Peter
Member
- Joined
- May 23, 2015
- Messages
- 113
Peter is a single child. Father alcoholic and physical abuser. Mother loving, but terrified.
In retrospect, I should have been hospitalised, many times, from the abuse, but it became a family secret.
To avoid confrontation I lived as quietly and out of site as much as possible.
Whenever my father was home, I would enter and leave my bedroom through the window, even to go to the toilet out back.
At school I was at the bottom of the class. I lived too much in my stories of hope, and drawing (art). It was all I had to entertain myself at home.
At home, I had no toys or pocket money, slept on a 3 inch rubber foam mattress that was on the floor for about fifteen years.
Both parents worked. So we were well off. But never understood why I was left out of the picture.
side note: At six years, a Catholic nun was teaching about Christian martyrs who were willing to die for their faith in Christ and God. To me, God was the father I always wanted. I was prepared to die right then and there to be with God. The nun laughed at me and said only special people go to Heaven. I felt that something must be wrong with me, because all my life I never felt special. However, I desperately needed to love God, because I knew God loved me. I knew deep down, without that love connection, there was no point in staying alive. Life would be like waiting in fear, for time to pass, in my room at home.
Left home after school. Lo and behold, I became an instant alcoholic and drug addict. Joined bike gangs.
Never could hold onto relationships or jobs. I avoided other peoples expectations like the plague - a real rebel.
At 25 I was desperate to change my life. I thought I lacked self-discipline, so I joined the military (Air Force) for 6 years, and got a trade.
It was here that I found out that I was an alcoholic, and was sent to their rehab. I kept relapsing. For seven years I was going in and out of the rooms of AA.
In the meantime, I met a Christian airman who was always happy. He drove me bananas. I wanted his happiness. He helped me to study the bible and join a church.
Soon I was convinced that I was no longer an alcoholic... and I ended back in the gutters again.
Got married, twice. The first wife left me because I would not stop drinking. I left my second wife because she did not want me to stop drinking.
Started my real recovery in 1988. I have not had a drink or a drug since.
Early in recovery I joined many types of churches, my favourite church is still the Roman Catholic, but none suited my personality. One night, out of despair, I prayed for a solution about joining a church. My instant message was that AA was my church. I still to AA a few times per week, and go to Mass.
It has now been that way for 27 years. The twelve step spiritual program of AA has been my saving Grace. And my chosen Higher Power is Christ, God and Truth. To me they are the same.
Since recovery, I have re-educated myself to eventually gain a Bachelor Degree in Health Science (Rehabilitation Counselling). For just on twenty years I have been a counsellor in the fields of alcoholism and other addictions, palliative care, and general spiritual counsel.
During that period, I was in another relationship that lasted over fifteen years. It was a relationship based on truth and full of challenges to maintain that truth. At last, I was able to experience unconditional love from God, from myself, and from my beloved friend on earth.
Today, I live as a hermit/recluse, still in love with my beloved though she is no longer here. I still counsel, but on a voluntary basis. And recently taken up an old God given gift of survival - art, with the focus of painting my understanding of Truth.
In retrospect, I should have been hospitalised, many times, from the abuse, but it became a family secret.
To avoid confrontation I lived as quietly and out of site as much as possible.
Whenever my father was home, I would enter and leave my bedroom through the window, even to go to the toilet out back.
At school I was at the bottom of the class. I lived too much in my stories of hope, and drawing (art). It was all I had to entertain myself at home.
At home, I had no toys or pocket money, slept on a 3 inch rubber foam mattress that was on the floor for about fifteen years.
Both parents worked. So we were well off. But never understood why I was left out of the picture.
side note: At six years, a Catholic nun was teaching about Christian martyrs who were willing to die for their faith in Christ and God. To me, God was the father I always wanted. I was prepared to die right then and there to be with God. The nun laughed at me and said only special people go to Heaven. I felt that something must be wrong with me, because all my life I never felt special. However, I desperately needed to love God, because I knew God loved me. I knew deep down, without that love connection, there was no point in staying alive. Life would be like waiting in fear, for time to pass, in my room at home.
Left home after school. Lo and behold, I became an instant alcoholic and drug addict. Joined bike gangs.
Never could hold onto relationships or jobs. I avoided other peoples expectations like the plague - a real rebel.
At 25 I was desperate to change my life. I thought I lacked self-discipline, so I joined the military (Air Force) for 6 years, and got a trade.
It was here that I found out that I was an alcoholic, and was sent to their rehab. I kept relapsing. For seven years I was going in and out of the rooms of AA.
In the meantime, I met a Christian airman who was always happy. He drove me bananas. I wanted his happiness. He helped me to study the bible and join a church.
Soon I was convinced that I was no longer an alcoholic... and I ended back in the gutters again.
Got married, twice. The first wife left me because I would not stop drinking. I left my second wife because she did not want me to stop drinking.
Started my real recovery in 1988. I have not had a drink or a drug since.
Early in recovery I joined many types of churches, my favourite church is still the Roman Catholic, but none suited my personality. One night, out of despair, I prayed for a solution about joining a church. My instant message was that AA was my church. I still to AA a few times per week, and go to Mass.
It has now been that way for 27 years. The twelve step spiritual program of AA has been my saving Grace. And my chosen Higher Power is Christ, God and Truth. To me they are the same.
Since recovery, I have re-educated myself to eventually gain a Bachelor Degree in Health Science (Rehabilitation Counselling). For just on twenty years I have been a counsellor in the fields of alcoholism and other addictions, palliative care, and general spiritual counsel.
During that period, I was in another relationship that lasted over fifteen years. It was a relationship based on truth and full of challenges to maintain that truth. At last, I was able to experience unconditional love from God, from myself, and from my beloved friend on earth.
Today, I live as a hermit/recluse, still in love with my beloved though she is no longer here. I still counsel, but on a voluntary basis. And recently taken up an old God given gift of survival - art, with the focus of painting my understanding of Truth.
