lou_lou1345
Member
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2007
- Messages
- 35
This is my testimony! All glory to God.
I was brought up in a semi Christian. I gave my life to the lord at the age of 5. My mom told me that the Saturday before I became a Christian me and my mom was sat down watching TV and I said to her “mom he’s done it” she didn’t understand what I meant by he’s done it but then I said “mom he’s done it he’s in here” and pointed to my heart. That Sunday I went up to the front and gave my life to God. At this time I was at a Pentecostal church. I didn’t really understand what I had done and what it meant until I left that church and went to the Baptist church.
My childhood was pretty bad. From the age of 5 I saw my dad emotionally abuse my sister, my mom and my brother. He also did this to me. From the age of 5 I was physically abused by a member of my family. When I say physically I mean hit, punched and other things which I don’t want to go into. When my mom was pregnant she always told my brother that he was going to have a brother so when I was born and I was a girl you can imagine how disappointed he was, so from the day of my birth I was rejected from him. For years he told me he hated me and he wished I was a boy which hurt me immensely. From school at juniors ages 7-11 I was bullied by the younger kids. I can remember walking around the playground every break time and dinner on my own. Except for the odd time when one of my “friends” decided to talk to me. I even started hanging around with someone 4 years younger because no one else wanted to because I was a Christian. I was never ashamed to call myself a Christian and I never will be because he was my life then and he is now.
When I moved to Grange Baptist church I met the most amazing lady her name was Anne. She became like a mom to me. My mom worked when I got home from school so I never had her to cry over when I got home from all the bullying and total loneliness I experienced so instead I phoned Anne as soon as I got home everyday in tears because I hurt so much. People who I thought were friends would turn on me when their friends did so I never really had friendship with people my own age. I just wish the bullying finished at school but id walk home and get bullied on the way home or go to the shop and get bullied on the way to the shop, go to a lady’s from church and get bullied on the way. I can remember on summer I was going to go in there pool with her young girl and a girl called Hannah Hancock push me over so I was on the floor and my arm was stretched out and she ran over my arm. I was just so lucky to have a church with people who really supported me and helped me through the time.
Then I went to high school and bullying got worse. I hated going outside for dinners so I didn’t. I got on well with the first aiders at my school so id go in there and talk to them all lunch. Then id go to lesson from there. The most of the lessons I hated at school because I hated the people I was in there with. My relationship with god was so strong as a young child but the problem was it was built on the foundation of Anne.
In 1999 Anne was diagnosed with Lymphoma, I tried to ignore that this was happening I loved her so much. She never gave up she was also so strong and this totally helped the fact that she went into remission the beginning in 2000. Around July 2000 she was then diagnosed again with Lymphoma this time it was advanced. Even though she was still alive for a year a half after that. There was one night when I was overwhelmed with sadness and fear of losing her. I sat at the computer and went on a Christian website. I cried for about an hour and within that hour I got nearly 100-150 people to pray for her that night. The next morning I woke up and her husband mike phoned telling us that she nearly passed away that night but she woke up asking for a McDonalds (even though she’s a veggie LOL) September 28th 2001 Anne passed away early that morning. I woke up and my mom told me self consciously I already knew. I cried a little but tried not to cry. Then it came to the funeral and I was fine until the coffin was being taken out as soon as it went passed me I cried so much. It was like a cry from deep inside my stomach. The emotional and physical pain I felt that day I never felt in my life before. This is the only memory of my dad being caring I have but he took me into the side room and he sat on a chair and I knelt on the floor cringing in pain because my stomach felt as though someone had stuck a knife in there and was twisting it.
November 16th 2001 was one of the best days of my life because I waved goodbye to Beaufort community school for good. I was moving up to Birmingham. November 19th 2001 we moved to Birmingham and went to our new church for the first time. I knew this is where God wanted me to be when one of the first songs our worship leader sang was refiner’s fire. That was Anne’s favorite song and started the grieving process for me and my mom. God gave me Debbie then who really helped me through the grieving process which I went through with Anne’s death. I started a new school and actually made some friends who didn’t care that I was a Christian and accepted me for who I was. Even though I still believed my language started to get bad and my attitude turned like teenagers of the world’s attitude. I also started to smoke.
September 2002 my granddad got ill now this time of the year was horrible for me as it was the first anniversary of Annes death too so I was still so upset about that. It came to October and he got worse but this time they had already discovered that he had cancer in the stomach and it spread to the oesophagus and also an ulcer in his stomach which was hiding the cancer. I finished school for Christmas and went straight down there as my mom and sister was already done there. The one wish my granddad had was to live past Christmas at his house with his wife and he did. My granddad passed away December 31st 2002. I already knew that he had died but I woke up and my aunt told me that he passed away. As soon as we were all ready we went to my nans house and I ran to the house from the car park and ran up the stairs and cried over my mom. I couldn’t believe he had died but that is one of the only times I cried for him. This left me with some guilt because I was still grieving over Anne so I didn’t grieve over my granddad.
