My sons DVD colection

[JohnManning]

For the past month, my son has been hiding out in his room. He locks it when he leaves. I have been fine with this since he turns 18 next week. He left the door open one night and the curiousity got the best of me and I had to check his room. The room had no light. There was metal posters on the wall. I felt like God had told me to go in here. Once I turned on the lights, I saw a wall of dvds. He had been getting stuff with his job money. Most of these DVDs had horrendous names or cover art.

Here are a few examples:
Army of Darkness
Cabin Fever
Dark City
The Devils Rejects
Donnie Darko
Eaten Alive
The Evil Dead
Evil Dead 2
Hostel
Hostel II
House of 1000 Corpses
Ichi the Killer
Natural Born Killers
Sin City
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

I feel so sick knowing these were in my home, I honestly don't know what to do with my son. I am going to talk to him about it tonight. I want to get in their again but I don't have access. Does any one have any advice for me to say to him. I want him to be born again and accept the Lord as savior while burning these DVDs.

 

[Dave M]

praying for your family John, one thing is certain that is your house and you should able to access everything anytime you want.

 

[Br. Bear]

@JohnManning

Greetings John,

don't say anything to your son yet.
I shall get back in a mo Lord willing, and write more.


Bless you ....><>

 

[Br. Bear]

I feel so sick knowing these were in my home, I honestly don't know what to do with my son. I am going to talk to him about it tonight. I want to get in their again but I don't have access. Does any one have any advice for me to say to him. I want him to be born again and accept the Lord as savior while burning these DVDs.

@JohnManning

Greetings,

TALK TO THE LORD about it first
As Dad, you have been given a sneak peak into your sons present inner sanctuary and you have to remember that 1] the LORD loves your son and He is not a burn it all down style Father, but in love He calls and woos all to enter in to His Sanctuary by His Son and 2] the LORD already knows about what and why your son is into the DVD's and the fact that he presently is.

Part of the thing here is that it is PRESENTLY and does not mean it is permanently.

Your part is to trust the LORD with your son and with yourself BECAUSE He is desiring full love from you both BECAUSE that is best for you!
It may seem easier to front your son and get straight into it but remember he has already made a decision to lock himself away and or you out of his present thing.

If you must say anything, gently, with the Lord's help, because HE wants to help, tell your son he left his room 'open' and you peeked in and saw he was into the DVD's AND quickly add a question, being, "which is your favourite one"? Then if he is still wanting to talk to you peacefully, ask him what it is about and ENGAGE with him on his level, NOT your present level of wanting to purge the house and home and your son. That will not work... purging, that is. will NOT work but will go against you which you do not want and believe it or not, neither does your son.
He has quite a few from what you shared so he obviously is or has been looking for something.... and you need to ask yourself, why and what that may be. Could it be you and the time you share with him? Tough question but let us get tough FIRST on ourselves before expecting the younger to front up and do better or change.
You don't actually have to say anything at all, because now you know, you can get believing in prayer. Ask the Lord and wait on Him.

I say all this in love, John. So please don't get upset with my advice.
You must start with prayer and know that the LORD wants good for you, has purchased your good and wants you to have His peace in believing. The enemy, cruel as he is, wants to cause division and destroy any sort of love between family members and friends, etc and even more so, put people off seeking and trusting and loving only the LORD our God in Christ Jesus the Lord.... so, you need to make a stand in prayer believing that the devil has no right to mess up your relationship and your son and you have to stand on the promise of God's lovingkindness and will for you (both).
Until you get that right, don't go addressing your son and certainly don't go trying to persuade or demand he gets rid of anything or changes his way etc.

You have to lead your son, not drive him. He is a young man now and you must respect that fact and not get telling what to do or even get too heavy with advice but with gentleness lead in conversation and offering your time doing something fun and interesting with your son who might simply be filling a hole.
The fact that he has acquired such a resource of DVD's and posters, etc without you knowing means he has lots of time on his hands where you are not.

