I need help in figuring out the lesson I am to learn here? I was molested as a child, married for 20yrs to an emotional controlling, verbal abusive man, as well as beaten at age 18. I was raped at 40, and then met the man who I thought was going to be different. Low and behold to only find out he seems to get his kicks out of teasing, physically hurting me, choking me, and degrading me with his words. I am told by him that a wife is nothing more than a woman who lays on her back and bares children. Through the 44 years of my life trying to cope with the pain I have become a cutter and even went so far as to try and end my life. I have been through therapy, talked to God, but yet nothing changes. So, my husband told me today after I asked why am I not able to be freed from men who delight in causing pain, as well as is it so wrong to long for a man who doesn’t put me through those things. He stated, when we continue to go through these things God is trying to teach us a lesson. I am confused, hurt and not sure how to remove being hard and callused, as he so eloquently put it. He also, doesn’t understand why I can’t be intimate all the time. I feel *I wonder why*, but is that not being selfish on my part, and how do I overcome that when it’s in your face every day. I know God tells us to love unconditionally, and be patient, but I am struggling with being patient. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Here is an article my husband sent me today about a Victims Mentality:
This planet primarily attracts two types of beings–those with a victim mentality and those with an oppressor mentality. In order to be a victim, you must have oppressors. In order to be an oppressor, you must have victims. Together, this creates balance in God-Mind.
This planet is designed as a place where beings with a victim mentality can learn to overcome it. Therefore, any "higher level" being will not become involved because it is necessary for those here to have the opportunity to work through their victim mentalities. To become involved would mean interfering or taking away the lessons of those with victim mentalities. Higher level beings will be objective observers who will guide and instruct you through your victim mentality once you reach them, but that is all. They are not here to "save" you or this planet.
Any being who says that they are here to "save" you is interfering in your soul growth. Only you can "save" yourself from a victim mentality. Only you and the lessons you self-design will teach you about victim mentality. Only you can move through these lessons that will allow you to make a final release of your victim mentality. No one is waiting to help you–do not be fooled by any being making such promises.
When you learn to move through your victim mentality, your mind-pattern will no longer attract oppressors. The more stubborn you are in your determination to hang onto your victim mentality ways, the more intense the lessons that you attract to get you to release those ways. This means, metaphorically speaking, a bigger, meaner, stronger, stick until you finally "get it."
You have to get hurt, belittled, and finally, angry enough to stand up for yourself and declare that you will no longer be a victim to anyone, anywhere, any more! Perhaps when you finally have had enough, you release your victim mentality by saying, "I just don't give a damn anymore what anybody thinks! I am speaking my mind regardless! I am taking care of myself, regardless!"
Sometimes, people are beaten up so much that instead of releasing the victim mentality, they decide to become the oppressor when the opportunity presents itself. This is why cycles repeat themselves. People who were oppressed find other victims, because this gives them a sense of control. In doing so, they relive their earlier experiences when they felt like they had no control. They become the perpetrator, just so they can be the "winner" for a change. Of course, this is another imbalance, or extreme flip–from victim to oppressor.
The ideal is to find a happy medium, or balance, between victim and oppressor. Victim and oppressor are opposite sides of the same coin in the Mind of God. In this case, two individual soul-personalities are needed to maintain equilibrium in God-Mind. One carries the weight of a victim; one carries the weight of an oppressor. What you need to do is find the balance within yourself, so that equilibrium within the Mind of God is maintained within one soul-personality instead of two.
Yes, you must learn to speak your mind and not allow anyone to walk on you. Yes, you must sometimes be harsh and cruel with words, and sometimes even actions. But when this must happen, it must be done in an objective manner–what is best for everyone involved to get the point across while causing the least amount of pain. Boundaries must be set.
What are your boundaries? Who crosses them and how? Who is a belligerent person in your life that you try to avoid because of their bullish, pushy ways? Why do you avoid this person? Why not practice letting go of your victim mentality and speak your mind to him/her? So what if your heart races and palpitates, and your palms grow sweaty? So what if your knees shake so hard that you think you will fall down, and your voice is shaky, squeaky, or barely audible? Somewhere along the way, you must stop your victim mentality before it stops you. Learn to be proactive instead of reactive.
