experience the sin consuming love of the Father and the Son on an ongoing continual basis and our hearts will grow wanton for other things.
The Scripture compares the relationship with God that we are to have as Christians with the intimate union between a husband and wife.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25-27, WEB)
When we begin falling out of love with the Lord through the lack of renewing our minds and lack of walking in His commandments, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life are there waiting to tempt us back to sin.
Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:2, WEB)
…to know Christ’s love which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:19, WEB)
Without knowing the love of God right now we will gravitate to the desires of the fallen nature.
For example, you said you feel lame for never having kissed a girl. But ask yourself, “Is that the Spirit of the living God making you feel that way or is it the accuser of the brethren?”
There is nothing wrong with having never kissed a girl. The Scripture says we are to give no provision to the flesh and it is well known that kissing many times escalates into far serious and grievous fleshly indulgences.
On another note, covetousness is sin and will rob you from the life of God. To desire a wife is okay so long as that desire does not rob you of intimacy with God, which results in the fruits of the Spirit such as peace, joy, thankfulness, faith, hope, love, etc.
But godliness with contentment is great gain. (1 Timothy 6:6, WEB)
It seems from your post that your desire is not so much for a woman of God for life as it is for physical and emotional intimacy with the opposite sex. Such is not God’s desire for you and it is obvious from your post that it is creating ingratitude, discontentment, a lack of joy in the Lord, etc.
Such are sins that we all need to be saved from on a daily basis. So prayerfully meditate on the basic Gospel message, asking God to give you ears to hear, eyes to see, and a heart to understand all that He has for you.
...the gospel… is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes… (Romans 1:16a, ESV)
Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you--unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures… (1 Corinthians 15:1-4, ESV)
Physical intimacy with the opposite sex may be natural, but what comes from the fallen nature is not of the Lord. Through the written word of God let faith arise in your heart and turn your eyes on the Lord Jesus Christ and fall head over heels in love with Him.
The more we lack the love of God in our hearts the more His commands of life will seem like commands of death. But the more we fall in love with God through His Word, by the power of the Spirit, the more His commands and desires will be our desires.
For it is God who works in you both to will and to work, for his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13, WEB)
It is like when a man falls in love with a woman and marries her, he doesn’t have to be commanded, “Okay, call her during your lunch break,” and “Kiss her when you walk in the door,” and “Take her out on a date once a week…” No, these things will be his desire because he loves her. Because he loves her, he wants to speak with her regularly, and wants to spend time with her. This is the way it should be with us and the Lord. And when this is the case, then the Lord will give us the desires of our heart!
Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalms 37:4, ESV)
When God saw that Adam needed a wife after Adam’s long work of naming all the animals, God put Adam to sleep and when he woke up, Eve was waiting for him!
Go to sleep (i.e. rest) in God and He will be your all and all. Then when the time is right He will bring you a woman to be joined with for the rest of your life…
Don’t be envious of those who have dated and been physically intimate with women, but rather pray for them because for many of them their hearts have been broken and hardened by the person God never intended for them to be intimate with. They were looking to fill a void that is meant to be only filled by God.
But when the void is filled by God in both a man and a woman, then God can bring them together and establish the most beautiful, heavenly union two people can experience together on earth.
May God the Father continue to reveal His love, power, and truth to you in His Son, Jesus Christ!
