Unequally yoked marriage - can we start again?

[Sweet Violet]

When I married my husband in 2003, I wasn't a Christian. I really became a Christian last year - the same year that my husband walked out on me, (the reasons are irrelevant now) although he maintained that he still loved me. He is a Scientologist.

Neither of us wanted a divorce, and are still in love with each other. I understand from the Bible that if one is married to an unbeliever and he/she walks away from the marriage, then the Christian is not obliged to stay in the marriage.

My husband walked out on me, but now we both want to give our marriage another try - is it wise for me to 'hook up' with a non-believer, even if he is my legal, though estranged, husband?

S. V.

God bless xxxx

 

[ladylovesJesus]

I have heard some on here say how the marriage is not good when they are married to an unbeliever.

That is why the Bible says do not be unequally yoked.

You will need to be guided by the Holy Spirit in making your decisions.

God bless :rainbow: :rose:

 

[Sweet Violet]

I feel nothing but love and encouragement from the Holy Spirit when I ask Him. I also know that to reconcile will be very hard work on my part...my husband is a 'good' man, if rather selfish, but I know he is trying to be less self centred. I can see it in his actions. However, he can be very blunt and insensitive, and I get hurt easily. I was in a very, very abusive and violent marriage before I moved down to Essex and met my current husband - so the slightest sign of temper or aggression and I go straight 'under my rock'. He has never been violent or abusive to me or, more importantly, my kids - it's just that I find it so hard to deal with the showing of normal anger or frustration that other people would just brush aside. It's not my husband's fault that I react badly, but I have to work really, really hard at understanding his bad moods. Who wouldn't be a bit frazzled when they have been a motorcycle courier in London all day!

The Holy Spirit has been awesome when it comes to showing me how to be with my husband - who deserves a happy, stable home life just like I do. I guess what I would really love is for the effects of my abusive marriage to be wiped away - and the abuse in childhood too. I have had a lot of Counselling and I am in pretty good shape now, other than satan whispering in my ear, "you'll never have a normal relationship with a partner, you're too damaged". I know that I am a new creation in Jesus Christ and all things in the past really are in the past - but can I rely on The Holy Spirit to be with me and guide me forever? Won't He get fed up with my whining?

God bless xxxx

 

[jean]

Hi there, You most certainly can rely on the Holy Spirits guidance, but we also have free will and choices to make .....thats why we make mistakes sometimes, but He is always there willing to help us get back on track and forgive. It's truly wonderful, to know such love. As for your husband, from personal experience I know I was given the scripture 'stay as you are' 1 Corinthians 7:20 (let each remain as they were when called) I was not a Christian when I married, nor was my husband. I became a Christian after 22 years of married life, 18 years on and we are still married, it has been very, very hard at times but I have seen how the Lord has held and helped both of us. My daughter (a b.a.b....born again believer!) did as she said 'everything right' married a Christian too but was divorced after 3 years. I never believed in divorce for myself but for my daughter, yes. Christian men are not perfect....sorry guys but you're not! Not perfect but forgiven
Many things have happened in my marriage and Christian walk with the Lord, but the Holy Spirit has shown me amazing things to help and strengthen me. My husband is very angry with the world, he has had talks with evangelists and ministers but again his choice, his decision. He's an adult.
Don't listen to the devil, he's such a liar. (indeed the father of lies) He does not easily let go of those he has held in bondage for years. I hope and pray that the correct choice and decision will come and you will truly know Gods amazing peace as you seek His guidance. God bless you.

 

[Janette]

Mixed marriages

The easiest way to predict the course of your marriage to a non-believer is to look up all of the marriages and relationships involving non-believers in the Bible.

The general rule for Biblical stories regarding mixed marriages has been negative. Jezubel is an excellent example of how negative things can become.

Every other religion in the world either forces you to accept the divinity of beings other than God, or to deny the divinity of Jesus Christ. Even those religions that say "Oh...it's ok God is God, Jesus is Jesus...but there are these lesser spirits we worship..." are heading you on a path to darkness and loss. A few religions/philosophies try to supercede the cold lifeless chaos of pure science or chance over the sovereignty of our Lord God.

I suggest you read through Judges, Ezra, and Nehemiah. See what happened to the chosen people of God because they allowed mixed marriages.

----

However, there IS something to be said for someone who is in a genuine transition *towards* God. There are three "foreign" women who jump to the minds of any well-read Christian as converts to the Lord. All three pre-date the incarnate coming of Christ on Earth, but significantly all three are ancestresses of His mortal line.

Tamar was a Canaanite woman who married into a Hebrew family. She is not described as converting wholly, but she comes to believe in the Law well enough to maneuver it to her advantage when she is wronged by her father in law. You can find her story in Gen 38. This woman's faith in the rightness of the Law (this was the time before Grace) results in the conception of the child that would found the line of Judah that leads to Jesus Christ.

Rehab was a prostitute who believed that the God of the Hebrews was *God* -- as such she helped protect the spies who came to oversee the preparations for the fall of Jerico. You can read of her story in the book of Joshua where it describes that battle. It should be noted that she is mentioned in Matthew as the mother of Boaz (who marries Ruth, below). Her willingness to see what was right and act upon it, even though her lifestyle and pagan upbringing would tell her otherwise was another step in the spiritual chain.

