I have to leave an unhealthy Marriage, I'm not explaining too much in this, but I cannot leave here on foot and have it be ok for her, I have tried to leave for years. It was never a healthy relationship, and I wanted out 3 months in. I went the route of not wanting to be a quitter and I did have some experiences with her and I DO believe that what I shared and she agreed to before our marraige would've been the thing that helped us grow together instead of apart, which is mostly what's happened. I DO love her, I am not in a safe environment to feel the spirit and express spirituality in a true Jesus way, only a cultural one, and that breaks me, but that fact will not change while we are married. I left twice yesterday, 3 times came back after trying to make my break and having physical issues. Regardless I am not asking for rescue from my problems, I am praying for appropriate succor and forgiveness to be felt so I can go forward,
During my struggle, I have latched on to some more knowledge, I do call myself Danel for the moment because I believe that Jesus wants me to take the I out of it, what that means I'm not yet willing to say anymore and I am sorry I have said things without having full situational knowledge, and that has wrecked me over and over and continues to and that's ok, it just hurts to know how stupid you are sometimes and I could really use prayers for a safe and complete break from this marriage, I love her and want the best for her, but I cannot live in a house where she sees me praise Jesus Day and Night, and still calls me a fallen angel possessed. Any prayers are helpful, I'm not leaving because of the things she's said about me, I'm leaving because it's unhealthy, she's been healed and will know it when her faith is known to her as well, and that WAS the mission I was given in going back after day one. So if anyone else is out there and knows anything about dates and times and happenings, I have some very curious synergies with some dates and times I've seen , and I would like to know more from wise people who love Jesus Christ, and who can forgive a fool in his emotion of both his mother's death and just life.
I have had so many poor deliveries it astounds even myself as I witness and I guess this is how it was supposed to go. But I will say, I always kinda was mad at God for me being so invisible to people who could relieve my suffering, and instead of becoming more humble, I became more proud and less repentant, and that pattern stayed for a bit. I am not in any pain comparison, I was sharing my genuine experience, and I still tell anyone who wants to do a pain comparison and is mad that I said I know it deeper than anyone when it comes to shame, I still stand there and I do still ask anyone who might have lashing words, to first themselves get through the 12 steps of repentance and have awareness of shame, and if anyone doesn't know how to do that, I am happy to make some videos that explain the steps to the NON alcoholic in a way that translates shame from alcoholism in a format they can understand, But people have to be willing to learn about shame as I teach it and go forward in faith of Jesus Christ. I don't know if I am this dude anymore with all the ration that has come at me and also my own folley, but i do know these steps, I am engaged in them myself, and I am willing to take anyone who wants to go through them; through that process. I am also looking and praying for a spiritual guide and sponsor and know that I need that to progress much more than where I have, I have just been to busted up ande not even known how bad till a couple months ago and it;s been an experience let me tell ya. I can't in good conscience sponsor anyone until i have my own sponsor, but if anyone can pray for a way for me to know how to help people with what i know that doesn't make them hate me I'm open for those miracles. I just look at the evidence and results. I know I should look more at the scriptures, and I am trying more now, but the scriptures are ALL teaching about the same shame I have known all my life, so I know at anytime I pick them up, I will find it, and i can teach it. But I DO need to understand the word better and I need someone dedicated maybe to help with that if that is meet before Jesus.
