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strongwilled toddler

belovedbride

Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2006
Messages
5
HELP! We have an extremely strong willed 23 month old. He cries when we say no, not yet, you have to wait, stop....you get the picture? The criying then turns into a tantrum. Time out sort of works. He never settles down until he's picked up (as long as he's not histerical!). I don't know what to do. The advice out there says to praise good behaviour, of course, and reason with him. Have you ever tried to reason with an almost 2 year old?!

Please help. Please.
Thanks.
M.
 
I would simply ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and patience. Ask GOD to give you comfort because I know these times are tough with a child at that age. I don't have children, but I have an adorable niece and nephew, but like all children they cry sometimes never-ending it seems.

GOD will guide you in all things.
 
I understand you completely. They say the terrible twos. At that age they do go through tantrums unfortunately.

Keep on praising him when he is good. Try and ignore him when he is naughty. They like attention. If you give in to him when he has tantrums it will only make things worse. They do not usually last long. It seems like it at the time.

My son was quite strong willed and I struggled with bringing him up on my own. I was encouraged to speak good words about him. I thanked God that he would grow up into a wonderful son and it worked.

My daughter became strong willed when she was in her teens.

Here is some information I found for you.

God bless you. :love: :rainbow: :rose:

Question: "How should Christians discipline their children? What does the Bible say?"


Answer: Decades ago, the spanking of children was a commonly accepted practice. In recent years, though, spanking (and other forms of corporal punishment) have been replaced with “time-outs” and other punishments that do not involve physical discipline. Spanking of children has actually been deemed illegal in some countries. Many parents fear spanking a child and being reported to the government and having their children taken away. Do not misunderstand – we are by no means advocating child abuse. A child should never be disciplined physically to an extent that it causes physical damage to the child. According to the Bible, though, the appropriate and restrained physical discipline of children is a good thing, and contribute to the well-being and correct upbringing of the child.

Many Scriptures do in fact promote physical discipline. "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death." There are also other verses that support physical correction (Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 20:30). The Bible strongly stresses the importance of discipline; it is something we must all have to be productive people and is much easier learned when we are younger. Children who aren't disciplined grow up rebellious, have no respect for authority, and as a result obviously won't be readily willing to obey and follow God. He uses discipline to correct us and lead us down the right path, and to encourage repentance for our actions (Psalm 94:12; Proverbs 1:7, 6:23, 12:1, 13:1, 15:5; Isaiah 38:16; Hebrews 12:9). These are just a few verses about the good of discipline.

Here is where the problem lies; a lot of times parents are either too passive or too aggressive when it comes to raising their children. The ones who don't believe in spanking sometimes lack the ability to correct and discipline properly, causing their children to grow up unruly and defiant. This hurts the children the most in the long run. "To discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child" (Proverbs 29:15). Then there are also some parents who can misconstrue the Bible's definition of discipline (or they may just be abusive people) and use it to justify the abuse and mistreatment of their children.

Discipline is used to correct and train people to go in the right way. "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening - it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way" (Hebrews 12:11). God's discipline is loving, as should it be between parent and child. Spanking should never be used to cause lasting physical harm or pain, but a quick swat (on the bottom where there is the most padding) to teach the child that what he did was wrong is acceptable. Never should it be used to vent our anger and frustrations, or be uncontrolled.

"And now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Raising a child in the “discipline and instruction approved by the Lord” includes restrained, corrective, and yes loving, physical discipline.

Recommended Resource: The New Dare to Discipline by James Dobson.
 
Belovedbride, you would think that I would have some spectacular answer for you, lol. Since this is my 3rd child, I'm older and experienced, and my youngest is now almost 20 months old.

Unfortunately, it sounds as if my toddler may even throw worse fits than your does! It's just all part of the age.

The best thing to do is ignore, as long as the child is not hurting himself. I think actually Caleb does it completely for attention. I try to give him a lot of positive attention, but he still has the tantrums. They're getting more often, too.

Yesterday I had the car serviced and we had to wait (Caleb and me) in the Car sales area. What a catastrophe. When I came in with Caleb, they said, "Oh, how precious!"

When we left, I'm sure they were glad to see us go.
 
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Hi BelovedBride,

I wish that all parents could carry out the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord but unfortunately, as an imperfect parent myself I know that instruction can be so often in this day and age misinterpreted, not carried out in the right way or simply ignored in the heat of the moment. So this is why I think this form of punishment is being outlawed because it is not always carried out by the parent appropriately. Although times are different, I still believe it is vital that children be corrected and have consistant negative consequences to their bad behaviour.

Maybe my experiences with my own children might help in someway. I have found one child is naturally very different to the next in temperament. For my Daughter when she was a toddler I just had to look at her disaprovingly to correct any bad behaviour (she was an angel toddler). My Son is a different story, he constently needed physical consequences to his bad behaviour as he just didn't have empathy or understanding in his nature.

Although, I really didn't want to and never felt comfortable doing this because of my own bad experiences, as a last resort I tried smacking but it made his behaviour worse and he was so often doing things he shouldn't I personally found this form of punishment impossible to maintain with him. However, I found that a structured routine with meals and bedtime helped greatly and also a diet without sweets etc...

It has taken a while to find alternatives to smacking because that is all I knew growing up but I have found that time-out on the bottom step works and/or he also gets certain favourite toys confiscated for non complience, to the top of the fridge where he cannot reach them. If we are out somewhere without a step to sit on I make him face the wall, 1 minute for each year of his age or he sits next to me for the same amount of time. I have found a calm, matter of fact, serious voice works well with disciplining.

I have also found rewards for good behaviour are working well, if we have to sit in the church pew for a long time I have found putting little figures of people in my pocket before we leave home a good idea and I hand them to him in the pew every few minutes he is sits still/quiet and is well behaved. At school his teacher has devised a smiley face chart for him and he gets one smiley face drawn for each hour he is good at school and nice to others. If he gets all five smiley faces for the day, he gets to go to the bakers shop on the way home from school and have a little custard tart, his and my favourite! If he is good all week he will get a little present.

I also use a warning/counting method ie I say 5 seconds or whatever I feel is a resonable time in which he has to comply to a request before his toy is confiscated for non-complience (he has got quite good at maths as a result)! Distraction is a good technique also before he gets upset.
All I can say is things would have been much easier if I had adopted these simple approaches from the beginning!

I have found Junior church very good also. Just this morning I sat with him on my lap, I asked him to close his eyes and hold out his hands and feel the Holy Spirit. He told me he could feel the Spirit I told him I could feel the Spirit too he asked "how can can we both feel Him at the same time"? I told him because God can be everywhere at once. My son's mood turned from cross and impatient to calm in an instant!

All of the methods listed above get the result of a complient child but the most ground has been made by Jesus in both our lives because now I am starting not to worry when there is no one there to punish or chastise his behaviour. As now he is starting to feel the Holy Spirit in him he is gaining empathy for others, showing love and kindness and consideration for others, something I could not have imagined. So the biggest gains have really come from the fruits of the Holy Spirit in our lives giving us self-control, patience and gentleness towards each other. You can't put a price on that!

God Bless

:love: Eve
 
Thanks

Thank you for all of your advice and support. I've been praying every morning for God's guidance, paitience, and understanding. And, you know, it's working. I've realized that we have to explain to our son why he can't do certain things. And he understands and handles that a lot better than just saying "No". Thanks again.
 
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