I just want to Praise God especially today. I have 4 years clean and sober thanks to the Lord Jesus. I was at the end of my rope and begining to have severe physical effects from drugs and drinking. I would have died if I would have continued i am pretty sure. I remember being so drunk and drugged up and crying every night... please don't let me die like this, I did not want my children to have to say my mom died from drugs. They lived with my parents, my husband (2nd) was a truck driver and never there and cheating on me at brothels in Nevada, I had nothing. Then it all happened.. I was so sick throwing up blood, my heart was so slow I knew that was it and I turned on the tv to TBS and watched and prayed for the Lord to heal me and take my addictions away. I stopped just like that cold turkey with no desire to do any of it anymore.
My family resents my using and I really hurt them and let them down- especially my children. I can't change the past or I would, I never would had one drop.I can only be the person I am today and look to the future. I'm not perfect but nobody is, we all have a past and faults. My mom will never let go of my past and my mistakes- she still dangles it over my head and judges me for it. I have accepted that I am an adult and I will never be good enough for her or make her happy. I have inner peace and know I am a changed person and want to answer to and please the Lord.
My life has been an uphill challenge since then but a good one. I got my life back. I got my kids back, got rid of the husband, went back to work and college and am thankful every day I have been given this chance by His Grace.
****8/6- I felt I needed to add something in. A family friend died today of a drug overdose. She was my brother's best friend in high school and they had stayed close since.We used to all hang out together. She was only 30 and had 3 children. She was into drugs off and on and I guess started again and went downhill. She hadn't seen her family or kids in 7 months. I feel bad but the thing that hit the most is that could have been me if I had not straightened up and been saved. That is exactly what I was saying about not wanting to die or my children to have to live with their mom dying from a drug overdose. So- I am soooo sad for her but grateful at the same time it was not me. Again I am even more thankful to God for giving me my life back.
"I love you Lord! You answered my prayers. You payed attention to me, and so I will pray to you as long as I live. Death attacked from all sides, and I was captured by its painful chains. But when I was really hurting, I prayed and said, "Lord please don't let me die!" You are kind Lord, so good and merciful. You protect ordinary people, and when I was helpless, you saved me and treated me so kindly that I don't need to worry anymore."-Psalms 116: 1-7
My family resents my using and I really hurt them and let them down- especially my children. I can't change the past or I would, I never would had one drop.I can only be the person I am today and look to the future. I'm not perfect but nobody is, we all have a past and faults. My mom will never let go of my past and my mistakes- she still dangles it over my head and judges me for it. I have accepted that I am an adult and I will never be good enough for her or make her happy. I have inner peace and know I am a changed person and want to answer to and please the Lord.
My life has been an uphill challenge since then but a good one. I got my life back. I got my kids back, got rid of the husband, went back to work and college and am thankful every day I have been given this chance by His Grace.
****8/6- I felt I needed to add something in. A family friend died today of a drug overdose. She was my brother's best friend in high school and they had stayed close since.We used to all hang out together. She was only 30 and had 3 children. She was into drugs off and on and I guess started again and went downhill. She hadn't seen her family or kids in 7 months. I feel bad but the thing that hit the most is that could have been me if I had not straightened up and been saved. That is exactly what I was saying about not wanting to die or my children to have to live with their mom dying from a drug overdose. So- I am soooo sad for her but grateful at the same time it was not me. Again I am even more thankful to God for giving me my life back.
"I love you Lord! You answered my prayers. You payed attention to me, and so I will pray to you as long as I live. Death attacked from all sides, and I was captured by its painful chains. But when I was really hurting, I prayed and said, "Lord please don't let me die!" You are kind Lord, so good and merciful. You protect ordinary people, and when I was helpless, you saved me and treated me so kindly that I don't need to worry anymore."-Psalms 116: 1-7
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