Marriage is wearing on me

[jamie.s.72]

I think I'm about to the point that I don't care what happens in our relationship. We both teach in ss and are very devoted to our church but over the past few years I feel like we've grown apart. Without going into boring details I'll just say that our sexual life is almost non existant. It's getting to the point that I'm past being angry about things and am getting into that numb phase. We are a blended family and I've been begging her for years to atleast say 1 nice thing to my girls every now and then, now she's mad the whole time they are with us. I feel like I'm trading my relationship with my daughters for our marriage. I have a step daughter who is the same age as my girls and for some odd reason she can do no wrong. My wife will put up with everything from her and buy her anything she wants but won't even say hi to my girls. Abercrombie, Coach, and other big name brands for her daughter and WalMart for mine. We've been together for about 10 years and our kids were 3 when we started this journey, you would think things would be easier with time but not the case. I know I could give more but I feel like I've been the only giver for years. It would be so nice to be touched and smiled at and just to feel like we are a family unit rather than 5 individuals who live in the same house. I'm not really looking for help here I really just wanted to get that out. Thanks for your time

 

[Alice.]

That really stinks

I'm not married (I'm engaged)


The way she is treating your daughters is wrong and you shouldn't put up with it. Let her know how you feel. Tell her you will not accept how she treats your children.
She knew about them when you got married and by marrying you, she also in a way married them. She needs to step up. She made a commitment to you and to your children (by marrying you)

Also..let your needs be known. Communication is very important in a relationship..I can't say that enough. If you don't speak up, no one will know something is wrong and if someone doesn't know something is wrong they can't fix it.

 

[Boanerges]

Hi Jamie, I am so sorry for your pain. I would suggest Pastoral counseling for the two of you. Perhaps a neutral third party like that can help resolve some of the issues you have with your wife. You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[jamie.s.72]

That really stinks

I'm not married (I'm engaged)


The way she is treating your daughters is wrong and you shouldn't put up with it. Let her know how you feel. Tell her you will not accept how she treats your children.
She knew about them when you got married and by marrying you, she also in a way married them. She needs to step up. She made a commitment to you and to your children (by marrying you)

Also..let your needs be known. Communication is very important in a relationship..I can't say that enough. If you don't speak up, no one will know something is wrong and if someone doesn't know something is wrong they can't fix it.

Well I have communicated every way I know how. I have done everything but move out and came really close to doing that. I don't want to quit the marriage. I do love her, I think she just doesn't know how to love me. I have to be realistic and admit that maybe I don't know how to love her. I will admit that my love is conditional on how she treats my girls. Just at a loss here. It would be so awesome if she could look inside my heart and see what I see.

 

[jamie.s.72]

Hi Jamie, I am so sorry for your pain. I would suggest Pastoral counseling for the two of you. Perhaps a neutral third party like that can help resolve some of the issues you have with your wife. You and your family are in my prayers.

We have been to a Christian counselor here in town a few years ago for the same reasons and it did some good for a couple months then everything went back to the way it was. I'm trying hard to see my faults and by the way it looks I need to try harder. Here lately everything I do is wrong and seems to need negative commints. I feel very defeated

 

[Boanerges]

We have been to a Christian counselor here in town a few years ago for the same reasons and it did some good for a couple months then everything went back to the way it was. I'm trying hard to see my faults and by the way it looks I need to try harder. Here lately everything I do is wrong and seems to need negative commints. I feel very defeated

Been there, done that , didn't like it. There was a time I was so angry at my wife I nailed the front door shut so she could not come in. But thank God for His mercy and His heart to restore broken things my friend.
Typically most folks start out in love. They get busy with life, busy with work, busy with kids and etc. Soon they stop spending time together and slowly drift apart till one day they look at each other wondering who that person is looking back. It is only when a couple purposes to put God first and their marriage second to nothing else; it is only when they choose to spend as much time and energy on their relationship as they did when they were courting that their relationship can grow and bloom.
We reap what we sow:
Forgiveness.
Kind words.
Thoughtful gestures.
Romance.
These are the seeds of restoration and that my friend is the garden God wishes you to plant.
The things that attracted you to your wife (and vice verse) are still there buried under the stress and pain, it is up to you to have eyes to see them again. Understand that the Father's heart in all this is always to heal and always to restore.
If you guys have not seen it try watching the movie Fireproof together. It gets off to a slow start but has a great message and one that is perhaps timely for you both.
You remain in my prayers, have a blessed day,
your brother Larry.