I'm not trying to hurt people I really am trying to help people and I really can do that, with the life Jesus gave me, but I cannot until safe. I feel like until I can be safe This can't happen and I am praying for a miracle of safe place to go from here that I can vent, be frustrated, yell at myself, study, ponder, pray and ultimately come to a knowledge of who I really am to Jesus Christ, because I know I'm valuable to him and I cannot stop until i know for sure. God Bless anyone for seeing through my ego and imperfections, I am trying not to bring shame into this message and I apologize that I can already find fault in the delivery, and so my perfectionistic attitudes continue even after healing, because we dont heal in a static sense, and I seem to be proof of that i think. God Bless, this is just my testimony that Jesus Christ loves me and I am a fool but I'm his fool and I could really use mighty prayers, because I know there is a way to part, that will both honor her as well as me and let her have a knowledge that I did everything I could. She knows I am committed, but it's so painful she HAS to call me possessed because she isn't willing to look at her side yet, which is fine, but there are 2 of them in every interaction and I suffer from my own failures in that department as well, so while I empathize, I cannot stay. A humble thanks for my being forgiven for poor delivery as I am told I need to stop over correcting myself. God bless All, in Jesus name, may my testimony of him bless you as just that, a testimony of Jesus Christ, in his name, Amen
During my struggle, I have latched on to some more knowledge, I do call myself Danel for the moment because I believe that Jesus wants me to take the I out of it, what that means I'm not yet willing to say anymore and I am sorry I have said things without having full situational knowledge, and that has wrecked me over and over and continues to and that's ok, it just hurts to know how stupid you are sometimes and I could really use prayers for a safe and complete break from this marriage, I love her and want the best for her, but I cannot live in a house where she sees me praise Jesus Day and Night, and still calls me a fallen angel possessed. Any prayers are helpful, I'm not leaving because of the things she's said about me, I'm leaving because it's unhealthy, she's been healed and will know it when her faith is known to her as well, and that WAS the mission I was given in going back after day one. So if anyone else is out there and knows anything about dates and times and happenings, I have some very curious synergies with some dates and times I've seen , and I would like to know more from wise people who love Jesus Christ, and who can forgive a fool in his emotion of both his mother's death and just life.
I have had so many poor deliveries it astounds even myself as I witness and I guess this is how it was supposed to go. But I will say, I always kinda was mad at God for me being so invisible to people who could relieve my suffering, and instead of becoming more humble, I became more proud and less repentant, and that pattern stayed for a bit. I am not in any pain comparison, I was sharing my genuine experience, and I still tell anyone who wants to do a pain comparison and is mad that I said I know it deeper than anyone when it comes to shame, I still stand there and I do still ask anyone who might have lashing words, to first themselves get through the 12 steps of repentance and have awareness of shame, and if anyone doesn't know how to do that, I am happy to make some videos that explain the steps to the NON alcoholic in a way that translates shame from alcoholism in a format they can understand, But people have to be willing to learn about shame as I teach it and go forward in faith of Jesus Christ. I don't know if I am this dude anymore with all the ration that has come at me and also my own folley, but i do know these steps, I am engaged in them myself, and I am willing to take anyone who wants to go through them; through that process. I am also looking and praying for a spiritual guide and sponsor and know that I need that to progress much more than where I have, I have just been to busted up ande not even known how bad till a couple months ago and it;s been an experience let me tell ya. I can't in good conscience sponsor anyone until i have my own sponsor, but if anyone can pray for a way for me to know how to help people with what i know that doesn't make them hate me I'm open for those miracles. I just look at the evidence and results. I know I should look more at the scriptures, and I am trying more now, but the scriptures are ALL teaching about the same shame I have known all my life, so I know at anytime I pick them up, I will find it, and i can teach it. But I DO need to understand the word better and I need someone dedicated maybe to help with that if that is meet before Jesus.
I'm not trying to hurt people I really am trying to help people and I really can do that, with the life Jesus gave me, but I cannot until safe. I feel like until I can be safe This can't happen and I am praying for a miracle of safe place to go from here that I can vent, be frustrated, yell at myself, study, ponder, pray and ultimately come to a knowledge of who I really am to Jesus Christ, because I know I'm valuable to him and I cannot stop until i know for sure. God Bless anyone for seeing through my ego and imperfections, I am trying not to bring shame into this message and I apologize that I can already find fault in the delivery, and so my perfectionistic attitudes continue even after healing, because we dont heal in a static sense, and I seem to be proof of that i think. God Bless, this is just my testimony that Jesus Christ loves me and I am a fool but I'm his fool and I could really use mighty prayers, because I know there is a way to part, that will both honor her as well as me and let her have a knowledge that I did everything I could. She knows I am committed, but it's so painful she HAS to call me possessed because she isn't willing to look at her side yet, which is fine, but there are 2 of them in every interaction and I suffer from my own failures in that department as well, so while I empathize, I cannot stay. A humble thanks for my being forgiven for poor delivery as I am told I need to stop over correcting myself. God bless All, in Jesus name, may my testimony of him bless you as just that, a testimony of Jesus Christ, in his name, Amen