Yes, it is your house but please remember that he is your son and that if far more important. Had he been only 6 or 7 you could purge and he would follow after a wee time out getting upset, but now he is 18 {close enough] you have to tread the path differently.

How kind is God to you every day? Is there anything you do ever that might need to change?
Please try to see this as the first place to address what you have seen and to remember please that you have been granted a sneak peak so you can get praying about your son. You did not know before hand but you do now. GIVE THANKS TO GOD that he has allowed you to see the present situation and that now you can come to Him believing in His love for your son, in prayer. Give thank i say, what a blessing to now know what before you didn't and to be able to pour out your concerns to the LORD. Surely that is the best medicine for you both!!!

The DVD's, etc, God knows about .... it is you two He desires and is interested in.

Purging and the like will only drive your son away from your desire for him to be free from any rot this world offers.
The DVD's are all fake and fantasy and are nothing in themselves, but your hearts are real and need the Love and Peace of God in Christ Jesus the Lord. Focus on that and let the DVD's fade away as they surely will as you trust in Him Who is faithful and has made a way for you to come to Him and seek His will and desire for your son and for you to take comfort in His Love for you both.

You have been allowed a view of present matters... now you know, get praying the prayer of faith for your son, day and night and don't forget to let him know you love him.

Honestly, pray first and then keep praying. You can not change a man, only God can.

With immense patience He waits upon the children of men to listen to His call for them to come to Him and have Life. He could purge and get heavy handed but He has sent His Son to lead us and to show us His love and kindness and to set us free... if we will but believe!!!


Bless you and your son ....><>

 

[Dovegiven]

Br. Bear has offered sound advice in love. I would add that serious fasting with much prayer is in order. Fasting for him tends to reveal issues that parents need to recognize concerning themselves too. The Holy Spirit can speak through obedience to fasting and prayer, coupled with staying in the Bible where God can speak directly.

Be on the lookout for signs of problems brewing more than a month ago that for whatever reasons you didn't notice. There are clues to uncover to better understand the present. Hind-sight is sometimes keener than foresight if not always guided by the Lord daily when parenting. I don't know where to go with that based on what you have shared so far.

Is your son still in school? Do you feel there might be a danger in your home or elsewhere, given the DVD titles? If so you need to take direct action. The best opportunity to take a light approach with a carefully planned course as a parent is past, seeing your son is about old enough to be in the military. That's why I feel strongly about fasting and prayer, to allow the Lord to light the way for you and your son. He can lead each of you to a point of agreement without you having to confront him. The Lord can tell you what and when to do it. The problem is an old one and will take time and much effort to fix, far less if fasting and praying

His responses to you, the one who must remain calm and strong in the Lord, "meek" (power under control) might point you to reach out to others, like a school counselor. They might already have noticed something is wrong, wanting to talk to you. That is a very common thing that catches many parents totally off guard.

I'm not saying not to do anything. A reasonable step would be to ask him why. Are you ever welcome to visit him in there? Does he think that would be fair and reasonable to exclude his Dad? Just let him think about a few calm questions like that. He surely realizes you had access. Tell him you are praying for him, then go into your prayer closet and do that. Don't mention fasting. That's mostly for your own good.

Do you know who some friends are? Their parents might be experiencing the same sort of problem. Two or more added to your prayers is promised to multiply expectations.

I have sought for a key scripture for you to meditate on.
Ephesians 6:4 (KJV)
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

When you get the chance paraphrase in your own words or different version
Ephesians 6:1-3 (KJV)
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise
3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

and don't require an answer. Just say it without holding the Bible, then walk away. I would later add that you love him unconditionally and deserve his respect too, no matter how old he lives. Stop there. Just a few words each passing, between praying. "What have I done to be shut out from you?" "I miss you, son". Many fathers forget to say such things. It's the most common thing young troubled men tell me.

