You do deserve to go to hell, everyone but Jesus has done things that make us deserving to go to hell. Yet God has the power to help us overcome this sinning that we both love and hate. The fact that you hate it as well, means that God is willing to help you, once your will to keep doing things your own way is broken. He wont help you feel better about sinning, but He will help you to stop the sins that leave you full of guilt, if you admit that you are not capable of stopping on your own power or will. God can do wonderful things with a broken vessel that wants to be made into something beautiful. You can be a beautiful vessel in God's eyes IF you let Him mold you day after day. It is not a quick process usually, but God is capable and He is not in a hurry to make you perfect, He only needs you to be willing to be helped by Him.