Not Good enough?

[oneup_shroom]

Alright so, I'm single and I sometimes have this feeling that I will never actually get to the point where I feel "good enough" to enter into a relationship with whoever it is to be my spouse. It seems like every time I check something off my list of things to make me a better person, more stuff just jumps onto the list. I have this mental block that well, if I am attracted to someone I back down because I am not "there" yet. For example, I finally feel like I am recovered from my high school experiences and I thought at one time that recovering would be enough to make me feel ready for a relationship.

Yet now my list has controlling my sexual urges better (as in not letting my mind 'go there' when I see or talk with a pretty girl, its harder than it sounds for an ex-porn addict). The list also has paying off credit card debt (like 2k), getting in better shape (losing bout 20lbs) and growing my career to a point that I can support a family. I mean I'm 21 and make pretty good money for my age, but I know I could not support another person, let alone kids, on my current paycheck.

Is this something I should even be worrying about, or should it be more of a wait for her then jump in with both feet and try to swim, forgetting the list. (its not an actual list... just a mental one). I don't know, it just seems like the list makes me feel like "I'm not ready for marriage in my own head/ list wise. So why even try."

Is that bad?

Also, could this list/ how often I think about who I might possibly end up with someday be a bad thing? I mean I'm going after God harder than I ever have before, and I guess you could say my thinking about all of this could be a distraction.

Basically, what are your thoughts on my thoughts. Am I crazy to think that someday I will be "ready"? and I'm just not there yet.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Philippians 4:6

Dear brother @oneup_shroom

As you said in your post.......keep going harder for God
It's where you are with Him that matters
Keep Him the centre of your life
The centre of your thoughts
And all else will fall into place

Commit all your thoughts and concerns about a future wife, finances,lustful thoughts and all else, to the Lord
And leave it with Him

If you start worrying now about finances, how things will work out , how you will manage etc.......then you can guarantee satan in his sneaky ways will get a foothold to make those worries take hold of your heart.

Just trust that the Lord already knows your future.
He loves you dearly and He will provide according to His good and perfect will

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
Matthew 6:34

Commit thy works unto the Lord and thy thoughts will be established
Proverbs 16:3

 

[Brad Huber]

I am pretty sure you will be ready in due time. Mind you, desire unto itself is not sinful. God put this in us so that male and female would be attracted to each other. Let none of us call evil that which God created good. Looking upon a woman and finding her comely is not wrong, but look beyond the beauty. Look for godly characteristics in a women. Is she willing to work hard physically or is she lazy? Is she soft spoken and kind of words, or is she loud and often make cutting remarks? Choose the better. Do you deserve a good woman or shall you make a good husband? If you serve the Lord and obey his will, you will be a good husband.

 

[sintheticg]

quit being religious and get to know christ. its not about being a better person, but realizing you cant be a better person, and rendering your body a living sacrifice to the one who can.
(Romans 3:10) "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:"

(John 14:6) "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

(Romans 12:1-2) "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. {2} And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

 

[oneup_shroom]

quit being religious and get to know christ. its not about being a better person, but realizing you cant be a better person, and rendering your body a living sacrifice to the one who can.
(Romans 3:10) "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:"

(John 14:6) "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

(Romans 12:1-2) "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. {2} And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

Actually, I believe I can physically and spiritually be a better person than I am now. Especially pertaining to marriage and in the physical realm. Every day is a progression to becoming a better person and growing my relationship with God.

This thread was not about growing myself to be good enough for God or salvation. No one can do that, and in that aspect you are correct. I have come to know that I can never "work" my way up to being good enough for God. That's not how it all operates and if it were than we would be denying that his grace is sufficient.

What I was referencing was the fact that I often contemplate when I will be physically and practically ready for marriage on this earth. At the time of the post I was quite emotional about the subject, as you can probably tell. I'd like to think that a physical marriage to a woman is a lot more than just feelings. I have a task oriented personality and I'd like to be prepared to take care of my family before I create it. I understand that God will always provide, but I also believe that God expects us to work for our physical return and not just expect him to place dinner on our front porch every night. Not saying that is impossible given the need, but I have been given the ability to work and the gift of skills that can turn a profit, therefore I believe God would rather bless me in using them to provide than by simply giving me stuff. I'd like to think of it as a practical application of Luke 19: 11-26. God gave me skills(coins) so I should use them to bring return not only to survive but to bring return and to prosper His kingdom as well.
@Fragrant Grace
Thank you for the encouragement! The verses and explanations helped a lot in getting my head back on straight and calming the worry wort in me.
@Brad Huber
Thank you for the practical advice and guidance on what to watch out for once I start really "looking". I find that a Godly hard working woman is a very desirable trait... there is nothing more attractive than a girl who's all out for Jesus.