In 2003 I went to soul survivor for the 1st time this was totally awesome. God worked in me and he helped me grieve. He showed me what it was like to be totally for him. My youth leaders especially Ang was a great support to me at this time. 2005 I left school and how happy I was to be leaving even though I had such a better experience at my new school I still didn’t like it.
In 2006 in February a group of Americans came over as missionary work from the missionary group the book of hope. Rose, Karen. Carly, Pat, John, Nathan, Amysue and Liz. We got on so well and I absolutely loved the fact they was American lol so I decided to join a site in which I could meet more Americans. The ironic thing is the first person I spoke to when I got online was Mandie who lives in England down in Cornwall lol. Ever since I joined that site my life has never been the same because God has blessed me with sooo many friends and family that I know I will never be unloved again. Only one person out of the number of people I met has actually hurt me and I know that he is very sorry for hurting me and has repented. He was my edad and I loved him so much and I still do even though he did hurt me. He’s become a great brother in Christ.
God has blessed me with another dad who I miss him so much when he is busy and doesn’t come online. I love him dearly and I can’t wait to see him in November. He has also blessed me with 2 emoms which I love like I love my real mom. Both of them have been awesome support from me. I met Ebeth a year and 2 months ago and I love her so much not once have we stopped talking she was an awesome support to me when I was hurting and acting the way a normal mom would react. I met Susan a year ago now and at first she was a friend then aunt and now she’s my momma as she has made my dad sooooooo happy by agreeing to be his fiancée. There is Naomi who has always been there for me, Sarah who I love with all my heart she’s like my double lol. Steph, Ronda, I got to say Dave lol he’s my boyfriend, sherry, kitkat, caran, Albert, Ann, Amanda mark. I could mention so many more lol but I won’t.
In this last year my life has taken a full circle. I was so high for god, I got baptized June 19th 2006 and everything seemed to go wrong I felt so low and my heart went so heavy. Feeling of the past came on and I really started to struggle with my Christian faith. At this time everything on xianz seemed to be going wrong, by the last month of being there I got very depressed and angry because of what was going on. And then I decided to leave. So I left and felt a total feeling of freedom. Then I joined HHS and life seems to be different because when I feel low I go into the chat room and ask for help and prayer and they give it me.
I want people to remember that god died for them. My life wouldn’t be the same without God in it. There was one time that I nearly went away with god and I couldn’t live without him. God died for us all because he loved us.
lou xxx
I was brought up in a semi Christian. I gave my life to the lord at the age of 5. My mom told me that the Saturday before I became a Christian me and my mom was sat down watching TV and I said to her “mom he’s done it” she didn’t understand what I meant by he’s done it but then I said “mom he’s done it he’s in here” and pointed to my heart. That Sunday I went up to the front and gave my life to God. At this time I was at a Pentecostal church. I didn’t really understand what I had done and what it meant until I left that church and went to the Baptist church.
My childhood was pretty bad. From the age of 5 I saw my dad emotionally abuse my sister, my mom and my brother. He also did this to me. From the age of 5 I was physically abused by a member of my family. When I say physically I mean hit, punched and other things which I don’t want to go into. When my mom was pregnant she always told my brother that he was going to have a brother so when I was born and I was a girl you can imagine how disappointed he was, so from the day of my birth I was rejected from him. For years he told me he hated me and he wished I was a boy which hurt me immensely. From school at juniors ages 7-11 I was bullied by the younger kids. I can remember walking around the playground every break time and dinner on my own. Except for the odd time when one of my “friends” decided to talk to me. I even started hanging around with someone 4 years younger because no one else wanted to because I was a Christian. I was never ashamed to call myself a Christian and I never will be because he was my life then and he is now.
When I moved to Grange Baptist church I met the most amazing lady her name was Anne. She became like a mom to me. My mom worked when I got home from school so I never had her to cry over when I got home from all the bullying and total loneliness I experienced so instead I phoned Anne as soon as I got home everyday in tears because I hurt so much. People who I thought were friends would turn on me when their friends did so I never really had friendship with people my own age. I just wish the bullying finished at school but id walk home and get bullied on the way home or go to the shop and get bullied on the way to the shop, go to a lady’s from church and get bullied on the way. I can remember on summer I was going to go in there pool with her young girl and a girl called Hannah Hancock push me over so I was on the floor and my arm was stretched out and she ran over my arm. I was just so lucky to have a church with people who really supported me and helped me through the time.
Then I went to high school and bullying got worse. I hated going outside for dinners so I didn’t. I got on well with the first aiders at my school so id go in there and talk to them all lunch. Then id go to lesson from there. The most of the lessons I hated at school because I hated the people I was in there with. My relationship with god was so strong as a young child but the problem was it was built on the foundation of Anne.