Ruth is a woman to whom an entire book of the Old Testiment is dedicated. Her words of conversion and acceptance are *famous*. Her example sets the standard for Jewish conversion to this day, and many Christian marriages contain her words as a part of the vows spoken. Anyone who fully studies the Hebrew Laws of Kinsman Redemption and Levirate Marriage that were in effect in that book know that they were *not* fulfilled to the letter -- but the Elders of Bethlehem-Judah accepted her through Grace -- and her story is a typification for the marriage of Jesus and the Church.

If, and only if, you think your estranged husband has the potential to come to God, then by all means, help him. But you must be prepared to maintain your *first* love in this work -- you must keep God at a station higher than this mortal man in your heart. That may mean you lose the man, but I assure you that is infinitely preferable to losing your God.

 

[jculver]

I may not be in the best place with God right now, but this is a subject I feel I know quite well.

If you are still legally married to your Husband, you should do everything in your power to maintain that marriage. If you were divorced it would be different, but this marriage is still legal, and still valid in God's eyes. I don't think the verse in 1 Cor 7 applies here because you are still legally married.

 

[Chad]

GOD says do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. Now, you were both not Christians upon marrying each other. Now, you are a believer, but your husband still is not a believer. Perhaps GOD has a believer husband out there for you? GOD does not contradict His word.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15

Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers

14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

 

[ushalk]

great scripture chad. sweet violet if you wish to be with your husband and him be a non believer this is my suggestion. share the gospel and allow him to persue you without anything that is to be sacred only in marriage. seek the lords face and stand fast in prayer the whole time that you will not fall away from our lord in desire or anything else. allow the holy spirit to do your talking for you and listen and obey. always knowing where your salvation comes from and that the lord knows best for us. also do a 3 day fast from food and contact with him.

a believer with a non believer will spiritually hurt you. but perhaps the lord will call him and he will accept.

 

[Maureen]

Jean did your husband also come to know the Lord?

This is interesting to me, as I to am married to an unbeliever,
you know sometimes that title isn't correct for some, as mine
does believe he just refuses to choose Him.

I to wasn't saved when we married and I was way longer than you Jean,
took me 31years to realize my need for Jesus in my life, but hubby still hasn't.

It is so hard at times, I can relate to it,
no wonder God's word tells us not to do it, the yoke is so heavy.

We serve differant masters, that doesn't work,
the spiritual battle ground is always littered with armour.

I praise my Lord Jesus for undertaking for me, such a strong tower indeed, my rock, for when my heart is overwhelmed
he is the rock I run to the rock that is higher than I.

There are many valleys though in this marriage,
but when you both enter it as unsaved and one has an
encounter with Jesus, obviously they want their spouse
to join them, when they don't it's hard going.
Jesus is the only one we can look to at these times,
fix our eyes on him and keep them fixed.

I am going through another battle, or valley, at present,
mine is always nearly the same one, he drinks, he verbally
abuses me, he knows he does it and says he can't stop it,
I know satan is having a ball with him at me, at the Holy Spirit
within me, but I can only wait on the Lord Jesus to send
His spirit of faith to him, so he to may be saved.

He was starting to make me ruin my testimony as he would anger me,
I hope it is righteous anger,
and sware at me, then I once threw a coaster toward him,
it landed on the floor, he then says the inevitable
'and you a Christian'
that was it for me, I don't want my testimoney ruined by satan.
I decide then to stay overnight at my Mum's so not to be around
when he drinks, but that didn't please either,
so he's switched of his voice altogether to me, the silence is okay I can handle that, it's the verbal abuse I can't.

Does our Lord want us to live like this in our marraiges?
I don't think it, just put up with it, take it and come back for more,
what it is the disciples were instructed by
Jesus shake the dust from of your feet and move on.
Does that not apply to this situation also then?

Can anyone give feed back,
I know the Lord will take care of me,
but I also know there is something I can do regarding it but what?

My son is married to a J.W. he's been left her and came home she was torturing him physically,
he was only home 8 weeks and praise the Lord Jesus he got saved,
now he's gone back to her, and I don't know what's happening
I had hoped he was going to be her light out of her darkness
but I think she is getting him confused with her belief and he's so
young in the faith, doesn't want my help, but I'm praying that is
the best tool to use for everything.
By prayer and supplication to the Lord, bring it. Amen

 

[calluna]

Sweetviolet, you guys are still married, you are wanting to make this marriage work, you say that you still love eachother, this is huge...why wouldn't God honour this? What's the alternative? Divorce? I remember a saying from long ago, "better the evil you do know than the one you don't" or words to that effect. You know what I mean, you can divorce your hubby and get yourself into another relationship, a Christian one, like that is a guarantee for a perfect, trouble free marriage! I understand the importance of being equally yoked and choosing a Christian partner prior to marriage, but that didn't happen. I know their are biblical grounds for divorce, but it doesn't necessarily mean you have to go for it.

Yes it's gonna take alot of work and faith in the Lord on your part, but
I think it's good to work with what you have going on with your husband.
Believe and trust in the Lord can heal your past hurts and wounds, He really can you know.. and you can pray for salvation for your husband.
I have a friend who went against her Christian parents wishes and married a non-Christian, she herself is one. Anyhow her husband a few years later also gave his life to Jesus and has changed so much.

Sweetviolet to answer the other question, Jesus will never tire of you He will never leave or forsake you, never ever. He will always be with you to guide and help you. Stay close to Him, sit by His feet. Who knows what miracles He may perform within your marriage.

Calluna