When you allow others to push you around, you become angry, sullen, and introverted. Then, you lash out at the undeserving with misdirected frustration and anger. Sometimes your body becomes ill because of all that you suppress, or you insulate your body, or perhaps stop eating. One way or the other, you suffer.
But, there is a part of you that feels that you deserve to suffer. There is a part of you that enjoys this pain and self-punishment. It feels good to some part of yourself, or you would not do it. Some people create others to give them pain, sometimes physical, sometimes emotional, sometimes both. Some people do it for themselves–a self-contained, fully functional, victim mentality unit. Some people are extremely successful at this.
Why do you feel so bad about yourself that you feel like you are meant to suffer, to be alone, to feel guilty, to have ill health, to be overweight or underweight? Did it start in this lifetime, or did it start before? Follow those feelings, and allow yourself to release it. This physical reality is your chance to overcome it. The more you ignore this situation, the harder and more intense lesson you will attract to beat it out of yourself. You came here to learn–now do it. Quit whining, moaning, and complaining–because there is a part of you that enjoys that too.
Aches and pains can create a lot of entertainment. You can run from doctor to doctor, trying to find a cure for something that will never be cured as long as you maintain your current mind-pattern.
"Bad luck" can attract a lot of attention and sympathy from others. Dire circumstances will force someone to pay attention to you. Never getting a raise or a promotion is an excuse not to climb higher in your career or company. You can moan all you want about being alone, with a partner who does not understand you, or without one at all. But this self-imposed isolation also gives you time to selfishly take care of yourself without any interference. The same for saying you want children but are unable to have them. A part of you does not want a spouse, or a caring spouse, or children, because if of ALL of you wanted this and it was truly in your mind-pattern, you would have it!
Victim, victim, victim! Let us count the ways...refuse to be a victim. Find a new source of entertainment. Release yourself from this mind-pattern so that you can move into new vistas of growth–ones so vast that you cannot even imagine or comprehend them. You must let go of the old to make room for the new. No one can do it for you. No one can "save" you from yourself. No one is waiting to help this planet. Only you can make a difference. Only you can save this planet. Do it!
Thanks,
Amarie
Here is an article my husband sent me today about a Victims Mentality:
This planet primarily attracts two types of beings–those with a victim mentality and those with an oppressor mentality. In order to be a victim, you must have oppressors. In order to be an oppressor, you must have victims. Together, this creates balance in God-Mind.
This planet is designed as a place where beings with a victim mentality can learn to overcome it. Therefore, any "higher level" being will not become involved because it is necessary for those here to have the opportunity to work through their victim mentalities. To become involved would mean interfering or taking away the lessons of those with victim mentalities. Higher level beings will be objective observers who will guide and instruct you through your victim mentality once you reach them, but that is all. They are not here to "save" you or this planet.
Any being who says that they are here to "save" you is interfering in your soul growth. Only you can "save" yourself from a victim mentality. Only you and the lessons you self-design will teach you about victim mentality. Only you can move through these lessons that will allow you to make a final release of your victim mentality. No one is waiting to help you–do not be fooled by any being making such promises.
When you learn to move through your victim mentality, your mind-pattern will no longer attract oppressors. The more stubborn you are in your determination to hang onto your victim mentality ways, the more intense the lessons that you attract to get you to release those ways. This means, metaphorically speaking, a bigger, meaner, stronger, stick until you finally "get it."
You have to get hurt, belittled, and finally, angry enough to stand up for yourself and declare that you will no longer be a victim to anyone, anywhere, any more! Perhaps when you finally have had enough, you release your victim mentality by saying, "I just don't give a damn anymore what anybody thinks! I am speaking my mind regardless! I am taking care of myself, regardless!"
