My story in a nutshell

To be honest I have examined myself. I cannot repent honestly I have become so hardened I cannot repent. I have rapidly seared my conscience over the years by being desensitized to violent video games(getting used to seeing murder). The sad part is I am only 24 years old. God has hardened my heart and that is blocking me from repentance. I am calling God a liar by saying I am redeemable. I know so much about the gospel. I’ve had so many opportunities to come to God growing up but blew it. That’s the same as blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. To be honest nothing can penetrate my heart. I can study the word to God to death and it will not move me one bit. I am untouchable by God. I remember saying bad things against God’s Spirit 6 years ago and it didn’t even bother me. My life is basically over. I know for the fact that I have a reprobate mind because I have the characteristics of it
 
I’ve started to write down “Jesus wants to free me from self now stop trying” in a notebook over and over? I’m honestly at a loss of what to do at this point. I’m probably using this forum as a way to get reassurance rather than God himself. Honestly what’s the point of life when you have no hope of salvation?
 
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