When I was about 17 years old, I began having demonic nightmares. On the night that I now believe was the night of my actual redemption, I had just such a nightmare. I woke from the frightful dream in the early morning hours. I rose from my bed and was headed to the kitchen for a cool drink when I found my Dad sitting in the dark living room. As usual, he had been roused from his sleep by the painful stomach ulcers he had suffered with for quite some time. When he asked me why I was up, I explained to him my sleeping troubles over the past few weeks. Without a word, he reached up and unclasped the cross pendant he had worn for years and offered it to me. I took the cross, latched it around my neck, kissed him goodnight and returned to my bed. I slept the sleep of angels for the remainder of the night and was never again burdened by those nightmares, even to this day.
In the following weeks, I remember now, I made several commitments to change my behavior. For some inexplicable reason, at the time, I suddenly decided to consciously apply the morals my parents had spent years teaching me. Among other things, I decided that any distortion of the truth and any thievery against another was wrong and against the character I desired to portray to others. It was also during this time that I was convicted of my guilt in stealing from my mother's mother, who at the time, had passed on. My guilt was so strong that I took my mother aside one night and tearfully confessed to her what I had done. She didn't punish me upon hearing of my evil deed. She simply told me that I was experiencing the punishment I deserved. She never spoke her forgiveness, but she hugged me and I knew I had it; from both her and from God.
Many years later, around age 30, I again experienced a "persistent" Christian environment (my sister and a co-worker spoke often to me of their relationship with God), in which I decided to pray for my Salvation. I wanted what they seemed to have; a close relationship with God. In the middle of the night, I left out of my house alone and went into the grassy field behind my house. The sky was crisp, cloudless and bejeweled with twinkling stars. I went down on my knees, looked heavenwardly and prayed out loud. I confessed that Jesus was the Son of God and had come in human form to sacrifice Himself in payment of my sins. He was raised three days later in glorified form to return to the right hand of God until His planned glorious return. I claimed His precious blood as payment for my personal sins.
For the next few years I suffered and tolerated a certain degree of subconscious confusion. I knew I had prayed in earnest and in all sincerity, but hadn't experienced any sort of amazing transfiguration. Even so, I held strongly to my confessed beliefs.
In August of last year, I registered here at Talk Jesus. At the time, I felt as though I was missing something. I read several threads about attending church and thought maybe the fact that I didn't regularly attend a physical church was what caused the feeling. I searched the phone directory and found a Baptist church in my area. I attended the following Sunday with two of my three children. I continued to attend for several weeks until I suffered an accident in my home which temporarily disabled me (I fell down my stairs :embarasse ). During my time of total incapacitation, I spent almost every waking moment reading the Bible, praying and meditating on the voice of the Holy Spirit. It was at this time that two things were revealed to me.
First, I had accepted Jesus when I was 17. When my Dad offered me that cross pendant, I knew instinctively what he was offering- the protection of Jesus. By accepting the pendant, I had accepted Jesus. It's sort of reminiscent of Matthew 9:22 when Jesus told the diseased woman who wanted to simply touch the hem of His garment, "Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole."
Second, and this has again been reaffirmed by another thread (Why I don't attend church) here on TJ, I, and other believers, are the Church. The Baptist church I began attending was still not filling my needs, but my earnest study of Scriptures and genuine conversation with the Holy Ghost IS. I still need fellowship with other believers, but they aren't available to me at that particular church for some reason. I will wait patiently until the Lord either leads me to them or them to me. I know He will place the right people in my path at just the right time. His time.
Be blessed my Brothers and Sisters! I pray that my testimony will, in some way, touch someone to the point of moving forward in their walk with Christ.
Amen!
In the following weeks, I remember now, I made several commitments to change my behavior. For some inexplicable reason, at the time, I suddenly decided to consciously apply the morals my parents had spent years teaching me. Among other things, I decided that any distortion of the truth and any thievery against another was wrong and against the character I desired to portray to others. It was also during this time that I was convicted of my guilt in stealing from my mother's mother, who at the time, had passed on. My guilt was so strong that I took my mother aside one night and tearfully confessed to her what I had done. She didn't punish me upon hearing of my evil deed. She simply told me that I was experiencing the punishment I deserved. She never spoke her forgiveness, but she hugged me and I knew I had it; from both her and from God.
Many years later, around age 30, I again experienced a "persistent" Christian environment (my sister and a co-worker spoke often to me of their relationship with God), in which I decided to pray for my Salvation. I wanted what they seemed to have; a close relationship with God. In the middle of the night, I left out of my house alone and went into the grassy field behind my house. The sky was crisp, cloudless and bejeweled with twinkling stars. I went down on my knees, looked heavenwardly and prayed out loud. I confessed that Jesus was the Son of God and had come in human form to sacrifice Himself in payment of my sins. He was raised three days later in glorified form to return to the right hand of God until His planned glorious return. I claimed His precious blood as payment for my personal sins.
For the next few years I suffered and tolerated a certain degree of subconscious confusion. I knew I had prayed in earnest and in all sincerity, but hadn't experienced any sort of amazing transfiguration. Even so, I held strongly to my confessed beliefs.
In August of last year, I registered here at Talk Jesus. At the time, I felt as though I was missing something. I read several threads about attending church and thought maybe the fact that I didn't regularly attend a physical church was what caused the feeling. I searched the phone directory and found a Baptist church in my area. I attended the following Sunday with two of my three children. I continued to attend for several weeks until I suffered an accident in my home which temporarily disabled me (I fell down my stairs :embarasse ). During my time of total incapacitation, I spent almost every waking moment reading the Bible, praying and meditating on the voice of the Holy Spirit. It was at this time that two things were revealed to me.
First, I had accepted Jesus when I was 17. When my Dad offered me that cross pendant, I knew instinctively what he was offering- the protection of Jesus. By accepting the pendant, I had accepted Jesus. It's sort of reminiscent of Matthew 9:22 when Jesus told the diseased woman who wanted to simply touch the hem of His garment, "Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole."
Second, and this has again been reaffirmed by another thread (Why I don't attend church) here on TJ, I, and other believers, are the Church. The Baptist church I began attending was still not filling my needs, but my earnest study of Scriptures and genuine conversation with the Holy Ghost IS. I still need fellowship with other believers, but they aren't available to me at that particular church for some reason. I will wait patiently until the Lord either leads me to them or them to me. I know He will place the right people in my path at just the right time. His time.
Be blessed my Brothers and Sisters! I pray that my testimony will, in some way, touch someone to the point of moving forward in their walk with Christ.
Amen!
