Born in 1983 raised as a catholic I stopped to follow their teaching around 16 years old and took the atheist road, not my best idea but I did worst. On this road sin was my way of life, I was lusting on women, getting drunk, listening to Satanist black metal, playing video games all day, i never wanted to get any job and of course I became addicted to my computer it was normal for me I never cared about tomorrow and sometimes the others.
But everything wasn't lost, I loved to do some research on internet mainly about conspiracy theories, the lyrics in music, the sign in video games that I was playing and everything was for or against God. So I started to question myself: "If God doesn't exist then why so many media were talking about him?" I wanted to go deeper about this question and this is when Brother and Sisters that I got my worst idea ever, instead of reading the Bible which is the logical thing to do, I studied everything related to Satan in media and the spirit world and of course I wanted to try a ritual ... it worked before I did anything like it was .... waiting.
At first its "funny" to have your "own-personal-spiritual-sexual-pet" you meditate and *ding!* you have what you called for, but slowly I realized that something was off I was lusting on women more than ever, every time I talked it was more or less about sex so I started to resist peacefully at first, to understand what is happening to me it was strange like it was me but not really me and this is where everything went haywire.
Angered because I was starting to open my eyes this demon changed her course of attack and instead of saying sweet things, she wanted to install fear in my heart telling that she will kill my family or me if I don't do what I am ordered. Every night was a fierce battle because stubborn as I was giving up wasn't an option Demon or not, but even as methodical as I can be I was losing and one day when I was about to give up once and for all, asking for any help I could find I heard: "Don't give up you are NOT alone!" it was more an order than anything and when I heard it I've got the energy to move thousands of mountains it was incredible and I was able to sleep right after. There was less struggle but one changed my life as I knew it, as always i was battling late at night to get some sleep, I went out of my room to sit somewhere else and its when I saw it even if it was blurry I saw it an Angel equipped with an armor and a sword who told me clearly: "This is not a fight you can win alone go back to the church". The day after this revelation I remembered plenty of things, when I was little child and God answered some of my prayer, when in some of my struggle I got the idea of the armor of God out of nowhere (Ephesians 6:13-17). He was here every seconds showed me the path of peace and I turned my back on him. Thinking about that is making me crying again I was really stupid :'(.
It was 11 month ago so I'm a new Christian sometimes I make some mistakes on scriptures even if I already read all the new testament, I can't go to Catholics church the last time I gone in I wasn't at ease and there are plenty in France so I was kind of lonely before I found this forum ^^ ( thanks a lot to GotQuestion ), the demon is still here sometimes it make me fail even when I can hear the Holy spirit telling me: "If you stay in your bed 5 minutes more you will sin". I can see the work of God little by little sometimes its a bit too slow for my taste but when I look back I really see a change so yeah God is in control, I stopped any kind of pornography, I'm listening to jazz now, I'm still unemployed but change is on the way, I still playing video games but I avoid video games who preach against scripture ( I plan to stop at the end ), I help my family when needed, there are plenty of things to change it's going at his pace but I know at the end everything will be OK.
Ho and if you know a good way to help me learn the Bible I'm all hears !.
As God said yeah I'm NOT alone
. God bless you all and protect us against our archenemy.
But everything wasn't lost, I loved to do some research on internet mainly about conspiracy theories, the lyrics in music, the sign in video games that I was playing and everything was for or against God. So I started to question myself: "If God doesn't exist then why so many media were talking about him?" I wanted to go deeper about this question and this is when Brother and Sisters that I got my worst idea ever, instead of reading the Bible which is the logical thing to do, I studied everything related to Satan in media and the spirit world and of course I wanted to try a ritual ... it worked before I did anything like it was .... waiting.
At first its "funny" to have your "own-personal-spiritual-sexual-pet" you meditate and *ding!* you have what you called for, but slowly I realized that something was off I was lusting on women more than ever, every time I talked it was more or less about sex so I started to resist peacefully at first, to understand what is happening to me it was strange like it was me but not really me and this is where everything went haywire.
Angered because I was starting to open my eyes this demon changed her course of attack and instead of saying sweet things, she wanted to install fear in my heart telling that she will kill my family or me if I don't do what I am ordered. Every night was a fierce battle because stubborn as I was giving up wasn't an option Demon or not, but even as methodical as I can be I was losing and one day when I was about to give up once and for all, asking for any help I could find I heard: "Don't give up you are NOT alone!" it was more an order than anything and when I heard it I've got the energy to move thousands of mountains it was incredible and I was able to sleep right after. There was less struggle but one changed my life as I knew it, as always i was battling late at night to get some sleep, I went out of my room to sit somewhere else and its when I saw it even if it was blurry I saw it an Angel equipped with an armor and a sword who told me clearly: "This is not a fight you can win alone go back to the church". The day after this revelation I remembered plenty of things, when I was little child and God answered some of my prayer, when in some of my struggle I got the idea of the armor of God out of nowhere (Ephesians 6:13-17). He was here every seconds showed me the path of peace and I turned my back on him. Thinking about that is making me crying again I was really stupid :'(.
It was 11 month ago so I'm a new Christian sometimes I make some mistakes on scriptures even if I already read all the new testament, I can't go to Catholics church the last time I gone in I wasn't at ease and there are plenty in France so I was kind of lonely before I found this forum ^^ ( thanks a lot to GotQuestion ), the demon is still here sometimes it make me fail even when I can hear the Holy spirit telling me: "If you stay in your bed 5 minutes more you will sin". I can see the work of God little by little sometimes its a bit too slow for my taste but when I look back I really see a change so yeah God is in control, I stopped any kind of pornography, I'm listening to jazz now, I'm still unemployed but change is on the way, I still playing video games but I avoid video games who preach against scripture ( I plan to stop at the end ), I help my family when needed, there are plenty of things to change it's going at his pace but I know at the end everything will be OK.
Ho and if you know a good way to help me learn the Bible I'm all hears !.
As God said yeah I'm NOT alone
. God bless you all and protect us against our archenemy.
