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Should I wait for God to give me the perfect mate?

Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
131
A friend of mines shared this article that he read on facebook to a group of us (guys) and i must say it is a good read, and i have no doubt that the man that wrote this article is a God fearing, loving, spirit filled man. Real good read for those that have once told themselves that they want God to find them the perfect mate, or that are "waiting for Him to find one for them".



I know the thought of turning your mate selection over to God sounds super spiritual, really holy, and maybe even EXTRA saved... But I want to make sure we don't over romanticize Christian marriage. I believe far too many women and men have been fooled into believing there is only one person in all of the world who God has created specifically for them... I just don't believe that.
God got out of the match making business after He made Eve for/from Adam. Where else in scripture does God choose any man or woman's mate for them? Some might say what about Isaac and Rebekkah? The story of Isaac and Rebekkah which, in context, is more about preserving the house of David and the bloodline of Jesus than it is about either Isaac or Rebekkah. In this story and others in the OT God is shown to have taken great pains to preserve the bloodlines, inheritance, and lineages for the "house" of God's chosen men in leadership.

Such pains are uncommon and were/are not associated with God's promise to us as individuals, but more specifically are associated with God's promises to the Kingdom of Israel and the maintenance of covenant. Did God arrange EVERY marriage in Israel? No, ONLY those chosen and destined to preserve the bloodlines of Jesus. In short, the same limitations and need for divine marital orchestration do not apply to you and I. Ultimately, this level of involvement in the choice of spouse and marriage of every believer is neither promised nor implied in scripture.

This overly spiritual and ridiculously romanticized notion is without Biblical precedent and is wreaking havoc in the Kingdom. I challenge anyone to produce a single scripture in which God promises to specifically create/find anyone the perfect spouse. This romantic notion of God promising every single person a perfect mate with which you are destined to reign in the Kingdom of God is mere fairy tale and simply bad theology. The fabric of the Christian community is under attack, the impact of the family unit has been marginalized, and God is being reduced to the role of a spouse delivery service in the minds of so called believers. Who started this self centered misguided foolishness? The very foundations of Christian marriage and the family unit are deteriorating because folks are sitting around waiting on God to do something He never promised to do.

As much as I love my wife and I am convinced she is perfect for me, I am certain that was not the case before or early on in our marriage. God actually used our marriage to perfect us for each other. It's a very involved process and a very tough process at that. So tough in fact, most people literally run away from it as soon as it starts to hurt a little, just like little kids run from the dentist. But as Christian husbands and wives we simply must understand God uses each spouse to chip away at and sand down the rough edges on the other. God uses each spouse to polish the other into a perfectly fitting piece for the other. This perfection happens AFTER the wedding... not before. Listen, we're not talking about physical and/or emotional abuse here. We are talking about serious challenges to your insecurity, pride, immaturity, selfishness, lack of trust, and disbelief. We are talking about spiritual growth... this is about God taking you places that only your faith and love for your spouse can sustain you. God wants to improve both of you and mold you in His image. This process will take the two of you places you never thought you would go and make you do things you never thought you would do. The primary tools the two of you will need for the journey are love, faith, and a firm committment to allowing God's Word to guide your decisions and arbitrate your disagreements.

This is process is a profound mystery that can only be fully appreciated while looking back on the trials of the marriage. Once a husband and wife have enough perspective on God's process and just how miraculously He has used their differences, disagreements, and failures to mold two people into perfect counterparts, only then can that miracle be fully appreciated. That is the real miracle. Not two perfect people finding each other. Not even two people who are perfect for each other finding each other. But the real miracle is that God's program and divine order for marriage will work on any two people who are both mentally, emotionally, and spiritually committed to seeing it through. It might take 10 years, 15 years, 20... whatever. Once you stand on the other side and look back only then can you appreciate that the process of perfecting you had NOTHING to do with you... aside from your willingness to submit to the process.

People don't want to believe this because it puts too much responsibility on them personally to learn, commit, and submit. I am now 100% convinced that the miracle is within God's design, instructions, and divine order for marriage. Why? Because Jackie and I should be divorced. We should have failed like most everyone else we know. We've been through the stuff that destroys most marriages... but God's design was the glue. God's instructions and God's divine order prevailed. Not because we were any better or any different from any other two people who had major differences and disagreements. But because we submitted to God's Word, even reluctantly, for mediation and guidance. That is the only difference.