Removing those DVDs would be provoking him to anger. It's an investment, though a terrible one. Those things in that room won't affect you. You submit to God, you resist the devil however led by the Lord. When you do that, the Devil has to flee. Before a devil returns, stay on guard, preventing him. Love your son. Take a little olive oil, put a spot on his door, and bless that room every day.

Does he have a car? If not, when he has to begin making payments the DVD hobby might suffer. I've known of young people deciding on their own to just give up foolishness so they can pursue better things, like dating, college, or a career. That would be a very good thing. If you preserve a relationship then in time there might be a good change to enjoy. I would not help him go off anywhere, especially college, as he would probably meet others who share that distraction or worse.

The best I can say for now is decide to be like the prodigal son's father who stood watch for that son to wise up and return home. Luke 15:11
My wife, helping me answer, and I are loving you and praying for you to experience ever increasing wisdom and enjoy peace from the Lord according to the scripture promises for believers. Other members will likely add grace to this situation.

 

[Jesus_is_LORD]

Any updates JohnnyManning?

I've worked with many family who are dealing with many problems. First I think the advice given about praying is good.
You can't go wrong with first praying. My thoughts on prayer would be two part. Part one to listen to God for direction and wisdom,
Part two would be to allow God to get your heart in the attitude that He wants it to be in as you interact with your son.

So I'm hearing the topic about the DVD collection that concerns you. I'm also hearing that your son locks his door.

One question that comes to mind is does he pay rent. If he pays rent, then you have more of an obligation to respect his
privacy because that is more of a landlord and tenant relationship which there are various laws that protect the renter.
However if he is not paying rent, than it is more of a child and parent relationship even if he is an adult child. This means that
if you desire for reasonable reasons that the door not be locked, whether it is because of fire safety, etc, then you should
feel comfortable having that rule in your home. If he is still living at home, then he is still living there as a family member,
and all families have rules. Perhaps he wants to live as an independent adult, however since he is in your home as a family member
he would fall under whatever the household family rules were. So some questions to better help you understand this concept would be,
(1) does he spend time with the family doing activities together?
(2) does he have responsibilities to the family such as chores?
(3) does he support the family expense through adding to groceries?
(3) .. and other questions like these.

The idea is if you are treating him as a family member then it makes more sense for him to abide by certain "family rules"
however if you are not spending quality time with him, and he is not expected to do any chores in the home, and you are treating
him like an adult on his own, or just like a renter, than it may be harder to have such a conversation because it almost doesn't seem
fair to put such an expectation on him when he isn't being treated like a family member.

There is two ways to approach this. One way is to have a discussion with your son and see his thoughts about those videos
and try to share your perspective. I wonder if your son is a Christian or not.

The second way is to make some type of rule in which you are sharing that you do not want certain things in your home.
For example, let us say that it wasn't an issue of DVDs but drugs. Let's say that your son had drugs in your room, in such a case
most parents would feel comfortable having a rule about certain things not being allowed because it breaks a law or puts the household
at risk. Obviously his DVD collection is not breaking any law. But unlike drugs which we can clearly see the danger, those DVDs may pose a spiritual danger.
I wonder, have you noticed changes in his behavior recently?


I do not have children, but if I did I would feel comfortable for example sharing that Satanic material or pornographic material, etc, etc
was not allowed in the home.

I wonder what your relationship is with your son. Have you had previous life talks with him? Ideally in such a situation it would be best if
you could talk with him in a non aggressive manner that does not put him on the defensive while also sharing your point of view and dialoguing
with him to hear his point of view as well. You should feel comfortable having reasonable rules in your home, however the problem likely
may not at all be the rules in your home but how you go about communicating those rules or expectations. You have to decide if the DVDs
are something that you want to have a rule about and compel him to comply with after explaining your perspective, or if the DVDs are
an issues that it is best to share your values and perspective and respect him ability to do what he wants in your home. I pray God will
give you the wisdom to do what He knows it best.

