Viennr
Member
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2011
- Messages
- 11
It's hard to become a Mary more than to become a Martha.
I've long been doing ministry at church. I know of the joy of serving God and serving others.
But lately, everything has become so burdensome. I can no longer share the joy of the people at church in our activities and programs. I tell God "Lord this is good, right? I'm serving you and others by doing this ministry, correct? You are being pleased when i do these, correct?"
And then i realized, i bypassed the basic principle that it is because of my salvation that's why I do these things. I've become more devoted to service more than to Jesus Himself. It's like I'm now pleasing Him through good works....as if I can thank Him enough, serve Him enough, give enough, participate enough. Everything has become so burdensome no matter how much i make it clear to myself that serving God is supposed to be a delight.
People at church are so good making others feel bad when they don't actively participate in church activities. They're like "How can you say you're saved, if you're not working for God" "If you read your Bible and pray every day, it's all useless if you don't work for God" "Faith is useless without good works" and things like that.
I've just become tired of these. I'd like to come to Jesus and receive His rest. ("Come to me...and I will give you rest..The burden i give you is light ~ Matthew 11:28)
But it's like they'll come between me and God and say "No. Rest is not what you need. You need to do this work. Do this work. Then you will rest."
Is it wrong that i choose to become a Mary instead of Martha? Will God turn me away If i come to Him empty-handed and say "Lord can I rest in you for a while?"
I'm not saying I'll be a Mary forever. God knows when I should work and when i should be still, give myself to be conformed to His purpose.
I don't like doing things halfheartedly for God. It only hurts me more. I no longer want doing things out of peer pressure. Yup, that's the term I've been looking for. "Peer pressure." It's so strong in our church. Weary, tired people can't speak on their own because the religious ones, the Marthas, do the speaking for them.
No one understands me now. Reason why i'm writing here is because i really have no one to talked to.
I've long been doing ministry at church. I know of the joy of serving God and serving others.
But lately, everything has become so burdensome. I can no longer share the joy of the people at church in our activities and programs. I tell God "Lord this is good, right? I'm serving you and others by doing this ministry, correct? You are being pleased when i do these, correct?"
And then i realized, i bypassed the basic principle that it is because of my salvation that's why I do these things. I've become more devoted to service more than to Jesus Himself. It's like I'm now pleasing Him through good works....as if I can thank Him enough, serve Him enough, give enough, participate enough. Everything has become so burdensome no matter how much i make it clear to myself that serving God is supposed to be a delight.
People at church are so good making others feel bad when they don't actively participate in church activities. They're like "How can you say you're saved, if you're not working for God" "If you read your Bible and pray every day, it's all useless if you don't work for God" "Faith is useless without good works" and things like that.
I've just become tired of these. I'd like to come to Jesus and receive His rest. ("Come to me...and I will give you rest..The burden i give you is light ~ Matthew 11:28)
But it's like they'll come between me and God and say "No. Rest is not what you need. You need to do this work. Do this work. Then you will rest."
Is it wrong that i choose to become a Mary instead of Martha? Will God turn me away If i come to Him empty-handed and say "Lord can I rest in you for a while?"
I'm not saying I'll be a Mary forever. God knows when I should work and when i should be still, give myself to be conformed to His purpose.
I don't like doing things halfheartedly for God. It only hurts me more. I no longer want doing things out of peer pressure. Yup, that's the term I've been looking for. "Peer pressure." It's so strong in our church. Weary, tired people can't speak on their own because the religious ones, the Marthas, do the speaking for them.
No one understands me now. Reason why i'm writing here is because i really have no one to talked to.