My thoughts...

[skipbeat]

Fault me not on what I fail to do or what I have done and failed at. I’m merely a child still learning. Still trying to grow. These things I write are merely just rebellious letters. Just as a father would do to a child and a child would do to a father…I was never close to my earthly father but I can’t say I never knew a fathers love. My grandfather was everything… I admired him. In my eyes he was the perfect image and example of a father. He was my father figure and still is. He died a while back. I did not cry and it frustrated me for a while to think that I couldn’t cry for the man that made my life worth living. But then I realize hmm hes in a better place then I’m. Made me laugh it literally did. Here I’m trying to drop tears for someone who doesn’t need it. I have fights with God. I get angry at him..I try to get close to him and the more I do the more he tries to sanctify me. He doesn’t want impurity. But I’m only human and I see this blessings as signs of defeat and fight back….I shun people because I went from knowing someone who was an angel to discovering someone of his flesh and blood who was to me evil. As I try to rise up to people’s expectation and be who I’m expected to be. The more I shun people because I started to grow and the more I grow the more I notice..There aren’t people like me...There isn’t anyone on this earth that can live up to my expectation or live up to anything like God. So why try...Why not wait to meet someone perfect. But then I’ll live in isolation for the rest of my life eh? No? God tries to bring people into my life and I rebel and tell him I’ve seen what people can do and I’m unwilling to dealt with the same pain again when I haven’t’ even recovered from the previous. He tells me well not everyone is the same. Did you not learn that a long time ago? I tell him this place that I’m in...This pain that I have...these things that try to break me…this prison called earth. It’s my home. My sweet home...i love my prison. The longer I live in this prison the more I prepare to meet him. The more people try to break me...The closer I get to him...The more pain I discover...the happier and more grateful I’m when I meet kindness. The more people I encounter the more blessing I receive. I’m learning not to look at the past as a bad thing but as a way to prepare me...For my purpose. I’m still learning to walk...It’s taking longer because I want to fly before I can walk but His holding my hand and his guiding me all the way. I’m still learning to be patient. There are days that I scream but I scream out of love…there are days that I cry but I cry out of love…when life knocks you down...You get back up. It doesn’t matter how many times it knocks you down what matters is the number of times you get back up…