It is said that rules without relationship produces rebellion and relationship without rules produces chaos.

Ideally it is best to have both, a strong relationship with reasonable rules (boundaries)

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings again,

may I add to the above two posts that setting rules or even guidelines is fine, but these need to be put in place from the beginning, so to speak as attempting to bring them in later can cause more problems than we expect.
For this reason, if there have been no standards set and understood initially regarding any of your son's behaviours or actions, then you don't really have a right to purge etc.
That would have to be a more mutual thing or even something that your son initiates.

However, all this can be a blessing for you both because you have reason to talk and go a little deeper into the things that matter to you both and from that, with love, you can only grow stronger together. So, please consider that the relationship with your son is what is priority.

On a different note but the same, nonetheless, are you perfect in everything you do? I am not judging you here, but please understand that whatever tolerance you have for you living and doing and thinking in your house must be extended to others.

Build one another up in love, the Love that God has revealed and given to you in His Son, Jesus Christ.


Bless you ....><>

 

[Dave M]

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Proverbs 29:17
Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

Proverbs 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 22:15
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

 

[Dovegiven]

John Manning,

You should not expect more from your son than you invested in him growing up. It's also understood among those with no children. An idea emerges that seems great, so you might channel some eating out money to invest. It might pay dividends, a paycheck every 3 months, or it might be a washout, a waste of your overall efforts. We all face hazards in life. I implore that parents first invest in their children.

One's offspring, all "children" by genetic results, or adoption, or other arrangement are an award from God. I have some "arrows" added to my "quiver", even some people who "adopted" me because I accepted them long ago, even forgotten by me. That's sometimes overwhelming to me, yet those closest to me today are more precious.

I once, and I really mean once, took up a rattlesnake before twenty or more Teen Challenge boys and men, and bit it's head off to demonstrate God's preference concerning empowerment over Satan.
That impacted them and hundreds more for decades.. I am not ignorant about that, but am a natural science guy. Back then I was a "MIGHTY MAN" (landscaper) to them, a man of God, conqueror of all. All of those guys graduated, and some are TC ministers today. Until today I wonder "What, Lord, was that about?" Well, it takes some strange things to reach some people. That animal's fate was entirely in my natural control. I do not recommend anyone else experimenting ln that.

Look at a son or daughter, or anyone else desiring your acceptance as possibly a fake diamond according to world standards, but you value them as a real and precious diamond of infinite worth. Go far above the natural evidence.

 

[Dovegiven]

Greetings again,

may I add to the above two posts that setting rules or even guidelines is fine, but these need to be put in place from the beginning, so to speak as attempting to bring them in later can cause more problems than we expect.
For this reason, if there have been no standards set and understood initially regarding any of your son's behaviours or actions, then you don't really have a right to purge etc.
That would have to be a more mutual thing or even something that your son initiates.

However, all this can be a blessing for you both because you have reason to talk and go a little deeper into the things that matter to you both and from that, with love, you can only grow stronger together. So, please consider that the relationship with your son is what is priority.

On a different note but the same, nonetheless, are you perfect in everything you do? I am not judging you here, but please understand that whatever tolerance you have for you living and doing and thinking in your house must be extended to others.

Build one another up in love, the Love that God has revealed and given to you in His Son, Jesus Christ.


Bless you ....><>

OH, me, what a special revelation for me. My daugters and now grand daughters have asked of me why I do certain things, like wanting them to go fishing with me, or hiking a new trail. I assumed all along they would enjoy my pursuits! But when I took them on vacation journeys they preferred exploring cultural interests.

Well, they are now late teens. I have learned they have needs and wants too. So now we all are fellow explorers. Right now I can't sum that up except to say it is now exceptional.

 

[Godsangel]

I hope your son ain't planning on killing someone those movies are very dark. I seen Donnie Darko they bash christians I think. cabin fever is a flu movie.