abigya
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After reading this article I thought it will edify the parents in the body of Christ
Stop Feeling Guilty
Parents of adult children: it's time to stop feeling guilty about your son's or daughter's bad choices.
Parents with grown children harbor precious memories: a little girl clunking around in Mommy's high heels; a boy's shining eyes while he shows off his miniscule muscles; whispers of love and prayers. Even in the turbulent teens, their children brought joy. Those were mostly good times. Laughter. Love. Everything was right in that world.
When there is so much beauty in a family, we parents are not prepared when one of our children leaves the warmth of a loving home to become an adult who disappoints. Whether the results of the child's choices are mild or severe, we take on guilt. What did we do wrong? Surely, when he was small, we set it up so that he made foolish decisions later or had oppositional attitudes. Was it the harsh word we spoke? The punishment we administered? Or didn't? Were we too busy or tired to spend enough time to care? When divorce is involved, guilt doubles.
If the grown child blames Mom and Dad, confusion reigns. Confidence wanes. We try, but we don't know how to fix what is breaking or has broken. We want it fixed, for we love our kids deeply. Dear one, have you believed that God doesn't care about your sadness over a child? He is a father, too, remember, with children who have let him down. He loves you and your offspring deeply. He knew from the beginning that you would make mistakes. He knew that your son or daughter would distress or wound you.
So, what should you do? You can start with saying,"Yes, I made mistakes. But our child made his own choices." "We taught her differently." "We did our best, and it was mostly good."
Then, there are nine steps you can take that will go a long way toward healing your heart and family:
#1: Know That Turn-a-rounds Happen. Many trying children change to become a positive force in the world and in their birth families. Franklin Graham's joyful headlong plunge into rebellion would frizz any parent's hair. Yet, he has become a foremost servant of the Lord with worldwide ministries that astonish, and is heir apparent to his famous father's ministries (Billy Graham).
#2: Find Your Nerve.
When the adult daughter of Adele and her pastor husband turned against them and their faith, the fear Adele felt was paralyzing. Her health deteriorated, she couldn't concentrate on her husband's sermons, and the Bible blurred in front of her eyes. One morning, though, Hebrews 12:12-13 seemed to float from the page and caress her tear-stained face. "…strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed."
She prayed brokenly, "All right, Father, she's your child, too. You take it from here. I'm going back to the living." Medical checkups, daily exercise workouts, improved diet and a concentration on positive Scriptures followed. In time, her strength returned. "My girl will come back to us, too," she said to me with a laugh, "in time. She called me yesterday."
#3: Dump Your Guilt. Here are six reasons why you should:
• You can suffer ill health if you don't.
• You probably were better at parenting than you think.
• Your other children need strong parents.
• You loved your trying child more than any one else ever could—and still do.
• The plans God has for your life need to be revived.
• The Lord has commanded your children to honor you. There is no age limit to that.
Blessings through Christ Jesus
Stop Feeling Guilty
Parents of adult children: it's time to stop feeling guilty about your son's or daughter's bad choices.
Parents with grown children harbor precious memories: a little girl clunking around in Mommy's high heels; a boy's shining eyes while he shows off his miniscule muscles; whispers of love and prayers. Even in the turbulent teens, their children brought joy. Those were mostly good times. Laughter. Love. Everything was right in that world.
When there is so much beauty in a family, we parents are not prepared when one of our children leaves the warmth of a loving home to become an adult who disappoints. Whether the results of the child's choices are mild or severe, we take on guilt. What did we do wrong? Surely, when he was small, we set it up so that he made foolish decisions later or had oppositional attitudes. Was it the harsh word we spoke? The punishment we administered? Or didn't? Were we too busy or tired to spend enough time to care? When divorce is involved, guilt doubles.
If the grown child blames Mom and Dad, confusion reigns. Confidence wanes. We try, but we don't know how to fix what is breaking or has broken. We want it fixed, for we love our kids deeply. Dear one, have you believed that God doesn't care about your sadness over a child? He is a father, too, remember, with children who have let him down. He loves you and your offspring deeply. He knew from the beginning that you would make mistakes. He knew that your son or daughter would distress or wound you.
So, what should you do? You can start with saying,"Yes, I made mistakes. But our child made his own choices." "We taught her differently." "We did our best, and it was mostly good."
Then, there are nine steps you can take that will go a long way toward healing your heart and family:
#1: Know That Turn-a-rounds Happen. Many trying children change to become a positive force in the world and in their birth families. Franklin Graham's joyful headlong plunge into rebellion would frizz any parent's hair. Yet, he has become a foremost servant of the Lord with worldwide ministries that astonish, and is heir apparent to his famous father's ministries (Billy Graham).
#2: Find Your Nerve.
When the adult daughter of Adele and her pastor husband turned against them and their faith, the fear Adele felt was paralyzing. Her health deteriorated, she couldn't concentrate on her husband's sermons, and the Bible blurred in front of her eyes. One morning, though, Hebrews 12:12-13 seemed to float from the page and caress her tear-stained face. "…strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed."
She prayed brokenly, "All right, Father, she's your child, too. You take it from here. I'm going back to the living." Medical checkups, daily exercise workouts, improved diet and a concentration on positive Scriptures followed. In time, her strength returned. "My girl will come back to us, too," she said to me with a laugh, "in time. She called me yesterday."
#3: Dump Your Guilt. Here are six reasons why you should:
• You can suffer ill health if you don't.
• You probably were better at parenting than you think.
• Your other children need strong parents.
• You loved your trying child more than any one else ever could—and still do.
• The plans God has for your life need to be revived.
• The Lord has commanded your children to honor you. There is no age limit to that.
Blessings through Christ Jesus
