So do I just wait?

[G23]

I've just recently started putting a lot of thought into dating. I know that the only girl I want to marry is the one that God wants me to marry because He is perfect, and His plans are perfect, and His plans are much better than we could ever imagine. So... Since I recently decided to get away from my old life and start seeking God, I haven't had any girlfriends, which is fine, but I just don't know what to do next...

When I was lost in this world I used to go out a lot... clubs, bars, malls, movies, etc... I'm not saying I'm the best looking guy in the world, but let's just say I had no problems getting attention from girls. The problem was the TYPE of girls they were. Obviously meeting a girl at a club or a bar is already a bad start... but anyway, I did a lot of dating back then. Plus, I had all my friends I could go out and hang out with so I met a lot of people.

NOW... I just moved to Texas and I don't know anyone here. I don't have any real friends here. I did meet a few girls, but the first thing they want to do is go to a bar and have a few drinks, and I'm not into that anymore... Since I don't have any friends here, I don't really have anyone to hang out with, at least to go to the movies or barnes & nobles, or a museum, or a show or SOMETHING. I could go by myself, but.... I don't think I'll be doing that.. it's just way too boring. Plus, I don't really know the area too well. So I don't really go out anywhere except for work, the gym, and the store if I need something. I don't really think I'm going to meet anyone that way. So what am I supposed to do? Should I try to go out to different places and see what's out there?? Or should I shut my mouth and just wait? I trust the Lord and I know He can give me the girl of my dreams because nothing is impossible for Him and He knows my heart. But is there something I'm supposed to do? Or do I just relax and wait?


By the way, yes I pray about it...

 

[Brad Huber]

Hang out where there is more likely Godly women. Like at church functions with a larger church with more younger people. You dont even have to join, just look for when big churchs have events, and go there.

 

[Cless]

I know where you're coming from about the whole bar/club thing. I'm not into drinking/partying and that seems to make a person into a black sheep these days. As for waiting vs seeking, seeking is definately the way to go. I've known a few guys with the "a Godly woman will come if I wait long enough" mentality...They're all in their mid-30s and still single (some never even had a girlfriend). I believe that taking action and asking God to bless your endeavors is the way to go. Church-based events and charities are a couple of possible ways to meet girls of good moral fiber. You could also seek out groups based on particular interests you may have. Good luck, bro.

 

[G23]

Thanks for your input, guys. I understand what you're saying and you make a lot of sense. I've been debating with my self on both sides.

For "seeking": if the only places I go are work, gym, and store, it's definitely going to limit the number of people I meet, so seeking is a great way to go. The biggest obstacle there would be to find the right places to go and go by myself.

For "waiting": I can at least limit the number of mistakes I make. For example, dating the wrong girls. So waiting is also a good way to go. For example, Cless, when you mentioned your friends that are in their mid-30's and no girlfriend, it could be that they're too fearful, which is a bad thing, or it could be God's will, which is a good thing. If it is God's will that they get married at 40, then they are pleasing God by waiting. So it's all just a bit confusing to me. I just don't want to feel like I'm doing nothing when I should be doing something, if that is the case.

Thanks guys.

 

[eldon]

Just ask God what to do.
You'll get an answer immediately these days.

I told a number of people that i would only get married if God told both me and my future spouse(?) to get married to each other and we never knew each other before.
This is exactly what happened to a friend of mine and its the way it is supposed to be in my perspective.

but the time is so short these days it seems that i've already met everyone in my town who is alive in Christ, so it is as though He is giving me the choice.

 

[AbbysAunt]

Hello G23,

I wanted to write and give you some encouragement. I'm a 42 year old woman and single. A few years back I learned a lesson that has stayed with me and that lesson is this...God is the ultimate match maker. I dated and then ended up in a relationship because I was so sure that it was my last chance at happiness and marriage, but the fact was I ended up hurt and miserable in that relationship because I went ahead and decided it was better to do something than to wait on God and His perfect timing. If it is God's will for you to have that woman He has created and choosen for you then it will come to pass in His timing. A good friend of mine meaning no harm once told me to get there and start looking that I couldn't be so choosy..fact is my friend you should never accept any less than what God has planned for you. He knows you better than you ever knew yourself and knows the plans He has for you and that includes a mate for your life.

