walking on water

[B-A-C]

A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor were fishing in a boat in the middle of a lake. It starting raining and they could see there was no way they could row back to the shore without getting soaked.
So the pastor gets on his knees and says a quick prayer, then he gets out and starts walking across the water to the shore.
Next the rabbi gets on his knees and says a quick prayer, then he also gets out of the boat and starts walking across the water to the shore.
The priest, watches them do this and he says to himself, if they can do it, so can I. So he says a quick prayer, jumps in the water and.. * SPLASH *
At this point the pastor looks over at the rabbi and says "Do you think we should tell him where those tree stumps are?"

 

[B-A-C]

There once was a con man that painted houses. He would find elderly people, and promise to ppaint their houses very quickly. he would always start painting the houses late in the afternoon, then as it got darker, he would put more and more water into the paint. He would thin it and make it thinner and thinner until it virtually almost all water.
It was always dark when he finished, so the people couldn't see what a bad job he did. So he would take their money and then get as far away from there as possible before the next morning.

One night in his bedroom a bright light appeared!! It had a big deep booming voice. It said "Arise, and get out of bed" The man was very afraid, but he got out of bed and got on his knees before the floating light. The voice told him that he had to quit conning these old people out of their hard earned money or else he would die!! So the painting con man asked the voice what he should do.

The voice replied...
"Re-paint, and thin no more!"

Apologies to John 8:11