I've said this quite a few times in the last 3 or 4 months, no two people are perfect for each other prior to marriage. Some people are a better suited for each other. Some people are more comaptible for each other. But no two people are perfect for each other. My wife and I were not either. 20 years ago I actually chose my wife and she chose me. In fact, I am actually my wife’s second husband. And the truth is, she chose us both. And it would be easy to just think she must have chosen better the second time, but that would only be partially true. The truth is she was much more mature mentally and spiritually when I met her and much more ready and willing to do things God's way. Had I married the same woman her first husband was married to, we would have very likely gotten divorced too.

So yes, choosing the right “kind” of person is important... just as important as being the right "kind" of person. What makes a man or woman the right “kind” of person to marry is NOT that they are perfect, but that they are compatible, loving, willing, and ready to be perfected in union before God. These are the primary ingredients in a happy healthy marriage. God neither requires nor expect a perfect man... and neither does God require or expect a perfect woman... (He knows they don’t exist.) But God does require and expect two people be willing to commit to going through the beautifully painful process of being perfected together. This is why we take our union to God... not to authorize it, but to own it and finish it.

When it's all said and done, I just don’t believe there is just ONE, singular, "right" person that God is hiding from you until just the right moment. That’s some Hollywood stuff. What God wants is for two people to choose each other and then the two of them to choose Him. That’s what my wife and I did after much trial and tribulation. After almost destroying our marriage we finally gave in to God's design for our marriage. My wife much earlier than I... But once we were on the same page it was and is our daily decision to let His Word decide our differences and direct our paths that has been actively perfecting us for each other ever since.

I think the real tragic irony here is that so many people are sitting around waiting on God to bring them the perfect person and at the same time God is waiting on them to trust Him enough to perfect them together.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion in this matter...and this is mine. Hope this helps someone
What do you think?
 
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wow ..what part of i knew you before your mothers womb and i have plans for you the are plans for good not evil..and it says in proverbs a man who finds a wife finds favor with God..dosent apply here ?my wife and i have been togather for 16 yrs now took me three prior to seek God on this but he is faihful to every detail in our lives and dosent miss a thing..yes He has set aside a right mate for each of us ..he created adam and eve wh would he stop there when He has a plan for our lives and wants us to have a help mate..whaen God created the earth..each step he said it was goood until he got to man and he said its not good that he should be alone so i will make him a help mate..id.sa thats a good indicator that god has a right mate for us all if we listen to his guidence and not the flesh....hope this helps You God bless...Rev
 
Seeker of Jesus:The article is well written, and he writes like a well educated man. There is a great deal of what he says that sounds much like he is a "prove it to me kind of guy." I think he limits the LORD on what He can do.Christians can become so in love with being in love that they miss the boat on who could be the woman or man the Lord has sent their way. In the OT marriages were arranged by the parents and that was it, period. Does that mean God did not use the parents to accomplish His will? I say God can choose what He wishes.Can we pray for our future mate? Well why not? Psalm 139 sure tells us that the LORD knows everything about us and what we will do, and infact when we will die. I say that's pretty specfic that God is all knowing.The thing the writter does not mention is the direct will of God and the permiissive will of God. Case in point. if we are to go with the writters thinking, would we say this mans wife just could have married anyone and been just as happy? Again how does the divorce fall into his thinking? Is divorce allowed just because someone else would be a better match? Where is accountability to God, who says He hates divorce. Jesus said the cause for divorce was hardness of heart. That would indicate that divorce for the reason we are "not a good match" is not valid.The writter brings some Christian ethics into his arguement that do not line up with Scripture. Yes divorce happens and marriages fail, but I believe when we leave the direct will of God out of the mix we leave marraige up to lust and chance. I believe we humans can make choices that are not in the will of God and we pay the price for our sin.If God does not have the mate He wants for us, why pray for the will of God in marrying the person we feel is the woman or man to marry? Do we really want His will or are we just trying to convience the other person, and using God to make the future mate we have choosen, to think we are spiritual?I say God has a person for us to marry. I believe some people are not intended by God to marry. Some are to be married, and I believe God has a direct will for us and our mate.
 
firstly, monogamy is a relatively new concept for us. so one person for every one person doesn't make a lot of sense.
 
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