Sometimes, people are beaten up so much that instead of releasing the victim mentality, they decide to become the oppressor when the opportunity presents itself. This is why cycles repeat themselves. People who were oppressed find other victims, because this gives them a sense of control. In doing so, they relive their earlier experiences when they felt like they had no control. They become the perpetrator, just so they can be the "winner" for a change. Of course, this is another imbalance, or extreme flip–from victim to oppressor.
The ideal is to find a happy medium, or balance, between victim and oppressor. Victim and oppressor are opposite sides of the same coin in the Mind of God. In this case, two individual soul-personalities are needed to maintain equilibrium in God-Mind. One carries the weight of a victim; one carries the weight of an oppressor. What you need to do is find the balance within yourself, so that equilibrium within the Mind of God is maintained within one soul-personality instead of two.
Yes, you must learn to speak your mind and not allow anyone to walk on you. Yes, you must sometimes be harsh and cruel with words, and sometimes even actions. But when this must happen, it must be done in an objective manner–what is best for everyone involved to get the point across while causing the least amount of pain. Boundaries must be set.
What are your boundaries? Who crosses them and how? Who is a belligerent person in your life that you try to avoid because of their bullish, pushy ways? Why do you avoid this person? Why not practice letting go of your victim mentality and speak your mind to him/her? So what if your heart races and palpitates, and your palms grow sweaty? So what if your knees shake so hard that you think you will fall down, and your voice is shaky, squeaky, or barely audible? Somewhere along the way, you must stop your victim mentality before it stops you. Learn to be proactive instead of reactive.
When you allow others to push you around, you become angry, sullen, and introverted. Then, you lash out at the undeserving with misdirected frustration and anger. Sometimes your body becomes ill because of all that you suppress, or you insulate your body, or perhaps stop eating. One way or the other, you suffer.
But, there is a part of you that feels that you deserve to suffer. There is a part of you that enjoys this pain and self-punishment. It feels good to some part of yourself, or you would not do it. Some people create others to give them pain, sometimes physical, sometimes emotional, sometimes both. Some people do it for themselves–a self-contained, fully functional, victim mentality unit. Some people are extremely successful at this.
Why do you feel so bad about yourself that you feel like you are meant to suffer, to be alone, to feel guilty, to have ill health, to be overweight or underweight? Did it start in this lifetime, or did it start before? Follow those feelings, and allow yourself to release it. This physical reality is your chance to overcome it. The more you ignore this situation, the harder and more intense lesson you will attract to beat it out of yourself. You came here to learn–now do it. Quit whining, moaning, and complaining–because there is a part of you that enjoys that too.
Aches and pains can create a lot of entertainment. You can run from doctor to doctor, trying to find a cure for something that will never be cured as long as you maintain your current mind-pattern.
"Bad luck" can attract a lot of attention and sympathy from others. Dire circumstances will force someone to pay attention to you. Never getting a raise or a promotion is an excuse not to climb higher in your career or company. You can moan all you want about being alone, with a partner who does not understand you, or without one at all. But this self-imposed isolation also gives you time to selfishly take care of yourself without any interference. The same for saying you want children but are unable to have them. A part of you does not want a spouse, or a caring spouse, or children, because if of ALL of you wanted this and it was truly in your mind-pattern, you would have it!
Victim, victim, victim! Let us count the ways...refuse to be a victim. Find a new source of entertainment. Release yourself from this mind-pattern so that you can move into new vistas of growth–ones so vast that you cannot even imagine or comprehend them. You must let go of the old to make room for the new. No one can do it for you. No one can "save" you from yourself. No one is waiting to help this planet. Only you can make a difference. Only you can save this planet. Do it!
Janet Diane Mourglia-Swerdlow
Now, I have tried the things in this article, but they don’t work, he breaks them down every time. Example: I don’t like my neck touched, I have told him this over and over, but he will continually put his hands on my neck and he says woman love their neck touched, so I should love it as well. I told him I have tried to do the things in the article, and his response was I can’t take my eye of him to understand how to change myself.
Thanks,
Amarie
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