My advice is this...wait on God and keep on praying as you have been and start looking for a good bible based church if you haven't already found one. God will lead you. Just give Him the keys to the car of life you have been driving and God our pilot will get you where you are going and where He wants you to be. God bless you my friend. Will be praying for you.

AA

 

[AudreyNicole]

Hey there!

I read your post and I just had to respond. I'm coming from the other side of things. I'm a girl, getting ready to graduate from college and step into that next phase of my life. There is a guy in my life but we're not dating because I want to make sure I am absolutely prepared for being a wife before I even consider dating someone. I do a lot of counseling for young girls... and some guys.... who are in this very situation, so hopefully I can help a little.

The point of courting and dating is to end up in marriage. That is the way God intended it to work. You search this world with God's help, eventually you will find someone you are completely attracted to (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically), begin the dating (aka pre-marriage) process, and end up married. Obviously that is the ideal way.... this doesn't mean it'll work this way, nor does it mean whom ever you date you must marry. But that should be the end goal at least. And it sounds like you understand that crucial first step. So, what to do in the mean time??

Prepare your self for marriage. You may not even know yet whom you will marry, but trust me you can never be too prepared for marriage. I listen to many premarital sermon series and lots of sermons on marriage (check out Sermon Audio's topical index). Begin to study diligently what it means to be a Godly man, and what a Godly woman looks like. Know and understand how to serve a woman through such things like love, protection, guidance, intimacy, wisdom, and patience. What does it mean to lead a woman spiritually? What does it mean to love a woman like your own body? What does it mean to guide a woman in spiritual truth and wisdom? How do you love her like Christ loved the church?

I strongly recommend listening to Mark Driscoll's sermons on Real Marriage and The Peasant Princess (a study of Song of Songs). Also, read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.... this will begin to help you understand who you are and exactly who you want to be for your woman, and who you need your woman to be for you. I also recommend writing out a list of all the Godly qualities you need in a mate. I don't mean that selfishly, but we each have needs and its important you know what those needs are and are able to communicate them with your future spouse.

For instance, I am a very strong headed girl, so I need a man who isn't afraid to be aggressive or authoritative. I also tend to be very overdramatic, so I need a man who is patient but firm. My love language is "quality time" so I need a man who understands that and is willing to set aside time for me. And vise versa, my guy's love language is "words of affirmation" so I need to be the one to always speak words of life and truth into his heart. I also know I need to be a woman who is willing to follow, a diligent worker, an adornment to my man, virtuous, trustworthy, generous, and so much more.

I can guarantee you I am not yet this woman, but I know I want to be her. And so, while I wait for my guy to be sanctified, I continue to work on becoming this woman for him. In that same way, know exactly who it is you want to be as a man for your woman, and in this time be preparing yourself for her. It is during this time that God will show you who she is. Be following God, keep your eye out for your girl, and He will eventually show her to you.

 

[sandygloria]

i am not supposed to give some comments but, i was amused with the idea that single christians (like me) no matter what race and culture they live in has one idea in terms of relationship to the opposite sex. i just can't believe that there are people who are actually into waiting and are confused whether they do the right thing,.. i thought i am alone. LOL! indeed, waiting seems so painful especially for those who are in their late 20's. but it will surely worth the wait when God give us our future spouses. that someone who is molded and was seasoned by God... God is a God who doesn't lie, He is true to His promises, and when He says we had to wait, then be it... while getting busy with establishing deeper relationship with God, we won't find it boring to wait. we need not to worry just like adam did. he didn't ask God for a mate,or drag the topic to God. he is busy with the work God gave him but God recognize that adam needs companion...thus He gave eve. same way, while waiting lets get busy for His kingdom and building relationship with God and who knows one of this day, God will send her to you. just continue on praying but let things fold naturally in Gods timing. His time is always on time... =) :embarasse hurrah for us, christian singles who waits on the Lord... Godbless...