Well, I’ve studied the new testiment a lot. Matthew, mark, Luke, John is a good one. then all of Paul’s letters from acts, Roman’s, corinthians, etc ... seems like Paul says we need to have faith in Jesus and just having faith that He rose again will save you. Jesus keeps saying “keep the commandments, follow me.” When the disciples ask who can be saved? He replies, with man this is impossible, with God anything is possible. Im just confused because everyone says NO you have to do good until you die or you will go to hell. But what about the thief on the cross next to Jesus? That guy went to “paradise” with Jesus. That doesn’t sound like hell. Or is it a waiting place until the final judgement where he probably will go to hell? The old testiment is even more terrifying. God “Jesus” they are the same correct? The book of “John” says they are ... so, Jesus in the old testiment was so angered by the people with Moses and killed them sometimes because he grew increasingly impatient with them. Jesus has to keep getting stopped by Moses because Moses was like hey, calm down I will speak with them. It seems like I will be sent to hell because I am not any better than the people Jesus got impatient with. The way that Jesus picked on Job, and tricked and tests Abraham by telling him to sacrifice his son then an angel yells and stops him right before he does it. How can I know that Jesus loves me? I study the Bible and that is where my fear is coming from. Learning about these stories, learning that there are actually more canonical books of the Bible that were removed due to Roman Catholic government. The book of Enoch was discovered to have been in cave along with the Dead Sea scrolls. Jude actually quotes a verse from the book of Enoch. Who got to pick which books were canonical or not? Why is the Bible not complete like God wanted it to be? Books have been removed and now people aren’t sure which ones are canonical or not. Which ones are inspired by God and which ones are not. What do I do with all of this information that I have learned from the Bible and further reading of these books. Saying, “read the word” is the exact same thing as “I don’t know, go figure it out.” I am afraid of God and afraid of Hell. I have not been convinced that I am able to be saved. I feel unworthy, un-trusting, I feel like Jesus would say, “you didn’t follow me blindly like you were supposed to.” Then send me to hell. How can I talk myself out of that feeling? Faith is jumping off the cliff blindfolded and hoping for a bouncy house at the bottom.” I just want to peak from my blindfold to see, but I feel like peeking is a sin. You aren’t supposed peek. You are supposed to have blind faith. So ... I guess I’ll try. What else am I supposed to do? What other hope or chance to I have?