In 1999 Anne was diagnosed with Lymphoma, I tried to ignore that this was happening I loved her so much. She never gave up she was also so strong and this totally helped the fact that she went into remission the beginning in 2000. Around July 2000 she was then diagnosed again with Lymphoma this time it was advanced. Even though she was still alive for a year a half after that. There was one night when I was overwhelmed with sadness and fear of losing her. I sat at the computer and went on a Christian website. I cried for about an hour and within that hour I got nearly 100-150 people to pray for her that night. The next morning I woke up and her husband mike phoned telling us that she nearly passed away that night but she woke up asking for a McDonalds (even though she’s a veggie LOL) September 28th 2001 Anne passed away early that morning. I woke up and my mom told me self consciously I already knew. I cried a little but tried not to cry. Then it came to the funeral and I was fine until the coffin was being taken out as soon as it went passed me I cried so much. It was like a cry from deep inside my stomach. The emotional and physical pain I felt that day I never felt in my life before. This is the only memory of my dad being caring I have but he took me into the side room and he sat on a chair and I knelt on the floor cringing in pain because my stomach felt as though someone had stuck a knife in there and was twisting it.
November 16th 2001 was one of the best days of my life because I waved goodbye to Beaufort community school for good. I was moving up to Birmingham. November 19th 2001 we moved to Birmingham and went to our new church for the first time. I knew this is where God wanted me to be when one of the first songs our worship leader sang was refiner’s fire. That was Anne’s favorite song and started the grieving process for me and my mom. God gave me Debbie then who really helped me through the grieving process which I went through with Anne’s death. I started a new school and actually made some friends who didn’t care that I was a Christian and accepted me for who I was. Even though I still believed my language started to get bad and my attitude turned like teenagers of the world’s attitude. I also started to smoke.
September 2002 my granddad got ill now this time of the year was horrible for me as it was the first anniversary of Annes death too so I was still so upset about that. It came to October and he got worse but this time they had already discovered that he had cancer in the stomach and it spread to the oesophagus and also an ulcer in his stomach which was hiding the cancer. I finished school for Christmas and went straight down there as my mom and sister was already done there. The one wish my granddad had was to live past Christmas at his house with his wife and he did. My granddad passed away December 31st 2002. I already knew that he had died but I woke up and my aunt told me that he passed away. As soon as we were all ready we went to my nans house and I ran to the house from the car park and ran up the stairs and cried over my mom. I couldn’t believe he had died but that is one of the only times I cried for him. This left me with some guilt because I was still grieving over Anne so I didn’t grieve over my granddad.
In 2003 I went to soul survivor for the 1st time this was totally awesome. God worked in me and he helped me grieve. He showed me what it was like to be totally for him. My youth leaders especially Ang was a great support to me at this time. 2005 I left school and how happy I was to be leaving even though I had such a better experience at my new school I still didn’t like it.
In 2006 in February a group of Americans came over as missionary work from the missionary group the book of hope. Rose, Karen. Carly, Pat, John, Nathan, Amysue and Liz. We got on so well and I absolutely loved the fact they was American lol so I decided to join a site in which I could meet more Americans. The ironic thing is the first person I spoke to when I got online was Mandie who lives in England down in Cornwall lol. Ever since I joined that site my life has never been the same because God has blessed me with sooo many friends and family that I know I will never be unloved again. Only one person out of the number of people I met has actually hurt me and I know that he is very sorry for hurting me and has repented. He was my edad and I loved him so much and I still do even though he did hurt me. He’s become a great brother in Christ.
God has blessed me with another dad who I miss him so much when he is busy and doesn’t come online. I love him dearly and I can’t wait to see him in November. He has also blessed me with 2 emoms which I love like I love my real mom. Both of them have been awesome support from me. I met Ebeth a year and 2 months ago and I love her so much not once have we stopped talking she was an awesome support to me when I was hurting and acting the way a normal mom would react. I met Susan a year ago now and at first she was a friend then aunt and now she’s my momma as she has made my dad sooooooo happy by agreeing to be his fiancée. There is Naomi who has always been there for me, Sarah who I love with all my heart she’s like my double lol. Steph, Ronda, I got to say Dave lol he’s my boyfriend, sherry, kitkat, caran, Albert, Ann, Amanda mark. I could mention so many more lol but I won’t.
In this last year my life has taken a full circle. I was so high for god, I got baptized June 19th 2006 and everything seemed to go wrong I felt so low and my heart went so heavy. Feeling of the past came on and I really started to struggle with my Christian faith. At this time everything on xianz seemed to be going wrong, by the last month of being there I got very depressed and angry because of what was going on. And then I decided to leave. So I left and felt a total feeling of freedom. Then I joined HHS and life seems to be different because when I feel low I go into the chat room and ask for help and prayer and they give it me.
I want people to remember that god died for them. My life wouldn’t be the same without God in it. There was one time that I nearly went away with god and I couldn’t live without him. God died for us all because he loved us.
lou xxx