PS:
Did I mention that I have been married to my wife for over 32 years now? Yes we had some hard times but God was there and I live this wonderful lady more each day.

 

[jamie.s.72]

Been there, done that , didn't like it. There was a time I was so angry at my wife I nailed the front door shut so she could not come in. But thank God for His mercy and His heart to restore broken things my friend.
Typically most folks start out in love. They get busy with life, busy with work, busy with kids and etc. Soon they stop spending time together and slowly drift apart till one day they look at each other wondering who that person is looking back. It is only when a couple purposes to put God first and their marriage second to nothing else; it is only when they choose to spend as much time and energy on their relationship as they did when they were courting that their relationship can grow and bloom.
We reap what we sow:
Forgiveness.
Kind words.
Thoughtful gestures.
Romance.
These are the seeds of restoration and that my friend is the garden God wishes you to plant.
The things that attracted you to your wife (and vice verse) are still there buried under the stress and pain, it is up to you to have eyes to see them again. Understand that the Father's heart in all this is always to heal and always to restore.
If you guys have not seen it try watching the movie Fireproof together. It gets off to a slow start but has a great message and one that is perhaps timely for you both.
You remain in my prayers, have a blessed day,
your brother Larry.

PS:
Did I mention that I have been married to my wife for over 32 years now? Yes we had some hard times but God was there and I live this wonderful lady more each day.

We have seen the movie and it was great, may be a good place for me to start. I need to ask for forgiveness and mercy, He is the only one who can see this marriage through. I'm just really tired right now. We are both business owners and God has blessed us much more than we deserve, to say that we've drifted apart is an understatement. i love her more than she will ever know but man I really feel like I'm the only one who cares. I will continue to try and I do appreciate your advice.

 

[Boanerges]

My brother, it is an honor to help in any way. Are you going to church together? Drawing close to God is the first step in real healing for any relationship.

 

[SpiritLedEd]

I think I'm about to the point that I don't care what happens in our relationship. We both teach in ss and are very devoted to our church

Jamie, what is the state of your relationship with God? Being devoted to a church congregation is probably not going to bring healing to your situation. The first step in correcting the problem is for you (Jamie) to come into a close relationship with Jesus.

"Seek first the Kingdom of God and everything you need will be added to you." (Mt 6:33 NIV)

Spirit Led Ed (SLE)

 

[levi]

Well, I know the pain you are in. If you look at my profile, it says I am separated. That was in 2006. But in 2007 the good Lord restored us. I dont know how to change that in my profile. I will do that when I get chance to change it.

Anyways, we reunited in 2007 because of our son but our relationship remained tarnished and full of hurts until recently. I just want to tell you what the Lord taught me to do so if you feel right you can follow suit.

I tried my best by we two together sitting and discussing about the Word of God, talk to her, we prayed together and almost all kinds of theological advices were followed but to no avail. Finally the Lord spoke to me through His holy word. Commit thy ways unto the Lord and I did that. I used to pray a lot for her and then I stopped praying for her. I started praying for myself first so that the Lord make me clean in His sight. I prayed that the Lord make me faultless and that I should shun sinning which grieves the Holy Spirit. The things did change in me but not in our relationship. I committed her into the hands of the Lord and I said "Lord, it is ok with me whatever she does. I love you because you first loved me and therefore will I delight to keep your commandments for I believe in your word". I started loving her because of the Lord. No matter how much she quarelled or fought with me, I stopped arguing with her. I just used to listen to her quietly and then look into her eyes and say "No matter what you do honey, I will love you because Jesus loves you". Brother, I would better take wrong for Jesus' sake than accuse (I know you dont accuse) her. If I dont love my neighbour how will love my enemies? The Lord is changing her now. There is still a long way to go though, but I can see the fruit already. God bless you and I believe this will help.

Levi