 

[Kenzie]

hi there!
i just wanted to say when i saw the post, i thought that's kind of how i feel about guys. i want to be "good enough" for my future husband..so many things to check off that list i totally do the same exact thing! you're not alone! but i realize maybe i should be seeking the kingdom of God first and just letting God decide when it is my time, who knows maybe i will meet my husband before my list is complete because maybe God's plan is different than mine.either way i have to trust in the Lord and seek Him first..there is nothing without Jesus =]

 

[tirapet]

Keep preparing yourself! You sound as if you are on the right track! You are stable and have the right values and are thinking of what would make you a good husband. Pray for patience and wisdom.

Girls love a chase. You gotta go after the lady of Christ and see how her life would fit with yours and discuss it from there.

If you're not ready for a relationship, then you're not ready. That's that. Maybe someone will come along and change your mind, but don't force it on yourself. Song of Solomon 8:4. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. However, I think people always try to better themselves, so with your list problem you may never be ready. There's no rules to follow that say when you're ready or not. No kitchen-timer for the oven. It's all a matter of God saying you're ready. Feeling ready. There's no way to reach perfection (only Jesus has that), but we strive for it. Also, everyone has problems and debts; we're all sinners with issues. No need to feel alone.

If you've given the issue this much thought, you have a pretty solid head on your shoulders. God will lead you down the path you're meant to traverse.

 

[oneup_shroom]

@tirapet Thank you for the reply

I had totally forgotten about this thread until now. And well, I guess it’s time for an update

First off, SIN SUCKS! I haven't has sex since I was saved (actually saved) and I have made a covenant with God to never have sex again until it is properly in the confines of marriage. But, sometimes sin brings consequences, and recently I have had a problem come to the surface that could possibly cause me to never be able to have sex again! I am actually getting my tests done today, so prayer would be appreciated, but something important has come to me in this time of suckiness.

You see if I can never have sex again, then I can most likely never have a wife! My one dream in life for a long while has been to have a healthy marriage with a Godly woman. I might never get to have that! And while praying about this crisis, God gave me a special kind of peace. You see, I came to realize that even if I never get to have the love of a woman, God is all I need. He is my “one and only” and He can fulfill my every need, even the need for love(not talking physical here) from a woman. This understanding has allowed me to get that much closer to Him, which has been amazing!

Another thing that happened is three days ago while praying and fasting over all of this. I believe God told me that I will not be “infected”, that I will have my beautiful wife one day, and she and I will make waves for Him in Ministry… I’m not sure how that is supposed to look since I am a working guy, I have a great job and I love my work… but then again, if one day God calls me to drop it all and do his work… How can I deny that, How can I refuse someone who loves me like this?

Anyway, the last thing that has come from this is that once I came to a peace with never, ever, ever actually being able to get married. This girl comes into my mind’s view… and well, we are friends, pretty good friends and we both are a part of the worship band at church. I’ve never thought about the possibility of her, because she is so much younger than me. (she is 17; I am 21).. But idk, it seems like now that I am completely focused on God, our friendship is getting stronger! God told me to wait at least a year before trying to pursue any sort of romantic relationship with her, “she needs to finish HS, and continue pursuit of her identity in Christ”. But this year… or more… will also allow for our friendship and trust to grow.

I am hopeful for the future, God has blessed me with the hunger for reading (like literally in these past two weeks, I used to hate to read) and the love of prayer (I used to hate just sitting there, felt like I was wasting time).. So, if anything God is fulfilling my request for him to be as real to me as a physical spouse and even if I never get to have a marriage or sex, I will have him and that is enough.

I will update you guys when my tests come back in, and I really appreciate prayer over this!